It’s Absolutely Okay Not to Get Everything Done and Say No to People

Image by DanaTentis from Pixabay

It is that time of year again, the two month lead up to the festive season and suddenly demands on my calendar go nuts. The weird thing is that I forget this, the kids go into their final term at school for the year and I think of it like any other term – in parent language - it’s a time to get things done without distraction.

I can’t remember if it was this crazy when I lived in the UK, I think so. Certainly here in the southern hemisphere where the school year runs from the start to the end of the calendar year, there is an avalanche of plays, activities, camps, shows and such forth. In the workplace everyone seems to want to get everything done before mid December, which seems to mark the end of any activity except shopping and socializing until February,

When I travelled to the UK earlier this year I was reminded of the hectic pre-holiday “getting it all done” energy which, in essence, means do everything you would normally in advance of when you go so you can relax and enjoy your vacation. This next couple of months is like that on steroids.

I decided, after someone expressed some frustration to me, that I wasn’t buying into beating myself up. Having updated a friend on where I am at in life, I had been talking about creating my business website, they said (in paraphrase) “it may just be my frustration, but I think with all your skills you should just be out there being of service and not wasting time on that”.

It stung, I won’t lie, because I’m part of – and was brought up in – a society that highly prizes productivity and doing. To procrastinate is a sin of gargantuan proportion. And yet, as I pointed out, I do actually have a job as a parent, and I do also already work in my career, I’m not waiting on anything other than right timing.

Walking along the beach today I thought about how it’s easier to catch a wave than battle against them. In fact I advise people to wait for those moments when things are lined up and you can act with ease rather than feel you’re battling against everything.

I also thought about how hard on myself I was being, and why the implication I might be procrastinating in any way stung. Technically procrastination is to put something off, yes, I agree with that if it’s not right timing and it isn’t urgent. I think the inference that I may never get around to that thing is what offends more.

I only have to look in my rear view mirror to see that in some ways I’m an over achiever, the things I commit to I embrace fully and seriously and – if I try to do everything that life offers up on its plate - I get prone to burn out.

Once my nervous system kicks into flight or fight, it gets harder to distinguish between what is urgent and what is important, everything feels that way, and I go into hyperdrive trying to get it all done. So after years of following the same old unhealthy patterns, now I tend to tell myself it’s absolutely okay not to get everything done.

Migraines, kidney stones, chronic muscle tension, back pain, heart palpitations and arrhythmia (among other things) have all played a part in my story along the way. I’ve invested a lot of time and energy in my wellbeing and getting healthy mentally, emotionally and physically, so I’m not about to start buying into old narratives that simply do not serve me or anyone close to me.

I’m enjoying cultivating the new website in my imagination. The domain name was purchased some time ago, but the timing to actually apply the creative process to it has been off. It’s like a sculptor with clay, when creating something from nothing but the raw material, to bring it to life requires space to get into that fluidity of creation.

I suspect that the timing is almost upon me even in this busy period. There are days coming up where I may be alone for a few days at a time, and those could be just right for the inspiration to flow. Or not: I’ve learned too much about life to know it does not always go as planned. But I also know if I hold an intention, which is now building to some excited anticipated as I imagine some of the words and images I’ll use, the right time will present itself and it will all flow beautifully and intensely.

As I was listening to an interview with Megan Devine about her books It’s Okay That You’re Not Okay and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed, I acknowledged what an intense journey I’ve been on in recent years. There have been the trials of motherhood, losing my own mother, the deep trauma work I’ve done and all I’ve learned in that field, not to mention a rather toxic separation mirrored in many ways with what was happening socially (or one could say antisocially) with the global response to the pandemic.

There is absolutely no doubt that I’ve been grieving for many things on many levels, and allowing myself that space and time to heal and to get comfortable with the things that have happened that I cannot change. Taking the time to actually consider my mental, emotional and physical landscape like this is important.

It’s often the case we expect to “have a good night’s sleep” and be restored to full energy and ready to take on the next thing the next day. Certainly as I’ve gotten older I’ve realised there are lots of things getting processed on lots of levels at any one time, and the tank is not always anywhere near full.

I acknowledge, for example, that creating life in my womb and growing a number of humans in there (not all of whom made it through), then birthing and feeding actual humans who grew from virtually nothing to substantial - all from being fed only by my body for almost two years at a time – comes at a cost that even many years later I don’t feel fully recovered from.

Thus, as I enter crazy season on the calendar, as a mum of some amazing adolescents, partner to an incredible human, cultivator of growth, expansion and big dreamer of servitude aligned with my purpose, and friend and family member to many more beautiful people I love, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it’s absolutely okay not to get everything done and say no to people at times.

What about you? As you enter one of the busiest times of the year, are you able to appreciate all that you are, and all you have accomplished, and still be absolutely okay not to get everything done and say no to people?

If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy Make Choices That Will Have the Most Positive Impact in Your Life, Who is in the Driving Seat – My Ego or My True Self?, How to Make Me-Time a Top Priority, Give Yourself the Gift of Presence to Relieve the Torture of Stress and Sit With Your Sorrow, Wait as It Reveals the Lessons It Offers. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.