A Triumph of Authenticity - Can You Embrace the Totality of Your Being?

Image by Lee_seonghak from Pixabay 

I happened upon something I wrote in my journal quite some time ago “Imagine what it might feel like to be with a person who takes an interest in me, in what I think, do or feel, or someone who offers to do things for me, or someone who does stuff with pleasing me in mind.”

To be fair, these days I have close friends who reflect these things back to me, and I can’t deny I’ve experienced times in other relationships like this. However, I can also see the ways in which I’ve rejected myself over the decades and how that has been reflected back also.

A good friend recently asked what my wish list would be for a relationship; I responded that not only would I want someone who could deal with the totality of who I am but who would want to. This, I realise, starts with me being able to embrace the totality of who I am. If I can’t, if I reject parts of myself, then I’m unlikely to express them fully or positively and be embraced for them.

That got me wondering about the different aspects of myself that I’ve invited rejection around throughout my life. I don’t mean the one off comments, but patterns.

One glaringly obvious trait I seem to have done of good job of inviting rejection around is my deep, reflective nature. Most people I come across simply can’t do deep to the degree I do, some find it intimidating, others too serious or too intense.

My mum used to joke that I was born asking “why”. There were lots of things she would try to answer, but if I questioned her actions, authority, decisions or beliefs that was where I would meet a dead end - as many kids do – with the phrase “because I said so”. Enter stage left obedience, self doubt and people pleasing characteristics.

The breadth and depth in my perception of life is, I think, largely driven by my felt experience of life being about far more than that which my physical senses recognise. This kind of conversation was a non starter in my childhood home. Both my parents had rejected the religion of their childhoods and, along with it, any interest or discussion about the spiritual aspects of life.

In some ways this was to my benefit as it really sent me on a journey of discovery. When I was working in Spain during the summer of 1991, my dad jokingly asked in a letter “So, have you figured out the meaning of life yet?” In short, at age nineteen, no, I hadn’t. But figuring out the meaning behind so many aspects of life is something I revel in.

I’ve since come to understand we are all different expressions of one thing, one energy – love, if you will - split and fractured in a bid to get to know itself, and ultimately seeking unity. This I see reflected in human existence where people reject parts of themselves and each other, yet I figure we are all connected and so what I reject in you, I reject in me.

I also believe every action creates a reaction and those ripples across the cosmic pond are all connected. So there isn’t a single thing I couldn’t wonder “why” about. It could be as simple as a mix up in an order, a physical ailment, an unhelpful conversation, a run in with another, or government decisions, or even natural disasters. On the other side of the coin, it could be an unexpected gift, an achievement, a compliment or an amazing holiday; the “why” of it all is fascinating, even if it’s only obvious in retrospect.

This is far from the life and world in which I was brought up, which was far more focused on physical outputs and productivity, manners, rules and convention, and intellectual pursuits so long as they were related to something mainstream. Therefore my deep nature isn’t one I embraced within myself, in some ways I felt like something was wrong with me for not just accepting life at face value and I always aspired to be more carefree.

So it’s no surprise I attracted relationships where my depth of wonder and conclusions about life and its serendipities was not generally appreciated. Yet I can see I’m not alone. The global wellness industry, including spiritual self care, had apparently grown to $4 trillion in 2020, so there are obviously a lot of people out there who think along similar lines to me.

Recently I was having a conversation with an old friend who told me they just can’t do so much deep. For me, it was a mark of my progress to recognise this wasn’t a rejection of me, and nor did I feel I had to bend to another’s shape; it was simply a mismatch of preferences and traits, all of which are valid and valuable in their own ways.

I think it was Abraham-Hicks I once heard warning against getting too prescriptive about how what I want in life is delivered. If I desire that another person be a particular way, I am setting myself up for failure as I don’t control others or circumstances and it is not necessary to, nor is it healthy. Instead if I just imagine what I do want in my life without assigning it to any particular person or circumstance, and imagine having it, I’ll be far more successful.

So instead I imagine a life in which I reflect and embrace the totality of who I am in the way I interact with others, having and holding healthy boundaries. Accepting life at face value is no longer something I aspire to, although I trust in life at this level because I have faith that everything in the wider context is always working out and evolving, and that assuredness comes from my deeper curiosity and understanding. 

Today I am deeply grateful for my closest confidants who know and love me as the curious, deep thinker that I am, and who can not only go the rounds of introspection and speculation about the why’s and wherefore’s of life but can drive their own conversations in that regard. I am also grateful for those in my life who live life on a lighter note, but who also enjoy embracing the depths from time to time when in my company. Life is a lovely mix of all of it and I look forward to more.

What aspects of yourself have you rejected along life’s path? Can you imagine how it would feel to embrace the totality of your being and have others reflect that back to you? It would certainly be a real triumph for authenticity and a sure fire way of living your best life.

​If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy How Do I Honour What I Believe and Care Less What You Think?, How to Receive and Be More Confident in Your Needs, Desires and Opinions, Embrace Your Authentic Self, Shed the Toxic People in Your Life and How Living Your Passions Fully Combats Feeling Lonely. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.