 Photo by Joshua Earle Watching Arianne Huffington get interviewed this week about her book Thrive, she was asked a pointed question by an audience member. In her book she talks about how our relentless pursuit of the two traditional metrics of success - money and power - has led to an epidemic of burnout and stress-related illnesses, and erosion in the quality of our relationships, family life, and, ironically, our careers.
In being connected to the world 24/7, we're losing our connection to what truly matters. She makes a compelling case to redefine what it means to be successful and draws on the latest research and scientific findings that show the profound and transformative effects of meditation, mindfulness, unplugging, and giving, The brave audience member stood up and asked “I hear everything you’re saying, but you have ‘made it’, you’re extremely successful. Do you really think you could have got here today if you’d not worked the hours you worked, made the sacrifices you have, and followed the advice you’ve just given?” Fair question, one that arises from a society that teaches delayed gratification, multitasking, and a culture of ‘staying late’, with common clichés like “you can sleep when you’re dead”, “fake it ‘til you make it” and “sleep is for losers” a part of our psyche. Hats off to Arianna, she answered “absolutely, I have no doubt I would have wasted a lot less time and experienced a lot less stress in getting here too.” We learn from life experience, as individuals and as part of a collective, as we evolve. New generations are born already more enlightened than most of the people walking around today. Few people have figured out their individuality is somewhat of an illusion, that we are more connected than we are separate, and that tapping into that connectedness, listening to our inner voice, is infinitely more powerful than listening to the one in our head – our ego. After reading my last few articles an insightful friend of mine asked whether I’d found myself at the top of Maslow’s hierarchy. Maslow's hierarchy of needs is a theory in psychology proposed by Abraham Maslow in his 1943 paper "A Theory of Human Motivation". It suggests that the most basic level of needs must be met before the individual will strongly desire (or focus motivation upon) the secondary or higher level needs. Meaning when you are at the bottom of the food chain, literally or figuratively, your focus isn’t on the meaning of life, it’s on getting food on the table. Reflecting on this I’ve found myself revisiting a concept that keeps popping up, how to break the cycle. In so much as we are born fully aware, fully connected, mindful, and we somehow quickly lose this and go down the rabbit hole of chasing dreams from an individual standpoint that making the realization of those dreams so much harder than it needs to be. I saw Arianna’s interview as part of the online Mindfulness Summit , pulled together by Melli OBrien and Matt Dickenson, which is running throughout the month of October. The summit has some amazing and highly acclaimed speakers (from thought leaders and authors like Arianna and Daniel Goleman of Emotional Intelligence fame, to celebrities like Ruby Wax and a number of renound professors and psychologists in between. It is free to access all month and it's a not-for-profit project with a mission to make mindfulness mainstream. Why? Because Melli and Matt believe the peace, balance and compassion found through mindfulness has the capacity to change the whole world from within. Of course mindfulness is just a more modern term for meditation, awareness, being present, being conscious, contemplation. Whatever you want to call it, it’s about connecting to the place within you where you can let go of that wound up tightness created by the voice in your head, and create the space to make some really good decisions in your life. The question I find myself contemplating is why and how we disconnect from it in the first place? When you are present, you connect to an expansiveness greater than yourself, something eternal, the energy from which we came and to which we will just as surely return. The truth of that is written in the faces of our newly born infants who enter the world full of joy and self worth, slowly adopting beliefs about themselves and the world around them that starts to completely obscure the raw energy beneath, the real person who came with a purpose and an inner guidance system, their intuition, that many are taught not to trust. With two preschool daughters I am ever alert to the rules and beliefs that get imposed on you from the minute you are born. I’ve also been aware of that sense of ‘self’ that develops around the age of 3, when they start to look in the mirror as if to say “oh, that’s interesting, I have a face, a form”. Until then, our little ones are just present, connected and full of wonder at the world. It’s why so many of us love to be around babies and small children, there’s always joy, never judgement. While discovering our physical form is just a natural part of our development, and one to be relished like all other experiences, it’s the start of a more visible ‘self’ separate from others. Already I see my 4 year old daughter’s mind at work, choosing to avoid foods because of the way they look, or suddenly feeling pain because she’s seen blood. Her mind is whirring and she’s starting to think more. The question is whether Maslow’s hierarchy would be relevant in a world where we teach our children to remain consciously connected to their inner world. Rather than reinforcing the sense of separateness, limit and lack, if we nurtured the sense of connectedness and tapping into our intuition, reinforcing opportunities to feel abundance through acts of giving and gratitude, then our next generation wouldn’t ask questions like the one asked of Arianna. We would live in a world where burgeoning leaders are already connected and enlightened. Over the years Maslow’s hierarchy has been expanded, with Transcendance needs (helping others self actualize) at the top, but what I’m saying here is that we start out already transcended and then completely forget. Even now, some of you reading this will be wondering in the truth of what you are reading, yet, if you follow Arianna’s advice you will experience the truth of it for yourself. Waiting until you've achieved your goals is counter productive. Sure, if you want your goals badly enough, you'll get there, eventually. Instead, take time to nurture your inner world, practice meditation, mindfulness, unplugging, and giving – even for just 8 weeks - and watch how your life is transformed. This article was originally published on LinkedIn.
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 To let ‘more’ in we have to surrender the lack and get into the sense of ‘already having’.
On the face of it, it sounds like juxtaposition. But if you look back on your own life you will see the truth of it. I was listening to an interview with Oprah this week where she was talking about her part in the film ‘The Color Purple’. It was a part she had wanted more than anything she’s ever wanted because of the affinity she felt with the story; right from reading the book review through to being invited to audition. However, later, one of the casters all but told her she hadn’t a hope because there were “real actresses” up for the part. This caused pain and confusion as there had just been so many signs that had seemed to point to the part being meant for her, it had felt so cruel. For a long time she struggled to let it go. First there was anger and confusion, then there was begrudging acceptance, then she got to a point where she felt that she could even be magnanimous enough that she’d be able to look the actress (she thought had got the part) in the eye and genuinely say (and mean) that she had played the part better than Oprah ever could. The minute she felt that, and had truly let go the ‘lack’ of the thing she had desperately wanted, that very day she got a call to come and play the part. There are times when we really want something very badly although, for some, even beginning to believe we can have our desires – and be happy – is a stretch. So when we do get into that place of wanting something and believing we can have it, there is a cruelty when it just evades us. The process of trying to conceive made this clear in my life. My daughters are pregnancies 5 and 6, I desperately wanted children and month after month for years I would feel so disappointed. Well meaning people used to say “just relax and forget about it and it will happen”. Anyone who is trying or has tried for a baby will know how infuriating that piece of advice is, especially with a relentless monthly reminder of your ‘lack’. “to think and feel the lack of something is what stops it coming into your life” Thinking and feeling lack while desiring more is futile. There’s a lot of literature our there now on the process of dreaming big, being able to be and do anything. This is true, and believing you can is a big part of it happening. But believing and allowing are two different things. Oprah believed she could have the part, I believed that I could have a baby, but until that thing you desperately want is part of your reality, there is a tendency to feel the lack of it. This is exactly what stops it from coming into your life. When I turned 38 I finally let go of the feeling of ‘lack’ in regard to having kids. We had a really relaxing break with friends over new years and that holiday had given me perspective. The wanting of children had featured so strongly in my list of goals for so long; I’d really neglected other areas of my life. So that year I turned my attention to my health in a more holistic way and committed to better eating and more regular exercise. We were also on the list for IVF treatment and were considering adoption as an alternative, and that took the focus away from the ‘trying’ in the traditional sense. Meanwhile my partner had a client with a young baby, who swore by the treatment of a particular naturopath. He passed the number to me and I recall the irony of the situation, as he is not a fan of alternative therapies. I duly contacted the naturopath, feeling a dull sense of inevitability at being given a diet to follow and prescribed supplements; I was past all these vain hopes. However, I was impressed enough by the guy to give the diet and supplements a go, particularly since he was recommending a diet aligned with a book I’d just read by Dee McCaffrey (on flourless and sugarless living) that had made a great deal of sense to me. The next month I became pregnant with my first daughter. I could attribute it wholly to the diet, to the supplements and the naturopath. However, more than anything, I know it was the ‘letting go’ that allowed all of that to happen. I hadn’t let go of a desire for children, but I had let go of how it was all going to come about. The best way to let what you want in, is to feel that you already have it. To do that you have to get to the highest perspective of why you want it. Whether it’s wanting a part in a movie, wanting kids, wanting a new car or wanting to make an income from your life’s purpose, you have to ask ‘why’, how do you want to feel? And you may have to ask several times to get to the overall feeling you are seeking in pursuit of your desires. As another example, for most of this year my articles have dipped in and out of my journey to living a life of purpose. Interestingly, in her interview, Oprah was emphatic in saying “if you are not living your purpose, or in the process of trying to uncover it, all you are doing is just ‘rattling around’ in your life”. She describes her own journey to purpose so eloquently, and the knowing she’d found it as a feeling of ‘coming home’; an apt description. As readers of my previous articles will know, I’ve taken a rather arduous path. First there was the contrasting experience of knowing what my purpose was not – an experience I stayed in for far too long simply because I didn’t know what would be any better. Eventually I let go of needing to know the answer before jumping, because the contrasting experience of what I didn’t want was so bad. Even after finally getting up the courage to publish articles and ‘out’ the thoughts swirling around in my head, I’m still making my way towards living my life’s purpose. Being a writer doesn’t entirely fit, it’s more correct for me to say that I love love love the process of personal growth and sharing that with others who are ready to grow. More than anything I’d like to merge this with a way of making an income, so I can focus wholly on doing what I love. For a while I looked at how to make money writing, and started to think of all the ways that could manifest in my life – the cursed ‘hows’- all the while knowing I didn’t have it in my life. But now I have let go. This week I have settled into a sense of calm and peace, the feeling of ‘lack’ has dissipated to a large extent. Making an income is necessary, but I look at the process of that (in its current form of consulting) as an opportunity for me to be out in the world growing, something I love doing. Writing about what I’ve learned is a wonderful outlet that gives me a sense of ‘coming home’. I also realized, I am home in many ways; I have my kids (who teach me something new every day), an income and a creative outlet. One day the latter two will be one and the same, but it is in a process of unfolding and I am at peace with that. So what do you want and why do you want it? Really take time to understand the biggest picture of 'why' and how that will feel. It’s time to let go of the ‘how’ and focus on the feelings of already having it. Are there things already in your life – or things you can do - that will give you the same feeling you want that you can tune into? So much of what you truly desire is sitting just beyond your reach, just one happy coincidence away, if only you were tuned to the right frequency to receive it. Do whatever it takes to surrender the feeling of lack, and retune into the good vibes, and you too can have what you most want. This article was originally published on LinkedIn. photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/66728752@N00/15607483956">P1100937</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>  Photo by Caleb George Among the dozens of thoughts racing through your mind, and the many more emails, let's not just get swept along by the most pressing things that arise. Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, within the next ten minutes you can gain clarity on the most important thing you can do today.
Work with me here. Take a deep breath, let your thoughts subside. Perhaps take another deep breath and as another thought comes into your head, let it loose to the wind, like a balloon you’ve just let go of. Ask “What’s the most important think I can do today?” then let it go. Start to notice the sounds around you, to the north (or what you imagine to be the north), what do you hear? To the south, the east and the west? Seriously, stay still, stop reading and softly close your eyes if you can (or gently gaze just in front of you) – listen - letting go of any thoughts that come in. Listen, and when you are finished just softly open your eyes and gaze at the next paragraph. Now start to notice what you are feeling, not the emotions and the stories, let those float away with your thoughts. Just notice the sensations in your body, areas of tightness, letting go of any thoughts that come up. Just notice and move on. Focus now on your breathing, counting with each in and out breath, letting go of any thoughts that come in, keep coming back to your breath. If your body wants to move, gently let it move, just keep focusing on your breath in and out; letting go of any thoughts that arise. Keep breathing, in and out twenty times, and just keep letting go of any thoughts. If you have an extra ten minutes up your sleeve, imagine breathing in and out of each pore in each part of your body. If not, skip the next two paragraphs. Start with your right foot, breathe in and out, through every pore of that right foot, letting go of any thoughts that come up. Then your right shin and calf, breathing in and out through every pore on that lower part of your right leg. Then your knee and thigh, letting go of your thoughts as they come in. Switch over to your left leg, then the pelvic area, then the torso, breathing in and out of every pore of every organ in each part of the body. Then your left upper arm, left lower arm and hand, breathing in and out, letting go of any thoughts, before moving to your neck and head, breathing in and out. Imagine tree roots growing from your feet down into the centre of the earth, wrapping around its warm core, the energy flowing back and forth pulsating as it flows around your body, grounding you here. Imagine as every pore in your body breathes in and out that your face is tilted to the warm rays and light of the sun and all that light and energy is pouring in with each breath that you take. Letting go of any thoughts, keeping a hold of that smile as you feel the warmth and light of the sun on your face. You are connected to everything around you, welcome home. Just breathe it in. Now start to notice your heart beating, wiggle your fingers, wiggle your toes. Return to the sounds around you, open your eyes. Enjoy the stillness, drink it in, capture the feeling of this moment and carry it with you into your day. Now, what is the most important thing you can do today? Namaste With thanks to Kim Eng and Tami Simon among many others for their teaching and a tribute to all those who are contributing to the online Mindfulness Summit throughout the month of October. The summit has some amazing and highly acclaimed speakers (from thought leaders such as Arianna Huffington to authors such as Daniel Goleman (Emotional Intelligence), celebrities like Ruby Wax and a number of renound professors and psychologists. It is free to access all month and it's a not-for-profit project with a mission to make mindfulness mainstream. Big ups to Melli OBrien and Matt Dickenson for pulling it together and who believe the peace, balance and compassion found through mindfulness has the capacity to change the whole world from within. Here Here! This article was originally published on LinkedIn.  There is a sense within each of us that strives towards harmony. It’s as if we have a strong magnet right at our core that lets us know when things are out of whack. If you set your life’s compass by your inner magnet it will never let you down. Living your life where you feel the strongest, most positive, pulls may not take you down the easiest of paths, but it will always lead you to your highest good.
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” The wisdom of Lao Tzu’s words resonate, we know everything changes, we even know – in hindsight – that things generally work out for the best, yet much of the time we continue to resist change and fear it as an enemy. Life is like standing on the edge of the seashore with your feet sinking in the sand. There’s an illusion of permanence - the tide will come in and it will go out again. Yet the spot you are standing in right now will never be the same spot again, sands shift, sometimes imperceptibly, other times dramatically. Impermanence, change, is the natural order of things. "this is a time of significant change - from the inside out" In the world at large we can point to many atrocities that humans inflict on each other and on the planet. For most of us though, few of those impact our own experience of daily life. However, this is a time of significant change - from the inside out. In organisations the pace of change is faster than ever before. The resistance to change has become more an ambivalence, eroding loyalties and the sense of belonging. More and more are seeking fulfilment, "there has to be more to life". On the home front, mixed families are becoming more common with divorce rates globally trending upwards. People are less willing to be unhappy, which in itself is a good thing. Yesterday I heard from an uncle, who had been reading my articles, and felt it put him in mind of Rousseau when he said ”Man was born free and everywhere he is in chains". Indeed, if we look at our life through the lens of our mind that is true. “I can’t” is a mantra of the mind which tends towards the more pessimistic as it usually runs in survival mode as a default; unless you change it. There is much more to us than our mind. You are born into this world with talents, traits, perhaps even a purpose, and - most importantly – a sense of what is right and wrong for you, and only you; your inner magnet. "only you know what is truly right for you" You are unique. In the history of mankind, as Sir Ken Robinson pointed out in an interview recently, there have never been two humans exactly alike. Therefore, only you know what is truly right for you. I look upon life as a journey I wanted to undertake before I ever arrived. There’s no memory in mind of why I wanted to take it, because my mind belongs to this physical body, which did not exist before I was conceived. "there’s a deeper knowing within" However, there’s certainly a deeper knowing within, that inner magnet, that continually gives you feedback about whether you are on track should you choose to listen. Mind, body and spirit, all three are great feedback systems when you listen to what they are actually saying. It’s really simply, if you feel good (in all three), you’re on track. If you are out of whack, it will show up in thought patterns, distressing emotions, illness and malaise. So how does all of this relate to what’s happening today in our world, with people becoming disenfranchised in their home and work lives? I use that term deliberately, because it relates to people being stripped of their power – which is what happens in traditional workplaces and in the sense of traditional relationships. "be unwilling to be shackled by conventions and bound by ‘rules’ that make no sense for you" What we are seeing is people starting to take back their power, unwilling to be shackled by conventions and bound by ‘rules’ that make no sense for your natural growth throughout life. Earlier in the week I was asked whether my partner and I would ever get married. Yes there are benefits to couples making commitments in the raising of children, but to expect someone to feel as they do today, to want what they want today, to need what they need today, in 20, 40 or 60 years from now, just doesn’t make sense. "by getting past the need to put external controls on others, there will come a harmony" If we can get past the need to put external controls on people, instead of the anarchy feared in the minds of many, there will come a harmony. As Fredric Laloux talked about in ‘Reinventing Organisations’, any organisation that makes the change from ‘management’ to ‘self management’, does go through an unsettled period. However, self management is where profit, purpose and personal fulfilment can thrive together as discussed in my recent article about the remarkable new organizational structure. The same is true for us as individuals. With freedom comes responsibility, consequences are directly felt. Therefore the adjustment is usually fairly quick. First though, you have to wake up to the conventions, cultures, beliefs and unwritten rules you’ve unknowingly subscribed to, the things that make you think “I can’t”. Try turning that around, “what needs to be true for me to…” and follow your inner compass, not the one society has set for you. Embrace change and you will change not only your world, but the world around you for the better. This article was originally published on LinkedIn. photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/65910542@N06/6320137795">Which Way?</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/">(license)</a>  Photo by Dysa Eldin More and more people now acknowledge our ability to create our reality through our thoughts. We see the truth of this every day, the way we think about something affects the way we feel about it, which affects our behaviour towards it and the experience of it.
Thoughts create energy, feelings create eves greater energy, our behaviour creates energy. Good vibes, bad vibes, we call them; we sense them because our energy is connected. In my last article on why feeling good is the key to your success, I referred to Dr Joe Dispenza’s explanations on the science behind this. So we are starting to get the point, we create our own reality. Then we think, if I create my own reality, why is this my life experience? This is not the life I dream of. How did I get here? And how do I get out of it? Usually around age 3 or 4, we become conscious of ourselves as separate from others, this is a reality only in the physical sense, but most of us were born into cultures that believed it to be true in almost every sense. Yes, your physical body is different to every other physical body that exists right now, and has ever existed in history of humankind; I’m as unique as a snowflake. Yet as all snowflakes are snow, as Michael Beckwith puts it, we too are all connected. While you come into this world with a purpose, characteristics, talents even, at first you don’t realise the role of the mind. As newborns we are so oblivious, the nature of our reality starts to evolve all around us with only survival instincts leading the way. Starting at a young age, parts of your true nature get shielded and hidden, others get exploited disproportionately, as you feel accepted or rejected. Before you know it ‘you’ are the sum of your true self and a complex entanglement of your life’s experiences. Often you can’t even discern one from the other. So from this vantage point, you are creating a reality that will be just as entangled. You’ve taken on energy that is not helping you attract the dreams you desire. Though still as unique as a snowflake, you are now weighed down by the layers that served you once and have gathered around you like a snowball. "become more of who you really are" As you become conscious of this, you start to observe ‘you’ differently, you start to pay more attention to the things you like and the things you don’t. Slowly, your view of yourself changes and you become more of who you really are, your authentic self. I wrote much about this process in earlier articles. Then, as you think about what you really want out of this life from your new vantage point, you can start to attract more that really fulfills you. Here is where the power of the mind plays a part. You can have whatever you want in life but there is a caveat, as I was reminded listening to Mike Dooley this week. What you want is often not what you think you want. Let me explain. "it cannot depend on any specific person" With the right energy you can achieve pretty much anything, from the mundane to the miraculous, but it cannot depend on any specific person. You can have happiness, love, wealth, health, meaning, anything you want, but if you are hanging that on anyone else – or the actions of anyone else – you will keep waiting and waiting and waiting. Note the premise I am discussing here, your thoughts, feelings and actions create your reality. If you what you want depends on someone else, you are contending with their thoughts, feelings and actions, you’re contending with their perception of who they really are, you are contending with a whole lot of complex, mixed up energy that may never match yours in your entire lifetime, far less at the point you desire it. Instead, if you set your own cocktail of energy free and forget about the 'how' or 'who', you are much more likely to attract what you’re really looking for. Getting what you want out of life is actually pretty simple (note I'm not saying it's easy), just work it through to the point of it not being attached to specific people or the actions of specific people. I have lost count of the amount of times I’ve wished I could change a person, if only that boss didn’t micromanage, if only that colleague could understand where I was coming from, if only that partner would appreciate my efforts, the list is endless. Instead, if you can step away from how you’d like others to change, and focus on what it is you would really like – freedom to act autonomously in your work, acceptance, appreciation, and so on, you will start to prescribe something that can really be delivered. “focus on the feeling of already having it” Then of course, because you are prescribing something you haven’t currently got, you have to focus on the feeling of already having it. If you focus on the lack of it, and constantly reinforce that feeling, you will only attract like energy and continue to not have it. If what you want is, say, a fulfilling career, then seek out stories of how others transformed their life – there are literally thousands of examples out there now in whatever form you prefer. Once you have heard even just a few of these stories, your confidence, your energy will start to change. Results are unlikely to be instantaneous. We all need a bit of growing room, you need time for your cocktail of desires and energies to attract just the right opportunities for you. But they will happen. They come to us in all sorts of ways, that seem like chance and circumstance, and only in hinsdsight will you usually be able to put it all together. "live in the present, not in the future" Meanwhile, while you are working on the feeling of already having what you desire, remember that life is indeed a journey. Not having everything that you want can be frustrating, but there will always be something you desire that is not within your current reality; this is our nature - growth, expansion. You, however, are living in the present, not in the future. This may seem like a juxtaposition, but your future is made up by a series of present days. Take a relook at your present situation and focus on the good things that are happening for you now, make good use of the positive energy you already have at your disposal and you will soon start to get more of what you really want out of life. This article was originally published on LinkedIn. |
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