Honour Your Story but Free Yourself of Its Shackles

Image by Elias Sch. from Pixabay

The thought occurred to me, who am I without my story?

The reason it occurred to me was because I was working with someone who can intuitively feel trauma and stuck energy within a body, and work to clear it. We were talking about a time in my life, long ago, when I had my heart shattered and my self esteem suffered badly; with many unhealthy self depreciating thought patterns arising. This had then led to many more unwanted things like an unhealthy relationship, panic disorder and a car accident.

The healer said he could remove that trauma and all its associated effects from my body and asked whether I would like him to. There is a big part of me who would love to just shrug off any chains that shackle me in an instant; to be immediately free of the effects of any of those harder experiences. 

The fact is though, I really wasn’t yet ready to let go of that part of my story. I got a vision in my head of a hand delving deep into a murky pond and wrenching a weed from the bottom; it stirred up everything else in its wake.

What I seek, more than just ridding myself of all trauma, is a conscious unwinding of all of it. I have a desire to peel back the layers gently, in reverence, one at a time, and create someone more whole in the process as I described in Take Your Broken Pieces and Make a Beautiful Life.

I think of who we show up as in the world like the layers of an onion, with layer upon layer of experiences that occur in our lives because of the meaning we have associated with our earliest events. As Dr Gabor Mate says in Shattered Minds “Of all the environments the one that most profoundly shapes the human personality is the invisible one: the emotional atmosphere in which the child lives during the early critical years of brain development.”

Margaret Mahler, child psychologist and researcher, further explains “To the infant, the world reveals itself in the image of its parents: in eye contact, intensity of glance, body language, tone of voice and, above all, in the day to day joy or emotional fatigue exhibited in the presence of the child.”

I’m aware therefore that I began receiving signals and making unconscious meaning of this world (and myself within it) from all these non-verbal signals long before I could even talk. It is no surprise then, as I heard a therapist say in the Transcendence 2 series, that the most commonly held beliefs we have are:

• I’m not good enough
• I’m not important
• Mistakes and failures are bad
• If I make a mistake or fail, I’ll be rejected

And so, as I came to see life through my unique lenses (a veritable cocktail of things like genes, disposition, and experiences), my experiences served to further perpetuate and instil whatever beliefs I had first formed. While it is reassuring to know that this is exactly as every human does, I find it’s also startling to realise that is quite separate from my parents’ (good) intentions and it was all well in motion before I started to more consciously become aware of myself.

As I peel back the layers, I reconcile the emotions and unhelpful beliefs and come to a deeper understanding of who I am and how to move forward without being shackled to that part of the story. And that is the real key I think, it’s not that my story changes, it’s how it lives within me that changes.

A friend suggested writing each emotional or physical trauma in my life, and the meaning I had made of each, on separate pieces of paper, then creating a beautiful box and placing all the pieces inside. Finally, with love, gift the box to the elements and let nature take its course. I like this idea symbolically, but however it happens, the tethers must be cut in order for me to come into the fullness of who I am.

It is also not just a story of triumph over trauma and challenge; it is a life that has (and has had) many beautiful people and wonderful experiences that have filled me with hope and light over the years. They too are part of the fabric of who I am, as I have talked about in articles like Who Showed You Unconditional Love?

As I cut the attachments to the things that keep me weighed down, I must also learn to use the positive experiences as wind beneath my wings. All of this is part of the experience of enlightenment in every sense of the word.

Each of us will feel called to unshackle ourselves in different ways, but unshackle we must if we are to truly fly.

​If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy Take Back Your Power - Only One Thing Need Change for You to Feel Good, Do You Really Know the Different Parts of You?, Change Unhealthy Reactions and Get in Touch With What You Want for Your Future – Recognise Your Brain Is Dwelling in the Past. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.