As the year 2020 nears I can’t help but feel reflective, but with the kids on their long summer holiday and visitors coming and going, there is considerably less opportunity for me to simply sit and observe what is arising in the space within me.

And yet, the truth of what wants to be seen and heard within me is reflected all around me. I need not worry that I will miss out on some important message, life communicates with me in so many guises.

These are little moments of insight, gratitude and support that bubble up while I’m, for example, swimming a length of the pool and watching the sun dance along the lane’s line on the bottom, the way that I imagine neurons fire along my spine. This communicates health and vibrancy and helps me feel deep gratitude for my life.

There are many moments like this, both awake and asleep, giving rise to new ideas to unpick or things to wonder at and be grateful for. Just as the behaviour of others I’m with, or situations that crop up or conversations that take place are also reflections of what is going on for me. Life never stops communicating if I am willing to listen.

Despite having less solitude, I do love this time of year in New Zealand. Once the rush is over for wrapping up work and buying last minute gifts, the majority of the country seems to take a collective out breath. Traffic eases and things just feel more calm and relaxed for a week or so, with most Kiwis heading to the beach (not far from anyone’s door in his country).

For me there is a deep joy in the space I feel in the collective out breath, all the tension that usually surrounds me becomes noticeable in its temporary easing. It has the effect of drawing me out and supporting me in the social swirl.

In contrast, the first three days of the school holidays the kids and I didn’t even leave the house, on the fourth day we ventured out briefly to do some errands, and it wasn’t until the fifth day we actually went to the park and had some fun.

As I was sitting in the park looking up at the sky through the trees, while the kids made their way around an obstacle course, it felt like the world was saying “welcome back, come sit awhile and enjoy”.

Today I even had some time to finish another novel I’ve been reading by Belinda Alexandra. It is set in Mussolini’s Italy in the run up to and during World War 2, and I had stumbled over many harrowing chapters wondering why I felt so compelled to read it. Finally I found the words I knew my heart had been drawing me towards:

"While most Italians - and probably most Germans - had not wanted war, they had chosen a path of greed and pride and the result had been war.

For where else did violence begin but within each individual human heart?

It started with violence of thought and action, jealousy of others and loathing of oneself. It had its beginnings in the daily choices one made, including the indifference towards the suffering of animals in what one selected to eat or wear, and towards the poor and oppressed. 

From there it escalated into a collective consciousness of competitiveness, selfishness, pettiness, spite and greed. Violence of even the most seemingly innocuous kind begat more violence. That was the origin of war."

In her after-note, Belinda Alexandra says her core message is that peace on a worldwide scale is determined by each of us creating peace in our own hearts and minds first, and doing our best to live in harmony with the people and other living creatures around us. She says “When we can each do that, I believe together we will then become a force powerful enough to create positive change on a scale never before conceived."

As I read her words I knew I’d found a kindred spirit and I knew my heart was simply affirming the path I am on. As I said in Evolve Our World “ As many people now search for deeper meaning in their own lives, the discord cannot continue. One person at a time,  as we reveal our inner desires, talents and strengths, we will evolve the world in which we live to pave the way for greater meaning, satisfaction and prosperity for all.”

So all of this is to say, if you haven’t got a lot of time to yourself over the busy social season and feel like you should be setting some goals or doing something different with your life, fear not. Whatever is within you will find a way to be seen, just be open to it and keep curious and your next best step will be revealed. 

If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy Step in the Direction of Your Destiny, Learn to See What Is in Plain Sight and Awaken to the Gift Your Dreams Offer in Waking Life. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog

The days of 2019, like every other, seem to have passed in a sea of ever-rocking motion that appears the same on the surface and yet has carved the landscape of my life a little differently over time.

Since embarking on the journey to me a number of years back, I no longer set grand yearly goals to strive for; my life has become more of an intuitive and undulating unfolding. It is two years since my mother passed away, making that a natural and constant landmark for comparison in my life, but as to the last year on its own, that requires me to reflect a little longer.

Certainly I can see quite a difference in my children, and it was to their teaching I was drawn more this year. They did not sit me down in a classroom and teach me lessons; they screamed, yelled, cried and generally presented challenge after weary challenge.

The same could be said of my body, having carried me on this journey for almost half a century. Health issues took on a new quality, willing me to learn and respect the astounding collection of intelligent cells that I name Shona.

These two themes have dominated in 2019, both calling me to look into my shadows, to bring healing and allow my soul to shine through a little more. As a result my role as a parent has become a little more enjoyable and my body a little leaner and healthier.

It is actually hard to remember a time when I did not know the work of Dr Gabor Mate, Dr Laura Markham or Heidi Short. It’s staggering to think that I did not even know their names this time last year; though I surely knew the wisdom that spoke to me when I came across it.

That makes me wonder what this next year holds, which people will come into my life that I do not currently know? What will I be drawn to through inspiration or challenged with for growth?

My wanderlust continues, with more trips booked. But I think it is more my soul that longs for me to take flight and explore the more that awaits as the layers peel away slowly but surely between the inadvertently encumbered me and the eternally free me within.

Inadvertent though it may have been on my part, each knot that needs untying leaves a crease that tells a tale of triumph in its undoing. These creases are the map of me coming to know myself, and the growth that I was seeking.

Had I of known, I likely wouldn’t have signed up for neuralgia, root canal or more kidney pain. I wouldn’t have invited issues with my children’s schooling, nor the constant turmoil of day to day sibling arguments and meltdowns that punctuated my life.  

Yet all of these things and more carried messages from my soul, beckoning me to take heed and understand what needed to be seen. It’s been a consciously healing year, a growing year as always and one that was in little increments rather than large leaps.

Sometimes I yearn to just rip through all the layers that want to be seen, to unveil the rawest, most authentic version of who I am. Then I reflect on my understanding that is to invite a major crisis. What has been done, slowly and over time, is better to be treated gently and reverently in order for me to continue to function in the world; my children need me after all.

But all the while my face turns to the light, there is a horizon that beckons and I cannot ignore its call. To glimpse at what lies there I must face today, one day at a time, and allow the light to flood into the dark, hidden places that are ready to be set free.

The gnawing sense of more is always there. My dreamscape continues to point to transformation, transition and change. All the while I am somewhat blind to the destiny that stands before me; it’s only something I feel.

Now and again though, as I relax into the wholeness of who I am, visions come.  In one I watched a lady of the shadows dance and she took me among monks chanting within the bowels of a cathedral. As my consciousness moved around the cathedral, I was drawn higher and higher away from the dense dualistic energy I could feel on the ground.

On top of the cathedral were perched some pigeons, and from there we could see more birds sitting atop other religious buildings like Mosques and Temples. I was struck by a thought that is was only here, far about the people, where truth was to be consistently found, sitting atop the buildings where they meet Mother Nature and the vast intelligence and love that created all natural things.

The lady continued to dance as the buildings in the scene began to silently explode and shatter in slow motion into millions of pieces as the building fragments drifted upwards and vaporized. I was witnessing a symbolic end of patriarchal rule.

I was in no doubt I was being prepared for the next stage of life, about stepping into my own power as I encourage everyone to do.

That involves no heroic leap, merely a willingness to stay on the uncertain seas. Tomorrow will no doubt seem quite like today and not unlike yesterday. Yet after more of these tomorrow’s 2020 will be at an end and I will realise the landscape has shifted again, and wonder at how that happened.

Life happens in small unassuming, sometimes excruciating, sometimes exciting steps. These steps may not feel like much but they are everything. Keep afloat and look to the horizon by all means, but there is no need to cast about, for right before you - in the here and now - is where the future begins.

If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy Embody Your Spirituality – a Healing Journey, Reclaim the Sovereignty of Your Soul, The Path to Unconditional Love and The People Who Hurt Us Are Vehicles for Our Growth. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.

What if the world is not as you see it?

What if you woke up one day and saw the world in a completely different way?

What if something, that seemed so inconsequential shifted your entire paradigm about life?

What if – like knowing when you are in love – you suddenly awaken to a much greater knowing that you are simply one focal point of a much greater love and intelligence?

What if you felt your connection with everything else? And realise nothing is as it ever seemed?

​What if, in this realization, everything you’ve ever experienced to this point suddenly makes sense?

This was my experience, and it seems to me from the hundreds (probably thousands now) of stories I’ve heard from others, it is a pretty common experience when awakening to the bigger context of life.

What if I had never awoken to that realization?

​What if I was still that person who was completely identified with my thoughts and blaming everyone else for my misery?

What if I still felt that powerless?

What if I had never had an experience of knowing my source?

This is what I think when I try to relate to those around me who haven’t yet had an experience of glimpsing the fullness of who they truly are. As I said a couple of years ago in Why the Big Questions Are Important, the question of ‘something more’ can be proven, but you need to experience it to understand.

Once I had, there was no going backwards, only more questions. I also still could not answer the question about purpose. What is the point of my life?

But here are the things I wonder about now, and they point to my purpose:

What if I could completely break down the resistance that exists between me and source energy?

What if I could completely break down the resistance that exists between me and my best future?
What if those are both the same thing?

What if I could be completely at peace with other people’s feelings without ever feeling I need to appease them in any way?

What if I could get others to understand their own resistance rather than defending my position?

What if I could find a way to help others experience the fullness of who they are?

What if, instead of being on the outside looking in, I’m on the inside looking out?

What if I felt good most of the time?

What if I could completely ignore my device without feeling a pull to check it and to focus right in the present moment (with whoever I am with or whatever I am doing) more of the time?

What if I could master my own thoughts?

What if I could completely stop getting lost in thoughts of regret or worry about the past or thoughts of fear about the future?

What if I could figure out what I am meant to do next?

What if I am supposed to be doing something I’m not?

What if it is just not meant to be clear right now?

What if there are other things that need to line up before I get clarity?

What if everything I am doing is absolutely, perfectly, divinely on point?

What if I were able to completely trust that?

What if I lived in a world where everyone trusted that?

A world where everyone understood the fullness of who they are?

My job would be done.

What are your questions? What do they point to? This is the point of your life.

If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy Value Your Uniqueness, Reclaim the Sovereignty of Your Soul, Looking Back to See the Clues to Your Destiny and other articles in Life Purpose. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog

“When one can’t see the future, all one can do is the next right thing” Grand Pabbie Frozen 2

As Frozen 2 hit screens across the world these last few weeks, I took the girls along wondering if Disney could pull off anything to match the first movie. I must say I was impressed, but this is not an article about the movie, rather what it inspired within me.

With the original movie I came away with an anthem for letting go of the person I’d become, bound by layers of fear about myself and the world. It was a movie that inspired and strengthened my resolve that not only should my children be who they (authentically) are, rather than what I or society would like them to become, but I needed to vigorously pursue the same for myself.

Having stepped up to the mark, I could relate to the opening scenes in Frozen 2, with Elsa left wondering “okay, now what? I’ve embraced who I am, accepted my differences as gifts, exposed it to the world and…and what’s next?”

Elsa hears a distant siren call, she can’t quite grasp what it means, she just knows deep down she’s not where she’s meant to be…

When I was telling a friend this, she summed it up as “hearing the sound of your own song”. Then she asked “are you willing to go into the unknown to find its source?”

Heck yes! But I’m not willing to flounder around grasping at things haphazardly; it’s about following my heart.

That is why Pabbie’s advice makes so much sense; it was like the universe saying to me “yes, yes, you know you have a destiny to fulfill, but right now while that isn’t at all clear, just do the next right thing”.

As I wrote about last week, the journey with my children has been like an intensive crash training course in becoming who I am. I know in my heart that being right here with them is right where I’m meant to be right now. It may not be all of who I am, but it’s a step (perhaps even the foundational one) in the right direction.

In fact, it was nine years ago (this week) I finally became a mother, a goal I pursued with determination in spite of the obstacles and heartache. I recall my mentor telling me at the time it was a rebirth of myself as well, and every step of the way that has proven true. When my kids trigger me, I know it’s something in myself I need to look at, a little piece of the pain or fear that has stopped an authentic part of me from being seen or embraced.

As my friend reminded me, I am thoroughly thorough. I have no doubt that this time in my life has been reawakening me, sharpening me up, unencumbering me for whatever comes next.

I wanted to share this little snippet as we head into the last few weeks of 2019 because sometimes it’s
too easy to feel you haven’t gone far. But if you are following your heart and doing the next right thing, you may not yet be able to see (only feel) your destiny, but know you are moving firmly in its direction.

Here are a few more golden quotes from the movie “You are not responsible for their choices”, “Water is memory”, “Fear can’t be trusted”. “You feel what you feel and your feelings are real” and “Show yourself, Step into your power.”

​If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy Value Your Uniqueness, Reclaim the Sovereignty of Your Soul, Looking Back to See the Clues to Your Destiny and other articles in Life Purpose. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.

Earlier this year, when listening to a talk by Carol Look, I did a simple exercise to define what success would look like for me. Being a mum of two school age children, top of my list was the ability to centre myself and find calm amid the storms. More than anything, I wanted my words and behaviours to uplift and inspire rather than cut and criticize.

I have found that one of the hardest things to shake, though, is old patterns of behaviour. It’s been relatively easy to understand intellectually why I might react to someone (or a situation) in a certain way given my entry, upbringing and indoctrination into society; even achieving conscious awareness of my reactions in the moment has been possible with regular meditation and practice.

However, the desire to change only took me so far; willpower and patience oftentimes ran out and old patterns kicked in. Conscious awareness of the often incongruence between my reactions and behaviours and the desire I hold within me for something different only increased my pain.

What has really taken me across the final stretch to lasting change is accountability. In my case, I’m doing this work for my kids and myself, but it benefits every other relationship I have and will have.
In her book Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Dr Laura Markham says “How can you expect a child to learn to control his own emotions if you don’t control yours? … If you were yelled at, it takes tremendous work not to yell…it’s not rocket science, it takes about three months.”

I followed her recommendation and created a tick sheet for myself that was titled “I will speak respectfully to my children”. They get to decide each day if I get a tick or a cross, and I’m glad to say the result so far is overwhelmingly ticks. That said, I am human and expect there will no doubt be occasions where I’m not a model of emotional regulation.

By declaring my intention and following through with the daily check in, it’s given the kids both the comfort of knowing that their mum at least means well and the permission to pick me up on any reactions that don’t match with the intention I set.

What I’ve noticed, is that the years of practicing meditation and becoming consciously aware of my thoughts and feelings in the moment have paid dividends. I am able to catch myself when I’m becoming exasperated and losing patience.

I remember that my body is starting to kick into flight or flight mode only because of its association with the fears of my childhood. Being late, for example, is not akin to a tiger rushing at me, even though it rendered punishments in my early years and thus created this pattern of anxiety. This is the science and biology of entraining emotional regulation and new reactions; I have to create new pathways of response.

I find my best course of action is to stay connected to the kids rather than spin off into the reactions that long since became automated. I get involved if we are late, calmly helping them to get ready, reminding myself the world will not collapse and I will suffer no serious consequence if we do, in fact, end up being late on that particular occasion.

Accountability has helped me to clarify my intentions in my relationship with the children, and it has helped me to achieve success in that as the new norm. In going through this process day in and day out with my kids, it’s inevitably helped me in all my other relationships too, because I’m now practicing a pause before reacting.

And the silver lining? Because it was top of my list in terms of what success would look like in my life, it’s brought me both a sense of meaningful achievement and a sweet, blissful peace.

​If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy Your Childhood Is Not Your Fault but It Will Be Your Limitation . To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog