How to Surrender to the More Loving Inner Self

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Someone asked me this week what it really means to surrender to one’s inner self and how to do it - and since the divinity within them is the same within me - how to know what their divinity is. Interesting and deep questions.

I did respond that those answers are inside them, but I can share my own experience and interpretation.

For me it’s been about learning to recognise the learned unhealthy reactions and insecurities I have versus my true inner voice. My thoughts of that learned inner voice, sometimes called the inner critic, can feel frenetic, rigid, obsessive, sharp etc. Whereas my true inner voice, my eternal self, my divinity if you will, is calm, peaceful and loving.

As I was sharing that I thought about the voice in my head that keeps telling me I should be building my business more, straight away it made me smile as I thought about how obviously it’s my inner critic. Perhaps I have some work to do to get that part of me on board with taking my time, going at my own pace and acting on inspiration, which is what the quieter, calmer, more loving voice is guiding me towards.

When I identify voices like this, I ask “where in my childhood do I recognise that voice from?” and thus begins the process of self awareness, usually some reframing and – depending on how persistent the voice is – a need for more inner somatic work that helps rewire my nervous system’s response to a need for safety.

The question about our divinity started with a supposition that the divinity within them is the same within me. My personal belief is that this is not the case. For sure I believe we are all part of one thing, interconnected. However, I belief that each person, each animal, each tangible and intangible thing here on Earth and in our universe, is its own unique expression of that thing.

That is why I would point people back to themselves for answers. Sure take inspiration from others, absorb what resonates within you (in the sense of it resonates with your calm and loving inner voice rather than the inner critic). But be discerning because each of us – from our innate gifts and talents, to our experiences – are all different and unique.

Sometimes we are so wrapped up in that inner critic, so identified with it, we just can’t see the wood from the trees. I have a dear friend like this who is kind and gentle; giving by nature, but constantly gives away so much of themselves that they perhaps then gets taken advantage of and it makes them ill. They believe it must be no more than they deserve, that maybe they are just not meant to be happy.

I can identify with this from my own experiences of the past, but it’s just not true, our life experience is determined by the ways in which we choose to view it. I know that first hand. Time and again we hear from those who, in the extremes of life, chose to be survivors rather than victims as they share with us their personal experiences and thoughts.

I’ve been going back through some of my own personal development journals and files of late, synthesizing what I’ve learned so I can crystallise what’s relevant into a teachable format, particularly around boundaries and communication.

I came across an exercise from three years ago where I had to list how I know my boundaries are being overstepped in a relationship, and then I had to prioritize them. At the time I was able to look at the relationship I was in and articulate the ways in which I felt my boundaries were being overstepped, for example, when my personal beliefs and priorities were under attack.

It was refreshing to read through the list knowing that none of these things are now true in my life, and neither would I now subscribe to any relationship that so compromised my own boundaries. I’m now clear on where my boundaries are, and equipped to be able to hold them in equal regard to others. I know when it’s worthwhile working through differences, and I know when it’s time to walk away.

I understand how I became susceptible to such an enormous suppression and compromise of my true self because I learned to hear and to differentiate the voices in my head. How did I learn this? I learned to tune in. Firstly through meditation, just observing my thoughts and letting them go. The more I observed and let go, the more I was able to observe in an increasingly detached way at will.

Then as Eckhart Tolle says “Who then was this me observing?”, I made space for my eternal self to become more known, to hear the whispers of my soul and get glimpses of that divine spark within that knows why I chose to come here and what I wanted from this life.

It’s not been an easy journey and in many ways I’d say that listening to my inner voice is not yet second nature, I’m still at the ‘consciously reframing and reacting differently’ stage in many aspects of my life. But for the first time in a long time – in ever perhaps – I feel like I can fully breathe in life and what it has to offer in ways that are unique to me.

Where the inner critic screams “more more, faster faster, do do”, my calmer, loving, more peaceful voice says “There is no hurry; all is well, everything is as it should be”.

Truly, far from the teachings of my youth, I have learned the true meaning of the word faith for myself. I have every faith that what’s for me won’t go by me, and if I miss it the first time because I’m so trapped in my inner critic’s voice, it will come back around again, and again, and again.

Surrender is no more than a choice, the choice in any given moment about which voice we are choosing to pay heed to.

So where does this resonate with your inner voice? Is it the loving voice or the inner critic? And in what ways can you start to lift your life’s experience by surrendering to that more loving, calm and peaceful part of you?

If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy What to Do if You Feel Trapped By Your Circumstances, Surrender to Your Inner Self, Meditation – the Cornerstone to Your Success, What Possibilities Can You Get Excited About Right Now in Your Life? and Are You Ready for More Healthy Relationships?