 It’s true, no matter what you have done or not done, no matter how right you think those other people are, or whether you believe you are experiencing karma for some past deed, you deserve kindness.
The reason any negative emotion (be it is anger, meanness, worry, rage, hatred, or any other any shade of grey) feels so bad to us, is because we inherently sense we are off track somehow. It would be helpful if we simply read it as “my inner being does not agree with the thoughts that accompany these feelings”. The other day my mentor and I were having a discussion about the separation of the heart and the mind. Despite being born knowing the love that we are, knowing our best path, we are taught to tune out of the soul’s knowing and tune into what others think is best. The mind takes on all that others think is best for us to ‘fit in’ and ‘be safe’. In short, fear causes the separation. We don’t come wanting to ‘fit in’ though, or contemplate anything other than our wellbeing, we come to enjoy and have fun and, in the process, evolve this place we have come to; not to create more of the same. Listening to the heart is an important step in finding your way back to all that you once knew. So “you deserve kindness” is fast becoming a bit of a mantra I use with my daughters. Lately my eldest daughter has had a tendency to attract people or circumstances that are not kind to her, and in turn to be mean to others – usually her sister and especially when she is tired. My sense is that it stems from an early impression that the world is mean. From the age of 8 months she was dropped off to be looked after during our long work hours by a lovely lady that both my girls now affectionately call Nana. But from the age of 3, my eldest daughter made it very clear she wanted to be in her own home, she didn’t want to be shipped off to someone else’s, no matter how lovely it was. Unfortunately with my full time corporate role that just wasn’t an option, and her anger and meltdowns were frequent. She is a gentle, yet determined soul. Her features and her nature quite refined. She feels things deeply and needs lots of time and space to process all that she is learning about herself and the world. Without it, the tension builds and then, like a spark to a powder keg, boom, something (that seems) silly on the face of it can set her off spiraling into the stratosphere. Now that she has started school, she is constantly tired and overwhelmed, and all those old feelings and behaviours have resurfaced. All she really wants is to go with her own flow. There are days when she knows she is not ready to rush out and meet the world, she needs time at home to process all she has learned and all she is feeling. The school, like a workplace, has hours it operates and attendance requirements, meaning I often have to cajole, sooth, motivate and generally push the girls upstream in the most upbeat way I can manage in order simply achieve the miracle of getting them there somewhere in the vicinity of starting time most days, it’s exhausting for all of us. Often I snap and start growling at them, which elicits an equal and opposing reaction to the goal in hand. Children today are much less willing to compromise, and that is a good thing, this is how the world will change and evolve. However, right here in the moment, much of society’s schools and organisations still operate in old ways. Having achieved the monumental feat of actually getting them there, both girls tend to get enjoyment out of their day. But when I pick them up the goal is to get back to the car, get those seatbelts clicked and get underway before the meltdowns begin. I notice how often we rush to rebuke or defend in response to their outbursts, when underneath there is a little person hurting. That is true for everyone, young or old, because it’s in these early years our subconscious tapes are formed. When I think back to some of the mean outbursts I have been at the giving and receiving end of, the same is true, there is a person hurting underneath. The root of that hurt usually has little to do with what has actually occurred, it’s often an impression formed in these early years that attracts experiences that reinforce the thoughts and feelings, until they become beliefs. It’s not necessary to know the specifics of the root of any self limiting beliefs you have in order to change your experience, only awareness of those beliefs and faith that you can create new ones are necessary. Reach out for example after example of others who have changed their lives in the way you would like to, in order to inspire and help build your confidence, it easier today than it’s ever been. It will come as no surprise that I have no wish for my daughters, nor anyone else, to attract mean people or circumstances. There is a choice to reinforce the message that the world is mean, or I can choose to show myself and my kids that we deserve kindness. That might mean turning my attention to the wounded party to show kindness rather than focusing on the perpetrator, then later showing the perpetrator some kindness too. It might mean being kind to myself; buying some flowers or going for a walk on the beach. If you are looking, you will find evidence to support whatever you would like to believe in this life. It’s a choice, whatever you give your attention to will be your experience of and greatest contribution to the world you are living in. For my part, I choose to believe we all deserve kindness. With kindness, hurt fades. As hurt fades, better feelings emerge, and the better feelings that emerge, a better contribution you are making to this earth. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.
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 As I was meditating this morning, I was listening alternately to the sound of the cicadas’ insistent and persistent chirping and then to the strong winds that are whipping up and wrapping themselves all about the house in a way that drowns out every other kind of noise.
It had been my intention to meditate and then write a piece about inspiring others, after catching up with a wonderfully enigmatic lady at a 70th birthday party at the weekend, known lovingly to her readers as backpacking granny. We had been talking about raising children and she was feeling very blessed that her (now grown) kids had all recently told her how supported they had felt by her as they were growing up. Her view was that the only thing she did was “blow sunshine up their arse”, a turn of phrase that both tickled and resonated with me. Perhaps another time I can espouse on the virtues of this. Instead though, as I was meditating, I suddenly thought about a story I had been reading to my children. A fairy had given the main characters – two girls called Kirsty and Rachel - the ability to communicate with animals. We are not talking about a very sophisticated storyline, my children are only 6 and 4 after all, but there was a sadness that struck me as I read about a mummy panda who had lost her cub and was very surprised to have these young girls understand her and talk to her. At that moment I wondered at the many times in each day we must miss nature’s constant communication. Since I began doing regular meditation (only 15 minutes each day), I have started to drink in much more of what surrounds me more often. My imagination sparked as I started to wonder at the way other animals must experience humans. At first I had a vivid picture in my mind of taking the subway when I worked in London, with parties of foreigners travelling together immersed in their own language, coexisting but not communicating directly with others around. Yet the connection is still there, if anything we are more forced to notice a broader picture of communication. That led to a thought about how limiting our language is. While I love the deliciousness of finding just the right words to describe something, I am also aware that there is so much more beyond the words we have. Then I drifted back to the cicadas and the wind. I have leaned to just run with these ideas that just pop into my head, seemingly out of nowhere, they come with a little tingle as I start to explore them. From the hubbub of a hectic weekend filled with lots of socializing, I was thoroughly appreciating the sound of the wind hugging around the house and temporarily drowning out the cicadas’ relentless chirps, denoting our summer season. Then my mind took a tangent, though still related. I had the good fortune to meet another incredibly fascinating woman a while back who gave me an insight into art history. She showed me a picture painted by Raphael many centuries ago and talked me through the symbolism she saw, such as a downward pointing sword alluding to the conquering of lower forces (such as jealousy). There is something in us that sings when we hear truth, and I had never regarded painting as a form of communication for that inner knowing before. Yet it is an avenue of creative expression, which emanates from an inner space, so it makes sense to me that what is being expressed is that individual’s very understanding of life itself. As a human race we have been gifted with many forms of creative expression, and yet we often fail to ponder upon what those ‘man made’ expressions are telling us, far less all the sign posts from the magnificent world around us. Spending time on the beach is – as many of you know – a favoured occupation of mine. One of the things I love about it, is the time to just sit and watch the dogs that have come there for a walk, or the flocks of birds that call the coastline their home. Sometimes I just like to look at the islands in the distance, or the clouds in the sky, at other times I like to walk along the shore and see what wondrous delights the sea has shared upon its shore. In those moments of awareness of the world beyond our default subconscious thinking, which seems as persistent as the cicadas chirps, I wonder what is being communicated to me. Sometimes an answer will just pop into my head, and it just feels right. Like right now as I tap away, the wind continuing to whip around my deck area outside the window, the thought occurs, it’s the winds of change – they are sweeping the decks, making way for the new. That makes me chuckle as it’s both figurative and literal since we are in the midst of having our deck stained. Much in my life is changing right now, I can feel it rather than see it. I am aware of the conversations I am drawn to, and the things that are showing up in my life, they are all following a theme at the moment that surrounds my children and education. Whatever change is afoot will reveal itself in time. I used to often feel frustrated at the pace of change, yet I have come to know that everything has its own right time. In this universe where everything is interconnected, there are huge shifts that occur to just make – what seems – the tiniest difference in our lives. There was a young girl who contacted me a while back and, as we pondered a deeper meaning of life, she mused at how she’d been drawn to mathematics, despite her first love of music. She knew exactly why, for its patterns. And as she talked about it, there was a picture in my head of binary code running through the ether, and I marveled at the precision of all that shows up in life to bend to our every desire. There are many people that can teach you nature’s symbols, especially among those with a heritage that honor native traditions, but ultimately it comes down to whatever resonates for you. Really if you just take the time to observe and wonder, your own answer will come. Regardless of the messages, taking the time to just sit and observe, to connect and wonder at the world around you will help you to simply breathe at a more relaxed pace again. To feel like there is a space that has opened up within you, which will no doubt lead to some insights about your best life, is really one of the best things nature has to offer. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  Life is always evolving, most often in small unseen ways that are so subtle, yet over time create a big impact. It evolves when you make different choices to the ‘norm’. Consider your daily routines, how much of them exist because of well-meaning expectations as you were being brought up, rather than conscious decisions you have made listening to your inner knowing?
As I bring up my own children, although I have concluded many times in these articles that my role is to get out of their way and provide only love and inspiration, I notice how often I intervene. The compulsion to do this, I’ve decided, is driven by either others’ expectations of me as ‘the parent’ or my own desire to simply rest and have peace. As the school year starts here in the southern hemisphere, my eldest daughter has continued in her resistance to attending each day. She actually quite enjoys much of what she is being taught, and she so loves seeing all her friends, but she has a strong desire to go with her own flow and not dance to the beat of the ‘machine’. Both my partner and I sympathize with this desire as we have slowly found our own way back to tuning in to what we each want out of life. It feels like a moral dilemma of sorts as I advocate for people to live life from the inside out yet am forcing my child to ignore her inner world in order to conform. In this country there is a legal obligation for children to attend school between 6 – 16 years old, or for the parent to have successfully obtained an exemption by home schooling. I’m not sure I can picture myself home-schooling and, even if I felt the impulse to do that, I am not sure that is what she actually wants. Instead I am getting better at stepping away from the issue and listening in to whatever answers present themselves, like picking her up earlier and allowing her some regular home days that work for both of us. When I attended school as a young child, that was unheard of. Certainly it would have been rare to ever hear a teacher suggest a child having rest days to a parent, as ours does. Our children are changing and our world has evolved. Yet there is still so much well meaning advice plied in our direction, pressure to have our kids behave and conform. The default is still to micromanage every detail of their lives, with most parents lost in a sea of their own layers of doubts and self defeating thought patterns. Imagine as an adult if, in the next 10 years of your life, you have no choice about what you do day to day as our children do when it comes to school. Some of you may indeed feel like that, but you do have a choice. I want my kids to feel their own power, I want to cheer them on from the sidelines as they create a more evolved world. Regardless of where your life is at, you can – at the very least – start to become aware of your thoughts and feelings. You can start to become more aware of that inner voice that will unfailingly want to lead you towards your best life. It’s not the voice of doubt and doom I’m talking about, those are your unhelpful thought patterns, the ones that began all those years ago as you were taught to ‘behave’ and second guess your every desire. It’s the thoughts that pop into your head that seem to come from nowhere that are worth listening to. As I was going about my day earlier in the week, a reader that I exchange emails with now and again came into to my head a couple of times. So I decided to email him and just check in, as I did I got a sense he was going through some deep changes and the teacher in him is emerging even more, so I shared this with him. Not too long ago it would have felt both ridiculous and audacious to have said such a thing, the voice in my head would have told me I had just conjured it up. Yet this resonated with him and he was grateful I had got in touch, he felt supported even. A simple thing I know, but that one impulse has allowed more clarity for him in terms of his own direction, and more confidence. In turn it has given me more confidence to trust my own senses. As new generations are born they are less willing to be swayed from their inner knowing. For those of us trying to find our way back to it, it can feel lonely to take the path less travelled. Yet as you discover your inner world you will uncover the freedom you have yearned for And a world where we are listening to our inner voice, is a world more evolved than this one. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You  Rather a strange topic I know, yet I seem to have been drawn to the issue a few times lately. Saying that a psychopath is born that way seems to me the epitome of an excuse we use to keep ourselves in a place of fear and powerlessness.
It simply doesn’t resonate with anything I’ve learned about the nature of life. We are all born from a place of love, a place of connectedness, with intentions and desires for this life. We remain connected through our ability to feel. Happy people are tuned in to their feelings, and those of others. The more cut off we are from our awareness of how we feel, the more cut off we are from that love that naturally flows through us. Our feelings are interconnected with the thoughts we have about our self and the world. As the work of the Dunedin Study and the likes of Dr Bruce Lipton now shows, the earliest years of your life strongly correlate to your success in future life; on the basis that those early years are where the subconscious mind starts to form all its messages. Given most people think 60-70,000 thoughts a day, with 90% of those being a subconscious repeat of yesterday’s thoughts, it is no wonder that there is a strong correlation between early childhood and later success. However, that is not an excuse for anyone to live anything less than a happy, joyful, life. In fact this new awareness gives rise to an opportunity for change. At any point we can choose to become more consciously aware of our thoughts and whether they are actually still relevant and serving us, rather than playing out all the same old patterns. So it would make sense that those who we label as monsters have no doubt suffered some kind of a trauma in their early years. This will have created a thought pattern that once served their very survival, but now no longer serves them, and has simultaneously shut them off from their feelings. It also makes sense to me that this could create different wiring in the brain. The brain wiring is not the reason for the behaviour, it’s a result of the early thoughts, feelings and behaviours i.e. the result of the individual’s response to the trauma they suffered. Each individual is different, so their response will be different. Hence some people face trauma and at one extreme become a fervent advocate of positive change and at the other extreme become a danger to society. For most of us ‘normal’ people, we are constantly subconsciously manifesting some sort of illness in response to our self defeating thought patterns. I happened to glimpse part of a documentary my partner was watching, hosted by Morgan Freeman. I know from an interview that I saw previously with Morgan Freeman that he is someone who feels his connectedness, he senses he is part of a bigger whole and marvels at the role of what he calls Providence in his life. This time he was hosting a documentary about psychopaths, which was the topic of an argument I had with my partner a while ago. At the time I was intrigued as to why I was even arguing about such a thing, more and more in life I have learned to let go of the need to have others agree with me. He was trying to tell me that there are psychopaths that are just born that way and had normal loving childhoods, no trauma. Yet every fibre of my being tells me this cannot be so. I watched as Mr Freeman interviewed a convicted psychopath in prison, explaining he does not feel emotions the way others do, and I listened as the psychiatrist explained the “one in a million” brain wiring deficiency (let’s call it that) as if that meant he was rendered helpless. As I heard Morgan reflect “still, does he not have a choice?” my very being shouted “Yes! Yes he does”; we all do. I’m not saying people can change their behaviour in this very second. But we can start with becoming conscious of our behaviour, and the thoughts and feelings that drive it. I’m absolutely sure that the journey to a psychopath believing they are capable of receiving and giving love would not be an easy or quick process, but I absolutely believe it’s possible. Then it clicked for me why the subject rattles me, it rattles me because if you believe people are simply “born like that” you have no control. Yet I know the contrary is true. in your life you have ultimate control. Nothing will happen that is not of your own making, you just need to become conscious of your own thoughts and feelings and learn how to interpret and direct them towards your wellbeing. I’ve come to understand that nothing – NOTHING – happens in this life by chance. Sure, it seems as though it does, as the things we call chance, coincidence, serendipities etc all seem too fantastically complicated in their resulting manifestation to have been consciously construed. But the truth is that the power of creation is yours. Neither is anything predetermined, in every thought, breath, feeling, you are making a choice, creating. Creating what? The things that show up in your life. The power within you is undeniable. Change lies entirely in your own hands. I have no doubt that, as a society, change begins within. If we want to help those who have suffered in the extremes of life, first we must become consciously aware of our own self defeating thought patterns and take back the control we have within. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You. |
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