 I was being judgmental and hating myself for it...
As I looked around the room, it was overwhelming. Here I was at a social occasion, one that – at its core – held everyone together in their belief in something bigger than themselves. The essence of this ceremony was to support our friend, with open hearts, in the impending delivery of her child. Yet I was judging everyone, myself included. It was as if a river had been swelling and the dam had burst, boom, my ego unleashed. There was no reining it in, the momentum was too strong. What had happened? I couldn’t get a grip on my thinking; these crazy runaway thoughts were in full motion. I closed my eyes, trying to focus inwardly. My heart was pounding in my chest; I tried to steady my breathing, pull in air from my belly. Every day I see people as I drop off my kids at kindergarten and school, some I know, they smile and say hello. Most I don’t know, but the faces become familiar. As I looked around the room at these familiar faces, yet most unknown to me, I felt so much turmoil. Did I like them? Would they like me? You see, I seem to categorise people. What it comes down to is how open and friendly they are towards me. There are those that have shared their heart with mine and we are consciously connected. Then there are those whose stories remain a mystery, all I have are the stories I tell myself about them, based on the little I see of them. “This is not who I want to be, it’s not who I am. Or maybe it is?” I wondered whether perhaps I was in need of humbling. As much as I wanted to control it, to resist it, the only thing left to do was allow the full force of that rampant river wash through me. I bowed my head and closed my eyes. Not a fan of rituals, I gave gratitude that this gesture would not in itself look out of place as part of this particular ceremony. I needed to go within, I needed to sense into that inner peace that is always there. Finally, intermittently, I tuned in to others who were reading poems, or passages filled with inspiration and love. Then, a pause, I raised my voice and began reciting my own offering, one I had written recounting some of my darkest moments, and how, in them, I had learned the art of allowing. Ironic. Yet there is no irony, no coincidence. Again and again I have to practice defocusing on my ego, my thinking self, in order to focus into that part of me within that knows we are all one. It doesn’t feel good to judge others, simply because ‘not feeling good’ about anything is my cue that the larger part of me simply doesn’t agree with the opinion I hold. That larger part of me is love, yet I had felt no love, I held myself from it and felt self loathing in my judgment of others. “I’m a horrible person” I thought. Still no feeling of peace, the source within me did not – would not - agree. This has sat with me all week. The internal retribution has dissipated, new awareness has dawned. I’m not a horrible person after all, just someone who has obviously gotten into a habit of quickly judging and categorizing people I see often, yet never really talk to. Well, okay then, that is not a habit that is serving me well. With new awareness, begins change. Now I can see it more clearly, the handful of memories I have of walking through the school grounds to collect my kids with a smile in my heart and a greeting for everyone. Then there’s the few examples at the other end of the scale when I arrive, a torrent of anxiety, the kids driving me crazy with their seemingly schizophrenic requests and behaviour. Everything else is in between, some sort of survival. Arriving, just pleased to be there, pleased we all held it together. At pick up, just relieved to make it into the car, seat belts on, before any major meltdowns or outbursts as the kids decompress from their day. Suddenly it hits me. I am them and they are me, these parents. This should seem obvious, especially to one who believes we are all part of one energy, one source, coming into and out of form, but it had been lost on me until that moment. “Aw naw!” I thought in my distinctly Scottish accent, “I’ve become a spiritual snob”. Now I recognise that I obviously had this idea in my mind, that people who recognise themselves as spiritual should always be open and friendly. Certainly that is my goal, it’s the goal really, an open heart allows our true nature, love, to flow through. Yet of course these other woman are just like me, sometimes they are open hearted, sometimes not, stuck in our survival of life mode. Ever evolving change and awareness, teaching us all to soar. It just takes practice, this tuning in to our inner voice and allowing our heart to open. And so, again, no coincidence, Jonathan Livingston Seagull lands on my lap this week. For those who have not yet become acquainted with Jonathan, he is not in fact a live sea bird who is about to poop on my lap. Jonathan is the lead character in a short novella written by Richard Bach and first published in 1970. The truly amazing success of this book is not in the millions and millions of copies it has sold over the years, nor that it became a film with an award winning soundtrack, nor its appearance in the Brady Bunch or reference in The Simpsons, pointing to its iconic status. To me, its success is something different entirely. In a world where only a few it seems are awakened to their spiritual essence, Jonathan Livingston Seagull is a phenomenal testament to the inner knowing of people that may not have consciously recognized their own nature, but know it none the less. As Richard Bach says, it’s a story for those who follow their hearts. It was also just what I needed. A reminder that excellence requires practice, and it’s in the pursuit of that excellence, those moments of success that are so fleeting to begin, you find true joy. Judging someone for not being open hearted is hilarious, at least I can now laugh at the ironic, moronic ego part of me that was blind in that moment to its own hypocrisy. I promise, I know that I not as open hearted as I’d like to be most of the time. I’m aware of it and I’m in pursuit of it, as my highest goal. So with that, I forgive myself for being such a moron, it’s just part of the ride. Oh to see ourselves as others see us! I’m thankful for the light it has shed on my journey. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.
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 The bell was ringing, children rushing past. Somewhere in my mind I could vaguely hear the mumbling comments and questions “why is she lying on the floor?” but I did not care. Instead I was caught in a world of fear, strong waves of pain gripping me and passing through, my back aching, my head throbbing, feeling sick to my stomach.
Like a river parting and swelling around a rock in its way, the children moved on into their classroom. These children were my classmates. I was twelve years old and this was my welcome to womanhood. I knew what the menstrual cycle was but I had no conscious expectation of pain. Instead, in a consciousness beyond my comprehension, I had somehow bought into resistance that was playing itself out in my experience. But that pain became my expectation, and so it was my experience month after month. I did not understand the process of creation, procreation yes, but not the process through which we allow the essence of our life to flow. And so it is for most of us, much of our time spent in resistance than allowing. Twenty six years on, four pregnancies lost, I had known the experience of labouring, or so I thought. The evil Misoprosal dispensed to induce the empty sack to leave its dwelling. Crawling on the cold stone floor of a hospital toilet, racked with the waves of pain that inevitably passed through. Metal bowl in hand to ensure a full evacuation. I had heard the impossible advice “Just forget about it and it will happen” and I had felt the anger that invoked. Those false prophets that delivered that advice knew not what they spoke. It is not the way of the world, it is not the way these people are living their life, it was not their truth - yet… yet it is the truth – but it came across as hypocritical. Having finally given up on the usual process of procreation, the inevitable happened and pregnancy number five led to my first experience of labouring a baby. I was 38. It was a Thursday evening, a wave of pain pulling me back from slumber. By late Saturday evening, after hours of not being able to pull enough air from the mask, lost in a sea of pain, with little progress being made, enough was enough. “Take me to the hospital, I want an epidural”. But on a Saturday evening ambulances are in hot demand. Three hours later when the ambulance finally arrived I was a screaming, delirious mess. Every speed bump that ambulance crossed over on the 30 minute ride to the hospital caused me to scream out words I cannot remember. I only remember the look of fear on the ambulance man’s face as I grabbed a hold of his arm while they carried me on a stretcher. At 11am on the Sunday morning, after hours of trying to synchronize pushes with the contractions that I no longer felt, my first beautiful baby was born by ventouse (with forceps) chord wrapped around her neck, yet as perfect and as healthy as any baby could be. Not wishing to repeat the experience, yet not feeling the family was quite complete, I was soon pregnant again. This time I insisted on locating myself at the hospital when it was time to birth, having no wish to repeat that ambulance ride. Valiantly I agreed to try again to birth naturally. When the time came, my midwife was out of town. Another came to visit midmorning and told me I was still in early labour. Out for a walk around the neighbourhood later that afternoon, with me stopping to breathe through contractions every couple of steps, my partner and I argued. Arriving back at the house, I was distraught, angry and lost in pain as I worked through my contractions alone. Finally at 5 o’clock, I told the midwide that – early labour or not – I was losing the plot and needed help. Before the midwife arrived, my mother-in-law popped in on her way home from work. Grey faced, she looked at me and said “you are not in early labour”. No sooner had she said that, the midwife appeared. I did not know it then, but looking back it is here I began a turning point – not only in my experience of labouring, but in my experience of life. I had thought I understood how to focus and feel into the experience, I had been practicing yoga for a number of years by then. But she took a firm hold of my hips and she taught me how to rotate them in flow with the contraction. She talked me sternly through my breathing. In those moments she taught me how to tune in and truly go with the flow of what was happening rather than to resist it and coil against the pain in fear. Then she told me that the hospital was no longer an option, but to – half jokingly - cross my legs until we got to the maternity unit which was closer (but did not offer epidurals). She explained my labour was too advanced to dispense an epidural anyway. With both me and an abundance of towels bundled into the car, in case of a roadside delivery, we headed to the maternity unit. That began the last 4 hours of the labour. That four hours were the first in my life that I can remember truly feeling into, and going with the flow; I had no concept of what that even meant until then. There’s a sense of energy building almost unbearably, the urge to take some kind of action is just about overwhelming, yet you are observing all this inwardly and allowing the contraction to wash through, readying baby for its departure from that cosy place. Hours had passed and the midwife started getting me to push as the contractions got stronger. I didn’t want to. After getting into that place of allowing, it didn’t quite feel right. After a number of attempts at delivery, baby was trying to exit ‘superman style’ with one hand up, I heard her say to the other nurse “call for an ambulance”. Inside my bubble of inward awareness this cut through, suddenly my body convulsed and our second beautifully healthy daughter was born. My first thought was on the irony of finally learning what the ‘urge to push’ feels like when I would never have to push again. How easily I could have fought my way through two labours and never have learned the art of allowing, of going with the flow of life. In this era of human history, it’s so easy to ‘dose up’ to numb the pain. It’s so easy to take action when none is required. Instead of having faith that my life would unfold exactly as I wanted it to, and tuning into my impulses and inspired thoughts, I had become accustomed to interpreting “if it’s going to be, it’s up to me” as my call to action to figure out just what needed to be done. I had treated physical symptoms in physical ways, rather than recognizing I am an ‘inside out’ being, and physical manifestations are the final step in the process of creation. Yes the physical symptoms, and the patterns that sit alongside them, lured me into thinking the root cause was on a more superficial level than it really is. Now I realise everything is born from where I direct my energy. I can choose whether to direct my energy in resistance to what I am observing, or to focus my energy in appreciation of my life and all that I am eagerly anticipating. Instead of looking for ways to fix things, to make my dreams happen and to try to needlessly control circumstances and other people in a bid to make myself happy, I have recognised the universal truth in that well meaning advice to “forget about it and it will happen”, and applied it to my every day dreams. Having faith that the universe has your back is an art I am reclaiming. To those like my very pregnant friend (whose Blessing Way gave me an opportunity to remember this lesson) who practice it every day, I say thank you. To those of you who feel some resonance with what I have written, I say, relax and let your dreams unfold. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  Let us see you, in your raw and bedraggled form. Please don’t wait for perfection, it will never come. Please don’t seek external validation, it may come but it will never be enough. Only you can be enough. Only you. Revel in your victory, whether it’s putting pen to paper, brush to canvass, fingers to chords, a spade in the ground or a key in the engine, let whatever is inside come out.
Fast forward people, play out the life that got stuck in fear: fear of your own capabilities, fear of others’ opinions or fear of consequences. What does that life look like? What does it feel like? Does it feel better when you have ideas bubbling in your head that want to be expressed, to think that you are being too bold in expressing them or does it feel better to believe you are a vessel, a conduit, for the creative expression of life itself? Does it feel better to dwell on your lack of confidence in your skills or does it feel better to have faith that the ideas have come to you because you have exactly the right skills and experience to express them? The more pain you are feeling, the more desire you actually have to express. Think of your creative expression like a fast flowing river of your own wellbeing. If you create a dam in the form of a myriad of excuses, you will feel the torrent building and rising, you will feel the pain. Let the dam go and go with the flow of your life. For years I felt a dam building without knowing what it was that even wanted to flow, if you are there, stalking like a tiger in a cage, perhaps read things like What Anger Can Teach You About Your Gifts. My gifts were so obvious I missed them completely, it’s often the way. Recently I have heard from some who are emerging into adulthood who really got what I was meaning when I said you are not as important to your parents as you (or they) think you are. Yet they are feeling a lack of confidence when it comes to pursuing their own dreams. While I’ve expanded on this further in other articles, what is really bursting to be said here is – who are you not to pursue your dreams? I think of people as tap turned off (stuck in their heads, the result is they feel cut off from their own wellbeing, feeling anything and everything from loneliness and worry to despair and hopelessness); or tap turned on (connected to their own wellbeing, feeling anything and everything from hope and encouragement to passion and joy). At any point in time, only a few have their tap turned on it seems. To those who are suffering, who want to move but are stuck in a state of paralysis, know that it is okay. You are never going to be done, that energy is always going to want to burst forth from you and, like any river, will find its way eventually. If you could take a far more objective view of your life, you would know how small some of your fears really are and you would know what a powerful creator you are. You are not alone in this, every day, in some way, I have the same inner struggles. You too would have more confidence in me than I have in myself when my tap is turned off. But right now in this flow, I need no convincing of what it is that wants to be expressed, it’s life and more life, and it feels good. So take a step, whatever feels best, even if it’s just starting by observing, watching, becoming aware of how you feel about this and that. It will have much to teach you. And when you have observed enough, when you are convinced enough of your own expression of life that waits, let the tap flow just a little, see how it feels. Don’t look down, you will not be best served by watching the crowd’s reaction to your daring exploits, look within. Do more of what feels good, and do it again. Keep doing it until that tap is turned on and the river is flowing a decent chunk of the time. Then you will look back and wonder at why you did not begin sooner. But know that it all okay, it’s all perfect timing, you can only get it right. Life is in so many stages simultaneously, inspiration is needed in so many varieties at so many different levels all at the same time. Something that would have inspired you in this moment, may not in the next, so you cannot second guess who you will inspire, the only thing you can guarantee is that – in letting what is inside flow – you will inspire yourself. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. You can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  Yes, some positions hold power, but there is no power like the power within you.
At any time, you can feel connected to your inner power. You feel it best when you are inspired; your inner voice is saying “go you!” But when you are feeling stressed, fearful or any shade of grey that inner voice is saying “your focus right now is not serving you”. When you look at the most influential people in our history, you see an eclectic mix of humans, most who were not in any position of power. From authors to scientists, prophets to playwrites, business people to politicians, the only thing they had in common was their belief in themselves. That goes one of two ways – depending on which version of yourself you buy into. There’s the you that was born into this life, full of self worth, full of love, full of talents, traits and intentions. This version of you knows it’s connected to everything, and that when you are in tune with that, anything is possible. Associated with this version of you are feelings of joy, happiness, love, natural power. When you are tuned into this self, your inner self, you are loving and giving. Then there’s the version of you that emerged as a product of the (often well-meaning) expectations and experiences you had growing up, reinforced trillions upon trillions of times through your subconscious mind and subsequent experiences. This is the mind-created version of you, often called ego. Associated with this version is stress, lack and feelings of powerlessness. When you are focused here you are more likely to want to take than give, to control than to allow and to feel some shade of grey. Understand most of the people on this planet, most of the time, only recognise this self-created version of themselves. They feel powerless and they are more likely to look for that power in all the wrong places – outside of themselves, usually by trying to take it from others. That is not you, not now that you are becoming aware that your own power lies within. That said, we have nothing to offer anyone except inspiration. To do that you must first find your own, that is where your power lies. But you have years of momentum going in the grey version of you. You have likely worked very hard to make that grey look like shining silver to the outside world. You are heavily invested in that shiny image you worked so hard to create; it won’t give itself up easily even if you feel the value of what you have read here. I got asked this week, “How can I change? Even when I want to say no to people, I find myself saying yes”. This is common, the self-created version of you likes its shiny image. The answer is simple, you start to focus on things you want to say ‘yes’ to. Recently when my partner started his own business, it brought up a lot of old stuff for me. Momentarily I got swallowed up in fear of endless hours of bookkeeping. I withdrew myself completely, lost in an angry swirl of indignance “how can I have come so far on my own journey only to be led here?” Then my mother-in-law said, gently, “you don’t have to do bookkeeping, but you could help in other ways”. Still on my inner tirade my first thought was “I am helping! I’ve been doing x,y and z”. Once I let the air out of that balloon, I realised there were many things I would happily do, things that are more ‘me’. The real me, the one that takes genuine pleasure in the task, not the one that is doing a task because of its egotistical payoff. So the way to start saying no to what you don’t want, is to start saying yes to what you do want. Be easy about it, it takes time, just set a new intention. Start by creating awareness. The more you start to observe that self-created version of you in action, the more you start to become aware of your thoughts, the more frustration you are likely to feel – at first. That is normal, but it’s infinitely better than despair or depression because it’s more motivated. Direct that energy towards things you love doing, and look for more of the same. Tune out. Meditate. Meditation is not hard, it’s not weird, it just means consciously practicing – every day - letting go of your thoughts. It means that for 15 minutes each day you do nothing except become aware of your thoughts and let them go, over and over. You become aware of the ‘you’ that life created. You become aware of the thoughts that are not serving you. In the process, you start to tune into something else, the things that inspire. You start to tune into to the inner you. The one that has always existed, that always will, that is connected to everything. Spend time in nature, it soothes, it helps you reconnect. In the face of the world’s atrocities, the sky is still above our heads, the ground beneath our feet, and all around us is beauty when we choose to see it. I have no idea what specific power you hold inside you, that is for you to uncover. What I do know, is that the power inside you is greater than any power outside you. You have the power to change not only your life, but the lives of people all around you through the inspiration of your example. We want you to find your own inspiration, your own gifts, your own power, because that is the you who will be happiest and contribute the most to this world. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. You can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  I have a vision of a different world than the one we live in.
Trump as President is not relevant in my world, it’s already history. The same would have been said if Clinton had won. I see a world evolving beyond the need to control others in order to feel powerful. True power lies within. Don’t get me wrong, I get angry sometimes. It just doesn’t last for long. Take a helicopter ride high enough to see the broader perspective. Sure, sometimes that helicopter might have to leave our atmosphere... But when you can stand back far enough, we are doing okay. We are headed in the right direction, humanity. Sometimes two steps forward, one back. Don’t be distracted by the backward step, instead revel in the one that has moved forward. Revel in imperfection, it has much to teach. Today is yesterday’s dream, or nightmare. The same will be said of tomorrow, it’s your choice. Namaste  The only thing your response to the title of the article tells you is how you are feeling right now. If you are in a good space, you will likely agree that this is indeed a wonderful world - certainly much of the time. But we all acknowledge it's not always wonderful and that there are always atrocities going on, even when we feel good.
That said, what possible purpose does it serve any of us to focus on the bad stuff? Unless of course you are able to provide direct help or your own circumstances are so much worse that it’s helping to sooth you into a better place. I listened to a man recently as he struggled to do just this, he could not let go of the terrible things that had happened in the world, and still happen, all around us. He was stuck on what a cruel world this is. Sure, it can be cruel. But what use are you if you can’t see a better place? When I felt inspired to write a short piece about the American presidential race recently, not my usual kind of focus, my only position was that neither person would lead America in an evolved way. Yet I also have this deep sense of – in the bigger scheme of things – we are doing alright us humans, the trajectory is headed in the right direction. Despite the many ego maniacs in leadership positions of one kind or another world wide, using the name of this or that to justify their thinly veiled ghastly behaviour in order to satisfy the part of themselves that feels the need to fill up with power, we have still achieved a lot in recent decades. When I was born nearly 45 years ago, it was into a very different world than this one. One that was, overall, more conditional than the one today. Freedom is the basis of life, and I see examples all around me of people being able to freely express themselves in ways that just would not have been allowed or accepted a few decades ago. Every action and reaction we have is based on our feeling of freedom. If you feel free to express the real you, you are likely to concur that this is indeed a wonderful life. If you are feeling oppressed in some way then you are likely not in a great space, whether mentally, emotionally or physically. The need for freedom is so strong it manifests in many ways, from the ugly to the inspiring. If you can’t get inspired in the details that are within your grasp, defocus. You are still here, the world is still turning, and the sun still comes up over the horizon every day. The magnificence of nature is breathtaking. Each and every minute your heart beats without you even having to think about it, the trillions of cells of your body go about their ongoing task of keeping you in the life you have accustomed them to, each and every day. Wherever you are, if you can look up at the sky, just take it in. In the daytime our focus is here on our planet, the beauty of a piercing blue sky, the awesome force of the winds, the clouds and the rain. At night the endless space you see before you filled with trillions upon trillions of planets, suns, universes, black holes, cosmos’ is quite incomprehensible; the gloriousness of Mother Nature abounds. Something is going right. I glimpsed a documentary recently about homelessness, and there was a kind of village of temporary houses that had been set up. The ‘camp’ had many families living in it and the focus was on ‘hand up’ rather than hand out. While I don’t recall all the details, I do recall the face of a man who was being asked what kept him going. I vividly remember the smile that broke out across his face as he said “the children”. He was remarking on the resilience of children, their play, regardless of the circumstances. Everywhere you are there is beauty of some kind to focus upon, even if it is only the beauty within. Do not deny your inner beauty, it is there. It may be obscured by many layers of expectations and opinions that the world placed upon you growing up, but one look at a new born will tell you it’s there in everyone. It can be obscured, but never extinguished. A young woman told me she had overcome 7 years of serious depression through meditation alone. It did not surprise me as I know the power of doing nothing for 15 minutes each day consistently. I also know depression is caused when we literally press down our true nature. By meditating she was allowing herself to start observing all the thoughts she was having and she couldn’t but help start to live in a more authentic way, thus feeling happier in herself. Another man quoted Carl Jung to me today “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious”, precisely. Many of us never allow our innermost feelings and thoughts to ever surface. If you are feeling any shade of grey, how about turning into it rather than stuffing it down? Stuffing down your worst fears and thoughts just doesn’t work; they find their way out eventually – whether through self sabotaging behaviour, poor health or seeming ‘accidents’. The inner you will not be repressed, it will keep trying to ‘talk’ to you until it’s so loud you just can’t ignore it. Equally, when you hear inspiring stories or quotes, or see something amazing, your heart sings. That, to me, is what makes this such a wonderful world. Nature will always find a way. Your true nature, the beauty you were born with, is still there and trying to talk to you all the time, how much are you listening? Imagine a world with even 10% of people following their passion, knowing their true nature? When you tune in to who you really are, you will see just what a wonderful world this is. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. You can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  Let’s get some stuff out the way upfront. I’m not saying they don’t love you. I’m not saying you are not important to them. Although there are some people who feel that way (children of parents who don’t love themselves). What I am talking about is the compromises and sacrifice people make to their own happiness in order to try to please others.
To be fair, I could have just put ‘people’ in the title instead of ‘parents’, but I see kids getting caught up in this often, especially younger people emerging into adulthood. You can shave years of unhappiness off your life if you really understand what I’m about to share. Let’s start by looking at the two versions of ‘you’. Everyone on the planet comes in the same way, we have talents, traits and perhaps intentions. We also know our worth. There is no question when you look at a newborn whether they know how worthy they are, you feel immediately that this child expects the world to meet its every need – now! So that is the unadulterated version of you. It’s the version you can feel into when things in your life are humming, you have clarity, you feel a sense of ease mixed with a surge of energy, and anything seems possible. For some those moments are completely foreign, but we have all had them, however fleeting. There are also ways you can learn to tap into them more often, meditation being the most effective if it’s practiced regularly. Then there is that other version, the only one that many of us actually recognise. The one that emerged as you grew, out of the expectations and (usually) well meaning your family, community and society placed upon you. It takes us about three 7-year cycles of learning to think as an ‘adult’ does – the first cycle is spent on simply trying to get your little body to function in this physical space, the next is invested largely in your emotional development, then in your teens your rational thinking mind starts to develop. This is simply to give context to the fact that we (as adults) often talk to our youngsters, and place expectations upon them, that they simply cannot meet. Forcing them to retards their development. In the very earliest years of their life, children are learning through imitation and experience. Those experiences are not interpreted in the same way we would interpret them in our rational minds. Instead, an example I often give, is a child who repeatedly witnesses their parents fight over money – depending on the child’s natural traits and the other experiences it is having, it may interpret that in many ways, from “relationships are bad” to “money is bad” and others in between. That is a tape that gets stored in the subconscious mind, attracting further experiences throughout life to reinforce it. Okay, so that is the basics. There are two versions of you, one is clear minded with talents, traits and intentions for your life, the other is created through experiences and runs the default subconscious tapes in your mind 90% of your day… until you become aware of it. Once you become aware that only perception is reality, and that your perceptions have been based on what everyone else wanted for and of you, you have the beginnings of an awareness that can empower you to move your life in a different direction. Back to the topic at hand then. Let’s say you are an aware parent, great, you will likely start to look at the whole process of child rearing through very different lenses. Recognizing that this little person you have brought into the world, or are responsible for bringing up in this world, is closer to their natural sense of who they are than you are to yours. And here is the point of all that. When you are in tune with who you really are, you feel good. When you feel good, you attract more of the same. It’s not that nothing bad ever happens, it’s that you see it through new lenses, with a broader perspective. You take note and thank the runny nose for its very real alert that you are doing too much right now. You take note when you have a near miss on the road, as I did this morning; it’s awake up call to something in your life. In short, you seek ways to feel good more often, it becomes a priority. You start to see ‘bad’ things in your life as welcome, they point to “wrong way” in your life’s intentions in very obvious ways when you learn to read the signs. It gives you clarity, and allows you to open up to the natural coincidences and synchronicities that are always unfolding towards your highest good. Our children have much to teach us, if only we could get out of their way. I can assure you if my own kids were capable of lending an aspect to this article they’d say “yes, when are you going to get out of our way mum?” All I can say is that I am practicing. I know that the minute I offer any resistance to their natural flow of wellbeing only bad things happen. You will notice that it’s our own fears that introduce the possibilities of negative outcomes into their sensory experience. Left to their own devices, in their natural flow of wellbeing, they could cross a 5-lane freeway unharmed – but what rational thinking parent with all our fears would? Our minds are a blessing and a curse. They are a blessing because they are our creative clay, it’s our thoughts and intentions that create our reality and you just need to be more conscious about it. So, for those of you who have stuck with me to this point, here is the point. Parents are people too. We have, as a society, been largely operating in a very unconscious way when it comes to all this ‘crux of life’ stuff. If you have parents who feel very conditional in their love for you, it’s what is considered normal. But I’m here to say it’s not natural to our wellbeing, and it’s not only unnecessary, it’s harmful. No person who has ever lived, nor ever will, will ever be truly happy if they rest that firmly on the shoulders of another. You cannot control another person or circumstance enough to ever find true happiness. Children you can never be ‘good’ enough to make your parents happy, you can never alter the conditions of your life enough in order to please them into their own bliss, it is not possible, stop trying. The irony is that most parents reading this would agree that all they want, in the end, is for their children to be happy. Immediately on the back of this will flow 4,086 opinions about what is necessary for that to be achieved. Of course, parents do know you well, but they are not you. They cannot save you from having your own experiences. Sure, we would like to wrap you up in cotton wool and keep you from all the bad stuff, but what would be the point? Seriously. Without a depth of experience in the darkest emotions, what depth can be found in joy? The only thing any of us have to offer another is inspiration. And the only way to inspire, is to reach consistently for the good feelings that flow within us if we let them. Last week I heard the most poignant statement I’ve ever heard “when you are free from your reaction to things you cannot control, you are truly free” (Abraham Hicks). Parents take heed, you cannot control how your child feels about anything, and none of us have that power to assert in another’s life. In fact, the only thing you can control is how you feel right now, in this present moment. Let’s stand back from the details of our children’s lives, and – as children – let’s not worry so much about pleasing your parents as pleasing yourself. It’s time for us all to be less worried about others and on the fruitless effort of controlling circumstances and conditions, and focus more on finding our own wellbeing in this moment and the next. This is where our best future lies. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. You can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  The other day someone commented “Trump for President” and I vaguely wondered if that was the result, was the hoo-ha finally over. So I Googled presidential elections to see that, no, the ‘big’ day isn’t until the 8 November.
My first thought had been (groan) “surely not”, then I realised that neither choice is exactly an indication of anything evolved. Clinton is perhaps more refined in many ways, but what Donald Trump is to the mighty dollar, she is to the political arena, both fought and have thrived in their arena many times – but ultimately its an arena for game playing. Game playing is not for those who want authenticity, it’s not for those who want to understand the world through the eyes of another and it’s not for those who want to truly be part of a world more evolved than this one today. Those who know me understand I withdrew attention to most public media many years ago. The details of life that get focused upon and promoted are nothing short of depressing in most cases, so it has never much interested me. So my perspective does not come from the day to day details of the race, it comes from a broader perspective of character and evolution. Being a 1980’s teen, I remember the American dream through the eyes of European media. Everything seemed so much bigger in America, certainly that was true of the money machine, yet their media used to feed a very singular view. True of the vast majority of media. I know a ‘has been’, it is one of the reasons I left the UK. It’s a country I would describe as stuck in its past. That doesn’t mean of course that each individual is stuck in the past, but there’s a kind of collective consciousness that hails from the days of the power of an Empire, that pervades and creates a culture of entitlement. It’s creates heavy energy that makes day to day life feel like swimming in treacle. And this is how many have come to view America, a power in demise. A society that has been cosseted for so many years by its own publicity machine that it fails to even see other perspectives. The brewhaha about threats from Russia, Iran and then war against ‘terror’ perpetuating perceptions and hatred. Yet what did we see each time the mighty machine prevailed? We saw the ‘threat’ was not as imagined at all, we have seen societies and structures in decline, we have seen individual egos of all ‘sides’ creating a perception that did not match reality. Yes there have been atrocities over the years, on all sides, but what did tit for tat ever achieve? Those of us who are parents know from simply watching our children that no good ever comes from retaliation, it just escalates a situation. We know that from our own personal relationships and fights we have. The lure of revenge is powerful but ultimately fruitless, there are no winners. We are a society that is evolving at a rate faster than ever before. The younger generations see through different lenses as they always did, but these lenses are changing focus at a rate faster than ever. Partially it’s driven by the internet, but mostly it’s driven energetically. Energy is something I’ve come to understand more over the years, but I think it first felt most palpable to me when I saw the extension of the Berlin wall in my early teens, and then visiting the German underground hospital in Jersey, built from forced labour during its occupation, and then, later, standing on the beaches in Normandy, France. As palpable and negative as that energy is, it creates a stronger, opposite desire for a different world. There are those being born into areas of the world now that are war torn, or suffering from greater degrees of oppression than many could imagine, who repel against that energy they feel and – instead of seeking revenge – they are seeking a better world. This is a world sick of itself; there is stronger and stronger desire to create something different. So, for my 2 cents, whether it’s Clinton or Trump is irrelevant, neither represent an evolved world, both represent a step, hopefully the crescendo, in nature’s death dance. Neither can truly lead when there are fewer following. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. You can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You. |
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