This week I was reminded of Sir Ken Robinson’s infamous TED talk he did back in 2006 called Do Schools Kill Creativity? There was a story he told he’d told about attending his son’s nativity play years before and, when the little boys who were playing the wise men were asked what gifts they had brought the baby Jesus, one said “gold”, another said “myrrh” and the third said “Frank sent this” instead of frankincense.

While they all chuckled, he noted that the four year old was of an age where he still took a chance and gave it a go even although he clearly didn’t comprehend the word. It was Sir Ken’s observation that – while not meaning to say that being wrong is the same thing as being creative – what we do know is that if we are not prepared to be wrong, we will never come up with anything original. And he contended that by the time most kids are adults, they have lost that capacity; they become frightened of being wrong.

He also noted that we run companies like this, stigmatizing mistakes, while running education systems where making mistakes are the worst thing we can do. The result being that we educate people out of their creative capacity. Prior to his death in 2020, after years as an educationalist, advising government and non profits, Sir Ken had been interviewed in 2019 and this remained his belief.

As I thought back on my own childhood, at home there was a strong sense of morality, where wrong deeds were punished. I do also remember many arguments between all members of the family on “who was right and who was wrong”.

And Sir Ken makes sense because being wrong in school meant more to me than just a poor academic record, it meant both overt and covert ridicule, wrath, punishment and a lot more besides. This goes a long way to explain a prevalent culture of fear about being wrong.

While there may be consensus on certain rights and wrongs among humans and interacting with our planet and species, this is often taken to the extreme with win-lose conversations happening daily in relationships, household, workplaces and in our wider community.

I was talking with someone close to me who runs a leadership development company, and one of their favourites is the Blanchard Conversational Capacity course that was inspired by and developed with Craig Weber and his book of the same name. In this sense conversational capacity is the ability to engage in constructive, learning-focused dialogue about difficult subjects, in challenging circumstances, and across tough boundaries.

While it’s seen as an essential competence for both personal and collective performance, we were having a good discussion about the challenges in implementing such important skills. As someone who is deeply interested in and studies overcoming developmental stress responses and trauma patterns, and applying those findings to my own life, I know firsthand how difficult it can be to go against your wiring.

I agree that when good skills are applied – even partially or intermittently - it can improve the quality of our conversations. But when conflict is perceived, even for those among us who did not suffer anything overtly and acutely traumatic growing up, this idea of it not being safe to be wrong is one widely hard-wired among us.

When our limbic system assesses and responds to perceived threats (because our nervous system is overloaded), our thinking brain shuts down as a protective mechanism to keep us safe. Depending on our unique experiences as we grew up, the degree of the threat perceived in “being wrong” could vary from a subconscious generalised anxiety to something more acute, particularly if there are other current stressors in our life.

The key to overcoming this is about learning how to remain present as an observer. And the key to this is some sort of regular contemplative or meditative practice that allows us to witness (rather than be completely identified with) our thoughts and feelings in real time, with curiosity. Practicing this on a daily basis is recommended.

What I’ve witnessed in myself over the years I’ve been practicing, are the many layers that are tied into this. There’s the perfectionist in me who wouldn’t dream of speaking up unless I knew I was right, and the pleaser in me that wants to appear interested in people and knowledgeable about their subject and has therefore learned about a lot of stuff, then there is the part of me that seeks approval tied in, as well as the part of me that would hate to come across with any kind of superiority, and the parent in me who wants to demonstrate it’s okay to be wrong…

It’s a long and winding road that led to the me that I am in my fifties, so patience is required in the unraveling. As things come up in my life, I realise constantly that I am a work in progress and – despite some really good work in recognizing and working on skills to create healthier patterns of thinking and behaviour- I am always recognising just how prevalent a lot of my old programming still is.

This week I was also reminded of some of the Gottman work on relationships and communication.  According to couples therapist Dr. John Gottman, the four behavioral predictors of divorce or break-up are criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. Their destructive nature earned them the name The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in his work.

Rereading that reminded me again of the ways our earlier patterning affects our present behaviour. One of my personal ongoing challenges is with sarcasm. Hailing from the West of Scotland, it was a common way of expressing oneself, and it perhaps doesn’t help that my kids are currently watching reruns of Friends at the moment so I’m constantly in tears laughing at Chandler’s sarcastic humour.

But in terms of relationships, Gottman reminds us that using sarcasm is a common tool when someone is in a state of contempt, which can then make the other person feel ridiculed, because the aim of contempt is to make someone feel despised and worthless. Now I can honestly say that they vast majority of the time I use sarcasm, I am not doing so in a state of contempt. However, I have to be aware that if I’m using it to communicate with someone who happens to have a history of being on the received end of contempt, it can trigger all their old feelings of being ridiculed and treated poorly.

Gottman also highlights that criticising is different than offering a critique or voicing a complaint (which are about specific issues), it is an attack on a person’s character. Again, another common overhang from childhood – anyone remember at least one teacher ridiculing a pupil for their incompetence, attacking their character rather than the situation or their behaviour?

At best sarcasm is usually some form of pointing out a perceived error or wrong, whether self directed or not. And given the potential for entanglements in people feeling criticized or ridiculed it is probably best avoided. Through analysing the ways in which we commonly communicate, and observing our own triggers and patterns, we are then in a position to start practicing better skills.

In navigating the complexities of communication and personal growth, I think that self-awareness and empathy are our greatest tools. Reflecting on our past experiences, acknowledging our triggers, and actively practicing better communication skills can lead to richer, more fulfilling relationships and a deeper understanding of ourselves.

Let's challenge ourselves to embrace the discomfort of possibly being wrong, to “give it a go” and attempt to engage in constructive dialogue even in difficult circumstances, and to cultivate a culture of empathy and understanding in all aspects of our lives. By doing so, we not only honor our own journey of growth but also contribute to creating a more authentic, compassionate and connected world.

​If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy Mastering the Art of Inner Harmony: A Journey from Turmoil to Tranquility, Meditation 2.0 – The Road to Enlightenment?, Weave Words Like Wands - Confessions of a Sarcastic Perfectionist, What Makes You Feel Uncomfortable and Is It a Growth Opportunity? and Normal Is Dysfunctional That Is the Growth Opportunity. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog. 

In the midst of life's chaos, finding moments of stillness to connect with ourselves can be challenging. We live in a society that glorifies busyness, making it difficult to prioritize self-reflection and mindfulness. Yet, it's during these moments of quiet introspection that we can truly tap into our inner strength and wisdom, especially in times of stress or trauma.

Someone asked me this week whether I had a regular practice that really allows me to be completely present, something where my mind becomes an open channel and my muscles dissolve, so I can be in a state of being versus doing, which is an open and expansive state.

Often, achieving a state of inner peace through practices like meditation can seem elusive amid a myriad of daily responsibilities and societal pressures. The modern world bombards us with stimuli, leaving little room for quiet contemplation.

However, even brief moments of mindfulness can have a profound impact on our well-being. Taking just fifteen minutes to sit still and focus on the present moment—whether it's the rhythm of our breath or the ticking of a clock—can help us tune into our guiding voice and cultivate a sense of calm amidst the chaos.

But what happens when we find ourselves engulfed in the grip of stress or trauma? There are degrees of helpfulness I suspect, when practices that work well in the ordinary pressures of day to day life, may not be quite so helpful under times of prolonged stress or trauma.

Renowned somatic therapist and author Dr. Peter Levine offers invaluable insights into the profound connection between mind and body in his work on trauma healing. He emphasizes that even if we don't consciously remember traumatic events, our bodies often hold onto the residual effects, manifesting as tension, chronic symptoms, or fears. Just as de-stressing does, healing from trauma involves more than just addressing the psychological aspects; it requires reconnecting with our bodies.

I remember my chiropractor once said that, while my body might not be in an optimal state at all times, even if I just notice once in the day how tense my shoulders are and silently give them permission to “let go”, my body will be in better shape than it was.

Each “noticing” has a cumulative effect. Over time we create new neural pathways that support a more relaxed version of ourselves than we would otherwise be. When we are able to listen, observe and remain still for just a moment, we can comprehend things about ourselves and the world around us that we would otherwise have missed.

Listening to Dr Levine being interviewed about his latest book An Autobiography of Trauma: A Healing Journey, he was talking for the first time about his own traumatic events. He said we don’t need to go into the traumatic event/s themselves in order to heal the trauma blocking us in some way, but we do need to learn to resource ourselves in ways that are counter to the ways we are feeling from the trauma.

One example he gave was the powerlessness, overwhelm and terror he felt from the experience of being raped, and how those feelings would engulf him on occasion in situations that seemed unrelated. It has helped enormously to work through that trauma by resourcing himself with felt memories (the somatic experience) that counter the horrific experience, from times in his life where he had felt empowered, excited about life and full of vitality.

I was also listening to philosopher and writer Nate Klemp being interviewed this week about his new book Open in which he explores possible solutions to help us shift into a life of expansiveness, creativity and wonder.

Nate had been drawn to the topic after suffering from panic attacks and, after a period where he hadn’t been able to leave his house in months. He then had an opportunity to fly across the country to visit his wife’s parents. He knew if he didn’t go it would put his marriage in jeopardy, but he was scared stiff of taking that flight.

I related to this having experienced panic attacks back in my early twenties. For anyone who hasn’t experienced panic attacks, the physical symptoms are very real, it can feel like you are having a heart attack or a stroke, and are going to pass out.  Despite his fear, Nate took the trip. As he was about midway across the country, his pain and anxiety were at their peak. But there was nowhere to go. He couldn’t just step outside the plane, or go to the hospital for an ECG and get some help.

In that moment he sort of gave in, surrendering to come what may. What happened was that he moved through the episode into a state of expansiveness, oneness and release.

It was interesting, having been asked whether I had a regular practice that achieves this, I was relieved to hear Nate refer to same struggles and arrive at similar conclusions. These moments of complete oneness are born of regular practice, but they are not necessarily regular in themselves.
When we are going through stressful times in our lives, or prolonged stress or traumatic events, it’s particularly beneficial to learn how to be with ourselves and our mind.

Writer Belinda Alexandra reflects on how a traumatic experience and the subsequent legal proceedings led to her developing complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD). Feeling trapped in a nightmarish existence, she sought solace in flamenco dancing, which demanded total immersion of both body and soul.

She describes flamenco as a dance that requires genuine expression from deep within, embodying pride and resilience. Through her flamenco lessons, Belinda realized that adopting the posture and mindset of a confident dancer was incompatible with her feelings of victimhood. She found that conditioning the mind and body through confident poses and rhythmic music over time had a transformative effect on her emotions and reactions. Each stomp of her flamenco shoes became a defiant act against the powerlessness that had consumed her, forcing her to be fully present in the moment.

While Flamenco got her moving forward in life it was meditation that was the path out of her CPTSD. Belinda discovered her claim that she couldn’t meditate was a bit like saying she can’t speak French, or can’t crochet. Of course we can’t if we haven’t learned or practiced those skills. For her it was Dr Joe Dispenza’s meditations, which involve a vigorous type of breath work and deep concentration, that proved to not only increase her productivity, but calmed the hyper vigilance and triggers caused by trauma, and mild anxiety she’d experienced since childhood. She said “To have a peaceful, calm and observant mind for the first time was a revelation. The sense of connection with myself, and life and also something greater was so profound I would not have swapped it for anything in exchange”.

Sometimes sitting still for fifteen minutes to meditate and focus on something in the present moment – whether my breath or the ticking of a clock – is enough to keep my focus on the now and put me in touch with that guiding voice. Sometimes it isn’t.

While practices like meditation and flamenco dancing offer valuable tools for navigating stress and trauma, they are not a one-size-fits-all solution. Each individual's journey towards healing is unique, and it's essential to find practices that resonate with our own experiences and needs. For some, meditation may feel inaccessible or ineffective, but alternative approaches like breath work or visualization exercises may offer similar benefits. The key is to experiment with different techniques and find what works best for you.

I’m grateful for the frequent reminders in my life to cultivate presence, because – well – life can be busy. And at times it can be stressful, I have known burn out and I know what it is to suffer from post traumatic symptoms. But ahead there is a path I can carve that is one made from my authentic core, one  not made from the stress and reliving of old trauma, but built upon the healing of it, the moving past it.

What about you? We tell ourselves all sorts of things about what it means to fit in, to be part of society or to be accepted. Most of these narratives are planted in our subconscious and have roots in our youngest years and ancestry. In times of stress or trauma, it's natural to feel overwhelmed or disconnected from ourselves, but it's also an opportunity to lean into practices that help us reconnect with our inner wisdom and resilience.

As we navigate life's challenges, let us remember that healing is not a linear process. It's okay to stumble along the way, to feel lost or unsure of our next steps. What matters is that we continue to show up for ourselves, to cultivate compassion and self-awareness, and to seek out the support and resources we need to thrive. In the words of poet Rumi, "The wound is the place where the Light enters you." May we find solace in the depths of our own healing journey, knowing that even in our darkest moments, there is always the possibility of transformation and renewal.

If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy Overwhelm? Worry? Lack of Confidence? Parts Work and Its Importance to Your Growth, Presence Your True Needs, Talents and Desires to Step Into the State of Fullness, A Useful Hack to Gain Clarity From the Things That Capture Your Attention and It’s Time to Get Savvy With That Thing Called Love. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog. 

What I unconsciously learned as I grew in this world was to allow what was going on around me to dictate how I was feeling; this – of course – directly affected the quality of my life.

Being empathic, it would only take someone else’s bad or sad mood to throw me into a spin or the doldrums. Or a bad weather day or some news item to affect how I was feeling and, therefore, the attitude and approach I took to life.

I recall at one point on my corporate management journey going on a course about managing absenteeism and I’ll never forget the phrase “It might not be their fault, but it is their responsibility”. The whole idea being that we didn’t need to make someone feel bad about having to take time off of work, we could be compassionate, but we should also be holding to the boundaries set out in their employment contract around absences unless there were extenuating circumstances.

That idea stuck with me, and as I have evolved through my broader journey in life I can see that it might not be my fault that someone I’ve been dealing with has had a bad day, or is even a toxic personality, or that it has rained five days in a row, but it is my responsibility to manage my own mood and responses.

When I started regularly meditating nine years ago, I began to see that there are different layers within me. That I can observe my thoughts is indicative of another layer of consciousness doing the observing, that I am also identified with. Therefore I am both the thoughts and the observer.

Meditation, contrary to popular belief, is about observing my thoughts, and practicing letting them go rather than getting caught up in them. After practicing this in mediation, it began to happen more in my day to day life. I’d be caught up in some drama unfolding with my children, and suddenly I’d get a clear view of my thoughts and behaviour in the moment and be able to adjust it.

For a while this felt quite schizophrenic, but more and more it became normal practice for me to reframe my thoughts and behaviour in the moment. I began to see life around me as a mirror of what what going on inside me, and would look at any patterns with deep interest and started to get to know my inner self more intimately.

This is particularly true of the moments where I was (and still am) triggered into “flight or fight” mode, which can actually look like fight, flight, freeze and fold. My ability to step away and observe is almost always there, but my ability to reframe my experience in the moment is not, quite simply because my prefrontal cortex is closed for business until my nervous system naturally begins to relax (this can take a number of hours) or I take responsibility for regulating it.

Having experienced panic attacks in my life, and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) symptoms, learning how to manage my inner world became a priority for me. I didn’t want to just survive these episodes, I wanted to learn how to notice their onset and avert them.

Shifting to a calm centre, I’ve found, isn’t just a matter of deciding to, or saying a few mantras, it’s a very active process of self discovery, learning new skills and practice, practice, practice.

Even after all the inner work I’ve done:

• Uncovering parts of myself in conflict with each other (you might relate to it through conversations with a friend along the lines of “there’s a part of me that wants to earn more, but there’s another part of me that doesn’t believe I can” and so forth),
• Reframing the narrative going on so these parts are not creating inner conflict,
• Learning what I really value and believe in and creating healthy boundaries around that
• Learning the skills to hold and communicate those with others

Even after all that and more, things still come up to tip me off balance. It’s definitely an ongoing practice, but the intensity and the ability to regulate my body’s reactions is steadily getting better and better. Things are way less intense.

And here is another tool that I never thought I’d ever use – ChatGPT. If you ever need a neutral third party to take a look at your inner dialogue, or dialogue with others, I think it’s great, I wish I’d have had it when dealing with protracted, toxic legal correspondence a few years ago.

Just recently I was dealing with an email from my kid’s school, going back and forth about an action plan, I was querying the need for one and read the words “All good. Don’t complete one, not a problem” as a passive aggressive response and felt a bit annoyed. So I copied the whole email trail (minus identifying details, I don’t want those in the collective bucket of digital swill) and asked ChatGPT to tell me its
interpretation of the tone of this correspondence.

It felt the tone of the whole correspondence was accommodating of my individual views and quite collaborative. Knowing my Scots heritage, and how my own experiences with sarcasm have shaped my inner landscape, I recognised that I may – or may not – be misreading the tone. Either way, it would not have made for a constructive response if I had adopted the latter attitude.

So I drafted a response, asked ChatGPT whether that was straightforward, calm and rational and in keeping with the constructive discussion so far. It responds instantly, even with reams of information, and can suggest improvements if you ask it to.

While I reflect on my journey from allowing external circumstances to dictate the quality of my life to becoming the calm centre of my own experience, I can’t help but appreciate the transformative power of self-discovery and resilience. It’s a continuous process of learning, practicing new skills and actively engaging in the art of reframing thoughts and behaviours.

As you continue your own journey of self-discovery and resilience, consider embracing the support and insights available to you. Remember, it's not just about surviving but thriving, and every step you take towards a calm center contributes to a more fulfilling and empowered life.

​If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy Empower Yourself - When a Difficult Reaction Sends You Into a Tailspin, Do You Need to Heal Your Boundaries?, Change Unhealthy Reactions, Your Mind Will Try to Protect You By Resisting Your Healthy Boundaries and Expand Your Emotional Vocabulary to Get Your Real Needs Met. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog. 

It’s easy to get caught up in tasks and thoughts, so easy that full days can slip by without much room for feeling very present in my surroundings even. Overthinking leads to anxiety, and I’ve experienced enough of that in my life to have become actively aware of managing my presence and not getting too caught up and identified with my thoughts.

I’ve found the best way back to reality is by focusing on the senses: listening to the sounds in the room, focusing on my breath, or a single point in the room or around me for a few minutes, taking the time to notice the aromas around me or to feel the texture of something, pet an animal or sit and savour the taste of a drink or some food.

I pulled out an old workbook from a course by marketing guru Julia Stege this week, and the questions really popped out at me. She asks questions like what am I here on Earth to do? What do I want my impact in the world to be? What is most important to me, to my soul, right now? The one I really liked was writing a list of words that reflect what my soul is about.

Words like authenticity, transformation, alignment, evolution, empowerment and multidimensional sprang to mind, but there were many more, like beauty, love and luminosity which made me ponder on the things that connect quickly to the soul, and reflect my inner world on the outside. Nature is one very obvious answer, and seeing the beauty in it.

As I type, I can hear the birds outside, and – at a glance – I can see some beautiful red and yellow tulips that have popped up in the garden. It’s Spring here, the sun is peeping out from behind the clouds which always pours a magical luminescence on everything. And there is enough blue in the sky to remind me that Summer is on its way.

One of my favourite things to do when I feel stuck is to look at big vistas, I’m sure it’s my soul’s way of reminding me of the big picture in life. Nothing is ever permanent, and everything changes over time. That is why I love to walk on the beach, to watch the waves breaking on the shore, and slowly turning the shells of the sea creatures who are no longer alive into the stunning golden sand that warms my feet.

I love looking to the horizon, whether on a beach or high up on a hill or mountain, and I love looking up at the stars at night. I read yesterday a beautiful verse about stars “A star shines its light without expectation. It draws its seemingly infinite power from an unknown source and burns brightly with a lifespan we can hardly comprehend”.  While I’m unsure of the author, the words resonate.

When I take the time to look up at the night sky and see thousands of stars flickering in the night sky I can’t help but feel a sense of wonder and perspective. It’s also a very calm feeling, no matter what is going on here down on Earth at any particular time, there are some things that just march on regardless. It instantly fills me with peace, wonder and awe.

I’ve done a lot of cerebral and emotional work on identifying my true values, beliefs, talents, desires and so forth, communicating them through healthy boundaries and practicing watching out for old unhealthy patterns resurfacing. But the key to living my life with my inner and outer worlds in alignment is to continually focus on my presence in the world around me.

The easiest way to embody who I am on a soul level is to embrace the wonder of life through my senses on a regular basis. It’s about taking many micro breaks in my thinking throughout the day, regularly meditating, contemplating and having enough larger breaks away from my routine throughout the year to remain tuned in to what’s really on-purpose for me.

What about you, what are you here on Earth to do and are you living in alignment with that? What do you want your impact in the world to be? What is most important to you, to your soul, right now? Will you write a list of words that reflect what your soul is about? And will you embrace the wonder of your senses every day to embody these?

If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy Presence Your True Needs, Talents and Desires to Step Into the State of Fullness, How to Be More Present in the Moment, Fully Engaged, and Substantial, How to Switch Between Your Life Roles With Grace and Ease  and Give Yourself the Gift of Presence to Relieve the Torture of Stress. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.

Someone asked me this week what it really means to surrender to one’s inner self and how to do it - and since the divinity within them is the same within me - how to know what their divinity is. Interesting and deep questions.

I did respond that those answers are inside them, but I can share my own experience and interpretation.

For me it’s been about learning to recognise the learned unhealthy reactions and insecurities I have versus my true inner voice. My thoughts of that learned inner voice, sometimes called the inner critic, can feel frenetic, rigid, obsessive, sharp etc. Whereas my true inner voice, my eternal self, my divinity if you will, is calm, peaceful and loving.

As I was sharing that I thought about the voice in my head that keeps telling me I should be building my business more, straight away it made me smile as I thought about how obviously it’s my inner critic. Perhaps I have some work to do to get that part of me on board with taking my time, going at my own pace and acting on inspiration, which is what the quieter, calmer, more loving voice is guiding me towards.

When I identify voices like this, I ask “where in my childhood do I recognise that voice from?” and thus begins the process of self awareness, usually some reframing and – depending on how persistent the voice is – a need for more inner somatic work that helps rewire my nervous system’s response to a need for safety.

The question about our divinity started with a supposition that the divinity within them is the same within me. My personal belief is that this is not the case. For sure I believe we are all part of one thing, interconnected. However, I belief that each person, each animal, each tangible and intangible thing here on Earth and in our universe, is its own unique expression of that thing.

That is why I would point people back to themselves for answers. Sure take inspiration from others, absorb what resonates within you (in the sense of it resonates with your calm and loving inner voice rather than the inner critic). But be discerning because each of us – from our innate gifts and talents, to our experiences – are all different and unique.

Sometimes we are so wrapped up in that inner critic, so identified with it, we just can’t see the wood from the trees. I have a dear friend like this who is kind and gentle; giving by nature, but constantly gives away so much of themselves that they perhaps then gets taken advantage of and it makes them ill. They believe it must be no more than they deserve, that maybe they are just not meant to be happy.

I can identify with this from my own experiences of the past, but it’s just not true, our life experience is determined by the ways in which we choose to view it. I know that first hand. Time and again we hear from those who, in the extremes of life, chose to be survivors rather than victims as they share with us their personal experiences and thoughts.

I’ve been going back through some of my own personal development journals and files of late, synthesizing what I’ve learned so I can crystallise what’s relevant into a teachable format, particularly around boundaries and communication.

I came across an exercise from three years ago where I had to list how I know my boundaries are being overstepped in a relationship, and then I had to prioritize them. At the time I was able to look at the relationship I was in and articulate the ways in which I felt my boundaries were being overstepped, for example, when my personal beliefs and priorities were under attack.

It was refreshing to read through the list knowing that none of these things are now true in my life, and neither would I now subscribe to any relationship that so compromised my own boundaries. I’m now clear on where my boundaries are, and equipped to be able to hold them in equal regard to others. I know when it’s worthwhile working through differences, and I know when it’s time to walk away.

I understand how I became susceptible to such an enormous suppression and compromise of my true self because I learned to hear and to differentiate the voices in my head. How did I learn this? I learned to tune in. Firstly through meditation, just observing my thoughts and letting them go. The more I observed and let go, the more I was able to observe in an increasingly detached way at will.

Then as Eckhart Tolle says “Who then was this me observing?”, I made space for my eternal self to become more known, to hear the whispers of my soul and get glimpses of that divine spark within that knows why I chose to come here and what I wanted from this life.

It’s not been an easy journey and in many ways I’d say that listening to my inner voice is not yet second nature, I’m still at the ‘consciously reframing and reacting differently’ stage in many aspects of my life. But for the first time in a long time – in ever perhaps – I feel like I can fully breathe in life and what it has to offer in ways that are unique to me.

Where the inner critic screams “more more, faster faster, do do”, my calmer, loving, more peaceful voice says “There is no hurry; all is well, everything is as it should be”.

Truly, far from the teachings of my youth, I have learned the true meaning of the word faith for myself. I have every faith that what’s for me won’t go by me, and if I miss it the first time because I’m so trapped in my inner critic’s voice, it will come back around again, and again, and again.

Surrender is no more than a choice, the choice in any given moment about which voice we are choosing to pay heed to.

So where does this resonate with your inner voice? Is it the loving voice or the inner critic? And in what ways can you start to lift your life’s experience by surrendering to that more loving, calm and peaceful part of you?

If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy What to Do if You Feel Trapped By Your Circumstances, Surrender to Your Inner Self, Meditation – the Cornerstone to Your Success, What Possibilities Can You Get Excited About Right Now in Your Life? and Are You Ready for More Healthy Relationships?

As I was meditating this morning, I was listening alternately to the sound of the cicadas’ insistent and persistent chirping and then to the strong winds that are whipping up and wrapping themselves all about the house in a way that drowns out every other kind of noise.

It had been my intention to meditate and then write a piece about inspiring others, after catching up with a wonderfully enigmatic lady at a 70th birthday party at the weekend, known lovingly to her readers as backpacking granny.

We had been talking about raising children and she was feeling very blessed that her (now grown) kids had all recently told her how supported they had felt by her as they were growing up. Her view was that the only thing she did was “blow sunshine up their arse”, a turn of phrase that both tickled and resonated with me.

Perhaps another time I can espouse on the virtues of this. Instead though, as I was meditating, I suddenly thought about a story I had been reading to my children. A fairy had given the main characters – two girls called Kirsty and Rachel - the ability to communicate with animals.

We are not talking about a very sophisticated storyline, my children are only 6 and 4 after all, but there was a sadness that struck me as I read about a mummy panda who had lost her cub and was very surprised to have these young girls understand her and talk to her.

At that moment I wondered at the many times in each day we must miss nature’s constant communication. Since I began doing regular meditation (only 15 minutes each day), I have started to drink in much more of what surrounds me more often. My imagination sparked as I started to wonder at the way other animals must experience humans.

At first I had a vivid picture in my mind of taking the subway when I worked in London, with parties of foreigners travelling together immersed in their own language, coexisting but not communicating directly with others around. Yet the connection is still there, if anything we are more forced to notice a broader picture of communication.

That led to a thought about how limiting our language is. While I love the deliciousness of finding just the right words to describe something, I am also aware that there is so much more beyond the words we have. Then I drifted back to the cicadas and the wind.

I have leaned to just run with these ideas that just pop into my head, seemingly out of nowhere, they come with a little tingle as I start to explore them.

From the hubbub of a hectic weekend filled with lots of socializing, I was thoroughly appreciating the sound of the wind hugging around the house and temporarily drowning out the cicadas’ relentless chirps, denoting our summer season.

Then my mind took a tangent, though still related. I had the good fortune to meet another incredibly fascinating woman a while back who gave me an insight into art history. She showed me a picture painted by Raphael many centuries ago and talked me through the symbolism she saw, such as a downward pointing sword alluding to the conquering of lower forces (such as jealousy).

There is something in us that sings when we hear truth, and I had never regarded painting as a form of communication for that inner knowing before. Yet it is an avenue of creative expression, which emanates from an inner space, so it makes sense to me that what is being expressed is that individual’s very understanding of life itself.

As a human race we have been gifted with many forms of creative expression, and yet we often fail to ponder upon what those ‘man made’ expressions are telling us, far less all the sign posts from the magnificent world around us.

Spending time on the beach is – as many of you know – a favoured occupation of mine. One of the things I love about it, is the time to just sit and watch the dogs that have come there for a walk, or the flocks of birds that call the coastline their home. Sometimes I just like to look at the islands in the distance, or the clouds in the sky, at other times I like to walk along the shore and see what wondrous delights the sea has shared upon its shore.

In those moments of awareness of the world beyond our default subconscious thinking, which seems as persistent as the cicadas chirps, I wonder what is being communicated to me. Sometimes an answer will just pop into my head, and it just feels right.

Like right now as I tap away, the wind continuing to whip around my deck area outside the window, the thought occurs, it’s the winds of change – they are sweeping the decks, making way for the new. That makes me chuckle as it’s both figurative and literal since we are in the midst of having our deck stained.

Much in my life is changing right now, I can feel it rather than see it. I am aware of the conversations I am drawn to, and the things that are showing up in my life, they are all following a theme at the moment that surrounds my children and education. Whatever change is afoot will reveal itself in time.

I used to often feel frustrated at the pace of change, yet I have come to know that everything has its own right time. In this universe where everything is interconnected, there are huge shifts that occur to just make – what seems – the tiniest difference in our lives.

There was a young girl who contacted me a while back and, as we pondered a deeper meaning of life, she mused at how she’d been drawn to mathematics, despite her first love of music. She knew exactly why, for its patterns. And as she talked about it, there was a picture in my head of binary code running through the ether, and I marveled at the precision of all that shows up in life to bend to our every desire.

There are many people that can teach you nature’s symbols, especially among those with a heritage that honor native traditions, but ultimately it comes down to whatever resonates for you. Really if you just take the time to observe and wonder, your own answer will come.

Regardless of the messages, taking the time to just sit and observe, to connect and wonder at the world around you will help you to simply breathe at a more relaxed pace again. To feel like there is a space that has opened up within you, which will no doubt lead to some insights about your best life, is really one of the best things nature has to offer.
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Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or  share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  

It’s the end of the year, another is in sight, but for now just enjoy these last days of 2015. Connecting with people old and new, connecting with the world around you has magical restorative effects.

There’s so much to do winding up at work, social events, family gatherings and shopping for gifts, the list seems endless. As you are racing around trying to get everything done, stop just for a second and realise that you can’t (do everything). As much as you will give it a darn good try, it will rob you of what’s happening right now all around you.

Your happiness in life occurs at the points where your energy seems to just flow, it’s a very light energy as the proverbial weight is lifted off your shoulders. While feeling ambivalent is better than feeling stressed, angry, sad or depressed, gratitude is the top elixir of all emotions. Feeling grateful is something that comes easily when we relax a little and notice more.

Look around. Who are you sitting next to? What’s the weather like? What do you look like when you stare at your face in the mirror? This moment will never come again. You can choose to live in your next thought of that email that needs sent, the letter that needs posted, the groceries you need to buy, the fuel that needs to go in the car on the way to pick up the kids. Or you can choose to be fully present in the line at the post office rather than thinking about the next thing you need to do.

Recently I’ve become so aware of how we shut ourselves off from people. When we are out and about we avoid eye contact and gesture in a way that says “I’m too busy”. A couple of weeks ago I dropped in to a sandwich bar to pick up a smoothie. Rather than dive into my device as I’m prone to, avoiding eye contact with everyone else, I got to chatting with a lady sitting drinking her smoothie.

I have to admit I had this lady pegged as a housewife of around retirement age. As it turns out she was a music producer. Though I’ll never likely meet this lady again, I can tell you it felt good to connect with someone and the surprise and delight at meeting someone so creative gave me a lift as I headed off to the next meeting.

Just yesterday I was visiting a nearby fairy tale themed garden with my kids, they had happened upon the fictitious wolf’s hideout (the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood) and were happily playing with pots, pans and mouldy water.

As much as the dusty hideout and mouldy water did not entice me, I did surrender to the moment and let the girls play, caught up in their imagination for a long time. Meanwhile I sat on the grass and looked up at the trees, they were big trees, been there a long long time. It felt solid and soothing to just be there.

If ever there was food for the soul though, catching up with old friends would be it. As the holiday season approaches our minds often turn to checking in with those we haven’t in a long time.

Then as we talk we wonder why we haven’t, our hearts enriched, our load unburdened.
Old friends, close friends are amazing, and enduring. There are those who are only part of our lives for a season and then we move on, nowadays we honour the past connection through social media. Then there are those who are still part of the fabric of our lives, we just don’t get to see them that often.

In terms of being who you are and being present in the moment, nothing can be easier than when you spend time with good friends. Since having children I have found that life gets especially busy in just the day to day stuff. Before you know it another year has passed and here you are wondering why you left it so long to check in with those who ‘get you’ the most.

Catching up with those who make you feel this way is part of the restorative end of year cycle. There is nothing to feel guilty about; your friends are in just the same boat. There will be moments you have together, maybe even this year you are sharing a vacation, but there’s no need to feel any angst about it, just sink in and enjoy.

Like the tide washing in and washing out, your soul needs soothing, it’s ragged at the end of a long year. Life has a rhythm about it, as much as you will start to reconnect with yourself and get more clarity on the things that are truly important to you in the coming weeks, just to be present now as you start to wind down and let that all unfold.
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It’s time to wake up to the world around us again, to shake your boots off and sit down, rest a while in good company and enjoy the wonder around you. All of these things and more will do you a power of good. Rest up, for when that clarity comes about what’s really important in your life, you will be called to act and remember fondly the time you sat still for just a moment and took in the world around you.

​This article was originally published on LinkedIn.


photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/11242455@N00/4530848609">Dandelion</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>