How to Respect Your Own Value

Image by Dimitri Houtteman from Pixabay

I was reading an experienced tutor’s words and he said to his students “The first step of the process (of learning this method) is to respect your own value. Understand that you have skills and talents that can change someone’s life.”

It made me think about the times in my corporate career I’d sat and refreshed my work resume and how much effort it had taken me to really hone in on those things that were unique to me and had created value.

Ordinarily I’m looking at myself from the inside out, not the outside in, and I am acutely aware of my own doubts and failings – far more so than my value.

But there is a statement I read “My very existence in and of itself provides extraordinary value, and is a profound blessing to all” that really resonated with all I have come to believe about life. I can’t imagine why some people would be created as less valuable than others, like a creator somewhere would be saying “Hmm, that’s enough people with value, now I just need some to fill the space around them with useless folks”.

​So, back in the corporate days, I would sit down and start with all the outcomes of my productivity, and the ways in which I could quantify it. Then I’d look at any praise or feedback I’d received and, finally, I’d go through the list and focus in on the things that I had really enjoyed. 

I also remember formulating my elevator pitch, a short description of what I did and the value it added that I could recite casually at the drop of a hat.

Having embarked on a deliberate journey to project myself from the inside out, my pitch has evolved. 
For example, one of my online profiles says:

After years of working with people and cultures in the field of customer experience transformation, I know true success comes from people like you and I being, well, the real us. Figuring out what that means is a process for all of us. Each week I publish articles sharing my own insights and experiences to inspire you to live the life you deserve – and to help you become the authentic person that our friends and family, our organisations and corporations, governments...our world, needs. To find out more visit shonakeachie.com

It’s been a while though since I revisited it, and I’m now starting to orientate myself to what else, beyond publishing my own experiences, I could do to help others on their journey.
I wondered what my pitch would be in ten years time.

This reminded me about what the ancient Egyptian’s call the ren (they referred to five parts of the soul: the ba being the personality, ka the life force, ib the heart or record of good and bad deeds, shuet the shadow aspects and ren the name).

It is said the ren was more than just a name, it was a secret name, a short phrase that depicted the sum of a person’s experiences that only they (and possibly those closest to them) would know. Knowing someone’s ren held power, it is like a concentrated or condensed version of a person’s authentic totality and a hyper condensed version of an elevator pitch.

I admit this idea of a ren is appealing; it calls to my desire to really crystallise who I am. From that perspective my ren feels like a work in progress, yet to be revealed. The most concise statement I have for me right now is something like “Seeking a way to put to good use that which was lost and now is found”.

I suspect there is some gold among the last few years of learning, discovery, healing and child rearing. And, probably like in the days of writing my resume, I could start by casting the net wide and just listing the things I’ve been doing and then start to really consolidate that down into the value I’ve gotten and created. The journey and growth these last few years has been huge.

For example, I uncovered a belief that I felt – to a degree – invisible.

Claire Zammit and Katherine Woodward Thomas outline in this fantastic document the self limiting thought patterns people tend to have and the associated gifts those are pointing to.

As I read through the notes associated with the belief I am invisible, things like not asserting my needs and desires (even when I was aware of them) struck me as true.

It’s no surprise then that others can be completely unaware of my feelings, needs and desires in that context, and can become very self centred in my presence. This could then lead me to believe others are selfish.

In close relationships that could then result in me asking for what I want in ways that are attacking, making an assumption people don’t care about me. Or it could lead to me engaging in selfless service to the point of exhaustion and depletion rarely presencing my needs and desires.

Zammit and Thomas go on to describe the skills and capacities I may want to cultivate to evolve beyond this false belief (that I am invisible) and then go on to describe the gifts it offers and the deeper truth statements that represent more of my authentic self in relation to it.

For example, they write “You possess a deep capacity to see the invisible, the ability to hear what is not being spoken, and to discern that which has never been made known before”.

That one document is abundant with phrases that encapsulate the deeper exploration, learning and growth in relation to the pursuit of my authenticity these last few years.

That one document is abundant with phrases that encapsulate the deeper exploration, learning and growth in relation to the pursuit of my authenticity these last few years. That my inner and outer perceptions are now closely aligned has given me a deeper respect for my value, I no longer feel like some imposter is out there acting as me.

In fact, as I read through the document and recognised many of the unhelpful beliefs about myself I’d uncovered using various methods – many of which were self driven - it gave me a much greater appreciation and respect for the journey I had undertaken and the value those experiences can add to the lives of others.

Perhaps it is time to take a fresh look at yourself and all that you have achieved in order to appreciate your journey and its effects a little more, and start to respect your own value? 

If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy Value Your Unique Perspective – Especially When You Feel Rejected, What Support Are You Blocking Yourself From Receiving?, How to Live in Conscious Self Awareness in the World and You Don’t Need to Be Perfect to Make a Breakthrough. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.