​Mastering the Art of Inner Harmony: A Journey from Turmoil to Tranquility

Image by PIRO from Pixabay

What I unconsciously learned as I grew in this world was to allow what was going on around me to dictate how I was feeling; this – of course – directly affected the quality of my life.

Being empathic, it would only take someone else’s bad or sad mood to throw me into a spin or the doldrums. Or a bad weather day or some news item to affect how I was feeling and, therefore, the attitude and approach I took to life.

I recall at one point on my corporate management journey going on a course about managing absenteeism and I’ll never forget the phrase “It might not be their fault, but it is their responsibility”. The whole idea being that we didn’t need to make someone feel bad about having to take time off of work, we could be compassionate, but we should also be holding to the boundaries set out in their employment contract around absences unless there were extenuating circumstances.

That idea stuck with me, and as I have evolved through my broader journey in life I can see that it might not be my fault that someone I’ve been dealing with has had a bad day, or is even a toxic personality, or that it has rained five days in a row, but it is my responsibility to manage my own mood and responses.

When I started regularly meditating nine years ago, I began to see that there are different layers within me. That I can observe my thoughts is indicative of another layer of consciousness doing the observing, that I am also identified with. Therefore I am both the thoughts and the observer.

Meditation, contrary to popular belief, is about observing my thoughts, and practicing letting them go rather than getting caught up in them. After practicing this in mediation, it began to happen more in my day to day life. I’d be caught up in some drama unfolding with my children, and suddenly I’d get a clear view of my thoughts and behaviour in the moment and be able to adjust it.

For a while this felt quite schizophrenic, but more and more it became normal practice for me to reframe my thoughts and behaviour in the moment. I began to see life around me as a mirror of what what going on inside me, and would look at any patterns with deep interest and started to get to know my inner self more intimately.

This is particularly true of the moments where I was (and still am) triggered into “flight or fight” mode, which can actually look like fight, flight, freeze and fold. My ability to step away and observe is almost always there, but my ability to reframe my experience in the moment is not, quite simply because my prefrontal cortex is closed for business until my nervous system naturally begins to relax (this can take a number of hours) or I take responsibility for regulating it.

Having experienced panic attacks in my life, and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) symptoms, learning how to manage my inner world became a priority for me. I didn’t want to just survive these episodes, I wanted to learn how to notice their onset and avert them.

Shifting to a calm centre, I’ve found, isn’t just a matter of deciding to, or saying a few mantras, it’s a very active process of self discovery, learning new skills and practice, practice, practice.

Even after all the inner work I’ve done:

• Uncovering parts of myself in conflict with each other (you might relate to it through conversations with a friend along the lines of “there’s a part of me that wants to earn more, but there’s another part of me that doesn’t believe I can” and so forth),
• Reframing the narrative going on so these parts are not creating inner conflict,
• Learning what I really value and believe in and creating healthy boundaries around that
• Learning the skills to hold and communicate those with others

Even after all that and more, things still come up to tip me off balance. It’s definitely an ongoing practice, but the intensity and the ability to regulate my body’s reactions is steadily getting better and better. Things are way less intense.

And here is another tool that I never thought I’d ever use – ChatGPT. If you ever need a neutral third party to take a look at your inner dialogue, or dialogue with others, I think it’s great, I wish I’d have had it when dealing with protracted, toxic legal correspondence a few years ago.

Just recently I was dealing with an email from my kid’s school, going back and forth about an action plan, I was querying the need for one and read the words “All good. Don’t complete one, not a problem” as a passive aggressive response and felt a bit annoyed. So I copied the whole email trail (minus identifying details, I don’t want those in the collective bucket of digital swill) and asked ChatGPT to tell me its
interpretation of the tone of this correspondence.

It felt the tone of the whole correspondence was accommodating of my individual views and quite collaborative. Knowing my Scots heritage, and how my own experiences with sarcasm have shaped my inner landscape, I recognised that I may – or may not – be misreading the tone. Either way, it would not have made for a constructive response if I had adopted the latter attitude.

So I drafted a response, asked ChatGPT whether that was straightforward, calm and rational and in keeping with the constructive discussion so far. It responds instantly, even with reams of information, and can suggest improvements if you ask it to.

While I reflect on my journey from allowing external circumstances to dictate the quality of my life to becoming the calm centre of my own experience, I can’t help but appreciate the transformative power of self-discovery and resilience. It’s a continuous process of learning, practicing new skills and actively engaging in the art of reframing thoughts and behaviours.

As you continue your own journey of self-discovery and resilience, consider embracing the support and insights available to you. Remember, it's not just about surviving but thriving, and every step you take towards a calm center contributes to a more fulfilling and empowered life.

​If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy Empower Yourself - When a Difficult Reaction Sends You Into a Tailspin, Do You Need to Heal Your Boundaries?, Change Unhealthy Reactions, Your Mind Will Try to Protect You By Resisting Your Healthy Boundaries and Expand Your Emotional Vocabulary to Get Your Real Needs Met. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.