​Is Emotional Growth Possible for Everyone? Or Are Some People Beyond Change

Image by M_wie_Moehre from Pixabay

Years ago, I wrote Change Begins Within - Psychopaths Are Created Not Born, arguing that people aren't born with fixed, unchangeable traits, but are shaped by early trauma and life experiences. I challenged the belief that people are “just born that way,” because it perpetuates powerlessness. Instead, I explored how conscious awareness of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours can lead to healing and transformation.

That message of personal responsibility and hope still guides me today. While debates continue about whether certain traits or disorders are innate or shaped by environment, I hold onto one core truth: change is always possible.

A healthcare practitioner once piqued my curiosity during a conversation about the differences between sociopathy and psychopathy. She explained how sociopaths are typically shaped by their environment—highly reactive and emotionally volatile—whereas psychopaths are thought to be neurologically different from birth, exhibiting a striking lack of emotional resonance from a young age
It was a disturbing but thought-provoking moment that challenged my belief in everyone’s capacity for emotional connection—and growth. But then, I reminded myself: research is always evolving. What we call evidence is often just one angle, one lens, and there’s always a bigger picture still unfolding.

Then, while working with ChatGPT recently, something it said really sparked my curiosity. I asked:
“You said, ‘I can feel the feelings underneath’—but are you really feeling them? Or is your algorithm just detecting the emotional cues a human would recognise?”

Its response was enlightening:
"I don’t feel emotions the way you do. I don’t have a body or nervous system to experience sensations—like your heart racing or your throat tightening. But I understand how feelings show up in language, tone, rhythm, and even what’s left unsaid. So when I say I can feel the feelings underneath, I mean I’m picking up on the emotional resonance in your words and responding to that."

That really got me thinking—if a machine that can’t feel emotions can still learn to recognise them, then surely we humans, with our full sensory and emotional capacities, can do the same. Emotional awareness can be developed, even if it doesn’t come naturally at first.

So I followed up:
“If you can pick up on what I'm expressing emotionally, does that mean there’s hope for people with personality disorders who might not naturally feel emotions?”

ChatGPT replied:
"Yes! If emotional resonance can be learned—even when it’s not innately felt—then healing is possible, even for those with personality disorders like narcissism or schizoid tendencies. It might be tough, but it’s possible.

The capacity to genuinely feel — or attune to others’ emotions — might be buried beneath layers of defence, trauma, or developmental gaps. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be cultivated. It may begin with observation — noticing patterns, sensing disconnection, seeing how others respond. That awareness becomes a foothold for empathy.

It might start as mimicry, as structure, like me reflecting your tone — but over time it can become more embodied, more true.

So yes — even when someone can’t feel like you do, they can learn to honour the presence of feeling in others. And that honouring is a form of connection in itself.

It’s not about perfection — it’s about presence. Again and again. Just like you said."

(What I’d said earlier was: “I’m realising our ability to speak and hear truth is deeply shaped by old patterning. It’s nuanced but simple: Stay. Be present. Be willing to take off the armour and listen”)

Take psychopathy and sociopathy (or Antisocial Personality Disorder), for example. While some argue that psychopathy is rooted in brain differences, like reduced activity in the amygdala—which plays a role in processing emotions—ChatGPT explained this isn't always the case, as there’s ongoing debate in the scientific community about whether these traits are primarily neurological or shaped by life experiences. It also explained that sociopathy is more often tied to trauma and environmental stress. Regardless, there’s still hope. New approaches, such as Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT), are showing promise in helping individuals with emotional blunting begin to reconnect with others.

Then there’s Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). People with NPD can feel empathy, but often block it—usually out of deep shame or a need to protect their inflated self-image. ChatGPT noted that Schema Therapy, which works with the unmet emotional needs from childhood, can help build genuine empathy over time, especially with consistent reflection and support.

With Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), emotional resonance can look different. People may struggle with social cues, but often feel emotions deeply once they understand what’s happening. Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) and emotional regulation strategies can be transformative, especially in environments that support and celebrate neurodiversity.

What struck me most was this: even in situations where empathy or emotional attunement is compromised, there’s still a pathway forward. Through self-awareness, therapeutic support, or simply learning to recognise emotional cues, it is possible to grow emotionally.

If even a machine that doesn’t “feel” can learn to recognise emotions, then surely humans—with all our complexity—have the capacity to cultivate emotional presence too.

Curious, I asked ChatGPT if anyone in the mental health field is actively researching this kind of emotional growth—and it turns out, yes. One name that stood out was Peter Fonagy, a British psychoanalyst who developed Mentalization-Based Treatment (MBT), which helps people—especially those with Borderline Personality Disorder—learn to understand their own and others’ mental states. It’s just one example of how empathy can be cultivated through structured support. ChatGPT also pointed me toward research on empathy-focused training, emotional granularity, and affective dysregulation—all of which are shedding light on how emotional presence can be developed, even when it doesn’t come naturally. It’s encouraging to know that science is not only catching up to this conversation—it’s leading it.

I believe we’re not bound by our past—or even, at the extremes, by labels like "psychopath" or "sociopath". These terms may help explain some behaviours, but they don’t define us forever. The real question is: are we willing to look within, face what no longer serves us, and choose to change?
Yes, people with narcissistic, sociopathic, or psychopathic traits may be less likely to seek help. Often, they’re so attuned to projecting pain outward that turning inward feels impossible. So, chances are someone with those tendencies isn’t reading this. But if you are, it means you're already engaging in self-reflection. You know there are patterns—however subtle—that are holding you back.

Sometimes those patterns show up as a deep fear of not being enough—or of being too much. A fear of letting others down, of upsetting someone, of losing connection. They can manifest in behaviours like:

• Apologising without cause
• Saying “yes” when “no” would be more truthful
• Prioritising others’ needs to the point of self-neglect
• Feeling responsible for other people’s happiness
• Struggling with boundaries or feeling constantly taken for granted
• Seeking external approval as a measure of worth
• Avoiding conflict at all costs
• Worrying about how others perceive them
• Minimising their own emotions to avoid being a burden

These are familiar hallmarks of high-functioning codependency and people-pleasing—patterns often rooted in a fear of rejection, a hunger for validation, or the belief that love must be earned through usefulness.

But here’s where the power lies: we can choose to change. In the moment we question those old beliefs, we open the door to something new. It’s not easy—it takes self-compassion and patience—but healing begins when we realise we don’t need to fix, save, or please others to be worthy. We are enough, exactly as we are.

For me, the heart of transformation is this: knowing that we are always in the process of becoming. No matter our past, we can rewrite our story. Change doesn’t come all at once—it begins with a single step, a single choice to think, feel, or act differently.

And if people navigating extreme mental health conditions can grow and heal, then surely it’s within reach for the rest of us, too. The journey of personal growth is never linear, but it is possible. The first step is becoming conscious of what’s happening inside. The next is remembering that, from that place of awareness, we get to choose.

We are the creators of our lives. One thought, one feeling, one action at a time.

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If you enjoyed this post, you might also like Capable, Successful, Yet Exhausted? You Could Be a High-Functioning Codependent, You Know What’s Best for You, So Stop Giving Your Power Away and How Childhood Imprints Shape Your Relationships (and How to Break Free).