How to Make Me-Time a Top Priority

Image by Jose Antonio Alba from Pixabay

Listening to a broadcast with Evette Rose earlier today on Finding Yourself Again, she said something that really resonated. It was along the lines of “To reconnect back to ourselves, our identity, who we are, what we want, what we need and what we like, requires some alone time. All these aspects of self become deeply challenged, influenced and tainted when our focus is so challenged just trying to cope, there’s no energy for it to be redirected back to us”.

Having just returned from an extended trip with my children, visiting friends and family who live so far away, it has been around two months since I last had any meaningful alone time. I’m talking about time that did not have anything or anyone scheduled into it and had no purpose other than to reconnect with myself.

I felt this all the more acutely because on the first day that I was set to have some time to myself, one of my offspring was sick and had to stay home from school. That is when it really hit me just how much I had been hanging on, awaiting that precious time. Thankfully, the day after she was well enough to go back to school and the kids were also staying at their dad’s that night. At last, a treasured twenty four hours with no plans.

I used the time to journal, to meditate, to take a walk on the beach and to connect in with my inner self. While doing so a conversation I had with my brother on the trip popped into my head. I had been reflecting on a strong personality I’d come across on my travels and how they like to be in control in order to remain confident and secure. He chuckled and asked who that might remind me of, and I conceded, smiling “Yes, yes, it takes one to know one, I know”.

Years ago my mum called me a control freak when I was making sandwiches for a picnic and she asked what she could do to help. While I’m generally a very organized person, I’m not great at assigning tasks to others in the moment, especially with two young kids in the background who also simultaneously wanted my attention. My brain seems to get overwhelmed and I freeze up, it’s easier just to work through things on my own.

I realised then that the very thing I had a pattern of trying to control was my own overwhelm.

During Evette’s broadcast she asked lots of questions like “Who are you (top three descriptions)? What are your strengths/weaknesses? What are your values? What gives you a sense of purpose/impact/meaning?” and so forth.

My sense of purpose has been on my mind forever but, certainly with the big trip, it’s been in focus as people have asked me time and again what I’m doing these days. Of the possibilities that exist, I am conscious that many of the choices are still a few years away since much of my time is still wrapped up in parenting. Yet many people have pointed out to me that I already make a difference in the way that I parent.

Over the years I have become increasingly aware how much productivity and economic contribution from adults is prized and expected above all else, I was very good at those things in my corporate life. Yet there are many others forms of contribution required this world in order for humanity to thrive, parenting being just one.

Really when I think about my sense of purpose it’s about being of service using my core strengths to help people connect in some way to their personal power and face psychological, emotional or spiritual challenges. It’s also about how we evolve the systems in society that are no longer serving us. How to help though, in ways that are uniquely me, is the (mainly elusive) question?

I liken this to walking through gardens and looking at a bed of flowers. Except in this case the flowers might be metaphorical careers, like writers or those who help people one on one, like coaches and psychotherapists. I identify with each “bed” a little, but not entirely. Instead I feel like I’m somewhere in a bed that is being cultivated and I just need time, nutrition and space enough to hold my sense of self long enough to pop through the surface and grow.

So when Evette asked about fears I thought instantly that my greatest fear is probably losing space that is already in short supply, space for connecting to myself and contemplating. I have a contemplative personality, a sensitivity I have run roughshod over in this society that values productivity.

I also fear the unknown at times. I wonder how can I define what I have to offer so it more closely matches who I am? How will I connect to my tribe? And so forth.

But when she asked what kind of person I want to be? What kind of people I admire and how can I cultivate these qualities? I knew straight away I want to be relaxed, at peace, trusting and trusted, helpful, inspired and inspiring. The most important quality is that connection to me.

I realise that overcoming my fears is a question of maintaining healthy boundaries around my “me” time, to allow the time to find myself again – over and over.  It’s as simple as that. Not easy, because life is busy and we have to make choices. As difficult as it can be, as much as I don’t like to let others down, I am starting to choose “me” more, because when I do it all flows from there.

Listening to a  beautiful podcast the other day with Belinda Womack, it had some great reminders of the massive support that's there seemingly shifting everything subtly behind the scenes in favour of my best and highest outcomes.  When I look in the rear view mirror and see how things lined up for me in the past, I can easily see the vast amount of things I didn't and couldn't have personally foreseen or planned. 

And I know deeply within my fibers that when I feel connected to me I see those signs and hear my inner guidance much more clearly. Where inspiration flows I shall follow the symbols, signs and furiously ride the wave from that standpoint rather than swimming against the tide. All of it stems from connecting into me.

What about you, what areas of your life would benefit from more “me” time? And how will you make this a priority?

If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy Shift Focus and Make Time for You, You Will Flourish When You Take Alone Time to Hear Your Heart, The Power of Time Out This Holiday Season - Reconnect With the Real You and What to Do if You Feel Trapped By Your Circumstances.  To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.