 This idea that “you complete me” is prevalent in our society, but what I’ve learned on this journey to me is that I am already whole; we all are. Others can inspire us to greater heights, amplify back to us the love we have within and make the journey richer, this is all true, but ultimately, you are the greatest love of your life.
Circumstances have led to two separate and – on the face of it – very different friends visiting us on the same weekend. I’ve learned to trust the twists and turns in the path of life, and so I began to wonder at this odd coupling of events. Then it struck me what both our friends have in common, something many of us can relate to, is that both feel somehow incomplete without another. In each case the situation is quite different. For one, the death of a sibling has left her wrangling with many mixed emotions; not least is this sense of not knowing who to be in the world without the other. For our other friend, a new relationship heralds another circuit in the quest to find happiness. As I reflected on this, and the experiences in my own life, I gave inward thanks for the unburdening revelation in this journey to me these last few years that I am already whole. I met my partner at a point where I’d just left a long-term relationship and was finally – for the first time – happy to be single. I really had to stop and think hard about whether I wanted to commit to another relationship so soon. Yet there he was. At this point I suppose looked upon love more as being parts that come together to form a whole. Yet I wanted to know more about that part that was me. We talked about the need for autonomy, as we were both still reveling in the joy of dancing to the beat of our own drums. We both wanted a family in our future, and someone to share that with. Our journeys were taking us on similar paths, so we decided to walk together awhile. Over the years our respective conditioning has led us, particularly under times of stress, to make demands of the other that do not speak to autonomy. This pervasive idea in our society that another has a duty towards our happiness is unhelpful when – as humans – we are ultimately selfish beings wired only for our own happiness. Somehow, we have gotten caught up in the idea that sacrificing our own happiness for others is more honourable, and that – somewhere on a fabled scoreboard of life – that is ‘better’ than acting selfishly. The predominant experience was one of feeling chained to a path neither was certain they wanted to take. Under enormous stress financially, bereft of time to ourselves and enslaved to tasks of our own making that felt ‘necessary’, we were not kind to each other. We looked to the other to lighten the load, fill our respective cups, and bend to our will. Yet a wonderful thing has happened, in each selfishly pursuing our own desires and dreams, doggedly determining to be more of who we truly feel ourselves to be in this world, we have maintained the same direction in our journey. We smile, and decide to continue walking awhile more. These desires, judgments and expectations in those middle years were felt acutely, so how did we move past those? How did I move from being a human who felt that I was a only piece of myself to one who felt whole? Like all journeys, it started with a single step, with an unequivocal desire – in this case – to be all me. The journey is well documented through my articles, but on this particular topic is true to say that letting go of the judgments and expectations I felt was a key step. I reexamined everything I believed to be true about myself and the world I was living in. Did I really need to be responsible for bringing in an income as well as being the primary caregiver in the family? Did pursuing my passions need to generate income in order to justify it? Did time for regular introspection and contemplation require some special reason? It’s a funny thing. As I started to change my own expectations, the world around me changed too. At first I was defensive, still acting from a point of justifying why I wasn’t doing those things I felt were expected, but then I started to fill my own cup with more and more of the thoughts and things that make up that part of me I felt to be who I truly am. I wrote more, I walked more, I opened up more to my own dreams, and to my partner’s dreams. It took time, it took patience and persistence, but once the journey had begun there was no going back. Once you begin to uncover who you are, the power and love you have within you, there is no turning around. What becomes evident is that you are not simply a part of a whole, you are whole within and a part of everything. But there is nothing lacking in you that you need another to fulfill. In fact, once you discover your wholeness, you will find you have a lot more to give, and a lot more to gain. I thought I knew who I was, way back when. I had all the profiles and credentials, but I was not happy. When you are seeking something outside of yourself, in order to give you confidence or make you happy, then, no, you do not yet know who you are. When you know who you are, you know that you are whole. So I say to my friends, and to you, who are you? Be all you, know you’re wholeness, and in that you will find more love than you ever thought possible. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.
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 In this journey to me over the last few years, as I’ve come to understand who I am and the way life works, I place more and more value on autonomy. Having broken free of the economic chains that once necessitated a career in the corporate world, there are still so many lessons to be learned.
As my friend and I caught up on life’s events, my heart sank as I heard the words “Maybe I should just take the job and be grateful, how many other people out there are going to jobs every day that they don’t like and they do it to feed their families?” It was a rhetorical question. When I listen to people I try and let the words wash over. I have an internal tuner that is trying to get a fix on where there are and I always hope that I can find the right words to inspire them in some way. My friend had been sharing a story of a job interview her agency had sent her to. She’d known right from the start it wasn’t the right fit. Wrong fit is too subtle, though there was nothing wrong with the job itself, for the right person it would be great. For my friend, however, this would have been an unequivocal slow road to death. Not a physical death, but a smothering of the soul certainly. Yet, there was money to consider. We are so enslaved to money, a concept of our own making, in so many ways. Just in the last few weeks, my partner and I had been looking at restructuring our finances and had applied to our bank for a new home loan. Bearing in mind my partner is in the first year of a new business, the bank were cautious about lending and offered a deal which depended on reducing our other lines of credit. On the face of it, that makes sense, yet it didn’t feel right, I felt constrained. As I pondered this, I came to realise the issue is about autonomy, my autonomy. The lines of credit the bank was interested in constraining are both mine; hard earned lines of credit. When I was growing up, it was to the tune of “never a borrower or lender be”, yet once I’d experienced the benefits of ‘buy now pay later’ on low (or no) interest credit I decided credit was a good thing when leveraged the right way. I’ve never been one to save a lot just for a rainy day, nor have I ever built up lots of debt at high rates of interest or defaulted on a payment. But credit has always given me flexibility and security, and that gave me autonomy. When I moved to New Zealand in my mid-thirties, I had to start over rebuilding my credit lines, the ones I’d had in the UK were of little use in this foreign land. Having rebuilt, the credit has allowed us to juggle our finances these last few years while I stepped out of the corporate world and my partner made the move to self employment. It’s a delicate balance; I don’t want to go overboard on security based on ‘someday’. I know I’ll always be taken care of, that being based on confidence in myself and trust that life works out rather than a reliance on anyone in particular. But I also know things don’t necessarily line up instantly, so having some tangible security is a good thing. So I decided to walk away from the deal the bank were offering and explained why via an email. Then I went for a walk on the beach and felt elated, lighter, with an absolute knowing that I’d done the right thing. “No doubt” I thought, “I’ll second guess myself later, but I’ll remember this moment and I’ll know it was the right thing to do.” To my utter surprise, the next day the bank came back and offered the deal, allowing me to keep my lines of credit. It was like I’d hit a rock, decided to go around it, and then it just yielded. I wondered at the many times in the past where my self-righteous indignation would have kept me wrangling with the rock to no avail. Which is exactly what I was imagining as my friend was relaying the story of the conversations about this job mismatch with her agency, and the angst she was feeling; she was well and truly tussling with the rock in front of her. As I wondered what to say, I realised just how much our fears about money keep us enslaved. Yet autonomy is also deep rooted. At our heart we know our value, we are freedom seekers and don’t like being beholden or reliant on others. We get conditioned into cultures and societies that make us fearful and dependent, everything from the adverts on television to many common mythologies of childhood perpetuate that fear. My friend did not need answers, she’s smart, she just needed to hear what she was actually saying to herself. Purged of our stories, we hugged farewell, and I hoped my amazingly talented friend was done tussling with this particular rock. “If not today, someday soon” I thought. The next day she shared that she’d resigned from that agency, through which she has experienced so much dishonor and disappointment, this particular job just being the latest in a long line. I am delighted she’s chosen her autonomy and I can’t wait to see just what life yields to her in response. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating that people just up and quit their jobs, but each and every day we make a myriad of choices, choices that can keep you imprisoned in fear, or choices that can take you closer to the freedom you feel within. Autonomy is not achieved in one fell swoop, it starts with a decision to be more conscious about the choices you are making. Are they made from fear? How real is that fear? Is fears about ‘someday’? Suppose you made a different choice? One that made you feel empowered rather than enslaved. Take small steps towards your autonomy, and over time you will build confidence in your own ability to take charge of your life. Money is a commodity, it flows to and fro, its value based on confidence – and if you can have confidence in your own value, in time you will look back and wonder at why you ever let anything other than your best life unfold. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  Many years ago I heard someone say “whatever you give the majority of your attention to will be your greatest contribution”. It made me sit up and take notice at the time, I had been busy setting goals and creating vision boards, but this made me realise I was inadvertently creating an entirely different life than the one I wanted.
My greatest contribution wasn’t going to be that great at all based on the trajectory of where my attention was focused in those days. A life of corporate and personal frustration would have been a good prediction. While my journey since then has been well documented over many articles, it’s something that has come up for me again recently, and I expect it will continue to throughout life as I continue to grow and change. As I shared in Break Out of Your Comfort Zone I have been in a place of exploration these last few years, not having a specific vision or big goal for the future, only knowing how I want to feel in each moment. Yet… since I wrote those words I have wondered. Much of my attention has necessarily been on the children these last few years, figuring out where this skill of parenting fits with all I am learning about the meaning of life. But since I have been exploring for a while now, sifting through experiences that point to what I do and don’t want, I thought I’d run a little test and see where my focus actually is. That might sound silly, but we are never entirely aware of each and every thought. Given the average person has an estimated 60-70,000 thoughts every day, we would probably go insane trying to monitor them all, certainly it would render us pretty useless at any other activity while we were doing it. Of course, the fact we are never aware of all our thoughts doesn’t stop them creating our reality, which is why using our feelings as a barometer works well. Dreams too, forget the content, taking a high level pulse on whether your dreams feel good or bad gives you an accurate indication of whether your thoughts are serving you. Also, even when we do dig in and figure out some of our negative thought-patterns (also called self-limiting beliefs), it’s not like they suddenly disappear. I think of them as a car heading along a road at a good speed, a sudden stop is possible, but usually at great personal expense. Instead we have to slow the car down before we can go in another direction. In thought terms, we slow down self defeating thoughts by deliberately planting and cultivating new ones. The trick though is to only to focus on ones you actually believe. There’s no point in you setting yourself a goal to becoming the world’s greatest pianist if you simply can’t believe it’s possible. Instead find something that is headed in the right direction that you can believe. Perhaps in this example you’d start off thinking about how great you feel when playing the piano, and how Aunt Betty loves to hear you play – make it a goal to play for a group of her friends. A series of small steps that you can believe is better than a giant leap that feels unachievable. So my little test was to just sit and write in my journal for a while about what this time of exploration has taught me about what I want and don’t want. I’ll confess it was a lot easier to start with what I didn’t want, and then articulate what I did want. It doesn’t have to be earth shattering, but I find that until I get it down in writing – the most focused form of thinking – my head continues to spend too much time ruminating on what it doesn’t want. It was this vague awareness of some negative stuff rattling around that made me want to purge what was in there and gain clarity on what I do want so I can focus my attention more intentionally. Mine are things like not wanting the school machine to dictate our lives. I want a more relaxed flow, I want our children to have what they need to unfold more in their own style, while maintaining some space and autonomy for me. I don’t want a life of deadlines and objectives written by another to satisfy, I want to call the shots and work from my own inspiration, to my own timeline. While these may seem quite broad, they are specific enough for me to start focusing on. I don’t need to keep dwelling on and revisiting the examples and things I don’t want, they will just keep what I do want at bay. I also realise that for some, the things I want might seem impossible or selfish. That’s okay, they’re not your goals, you need to set ones that work for you. Different ways of focusing your attention work for different people. I’ve mentioned here that writing is the most focused form of thought, so it’s a good way to start. Visualization can evoke powerful emotion, so if you can regularly visualize achieving what you want it will create faster momentum and bring it into your life quicker. There are many tools out there to help you, just a quick Google search on “visualization techniques for achieving goals” brings up hundreds of examples and articles. The important thing is to just start by taking a bit of a litmus test on whether where your attention is currently focused and ask yourself whether it is helping you to lead your best life. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  When there is a list of things you could or should do, yet nothing floats your boat, and there are many things you’d rather do, but you just don’t seem motivated enough or circumstances just don’t seem to be lined up enough to make it happen, what do you do?
My partner told me recently he was in the doldrums. It only lasted about 2 days, but I could see he was there. It’s a tricky place to be, you’re not feeling inspired to take any action yet you don’t want to wallow in any thoughts about your circumstances not lining up in case they take seed and sprout more negatives. Tonight he talked about this vacillation of feelings he is having about having not enough work and then having too much work (he made the leap to self employment last year). I smiled, asking him which was more helpful, to worry about future work or to be grateful for the work he has and has planned, and in fact to be grateful that not once in his career has he ever been without work. He smiled, I watched as his energy shifted, then the phone rang, and it was an inquiry about another bathroom renovation, a referral from his last client. “Wow that was quick” I thought. He’s been shifting gears, his desire is to continue with the renovation work he loves, but to change the smaller jobs into between from tiling to glazing, and he’s a master with frameless glass. So, he stopped chasing small tiling jobs and was still. Now I don’t mean he stopped working, he’s in the middle of a meaty renovation right now, but he did decide to stop working 7 days a week and take the weekend off. He got himself in the doldrums because, instead of getting out into nature where he would have felt soothed and content, he sat and watched TV instead. Have you ever noticed how TV saps your energy and dulls your motivation? Being still is hard to do when your body is used to being on the go all the time. If you can get out in nature, you can keep moving and yet let your mind come to rest at the same time. I have a friend who recently told me that pounding the streets and walkways around her neighbourhood each day was literally a life saver. She really was quite depressed, having made the decision to switch over from her corporate career to something more fulfilling. Despite a range of work that she had picked up, and much investigation into things that were of interest, that ‘something’ hadn’t yet appeared and she was struggling to make ends meet. After she started walking, it helped her to come to a place of stillness within herself, peace you might call it, or perhaps surrender. Now she has a part time job doing something worthy that she finds fulfilling. Whether that is her long term ‘thing’ is yet to play out, but it’s better than where she has been lately. Another friend and I were talking about some issues in our lives, the angst she was feeling over her child’s sleepless nights, my angst over the comforts and escape my kids seek out in too many treats and TV programmes. As we were talking I realised, here we were giving more energy to the problems by focusing on them. Instead, I become conscious we needed to focus on our kids’ wellbeing. Actually, more accurately, I needed to focus on my own wellbeing. I continue to wonder at the wisdom that pours out when I write and the regularity with which I need to take my own advice. Put your own lifebelt on first, then you are in a position to help others. I can’t say I was aware of feeling bad as such, except about those issues with the kids, knowing that the long school days are at the heart of it and feeling powerless to change the system in this moment, but the fact I was dwelling on the issue at all is a big indicator I needed to look at my own wellbeing. My friend commented she’d never heard me angst about anything this much, which I thought must be quite refreshing (as I say, it’s one thing to write wise words but I am in need of my own advice often). Sure enough, the next day I had the beginnings of a cold, a sure fire sign from my body that it’s feeling overwhelmed. Enough of this I thought, I’m stuck in the weeds and can’t seem to lift myself away from the issues to get some proper perspective. So I booked in time to talk to my mentor, who I knew would amplify back to me the key points of importance within my ramblings. That act allowed me to be still, to let go of the issues I was mulling and just focus elsewhere for a while. When the time came to talk to my mentor, it was great to rediscover what I already knew, I needed to focus elsewhere, help the kids find their soothing in nature too. So when you feel so wrapped up in something that they way just isn’t clear, you have to do something else to break the momentum, to come to a place that is still. Just follow your inspiration, do more of the things you love. Being still is not about doing nothing, it’s a state of mind, a shift in gears, achieved only by creating momentum somewhere else. Take your easiest option, seize whatever opportunity is around you to just get out and breathe in some life, let your body unravel itself and you will find that being still is a place you like to be. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  Hanna woke up one morning and watched as a shaft of sunlight made its way into her room, she stretched and smiled, suddenly remembering that her tooth had fallen out the day before and the tooth fairy might have visited.
Excited, she reached under her pillow and found not only a gold coin, but an old book with a picture of fairies dancing among the stars on its cover. “Look what I found grandma!” she cried excitedly. Her grandma had come for a visit and Hanna had run to her room to show her the magical book the fairy had left. “Ah” said her grandma, “the growing-up fairy has been for a visit.” “The growing-up fairy?” asked Hanna, who had never heard of this little fairy, “but it was the tooth fairy who left me a gold coin” she exclaimed. Grandma smiled. “When I was a little girl, my grammie showed me a book just like this one, I’ve never forgotten it, nor the story”. Hanna quickly flicked through the pages, “but there’s no story grandma, just pictures”. “Pictures tell a thousand words” smiled her grandma kindly, “now let me have a cup of tea and I’ll see if I can remember the story.” The first picture in the book was of a rainbow of colours winding their way in and out among the stars. “Now” said grandma, “what do you see when you look at this picture?” Hanna looked closely. “Lots of stars and planets and these lovely wispy colours weaving their way through them.” “What do you think the colours are?” asked her grandma. “A rainbow in outer space?” guessed Hanna. It didn’t look exactly like a rainbow, but it was the closest thing Hanna could think of. “Well” said grandma, what if I told you it was the fairies of the universe?” “Huh?” said Hanna. “They don’t look like fairies”. “Well they certainly don’t look like the kind of fairies we imagine, that’s true” chuckled grandma. “We live on earth where we can see, hear, and touch things, so we tend to imagine fairies being the same way.” “And they aren’t?” asked Hanna. “No they are more like the air we breathe, we know it’s there, but we can’t usually see, hear, taste, touch or smell it”. “But I hear the wind whistling through the trees sometimes” reasoned Hanna. Grandma agreed that sometimes it was easier to know the wind was there when you could see and hear it swishing around other things. “So fairies are more like wind?” asked Hanna. “Yes” her grandma replied, “like the air that we breathe, fairies are everywhere, we just don’t see them. “And they even dance among the stars like this rainbow of lights here?” Grandma nodded. “Those colours could just be called gas, since we can see them, but they are like the fairies dancing among the stars - fairies of the universe are everywhere, they are the stars and the coloured gas and the planets and all the space in between.” Grandma could see Hanna was trying to figure out what she was saying. So she turned over the page in the book. There they found a pretty picture of a little fairy that looked a bit like Hanna with shortish blond hair. “So why do we draw pictures of fairies that look like this?” she asked grandma. “So that we can relate to them." “What does relate mean?” asked Hanna, getting confused. Grandma thought for a moment and said “Do you remember that time you met a little boy at the park and he was really friendly, you were getting along really well then all of a sudden he started being mean for no reason?” Hanna nodded. “Well, you couldn’t understand why he suddenly started being mean, it’s just a different way of saying you couldn’t relate to how he was behaving.” “So we imagine fairies like little people with wings to help us understand them better?” said Hanna. “Can they fly and do magic?” “Yes” said grandma, “they just don’t need a body, or wings or a wand to do it, they can magic up anything the second they think of it.” “But we can’t see it?” “That’s right. Before things are things, they are just thoughts, and thoughts are just energy – which, like air – you can’t see. Fairies don’t need to see things to believe them, especially since they can’t see themselves, they just feel them and know they are there.” “I wish we could do that” thought Hanna. Grandma could sense Hanna was beginning to understand. So she took a deep breath and said “You can, in a sense, because you are a fairy”. “Huh?” Grandma turned over the page and there was a beautiful fairy emerging from the water. “Imagine all that energy was water instead of air this time, and the fairy decided she’d like to be in a body, see how she is coming out of the water, some of the energy has changed into the fairy, some of it is still water.” “So you are saying that I was like the air, or the water, and one day decided to be a person?” “Yes” said grandma, and some of you got born into this world, but most of your energy is still dancing among the stars.” “So why don’t I remember any of this?” asked Hanna, more than a little confused. “Well when we are born into our world, it would be too much to try and remember everything we know and focus on just being here and getting used to being in a body for starters” replied grandma. “Why do we decide to come here if we can’t fly or do magic?” asked Hanna “Ah” said grandma, “that is a big question, it comes down to having fun.” “It does?” said Hanna, looking confused. To her, dancing among the stars seemed a lot more fun. “Well, yes. When you play games with your friends, you do that for fun. Well, when you aren’t in a body, being born into a new life is just a more complicated game that takes a bit longer, but when you have lived as long as the fairies of the universe, our life seems quite short. The fact that you can’t remember life before this makes it all the more enjoyable to rediscover.” “What happens after this life, when we die?” asked Hanna “We do what everything does, we become something else, maybe we decide to just dance among the stars for a while, maybe we decide to play another game, be born into another life, maybe a butterfly this time” grandma smiled. Hanna was thinking about everything her grandma had told her, when her grandma turned the next page to look at some girls together who all looked like they were feeling bad in some way. “Why is this in here?” Hanna asked her grandma, it doesn’t look like they are having fun.” “You’re right” said grandma, “this is one of the reasons we like to play the game of life here. When you are a fairy of the universe, you always feel good, you can’t help it, it’s the only way to feel.” “So we came here to feel bad?” asked Hanna. “That doesn’t make sense, you said we came to have fun.” “Can you remember, Hanna, when you were learning how to ride your bike? You got frustrated and disappointed when you kept wobbling and falling over, you even got really angry at one point and wanted to give up. But how did it feel when you finally kept going and realised you were actually riding?” asked her grandma. “It felt amazing” admitted Hanna. “That’s it” said grandma. “If you had just got on your bike and rode off first time, it wouldn’t have been as great as it did when you finally figured out how to do it. You learned something about balance and momentum, you learned how to persevere and you learned the joy in overcoming a challenge.” Hanna didn’t understand all the words grandma had used, but she got what she was meaning. “So by feeling bad sometimes we learn to appreciate our good feelings more?” asked Hanna. “Yes, and we discover new things about the world and our self” added grandma. “There’s something else too, and this is important, bad feelings tell us that the fairies of the universe don’t agree with what we are thinking at that moment. When we feel angry, we often blame other people or situations; when we feel frustrated, that often goes hand in hand with feeling a bit hopeless, that we just can’t do it, whatever it is; and when we feel sad we think life isn’t fair. The bad feelings tell us that the fairies of the universe don’t agree, they believe in us and believe everything will be okay, we just have to be kind to our self and others and try again or try something else, just like a fairy would, and we will start to feel better.” “I get it” said Hanna, “when I feel bad, I can just ask myself what the fairies of the universe would think or do and I’ll start to feel good again?” “That is right honey.” “What’s this next picture grandma?” Her grandma looked at a captivating picture of two little fairies sitting in the forest looking into what looked like a small treasure box that glowed with light. “I think this is the fairies way of telling us that the real treasure in life is found in nature” she replied. “When you see pictures of fairies, where do they usually seem to live and spend their time?” “Outside” said Hanna “in the garden mostly.” “That’s right” said grandma “our life in this world can be very busy, and full of things that don’t always make us feel good. Often people who feel that way seek out treats for comfort, and switch on the TV so they can switch off their feelings. When we do that, it makes it harder for the fairies of the universe to help us. They are telling us that nature can provide comfort and help us find our better feelings, being in nature makes it easier for the fairies of the universe to help us.” “Oh” said Hanna as she thought about the fun she had playing outside, it did usually make her feel better. “Does everyone believe in the fairies of the universe grandma?” she asked, wondering why she had never heard about them before. “Each person gets to choose what they want to believe. Some people believe in fairies of the universe, some call them angels, or guides, or higher self, others just talk about spirit or God, or the universe. Since they are like air, and you can’t see them, you can only decide what you believe in your own heart” grandma replied. “Some people don’t believe in anything more than what they can see, hear, taste, touch and smell, and that is okay too” she went on. “What do you believe?” asked Hanna. “I believe I’m a fairy of the universe who is playing a little game as a person here on earth. I’m really enjoying the game, as I get to have you for a granddaughter” she smiled and hugged Hanna. “But what I believe isn’t really important, it’s what you believe that is important. My hope for you is that you believe something that makes you feel good, and helps you to enjoy life and get the most out of it.” Hanna thought that made a lot of sense. Though it made her wonder about people who seemed to feel bad a lot of the time, and were grumpy and mean, like one of her old friends Eliza, or the teacher she had had for a little while, Mr Smith. Then there was the old lady next door who seemed sad all the time and the man they had met at the doctors who had been sick a lot. She wondered what they believed. “It’s a shame the fairies can’t help the people who feel bad” Hanna said, thinking aloud. Grandma smiled “Whether people believe in them or not, fairies always try to help us. Things happen all the time that people called coincidences, that aren’t really.” “What’s a coincidence?” Hanna asked. “Well” grandma said as she thought how to explain what it meant “a coincidence is when something helpful happens that you weren’t expecting.” Suddenly Hanna had a thought “at school I hear a lot about God and Heaven” she said, “If the fairies of the universe are sometimes called God, is that the same thing school is talking about?” Hanna could tell her grandma was thinking hard before she answered. “Sometimes” she answered. “A lot of what you hear about in school is part of Christianity, a religion that celebrates the life of someone who lived long ago that they call Jesus Christ. Some Christians worship Jesus Christ, thinking that only he knows all the answers, some see him as the son of God – a God who passes judgment on people and their lives and hands out rewards or punishments – I think Jesus would be very sad about that.” “Who do you think Jesus was grandma? Do you think he was real?” asked Hanna. “I think Jesus was real, and I think he was a son of God only in the same way you are a daughter of God – each of us are an expression of God, or fairies of the universe, and Jesus knew it. He knew that we all deserve kindness, and he could feel his connection to each and every person, and the fairies of the universe, strongly; he always saw the best in others and believed in miracles.” “How come he died then?” Hanna wondered. “Well we all die, the game ends at some point and we return to dance in the stars, having grown all the more for the experience. There are many religions Hanna, most of them centre around a person who lived their lives in a way that showed they understand how the universe works and the secrets of our life here. Many people worship the teacher and create all sorts of ceremonies and rules around that, rather than just taking from the teachings what they feel to be true in their own hearts, and living the very best life here that they can.” Hanna wasn’t sure she understood all that, nor was ready to, she just let it wash over her for now and turned the page. “What’s this last picture?” Hanna asked. Grandma smiled as she looked at a picture of a child asleep in bed dreaming about fairies. “That is a special secret” she said “each night when you close your eyes and go to sleep you stop focusing on the game here in our world. So where do you think you go?” “To dance among the stars with the fairies of the universe?” guessed Hanna. “Yes, like the picture of the fairy who emerged from the water, except you are sinking back into the water without your body and becoming your true self for a while. You dance among the stars having all sorts of adventures. Talking of which,” said grandma, “isn’t it time for us to get dressed and go on today’s adventure?” Hanna looked up from the book, as the sun shone warmly on her back she remembered that today they were going to take a walk to a beautiful waterfall in a nearby forest. “Perfect” she thought, “perhaps we shall see the fairies of the universe dancing in the sunshine between the leaves and water spray.” Although she hadn’t said it our loud, she knew her grandma was thinking the same thing. So they hugged and went to get ready for their next big adventure. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive my weekly blog, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  I awoke from my dream with that very distinct message. It had been nothing spectacular; I had been scheduled to sing and had to choose what to wear on stage. In typical teenage style I had tried on a few outfits at the last moment, dreams can be amazingly visceral as I felt the tight curves of the corset and the firm grip of the fishnets.
Yet, no longer a teenager, and hampering no desires to become a budding Madonna, instead I had the dreamy thought that life has become comfortable and perhaps it’s time for a different tact. Recently I had read a book to the kids about a young 8-year old who feels very safe and comfortable in her world, and her mum and dad take a year off from their regular life and they all go driving around Aussie in a large campervan. As I was reading the book, I could see how my kids – who are a bit younger - will also benefit from the new experiences our own travel plans will bring this year. It’s as if we have all been in an incubator for a while and, although there is still the need for a cosy family cocoon, it’s becoming more mobile. I used to think I wanted to be a full time parent, then I had kids and felt the relief of handing them off at a young age so I could return to being (a corporate version of) me for a while each day. But that took its toll and, as the kids emerged more into themselves and the world around them, it became evident that mum and home were deeply desired aspects of life. Trying to do more was too exhausting for all of us. So we convalesced a while, breathing deeply into the relaxed world we were creating, pulling back from the conventional and occasionally testing the limits of it with the more social and mandatory aspects that kindergarten and school machines bring. Life is not perfect, it would require more flexibility of the machine to get nearer to that, but we have found our happy medium, a more contented place than the one we were in a few years back living crazy frenetic lives. There is more to be had from the machine, more playdates, more activities, but that is not it, we do not want to join that momentum, it’s exhausting. There is more to life, yet when ‘more’ feels wearing that is your sign it is not the more you are seeking. Travel beckons to begin; it is more, and it gives more, not draining but filling our cup which seems somehow empty right now. This is a good sign, when space is created the ‘more’ that you have been in search of can come, so we shall see where that takes us. Another thought popped up in my dream, in that semiconscious haze between sleep and awake, as I smiled in realization and relief that it was not a secretly harboured desire to become an aging popstar that it was conveying, but the memory of another dream. In the other dream, too confusing to convey, I had a moment of clarity as I thought about this body that I am in. In my forties it’s not quite the same as the body I had in my teens that could carry off corsets and fishnets in the various guises of 80’s and 90’s fashion, but I’m fairly certain that as the years progress I will remember this body as it is now and wonder at why I did not celebrate it more. In those teenage years, there were many hours spent experimenting with hairstyles and make up, clothing and accessories, fascination with the different looks that could be created in line with the differing moods that prevailed. In the years of the corporate chase, make up and such clothing became part of the uniform, yet still it was a reflection of the mood of the day. I’m not the type to want to apply makeup or get dressed up to simply be at home, nor do I care much for socializing, I like comfortable. Yet, here is my dream, prodding me with memories of the fun in experimenting with new looks, heralding whatever transformation in our lives is in the process of unfolding. While it’s fascinating to open up to the messages we give ourselves night after night, they are like riddles if you are not used to reading your own signals. There is no book that can give you your personal interpretation, though some can help inspire the answers you are looking for. This comfort zone I am breaking out of is well known to me. Yet I cannot point and show you where this journey is leading and neither am I bound to any image of what that might be. I simply trust that life is unfolding in exactly the way I want it to, with all the myriad of things I have wished for (in the rejection of things not wanted) coming to fruition. It doesn’t matter whether you know specifically what you want, or whether – like me – you can only describe aspects of it and how you want to feel when you have it. Either way, you need to create space in your life for new experiences. Breaking out of your comfort zone is a natural part of life’s cycles of growth. The trick is to push yourself in areas that inspire rather than drain you. Take your inspiration wherever you can find it, in your dreams, in a magazine, or in a fleeting conversation while waiting in line for a coffee, or a deep and meaningful catch up with a friend; that is what will lead you to your best life. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You. |
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