Are the People You Surround Yourself With a Match to What You Want From Life?

Image by Maike und Björn Bröskamp from Pixabay 

Recently I saw a post that stated “You are the average of the five nervous systems you spend the most time with”. This is a derivative of Jim Rohn’s assertion that “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with” but the principle still rings true for me.

When I exited an unhealthy relationship, in the months and years that followed both my osteopath and chiropractor observed the difference in my nervous system.

Author David Burkis said, when researching the science of social networks, he found that we are indeed influenced by the people around us but that influence doesn’t stop anywhere near the five people we spend the most time with. It’s far more dispersed and research suggests it includes people we haven’t even met yet.

He concluded “You’re not the average of the five people you surround yourself with. It’s way bigger than that. You’re the average of all the people who surround you. So take a look and make sure you’re in the right surroundings”.

As writer Maarten Van Doom points out “The people you surround yourself with:

• Shape who you are
  
• Determine which conversations dominate your attention
  
• And affect which attitudes and behaviours you are regularly exposed to”.
  

Burkis cites the example of putting on weight, when people we know put on weight we are more likely to also – and when friends of friends put on weight that also increases our likelihood of weight gain. Van Doom explores the question of trying to live well, and proposes that we surround ourselves with people we admire.

Sound advice given that research by social psychologist Dr McClelland of Harvard concluded “the people you habitually associate with determine as much as 95% of your success or failure in life”.

I know from my early years in an intense personal development programme, it can be easy to interpret that as material success, but experience has drawn me more to resonate with the following quote by Sasha Tozzi, which I have posted on my wall.

Choose people who:

• Choose you
  
• Ask how you are
  
• See you
  
• Let you be you
  
• Feel good to your nervous system
  
• You can breathe easily around
  
• You don’t need to perform for
  
• Are good for your mental health
  
• Want to see you win
  
• Don’t try to control you”
  

That isn’t necessarily the story in most people’s childhood, and that is where friends become incredibly important, certainly they were for me. Then, as I grew, and got involved in more romantic relationships and career dynamics, the people I were drawn to were often challenging.

Those challenges, as I now see them, were like unconscious do-overs of the early relationship dynamics that I wasn’t in control of. It would be oversimplifying things if I said I was subconsciously trying to prove my worthiness, but along the right lines.

In essence, I’ve metaphorically hit a lot of brick walls and bled out to grow on a soul level.

And as I sit in an in-between space in my life, in between shaking out the things I don’t want and attracting all the things I do want, I am feeling - by and large - pretty nurtured by the people I associate with these days.

But I am turning more towards the desire I have to help people navigate life from love rather than fear, taking them back to simplicity and reminding them to do the things they’ve forgotten. And I’m orientated to being with someone kind and secure in themselves, with whom I can feel the deepest sense of belonging, companionship, wholeness and love.

So this timely reminder about who I associate with is perhaps right on cue as a reminder to engage with others who already embody these things or have already attracted them into their own life. Others who inspire me and stretch my thinking in the direction I want to go.

As you think about your life, and the people you associate with, in what ways do they reflect the life you want to live? Are there boundaries that need strengthened? People who you perhaps need to let go? Others you might want to attract?

If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy How to Attract People Who Love You the Way You Are: Accept and Approve of Yourself, What You Give Your Attention to Is Your Greatest Contribution, How to Withstand the Assault of Self Doubt and Go After Your Dreams, Stand in Your Own Truth and What Do You Want From Your Relationships - Time to Take an Inventory? To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.