Although I had done a lot of personal growth work in my earlier career, when I left the corporate world ten years ago I determined to figure out who the real me is. I’ve read a lot of books, attended some courses, taught myself a lot of techniques and taken advantage of every free master class that resonated.

That said, it’s been a time in my life where my focus has been primarily based on raising mentally, emotionally and physically healthy kids, so neither time nor money for personal growth were in ready supply.

Despite these challenges, I remained resolute in confronting unhelpful patterns of thought and behaviour, determined to uncover my true values, needs, and desires, free from external influences. I wanted to know who the real Shona Keachie at my authentic core is.

I have taken lessons from my past and, as I read this week, know there's a reason for every path we walk. Every choice, every encounter, every triumph, every defeat, every love, every loss, has a purpose. Whether it's to build strength, to inspire change, to encourage forgiveness, or to facilitate growth, it marks a stepping stone on our path of self-discovery and every turn we take is valuable in its own unique way.

Recently, I have been reflecting on the transition from one life chapter to another, recognizing this as an opportunity for a significant energy shift. Sometimes in life, though, it can be extremely difficult to tell where exactly I’m going. It’s hard to see the forest for the trees, finding my own path can be a little difficult. And I need follow my own path, of that I am certain.

To build momentum and navigate my path forward, I acknowledge the need for guidance and support from others. I have some great friends around me with similar interests and values, but I also know that reaching out for help at a time of need is nothing to feel ashamed of. It’s been quite some time since I last had a mentor, and right now I can use someone who is further along the path than me in living their passion.

I understand I need a little help to evaluate my current situation and, while I probably have all the resources and capabilities within me to turn my dreams into reality, I could use a guide to provide insight. Then, after reading one of Santa Montefiore’s novels in which she wrote “Max reached out to the higher power he knew was with him on every step of his path and put out a simple request, one which, oddly, he had never asked before: Help me”, I put out my own request.

Within a week, an opportunity arose to engage with someone whose work I have long admired, someone I never thought to approach individually As I questioned making this investment in myself, I realised that this is one of the few people I admire and would trust to hold this space for me.

So I responded outlining my situation to sense check that this would be a good match and, within hours, I received a response that absolutely floored me with its razor sharp insight, articulating what I hadn’t been able to see quite so clearly from within the forest.

I immediately recognized the truth in their observation that my uncertainty about my path stemmed from previously poor boundaries with others and myself, especially because that harsh inner critic voice drove me to exhaustion, and my career was what covered/suppressed its root causes.

They noted my unresolved exhaustion trauma, stemming from past boundary challenges and connections with people, and observed that my core driver is internal struggle. Therefore my most toxic relationship is with that part of me, not other people, which is a survival response I no longer need, but haven’t yet felt safe to let go.

While being of service (in a way that invigorates me while helping others) is one of my top goals, I do spend a lot of time ruminating about things that aren’t serving my highest purpose. This can consume my mental energy. And when they asked me to list my most challenging emotions, from most intense to least intense, again I could see just how much anger (at myself for allowing those boundary infringements) still exhausts me and how little there is left for creating the career of my dreams and for parenting.

Having taken a somewhat anxious three and a half kilometer ride in a gondola dangling 330 metres above rainforest canopy last week while on holiday, it gave me a deeper appreciation for the value of having someone in my life who can not only see the bigger picture, but can help assuage my fears. Sometimes we just need help from someone more experienced.

Going after our highest ambitions, desires, and potential isn’t a solo effort. Listening to Sah D’Simone talk about his new book Spiritually, We he quoted a story about one of the Buddhists, a very developed disciple, that asked Buddha, “Hey, how important is friendship on the spiritual path?” And he replied, “Friendship is the path.” That really informed Sah’s book, how much our relationship with other people (and how we relate to others and how we engage with others) really informs the depth of our liberation.

So while I know a path will open up to me, one which gives me hope and excitement and the promise of something truly incredible waiting at the end of it, it’s not here just yet. First I need to clear my mental and emotional space, take care of myself, and regain my strength. Only then will I be ready to embark on the new path life has in store for me.

Investing in someone with passionate energy and enterprising resilience, who has alchemised their past struggles into their greatest strengths, will also certainly help inspire these qualities within me, and then I will be better able to determine the most effective course of action.

The final thing I read this week, which is related and really resonated, was “When you have planted a seed, it will take some time before it grows into a fruit-bearing tree. Earth is the slowest moving but most stable of the elements. They say that a watched pot never boils, and watched seed never seems to sprout”.

This isn’t the start of the next best thing, this is the start of a journey along the path of my next chapter in life, and expecting to see the journey ahead would be unrealistic. It’s simply time to take the next step I can see.

Seeking guidance is not a sign of weakness, but a testament to our commitment to self-improvement and authenticity. I encourage you, too, to reflect on your own journey. Are there areas where you could benefit from the insight of a mentor or the support of a friend? What steps can you take to clear your mental and emotional space, allowing yourself to grow and thrive? Remember, every path we walk has a purpose, and each step forward brings us closer to our true selves.

​If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy Finding Your Purpose – the Magic of Those Who Believe in You, From Lone Wolf to Team Player - Navigating the Symphony of Collaboration in Life, Believe In Yourself Even if You Feel No One Else Does and What Makes You Feel Uncomfortable and Is It a Growth Opportunity? To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog. 

Here is a post I wrote and feel honoured to have published on one of my favourite self growth platforms, Tiny Buddha. Discover my journey towards early assertiveness in conversations, sparked by a recent dilemma during my daughter's field trip planning. Overcoming past hesitations and fears, I learned to balance advocacy with relationship preservation. A poignant encounter with a struggling father reinforced the importance of self-regulation and assertiveness. Read how I navigated this path and why mastering assertive communication is crucial for personal growth and healthy relationships

Many years ago an old mentor of mine told me I had to create space in my life in order for something new to arise. Today, as I drew the Death card (I draw a tarot card each day, it’s fun, and I take what resonates from its meaning) that again reinforced that endings are a natural part of life, and that it is time to let go of what is no longer needed in order to create room for the new.

Last week I had been reflecting on the changing tides of parenting. After years and years of being present, observing, noticing, experiencing, and managing my children’s lives, they are now in a phase where it’s time to gradually let go so they can be more consciously present, observe, notice, experience and start to learn to manage more aspects of their own lives.

Additionally, the dynamics of split living and their father's preference for parallel parenting over co-parenting present their own set of opportunities and challenges. Despite the ongoing and time-consuming responsibilities in the coming years, including involvement in schools, healthcare, and other areas, the Death card reminds me to enjoy the new experiences that will emerge as the balance of responsibilities shifts from me to them, creating new space.

It begs the following questions, which come when any stage in life is coming to an end:

• Is it possible for me to be flexible enough to let go of what is dying away?
• Is it possible for me to be courageous enough to embrace the new without hesitation?
• What actions will I need to take in order to grieve appropriately for what has been lost?

Being on holiday without parental responsibilities (the children are on a separate trip with their dad) has given me that space to take a pause between chapters. The resort I’m staying in reminds me of one I stayed in with the children when they were much younger. As I watch families at the pool, it’s given me the time to reflect on that period of their childhood that was full of wonder but also – from a parenting perspective – rather intense.

As has happened often in the past, it’s another point at which I can look at my children through fresh eyes and see that they are more capable than ever before, giving me confidence that the changing tides are indeed ones on which something fresh and surprising can arrive.

In the last week I’ve consumed three novels, swam in one of the Seven Natural Wonder’s of the world, and spent a lot of time reflecting and relaxing in a beautiful place. At this time of the year Cairns is just the right temperature, with just the right amount of cloud coverage and, with great company to enjoy also, it’s been a beautiful retreat from the usual responsibilities of life.

And I suspect the things I’ve been drawn to hold clues as to the possibilities that can arrive on changing tides. Out at the Great Barrier Reef I again experienced this sense of connectedness with all of life, and the impact and ramifications of human consumption and ignorance. But, in equal measure, I saw life’s ability to regenerate and thrive, and the absolutely stunning results of that.

In a novel set in Auschwitz, written by Soraya Lane, I was deeply engrossed yet again in the ways in which people can rise to their potential in times of great trauma. This reinforced the message that the traumatic experiences I’ve had in my life are not in vain, they are a catalyst for something more, and something that can help others.

And in another novel by Tracey Rees, one of the characters (Jarvis) asks the other (Gwen) “I don’t know why you’re so shy when you’re so articulate. Do you ever try writing? Like books and stuff?” She is so astonished to be asked and yet he says “Seems like you fit the profile. You’re good with words and you clearly love stories. You’ve got an imagination, and you don’t look like the world holds much interest for you, no offence”.
Gwen is breathless, wondering if she really does fit the profile. “She loves books more than anything. She can never imagine herself being a go-getter, making money or selling houses o whatever normal people do…but in school her career’s advisor told her you can’t make money that way and you have to make a living…”

While I don’t see myself as a novelist, I’m more of a memoirist, I notice my affinity with her thoughts, and suspect that the things I have been drawn to are providing clues; clues that aren’t yet definitive answers or firm footholds, but are definite signposts of interest.

As this chapter of reflection draws to a close, I invite you to consider your own life: What endings are you facing, and how might you create space for something new? Are you flexible enough to let go of what no longer serves you and courageous enough to embrace the unknown? Reflect on the clues around you—they might just be pointing you toward a new and enriching chapter in your own story.

If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy Take That First Brave Step Towards New Beginnings and Creative Energy, Even in Grief There Are lessons to Be Learned, Who Am I Now? and Take the Quantum Leap: Nurture Your Creativity and Intuition to Craft a Life of Purpose. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog. 

As I write this, it’s Mother’s Day in New Zealand and yet my children and I are the furthest apart geographically we have ever been, on separate holidays. My kids are having a ball with their dad, and I’m having the first proper relaxing holiday I’ve had in many years.

Split living wasn’t something I ever envisaged, although it has its pros and cons like everything. In fact, I was just reflecting how I really didn’t envisage much at all and how many of my expectations about parenthood were really unconscious.

I always wanted to be a parent, and to do the best job I could, but beyond the “meeting someone, falling in love and having a family together” cliché, I hadn’t really put in huge amounts of thought to the specific role each parent would play in our children’s lives.

Despite growing up in an era where girls and boys were treated equally in many ways in the schooling system (we all did cooking classes and woodworking classes together, for example), there was the subtle yet powerful silent message that women stayed at home to look after the house and children, because – well – that is what the model was in the vast majority of households in 1970’s and 1980’s West of Scotland.

I grew up in a large extended family and many of my cousins were ten to fifteen years ahead of me, it felt that most years our family would attend at least one wedding and/or christening. Whether to have children was never really a question in my mind as I held each of my adorable little first cousins’ once removed.That unique fresh baby smell, the fragility and innocence and joy wrapped up in a bundle that needed so much attention was a beacon to move towards from a time before conscious memories or deliberation ever kicked in.

As I tussled with which direction to move in my career, wrangling at every turn as nothing felt like quite the right fit, there came a point among many questions, exercises and books that I drew out a map of my life. It was a long and winding road and I had been asked to make in moments and stages. I started at the end when I’d be a grandmother.

That one exercise demonstrates to me that my having children was never a question. The “meeting someone, falling in love and having a family” part seemed more problematic. Now I know why, which is a whole other story which I summed up recently in Devote Your Attention to Ways You Impact Others and How You’re Truly Treated, we are not always attracted to compatible or healthy relationships.

As I found myself on my third “live together” relationship, I again noticed how I was shouldering the vast majority of responsibilities in regard to running the house. With both of us working full time, I questioned why I was doing that but, suffice to say, didn’t do anything much about it.

Therefore, despite all that had been said beforehand in the rosy glow of shared dreams of having a family, I also found myself shouldering the vast majority of the responsibilities in regard to bringing up my children. This is no surprise really and I remember when a colleague was basking in her rosy glow, and was making her partner pre cooked meals for the days she was going away on a business trip, telling her that she was making herself a metaphorical bed she’d probably come to regret lying in once they had children.

The reality of having a baby is enormous. For a start, there is the sheer miracle of creation to start with. My children were pregnancies five and six, so when I finally sustained a pregnancy, that miracle felt very real as I watched a tiny human grow inside me.

Then there is the birthing process which – despite women having navigated since time immemorial – is nothing short of remarkable. For anyone who hasn’t actually seen a baby being born in their presence, it is worth a look at a photo of a wooden dilation chart showing a baby’s head (tip use those words as a prompt to search for one), and then look at an image of a human female’s pelvic bone to get a solid sense of the challenge.

All that was just to get to the starting line. Everyone told me how healthy breastfeeding is; no one told me that – at the outset – it would take up to ten hours of my day. Far less the wondrous world of “guess what baby is unhappy about”, which is the process of intimately getting to know whether our child is crying because it needs its nappy changed, needs fed, needs to sleep, is unwell or just needs comforted after its own rather traumatic ordeal of being born.

To imagine birth, think of being nestled comfortably in a relatively quiet and dark space then, all of a sudden feeling yourself thrust from that down through a narrow tube contracting and squeezing, with a diameter just fractionally wider than your head. It's a remarkable feat of flexibility and compression, not to mention quite a traumatic experience that unconsciously lives on in our bodies.

As our children grow and we become more attuned to their nature and needs, we notice patterns. When my teen daughter cries that I can’t possibly know how her body will respond to days of over exposure to social and screen time, together with a lack of sleep, I sigh inwardly. Years and years of being present, observing, noticing, experiencing, that is how mothers know.

And for all that we know, we have to gradually let go and let our children be present, observe, notice and experience their own body, their own thoughts and their own feelings. Along the way they too will be no doubt be attracted to incompatible or unhealthy situations and relationships in a bid to get to know themselves. Because it’s in the contrasts of life that we grow.

Not since infancy do we go through such rapid growth as in adolescence. As a mum navigating this time in my children’s lives, one of the hardest challenges isn’t letting go. In truth, letting go of the cumbersome impossibility of managing someone else’s life constantly is a relief. The hard part is not that, it’s that – in order not to expose our children to responsibilities they are not yet ready for – it has to be a gradual letting go.

Let me give another analogy to get a sense of this. If I’m driving and become aware I need to pee, but there’s no toilet for miles, I hold on. Then I see a road sign for the next rest break, I am counting down towards it. Then I run to the loo, barely able to hold on, and there’s a queue. Suddenly I’m wishing I’d prepared myself for this better, had somehow been able to let go gradually.

Letting go gradually is a unique mix of developmental stage and maturity, circumstances, and our own awareness of all these things and what they mean. And gradual isn’t like the steady running of a tap, it happens more in bursts or fits and starts.

Add in the mix that I’m not the only parent, like all children, ours are the manifestation of two sets of genetic material and life’s longing for itself. While I've always been deeply involved in managing our children's lives and have developed a certain approach based on my experiences and insights, his involvement now comes with its own unique style and preferences. This is another learning process which can also be challenging to navigate, especially given his preference for parallel parenting rather than co-parenting.

As I sit here on Mother’s Day, relishing my first day of a truly relaxing holiday, I can't help but reflect on the evolving phases of motherhood. Much like navigating through a series of twists and turns on a winding road, I find myself in a different phase now.

My ultimate goal remains: to nurture authentic, self-respecting humans who can thrive independently by the time they reach adulthood. However, now more than ever, the parenting journey feels like adjusting the flow of water from a tap. While the tap is still firmly on, I'm being challenged to find the right balance and flow to suit our current circumstances while keeping an eye on the long-term goal.

Perhaps as a parent you, too, have navigated twists and turns in your journey, discovering unexpected challenges and joys along the way. If you are not yet a parent, perhaps this will inspire you to do what I didn’t – and may have made my life a little easier – to get to know yourself, your needs, your expectations and your boundaries before becoming a parent. Either way, take a moment to consider how our experiences have shaped our understanding of parenthood and growth. Like the flow of water from a tap, may you find the right balance and rhythm to navigate the ever-changing currents of life.

​If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy Why Did I Not Know This About Parenthood?, Normal Is Dysfunctional That Is the Growth Opportunity, When Detours Define Your Destiny and Struggles Forge Your Strengths and Do We Need to Better Understand the Pivotal Role of Parenting to Evolve?. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.

As I was driving home this morning, I noticed what a beautiful crisp autumnal morning it was. The sky was a clear blue, the trees were full of burnt orange leaves, alight in the morning sun and there was a low lying mist coming down from the mountains, laid on the foothills like a blanket.

For those in the northern hemisphere, in full spring, we are at very different places in our biorhythms for sure, with nights getting shorter instead of longer as they are here. Either way, seasonal change is upon us and, with it, an opportunity for reflection.

As I was driving back home from the mountains to my coastal town, I was listening to Dr. Jude Currivan being interviewed, Her words, along with the breathtaking views of nature I was seeing all around me, reminded me that despite the different experiences we are all having, everything is interconnected none the less.

While Dr. Currivan is a scientist - a cosmologist with a background in physics - and holds a Ph.D. in archaeology from the University of Reading, where she investigated ancient cosmologies – what I particularly love is that her work explores the intersection of science, consciousness and spirituality, emphasizing holistic approaches to understanding the universe.

Although much of my interest lies in the microcosm of human psychology, I always view it in relation to our part in the bigger whole. So I was particularly interested when the podcast delved into the topic of conscious evolution; this refers to the progression of self-awareness over time.

From single-celled organisms to complex human communities, each step signifies an increase in consciousness. This expansion of awareness extends from personal growth to collective, planetary, and universal levels. Just as individuals evolve through experiences and learning, so too does humanity and the universe as a whole.

So as I was driving along appreciating how seeming small acts of self awareness can make a huge difference in the world, I was also reflecting on the workshops I have been doing this week with Kate Northrop. Many of the wonderful concepts she talks about in relation to money were timely reminders for me of things I learned in my twenties from the likes of Alvin Hall and Robert Kiyosaki.

Back then I had begun to put many of the concepts - like offering more value rather than more time, and leveraging time and money to make passive income – into play, albeit I was still in an early phase of conscious learning. But between my move across continents to a country with a much smaller economy, and my focus on having and bringing up a family, I hadn’t thought about these principles in many years.

But Kate’s work is now based on something she only really learned the importance of in 2019, and wasn’t featured in any of the work I read or did thirty years ago either. And there’s certainly no spoiler in sharing that her belief that a relaxed nervous system is key to abundance, as she has discussed this concept in her books, talks, workshops, and interviews.

This is the same principle I’ve come to learn in my own work, and it has a universal application, it doesn’t just apply to money. But the beauty of Kate’s work is that this is where she goes deep with it and helps countless people break through their unconscious barriers in relation to this topic of finance specifically, so they are able to define and live the kind of life that is important to them.

It was interesting reflecting on my own path to purpose, which really has never been clear to me, other than my desire for a family and a knowing that I wanted to be of wider service to the world. Money was never a focus, but I was aware enough of it to know I didn’t want it to be an issue either.

I really only went to university because I had no better idea of what to do with my life at that point and, back in the 1980’s and early 90’s, the UK government was offering free education, along with grants for living expenses.  That was followed by postgraduate study in what is now called Human Resources, but I was still none the wiser about what I actually wanted to do as a career.

After a few years in the recruitment industry, I stumbled upon network marketing. In itself, it wasn’t for me, but it did lead to 7 years of personal development and growth on many fronts. As a consequence, I found myself drawn to customer experience roles. I was such a strong advocate for improving internal systems, processes, structures and cultures within organisations based on customer feedback that I won several awards, sat on various working groups, and many opportunities in that field opened up to me.

After emigrating, I continued working in that field, but it soon became evident that transformation was only possible in organisations when the top decision makers were able to see the value of it to the extent of driving it or getting behind it themselves.  Instead, in most organisations, customer experience transformation (which most substantively requires quite a bit in leadership training and development) is often seen as “nice to have” and transformation programmes are often cut in lieu of more short sighted goals.

When I exited that kind of work to bring up a family, I knew it wasn’t a field I wanted to return to at that corporate level because it requires such intrinsic change. However, what the intensity of bringing up children taught me, was that the desire and intellectual know-how alone don’t create intrinsic change.

Why? Because my own deep seated patterning kept tripping me up. As I’ve mentioned many times, for all sorts of reasons most of us end up with some really unhelpful belief patterns that get hardwired in there. Unseen, yet running the show: I’m not worthy, I don’t belong, I’m stupid, I’m too much, I’m not enough, I’m alone, I’m afraid… the list goes on.

These arise in childhood before our conscious memories; they are our ways of interpreting the world depending on many factors, including our earliest experiences and our natural personalities. We aren’t aware that these are then hard wired into our neurobiology, our nervous system, and so our sense of felt safety and “normal” are set in relation to these.

That means we may not always be attracted to compatible or healthy relationships – and that can include our relationship with money, health, sex, intimacy, people, fun, our confidence, and our connectedness with the world around us, among many other things.

So when I think back to a time a couple of decades ago where I created a “root cause” field in a new system we were installing to track customer issues, I think that in my enduring intrigue around the human psyche (and search for something meaningful to contribute) I was always looking for the root cause of dysfunction – the “why” behind a lack of success in many things despite desire, goal setting and right action.

And that is it. Listening to Dr. Jude Currivan discuss various big topics - including our interconnectedness with the cosmos, reframing the universe as a great thought rather than a great object, the significance of the laws of physics, the holographic nature of the cosmos, and the potential for conscious evolution - I can see the first steps are cultivating conscious awareness of our own dysfunction and sense of separateness.

As we navigate our individual paths, let's remember the profound interconnectedness of all things and the potential for conscious evolution within ourselves and the world around us. Whether it's in our relationship with money, our partnerships, our parenting, or any other aspect of our lives, let's embrace the journey of self-awareness and growth as a pathway back to unity, belonging, and to achieving our greatest potential in all things. What small step can you take today to foster greater awareness and connection in your life?

If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy Embrace Your Evolution: Who Do You Want to Be this Time Next Year?, Embrace the Wonder of Your Senses Every Day to Embody Your Soul, How to Live in Conscious Self Awareness in the World, Trust That It’s Absolutely Okay to Not Know Where You’re Going and Normal Is Dysfunctional That Is the Growth Opportunity. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.