Value Your Unique Perspective – Especially When You Feel Rejected

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I was reading some statements related to people who feel they are wrong or that they are invisible, and I really liked “I am here to make visible that which has, until now, been invisible. My gifts of insight and perception are a profound blessing to the entire world.”

Oftentimes as I was growing up and expressed my opinion on something, my family and friends would look at me as though I were from a different planet. And as I matured into an adult I continued to attract many scenarios that made me feel rejected.

Even recently as my partner exclaimed how I “take things to an extreme” around my food choices and healthcare, I realised that – on some level – I have still been attracting rejection. Sure, it’s healthy to question myself and, as another person pointed out, how extreme is defined depends on who is interpreting it.

For example, I know people who are exclusively raw food or vegan in their food choices and wouldn’t dream of purchasing anything that wasn’t organic, but I also know people who eat take-out daily, and people whose grocery choices are based purely on cost. Given I purchase groceries for people other than myself I consider my approach to be rather moderate; there is something for everyone.

What was also interesting was that this opinion about my choices was expressed on the back of a conversation about the state of food production today. We had been discussing, and agreeing on, all the issues with mono farming and the use of chemicals and hormones in the food chain that eventually ends up on our plate.

While I appreciate we all have a budget to work within, and for some people it’s more desperate than others, given that some of our most insidious food options are those most heavily subsidized globally, I consider how and where I spend money far more powerful than any vote I might cast in a political election.

And it’s for this reason I believe we are seeing many changes. Thirty years ago when I decided to cut refined sugar and flour from my diet because of a health issue I was having, the only place I could obtain alternatives were the aptly named health food shops. I obviously wasn’t the only one seeking alternative choices because these days’ supermarkets stock a wide variety of options, and even roadside fruit and vegetables often sport signs saying “spray free”.

It’s not just food production, but also health care options, education options, constitutional options, options for contributing to society while being able to provide for our families and so on. I see many opportunities for people to reclaim their personal power and contribute their unique gifts and talents as, I believe, we all intend when we are born into this world.

So as much as I still attract strange looks and opinions that make my feel rejected, I know that my ideas are usually pretty sound, and the world is slowly changing around me. This then tells me I still have some work to do in terms of healing this feeling of rejection.

Having gone on to discuss this with my partner, he realised that his own comment was most likely rooted in some of his old stories. He does in fact support the evolution of our global food production systems and choices, though is still somewhat entrenched and addicted (as intended by the manufacturers) to those foods that are not serving his health.

I then witnessed my daughter’s feelings of rejection this week when she was not invited to a friend’s birthday party. She and her friend, to all appearances, seemed to be getting on as well as ever, so she was a little blindsided by the whole thing. As I helped her work through it, I realised that she was mirroring the same rejection I was feeling.

I shared with her “it’s us who decide how we are treated. While we don’t get to make decisions about how people view us, or feel about us (and whether they want to be in relationship with us), we do get to decide what we accept from them in terms of the way they treat us ongoing”.

That friend would have been one of the first on her list if she were having a party, because she considers that is how you treat a good friend. So, since her friend does want to retain their friendship, it’s really up to my daughter to show her friend how she expects to be treated through her actions and reactions.

Whether she reacts in anger, or states her expectations and feelings calmly and firmly, and whether she acts in kindness and congruence with her own values moving forward, or acts in spite and revenge, will all determine how she gets treated in future.

It is a lot to take on and learn in those younger years, but it makes me realise exactly where we lose our personal power through ill advice and cowardly actions (the win-lose kind) in those early interactions and relationships. This is what I’m working to reclaim, years of trying to please others in order to avoid being rejected, in a way that is empowering, and I’ve found the only approach that works well in human relationships is win-win; cooperation rather than competition.

That also means taking ownership of identifying and expressing my needs, desires, opinions and perspective, rather than shying away because others might see me as different. Doing this with open, active listening, calmly asserting my ideas and opinions, and – as I’ve been reminded of recently – being kind, appears to me the best way to go.

I’m not talking about the ideas and opinions that get unwittingly passed generation to generation, my perspective – my authentic perspective – comes from challenging those ideas to really see whether they fit with what I truly value and believe.

I saw an excerpt from a TED talk this week where the lady was talking about a flight she had been on and, when she heard the female pilot make an announcement, she thought “right on sister, we (females) are rocking it”. An hour later when they hit some turbulence the first thought that crossed her mind was “I hope she can drive”, revealing a bias she did not know she even had.

These are the kinds of bias and ideas that, once I bring them into the light of conscious awareness, I can shift perspective. That is why I also think one of the wisest statements I ever heard was “Showing someone their resistance is a greater gift than persuasion.”

Owning my own story, my own feelings, rather than projecting it on others, requires practice and perseverance. Why is it especially important when I’m feeling rejected? Because rejection is a strong and negative emotion, it has a lesson for me, and that lesson is the mirror opposite to the rejection itself, its calling me to embrace and value that which is unique to me.

Having my perspective rejected just means I have a perspective different to the one held by another person, this is a good thing, this is how we evolve. Rejecting me or rejecting another because my opinion differs to theirs is the opposite; it is unhealthy and rooted in old hurts. 

When I read statements like “The full expression of my gifts, talents, brilliance and knowing is necessary for the well being of all” I hear the call and realise it’s time to consciously step up and be seen. I also realise it’s not a statement that is aimed just at me, its universal.

If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy Base Your Actions on Love Not Fear, There is Nothing to Fear, Heal Your Past Hurts To Help You Fulfill Your Potential and Do You Need to Heal Your Boundaries? To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.