 Sitting at my daughters’ swimming lessons, watching them and reminiscing with my mum about the days when I was a competitive swimmer, we reflected on how only one of the pack from that era had made it all the way to the Olympic Games, an aspiration I had held at the time.
As I thought back I realised for the first time that competing never really inspired me, instead the phrase ‘in pursuit of excellence’ came to mind. My mind jumped to a highly acclaimed Tom Peters book I had half-read many years ago, In Search of Excellence, which I remember being a rather dry business book. However, the phrase itself elicited that familiar tinge of inspiration that meant my fingers wanted to explore the thought more at the keyboard. It was with surprise I realised that competing, never mind winning, wasn’t of interest to me. I was brought up to win, and I did pretty well at most things. My thoughts then jumped to Richard Bach’s book, Jonathan Livingston Seagull, which I recently read the updated version of. Jonathan Seagull was obsessed with one thing his whole life, improving his flight. Yes, I thought, pursing excellence sits at the heart of our existence. If we come with intentions and a desire then it’s in the pursuit of becoming excellent at those we find our greatest pleasure. As I was googling, trying to recall Tom Peter’s name, I discovered there’s another book written by Terry Orlick which is named by the phrase that had first come to mind – In Pursuit of Excellence. I had a quick peruse and smiled as I read words like “focus’ and “connecting in the moment”, because that is really what life is all about. Casting my mind back to those early years swimming up and down a pool, the details about the medals and accolades aren’t what I remember. Instead it is those moments, alone with myself in the water, taking a next breath, lungs burning, adrenaline flowing, focused on being better, doing better, that stay with me. There was nothing more satisfying than beating my own personal best time in any particular event, and there was nothing more disheartening than not coming near to my best times for months and months, years even in some cases, despite the endless hours of practice. As I’ve moved through life I’ve propped my ladder up against more than several walls, in hindsight all the while searching for the thing I really wanted to pursue. With swimming, like all the other things that came afterwards, I got good, viewed by many as top of my field, competitive, successful. All the while there was restlessness within. Unlike Jonathan Seagull I hadn’t really figured out what I was born to pursue, and yet the whole time I was in fact pursuing it. In each journal entry, each letter I wrote in my younger years, my quest for figuring out this game called life was evident. But really, to have said philosophy was my ‘thing’ wouldn’t have felt right either, in the modern day that is an intellectual pursuit, rather than one of the heart. I have always felt that I wasn’t going to find the answers I was seeking in a book somewhere, though occasionally that happens, something resonates and lights the fire for another question. Instead I have found that the answers are already all around and – at the same time - within us, revealed when we are asking the right questions. Answers come as little droplets here or there, and become interwoven periodically resulting in wonderful ‘ah ha’ moments. What I have also found is that traditional constructs don’t work for me – not in business, health, education nor relationships. There are no neat boxes for me to fit within; instead I am carving out my own little hollow. I’ve stopped looking to the world to be different; instead, I just do what works for me. I have learned that the pursuit for excellence is an inner one. Each day I resolve to try again, to be aligned with that part of me that knows its worth, knows its value, knows nothing but love and eternal joy. Each day I spend just a small, deliberate amount of time, feeling into that part of me. And each day that helps give me a perspective broader than the one that I used to default to. The old default perspective I had was one taught by the world, taught to fear consequences and risks as created by the people and society around me as I grew. I’ve learned to look at all our ‘norms’ through fresh lenses and cast them aside if they don’t resonate with that inner part of me that wants to pursue a different type of excellence. No longer do I want to be excellent at fulfilling others requests, desires and expectations. Old resentments, even fresh pangs of pain, all dissipate when we are in tune with the essence of who we are and why we are here. The ego let’s go of this idea of comparing yourself with others. Instead each piece is seen as part of a whole, a much bigger picture than the one we are taught to look at. There’s a beauty to everything around us when we look through those lenses. I now love my life. In some ways it looks traditional, a mum bringing up her two kids while the man goes ‘out’ to work. Yet if you look deeper, here I am, pursuing my raison d’être, living life on my terms, and loving all it has to reveal. To pursue excellence in your life, focus on those things that come naturally to you, that you couldn’t imagine not doing, and do more of them. Whatever you feel called to pursue, make sure you can do it with vigor and passion, be excellent, for that is the hallmarks of the highest intentions you have for yourself. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.
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 This is a hotly debated topic for many parents and grandparents today, high up there on the list of angst-ridden decisions. In my life it’s particularly relevant as my children attend a school where we are asked to “support their education by recognising the adverse developmental impact inherent in exposing children to the range of electronic media and cellular communication technologies”.
At first I had no issues with this, I have read and heard much about the detrimental effects of technology on a child’s growing brain, and don’t dispute there’s a definite impact. However, having undertaken my own inner journey these last few years, I wanted to get more clarity on this issue from a broader perspective. In a world where we are all connected, the internet being the closest – yet clunky – physical model of the energetic clay we are all molded from, I wanted to explore where this fits. Having written a lot about the nature of life as I am discovering it, from the inside out, this topic is just like any other. As always, take whatever resonates for you. Technology as a Tool Yes, I recognise the impact on young minds. Feel free to Google the wealth of information out there and come to your own conclusions on this. The perspective I have to add is that nothing is all bad. In fact, who is to say that any rewiring of the brain that deviates from what we previously considered normal isn’t a necessary step towards the future of the human race? Sure, I am glad my children attend a school where there are no devices used in the classroom until their teenage years, in school they are more focused on the natural world, providing a contrast. They live in a world surrounded by a majority – me included – who walk around with all-singing all-dancing devices in hand. Children don’t want held apart from these devices that suck up so much attention of the people around them; especially when they realise the value in them for switching off from all the judgment and restrictions around them, and lifting their own mood (see below). If you put restrictions on devices (or anything) kids get sneaky because they want what they want; just as we all do. Each one of us is born with this primal tool, to discern what we like and don’t like, our own unique relationship with the source within encouraging us along the path of our own highest intentions and desires. My own conclusion on the effects of technology on developing brains is simply that everything has its place and nothing is here without us – on some level – having desired it. That doesn’t mean I’d be happy for my kids to sit for endless hours watching TV or playing online games. If that was what they wanted to do I’d be taking a close look at the reasons why they felt the need for such high levels of escapism. Content We live in a world of contrast, the content available through devices simply reflects that. Sure, you can pay attention to the content that drives you to the depths of despair or to that which will fuel anger or hatred, you can even scare yourself half to death, or you can seek out content that will make you laugh, help you learn and grow, fill you with gratitude and joy and inspire you to greatness. I was given a poem called “a stranger in our home” by a teacher a while back. A stranger who swore and smoked and did everything that was not otherwise allowed or encouraged in the home, yet it flickered on night after night, year after year. There is no denying the messages that you send when children are exposed to so much. But in these days of ‘on demand’ there is no excuse for exposing them to such variety of contrast through technology. Life will come in to meet them all too soon and do that anyway. What really stands out for me when it comes to our kids though is the ability of the content to lift the mood. For tired, strung out children, I know a small dose of Peppa Pig soon has mine laughing. Also, the television doesn’t judge. Children know their own value and power better than we do and they are in disbelief when people they love so much constantly stand in their way, its classic escapism. Humans are so unpredictable, technology is so predicable, which is why young minds are attracted to it. Social Media This is a harder issue for many. When my partner and I took our family on a break recently, there was a moment down by the quayside in Wellington that we looked at the dozens of people sitting along there; side by side, every one literally absorbed in a device. I know the value of face to face communication and I have abhorred those sitting in a restaurant together yet completely detached, consumed in their own devices, with the best of you. But let’s not get all Footloose or Dirty Dancing here, these are different times. Specifically, these are different vibrational times, children today are translating the energy around them at a faster rate than ever, and their ability to discern in the bombardment for their attention is greater than ever – certainly much greater than ours. We were born into different generations, it’s an old story, previous generations have been slowing down the new for a long time, introducing resistance to ‘what is’. I can feel the momentum of the evolution of our species, consciousness becoming aware of itself. I don’t fully understand the part this transition to a new mode of communication plays in that bigger picture, but it certainly creates more connection. Overall, I’ve come to the conclusion it’s not my job to dictate to our children. It’s my job to love them, to help them discern their own alignment with their inner knowing by demonstrating mine - and to get the heck out of their way. So when it comes to technology, I’m really quite excited to see how the picture will evolve as these next generations use it to greater effect in a world becoming ever more conscious of itself. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  Walking through the department store I noticed yet another Disney doll on the shelves, unusually a Polynesian looking one. This was my first clue to the new Moana movie. I’m not a huge Disney fan, but I have to say Disney knocked this one out of the park. I laughed (hard), I cried, but most of all I was totally inspired.
“That was a big movie – and a big message – for a little girl” I said to my 6-year-old. It was great, a real ‘follow your heart, face adversity, and you will overcome and triumph’ theme. It’s the story of life really, except too many of us get totally put off by the adversity part. Do you ever find yourself making a resolution to change, then adversity hits and you use it as an excuse to keep yourself in a place you really don’t want to be? Moana kept feeling called to the sea, her father kept telling her it was too dangerous, it wasn’t for their people. “Fear will be your enemy” to steal a quote from another amazing Disney movie that teaches “love is the power that can overcome fear”. Fear is something we know a lot about, we get taught from day dot to ‘be careful’, that some version of doom will befall us if we don’t follow our parents’/school’s/society’s instructions. Threats and bribes are common parenting tools, I know, I use them all too often. Yet, in truth, if you are acting (or more likely not acting) out of fear, you can pretty much bet it’s not in your best interests. Talking to another parent this week, she was telling me that her 2-year-old asked what ‘free’ her sister’s friend was. She was referring to the commonplace gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free and so on mix of dietary preferences that proliferate these days. Disney often gets criticized for creating body mage issues with their weirdly caricature main characters (who look more like aliens to me these days with their disproportionately large and strangely shaped eyes). Yet, it was in talking to one of her ‘free’ friends that my 6-year-old repeated to me that if she eats a certain type of food she’ll get fat. There is validity in all of the choices people are making about diets, or anything else, but if those choices are being made from fear rather than inspiration, what message is that sending? Having young children, I am surrounded by parents who – like me - are trying to make the right decisions for their children, to do what is right. Perhaps we are overthinking it, and trying to make decisions for them is the downfall. One of the most primal tools we arrive with on this planet is our ability to discern what we like and don’t like, we know what is good for us. The heart wants what it wants for good reason, because happiness is the name of this game called life. We want our children to be happy, to be healthy and to be safe. It’s to this end we set about micromanaging every detail of their life instead of trusting they might know a thing or two about what is best for them. Many really believe that children cannot know what is best for them. It’s no wonder when that that message is the one we have been brainwashed with generation after generation. I used to tell my daughter “my number one priority is to keep you safe”. Nowadays I balk at the memory. Of course I don’t want doom to befall my kids, but I also know in trying to keep them ‘safe’ I am just thwarting their growth, keeping them from the freedom that they know is rightly theirs. My children attend a Waldorf school, which comes with a whole philosophy behind it courtesy of Rudolph Steiner. The ‘rules’ are interpretations of Steiner’s teaching in the modern day. There are many things I love about the school, not least the passion of those that teach there and the relative freedom my children have to learn in a way and at a pace I feel is more aligned with all I know about child development. However, most parents angst over the rules and philosophies and how to reconcile them with our families and cultural norms, we also angst over the many ‘frees’ and what that means for any social occasion, we angst over technology and its effects on the brain and socialization. Parenting could in fact by defined by the adjective angst. Yet despite our childhoods being less than perfect, here we are still breathing, living, figuring things out. In any moment we can make choices that will result in a happy and successful life. Perhaps we need to loosen up a little. I attended a traditional school in a concrete jungle. We had corporal punishment, we had no clue that there was any grain except wheat, we snacked on boxes of glucose powder at sports events, we thought oil would run out before the end of the millennium, and we thought Elton John was straight. We had strange ideas about the world by today’s standards, but hey, we are here. Damaged? Sure, but nothing that was beyond repair. Nothing is irretrievable. I’d like to limit the damage to my kids, but really, was there anything I endured that hasn’t made me a better, more knowledgeable, more compassionate person today? I’m not saying we should be deliberately irresponsible. I am saying, we all know what is in our own heart (our kids included). Just listen to those who face death, the number one regret of the dying is not truly living. Not taking the risks, not following their dreams, too much listening to all the people around them. We each are born with different dreams, different talents and gifts. This is what keeps the whole whole, it’s the diversity – and the adversity – that creates the richness life has to offer. Yes there are times we create a ridiculous amount of what could be viewed as unnecessary adversity for ourselves. If we had faith and belief in our own abilities we would indeed create our desired outcomes faster. However, no matter how much faith and belief you have, you will still face adversity. Think about it, it is necessary for you to grow. Let 2017 be the year you lock in on what is in your heart, that you help others to do the same without judgment. Expect good things to happen and, at the same time, trust that if adversity shows up it is there to help you. Listen closely to your heart; let love, passion and inspiration - not fear - be the things that guide you to your best life. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  “She is making her bedroom into a mausoleum” she said. With a throbbing head and rising nausea I had withdrawn into myself until this point, but this drew out a response “she doesn’t want that” I said. Her death seemed a cruel twist of fate, and was there more to it? Searching for answers, “it was perfect timing” was the one that came.
There I was sitting on the beach, in an idyllic setting, with some of my favourite people and a stinking migraine. My friend had lost someone close, and I knew that someone had something to say. It happens a lot these days. The thought occurred to me, from a fairly successful (and ‘normal’) corporate career, am I now the person who speaks to the dead? Apparently. Learning to decipher energy, I’ve decided, is like being a piano learning how to play music. Each time someone strikes a key, the piano learns what it feels like to make that sound. Then it starts to learn what that sound means within the context of all other sounds. Energy is subtle. Everything seen and unseen is energy vibrating. Each one of us has the ability to decipher it, but it’s a talent that tends to be shunned, and one that requires focus and practice. In day to day life we express things like “I pick up on others feelings”, or “it had good/bad vibes”, without realizing you are always picking up on the energy that is and surrounds you. The main thing to understand is that you are your own best guide. It’s your inner conversation that is most relevant. There is no ‘one truth’, only your truth. If something resonates, it’s your truth, if it doesn’t, it’s not. So over the last few years, I’ve been deliberately focused on tuning in more to the energy that is us, that surrounds us. We are all part of one energy, we are all a unique expression of that one energy, coming into and out of form, just for the joy of it, and for the expansion and growth it creates, for all. There is only life and more life, what we call death is just another beginning, reemerging back into our non-physical state. You are not a clump of energy that remains separate and distinct from everything else, but in each expression you are as unique as a snowflake, yet still snow. Another friend had once told me of her experience in a supermarket when she was pregnant with her son. A stranger had approached her, put her hand on her belly and affirmed that she had recently lost her brother-in-law and he was coming again. Her son looked at me, and in that instant I had another message to deliver. It’s hard to explain, they just appear like packages of thoughts in my head. Over and over I examine my intentions, is it my ego wanting to be the big ‘I am’? I think not, for being the nutcase who talks to the dead was not an aspired vocation. However, when you experience the feeling of a broader perspective flowing to and through you, not only does it feel good – really good – it just feels ‘right’. “He wants you to know he is not his uncle” I said, “he is unique”. There was more to say, but it’s a context that is hard to explain. Our language is limited to our physical existence in this time and space reality. Whereas the energy that is the broader part of us is multi dimensional and omni present. You are uniquely you, yet ever changing and expanding. I tried to explain it by asking her to imagine a rainbow of colours flowing to and through you, each of the colours representing things that are part of who you are and are of interest to you. You may find that, at your heart, you are a teacher or a healer, for example, so that energy flows to and through you and you naturally resonate with and attract opportunities to explore that more. So this little boy is not his uncle reincarnated in the way that is often portrayed, however, he is part of the same energy stream, so some of the energy that flowed through and to his uncle when he was ‘alive’ now flows to and through him. I sort of imagine that we remain very similar in our intent and interests over a few lifetimes, as we experience life in all its various guises and expand and grow, but as time goes on we become indiscernible from that which we were many eons ago. Our ‘death’ is always perfect timing, there is nothing that happens by chance. Whether the recent death of my friend’s close one was by her own design or some other ill intent is not an answer that would come, because it is not relevant from a broader perspective. It is only in this physical world that we experience ‘good’ and ‘bad’, some of what we would call atrocities are reduced to a simple state of contrast from that broader perspective. Contrast is what spurs desire, growth. While we come with intention and desire, in each moment, in each contrasting experience, we have free will and we continually reshape our blueprint. Nothing happens that is not by our design, whether by conscious or unconscious thought. When someone we know and love departs, for those that are still playing the game of life on this particular plane, the hurt we feel is only natural. We can no longer physically touch and hear and feel that person. At the same time, that is the essence of your desire in being here. The ability to play out the game of life on a physical plane is more delicious because it is in all its hurts and fears that we pledge to tip the balance to more joy and freedom, our natural state. A state whose meaning is more profound from knowing the contrast. When you are enjoying life, when you are feeling hope and happiness and joy, those are the moments in which you will feel your loved ones most. You will think “(he or she) would have loved this” or you will have an inspired thought and reflect it’s the kind of thing they might have said to you. Know that these moments are the ones that you are indeed hearing and feeling the energy of that person. Those who are no longer here are always interested, always with you, always loving you. In our non physical state there is only love. Any part of your experience with someone that was less than positive is not a part of who they truly are, and is no longer a connection that they will feel. Hearing of the firework that some of the ashes of her close one had been put in, there was a corresponding explosion of joy energetically. Yes, this is how she wanted to be remembered, a beautiful burst of light in an explosion of colour and sound. A life celebrated, a memory cherished. I hope some of this has been of help to you. As I said early on, take only what resonates. This is a language I’m learning to speak, it’s interwoven with words from many teachers that have found the perfect expression of the energy I have felt on many occasions when those around me have been searching for answers; as it is also interwoven from those beyond who consistently are willing and eager to lead you in the direction of peace, hope and love. The expression of your life remains pliable, honouring your loved ones who have passed by indulging in those things that gave you mutual joy and satisfaction are the moments in which they are closest to you. Namaste. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  How many hats do you wear in life? And are you actually happy in each of these roles you play?
What started off as a silly argument led to a much more productive contemplation recently as I reflected on the various roles I play in my life. The starting point was in defining the hats I was wearing, as a writer, student (of life), mother, daughter, partner, school mum, house keeper, money manager, cook, business advisor, business support function, friend and cousin, the list seemed endless. Then I began considering whether these were even hats I wanted to wear, and whether the role I am playing when wearing them is shaped the way I want it to be. It is an interesting exercise to go through, to challenge yourself on whether you are playing certain roles (or playing them in certain ways) because you want to or because you feel duty bound in some way. As we are moving into 2017, I know I have one really important intention, or goal if you prefer, and that is to put myself first. It might sound selfish, and it is. But think about it, if you don’t who will? Who can? Only you know what you truly like and want in this life, only you know how you really feel in each moment of every day, only you can take immediate action to make yourself feel better and make your life a happier experience for all concerned. If you are playing a role (or playing it in a certain way) and resenting it, who is benefitting from that? Sure, there is a pay off somewhere (on both sides) but is it the best outcome for either party? I know all this, yet I was arguing with myself. My thoughts went racing into corners of my mind exploring beliefs I hold about each of my roles. Beliefs are a funny thing, they shape all of our experiences, yet few can actually articulate what they are. Do you truly know what you believe? Do you know which beliefs you inherited? What situations are always playing out for you? How often are you the victim? What thoughts and feelings do you have as you wake up each morning? What beliefs do you hold about your body? What does 'home' mean to you? What are your feelings about laughter and fun? What do you think it's possible for you to achieve in this life? What do you believe you deserve from life? All these questions can be confronting and revealing. I love unearthing thoughts I was previously unaware of, constantly shaking out my beliefs – which are just repeated thoughts after all – and evolving them. For example, in my role as a mother I started from a place thinking that parents have to discipline their children, but I quickly shifted my thoughts on that after an incident with my daughter and an attempt at the naughty corner concept. By no coincidence I came across the work of Alfie Kohn shortly afterwards which led me on the first step of a different path entirely. In my role as a partner, there are just as many concepts and beliefs I adopted from my experiences and society in general. Last week I talked about the best relationship vows I’ve ever heard, worth a read if you haven’t already, they are certainly vows about putting yourself first so you can give the best of you to another. Then there are the expectations the school has of parents, the expectations of my partner, my children, my parents, my in-laws, on and on. What it really all boils down to is my interpretaion of those, the expectations and attitudes I hold for myself based on an accumulation of lifetime experiences. And the only person who controls those is, well, me. Yes, others may hold expectations, but so what? How you play those out in your life is up to you. If I put my happiness on someone else’s shoulders, or vice versa, I’ll be disappointed. You are not as important to people as you think you are. So, for me, it’s about getting myself squarely in the centre of my own universe where I belong. That doesn’t mean I’ll wake up one morning and decide I want a walk at the beach and leave my young children at home unattended, it means I’ll get out into nature with the kids as a priority. Or I’ll organize play dates so I can have some solitutde. It means I won’t just ignore my own needs and ‘sacrifice’ for others. Because who I am I then? Some grumpy, resentful version of myself, urgh, who wants that? In each of my roles I hold the intention to give my best, and that means I have to put my own needs first. To give my best I have to be at my best, and to do that I have to be completely in tune with the inner me. So this new year, as I look at my life and you look at yours, I wonder if you will do the same. Do you have the courage to put yourself first? Do you feel worthy of that? Even if it’s only wearing one hat, make 2017 the year you say yes to yourself. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You. |
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