Give Yourself the Gift of Presence to Relieve the Torture of Stress

Image by mohamed Hassan from Pixabay

An old feeling crept upon me this week; in short I’d call it stress, which Eckhart Tolle defines as being here while wanting to be there.

There are so many aspects of my life right now that contribute to the feeling, ranging from the birthday party I organised for my daughter to the growing restrictions on my freedom in this society and many things in between, including navigating a separation.

I fall into bed exhausted at night and then awake in the small hours with a tight balled-up feeling in my tummy, and proceed to ruminate for hours on all manner of things, from the steps I’ll need to take to create a cake that is shaped like the Mad Hatter’s hat to fears about the future; then back again to organising play dates and activities for the school holidays.

This is a pattern that last stood out in the year in which my mum was diagnosed with cancer and slowly slipped beyond our grasp, it’s the same pattern I recognise from the days of working in a corporate career with a toddler and baby at home, and the many other high intensity moments in my life.

I have resilience, when the going gets tough I step up to the plate and I work through it.
But this time, I don’t want to just plough on ticking all the right boxes except one. The one I’ve always missed in the past is being present with me.

In fact I’ve been so busy, so distracted I asked one of my good friends, “What’s my lesson this week?” as I can’t see the wood from the trees and was wondering what to write about. She suggested “The importance of making cake (metaphor for memories)” and “Being comfortable with the uncomfortable” both great topics for me right now.

Then the dots started joining, I remembered reading an email from Teal Swan about distraction, lack of fulfilment and going to safe and loving place to discover and look at my resistance. She said something that really struck me:

“Even though distraction is less painful in the moment, it further enhances the feeling of inertia within you. It feeds a lack of fulfilment.”

Immediately I recalled the times in my career where I’d be so busy working and multitasking, especially in the evening putting the kids to bed and sitting on the couch in front of the TV while my then partner watched and I responded to emails and follow up actions I had from meetings.

He would switch off the TV and say “Time for bed?” then head upstairs, I would linger in that moment of silence that followed and briefly acknowledge the tugging sensation in my gut. I now know that sensation was my inner frustration at the inertia and lack of fulfilment.

I was busy, extremely productive, but producing little of value to the soul within that travels in this body and wanted me to step back from all of that and hear myself.

What Teal went on to say about lack of fulfilment was very similar to Eckhart’s definition of stress, she said “This means there is a link in your mind between wanting and opposition to the wanting, being prevented from getting what you want.”

And then came the reminder that the way to break that cycle of simultaneous wanting and resistance, and the horrid feelings and patterns of stress that accompany it, is to make the space to be with myself in a meditative state where I can take a better look at that resistance.

If I have enough space around me I am able to go within and lead myself on inner journeys, but right now that is proving difficult. So I decided to listen to one of Teal’s guided meditations and spent some time looking at that tight knot on my tummy, realizing it stems from a much earlier pain that signified my feelings of a lack of self worth, so I spent some time releasing it in my imagination and creating something different that filled my heart.

This led to a much better night’s sleep and, when I awoke the next morning, my daughter and I claimed triumph as we stacked the layers of her Alice in Wonderland cake together. Making cake wouldn’t generally be on my list of things I love to do, but helping my daughter make her dreams come true, absolutely.

Seeing the beautiful things we envisioned and created together come to fruition, and the joy she had in sharing that with her friends as they celebrated the day she arrived here in this life was fulfilling. My friend is right, it is important to make these memories.

These are the kinds of memories that will live in my heart forever, whereas much of the other noise that has been living in my head will be forgotten – unless I let it store its heavy baggage in my being by not taking the time to see, feel and release it.

In fact, experience tells me that forgotten baggage does not like to stay forgotten, it seems to magnetize itself to new experiences that then create a whole other story of pain and more baggage. I figure I may as well be proactive and retrieve it and take a good look at it in the full light of day. I intend to look after my wellbeing now, I don’t need weighed down with any more baggage.

I have a friend who always says she doesn’t want to go near her baggage, or as she says “the skeletons” in her cupboard. Ironically I’ve found my skeletons only have power over me when I refuse to acknowledge how their presence is showing up in my life today. When I do acknowledge those skeletons the ugly takes on a more benign, if not beautiful, form.

What is your stress – beyond the obvious - pointing to right now? Are you willing to give yourself the gift of presence to uncover what wants to be released?

​If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy How Living Your Passions Fully Combats Feeling Lonely, The Soul’s Yearning – How to Recognise Your Inner Work, How Is Your Ability to Connect With Abundance Right Now? and Reclaim the Sweet Spot of Being in Your Element. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.