​Crafting Your Path in a Changing World - Embrace Your Uniqueness and Make an Impact

Image by Andre Mouton from Pixabay

One of my kids was doing an assignment this week that had really caused them a lot of angst. When there is a neurodivergence at play, it can sometimes be hard to figure out whether that is the core issue or whether it’s just lack of interest, a learning style or personality trait. Honestly though, when it comes down to it, I’m not sure there’s much difference.

A lot of what we call neurodivergence points to the divergence between the outdated curriculums and way things are taught, and the variety of brain wiring that makes up a unique individual. For my kids, and for myself, I’m more interested in exploring our uniqueness than wholly identifying with labels that limit us in some way. Of course labels are sometimes useful to help us understand ourselves and others, and to help them understand us.

Tasked with writing a paragraph on the difference between Parliament and Government, my child’s anxiety caused a freeze response and they wrote nothing. After watching the provided videos and reviewing the assignment, my own brain struggled to retain the details of the governmental structure. I understood it in the moment but my brain decided "well we don't need to retain those details" (which is very typical of how my brain functions, remembering principles and patterns over details) so I couldn't have explained it any more than them, even seconds afterwards—particularly when the subject feels detached from practical significance.

To help them re-engage with the topic, I guided them through a political spectrum quiz, which brought real-life relevance to abstract concepts like government policy. That was an eye opener, they could see how each question could be more than a full lesson on its own, considering social issues like same sex marriage and economic issues like crypto currency and so forth. So a more engaging question for them would be something like whether the structure of government is designed to navigate these issues most effectively and just what the balance is and should be between government intervention and personal freedom.

Something else we discussed this week, which was also about understanding ourselves, was how one of my children’s friends doesn’t like to see them “copying” others. This is another interesting concept, where many believe it’s lame to copy. Quite aside of “imitation being the sincerest form of flattery” isn’t it fair to say that copying is about seeing something in/on others and thinking “oh that is a bit of me”. What if life is like a big smorgasbord where the things we admire and detest in others are actually aspects of our self? Annette Noontil says “we see in others what we have in ourselves”.

These days there are so many ways to see and understand ourselves, it can be overwhelming. I stopped trying to label myself when, sitting with a Myres Briggs coach in my thirties, we deliberated over my responses to the questionnaire and saw multiple options. There are so many parts of me, like Taylor Swift’s Mirrorball my young teen likes to sing, that I just appreciate seeing different parts reflected back to me more clearly in the process of life.

Recently I gained a new insight when someone close to me, who frequently uses a tool from Blanchard that aligns closely with the Four Elements personality model, commented that when they first met me they thought I was more of a Water personality, but now they know me a bit better they think I’m more of an Air type.

I think models like this are useful in identifying the ways we can relate to people and their different motivations. I hadn’t looked at this model for a while, so as a reminder here’s a breakdown of all four elements:

• Earth traits are practical, grounded, stable, reliable, and detail-oriented. These personalities are often focused on structure, stability, and getting things done. They value order, consistency, and practicality.
• Water traits are emotional, empathetic, adaptable, nurturing, and intuitive. These personalities are often in tune with both their own and others’ emotions,. They value relationships, empathy, and harmony.
• Air traits are intellectual, communicative, curious, analytical, and truth-seeking. Air personalities are focused on ideas, communication, and knowledge. They value truth, logic, and understanding.
• Fire traits are passionate, energetic, dynamic, bold, and enthusiastic. Fire personalities are often driven by passion, ambition, and a desire for action. They value excitement, challenge, and leadership.

Each element represents a different set of traits and tendencies, and people often have a dominant element that influences their personality, though they may also exhibit traits from the other elements to varying degrees. I see myself in Air, Water and Earth, less-so Fire, but I do understand where my friend was coming from as Air types tend to be thinkers and communicators, concerned with big-picture ideas and innovative thinking.

In career terms I’ve always been more drawn to this, perhaps in relationships I approach with more of a Water element, and in every area of life I’m generally very organized and down to Earth. But when I heard Frederic Laloux describe his natural inclination to address problems on a systemic level, I could immediately see myself and my own career reflected in his words. He’s drawn to understanding and solving large-scale issues rather than focusing solely on individual cases. This approach is fundamental to systemic thinking, which involves analyzing and addressing the underlying structures and interconnections that contribute to complex problems.

All the time I’ve spent pondering my purpose in terms of career path, and really the answer is so obvious, so Air, so me. This is why Fredric’s work resonated so deeply with my ten years ago, because I had gone into organisations and worked in change and transformation, and had always looked to solve issues on a systemic level.

When I started running a complaints’ department in the UK railways nearly quarter a century ago, I met up with others doing the same things in different organisations, and formed a best practice forum that met regularly, which became really useful when we invested in a new system to drill down into root cause issues. Not only did I get a new management system out of that project, but a lifelong friend in one of my collaborators and lifelong interest in transformation. My focus on improvements and collaboration were at the heart of several awards that came my way, and that led to other opportunities on some more strategic projects and committees, as well earning me a mentor who I still look up to today.

Then I moved not just countries but continents and started all over again in building networks and collaborations and focusing in transformation in different sectors, though always from a human perspective first and foremost. Then I had kids, and that Mirrorball of life made me take a good hard look at which aspects are really authentically me and which are more aspects of me that were developed in reaction to a need to survive in certain situations where I didn’t feel I could just be authentically me.

I wanted to shake out those parts of me that were no longer serving me, the unhelpful thought patterns and behaviours that were holding me back from my full expression and potential. While parenting, I took a deep dive into the study of trauma, while walking my own path back to me.  And it left me wondering, what’s next?

Inspired by Sarah Durham Wilson’s work, I resonated with advice like surrounding myself with supportive, like-minded people and seeking out communities, organizations, or initiatives focused on conscious evolution and authentic living. And, as I said in The Path to Purpose and Clarity: How Healing Transforms Your Career Goals, more than any other is was four questions that finally unlocked what had been there all along, questions I’ll pose these at the end of this musing. 

And now I’m on a path of starting research for a series of books on reimagining healthcare, education and ourselves. These systemic changes are closest to my heart, but as I heard Frederic talk about our agricultural system, political systems, finance systems, justice systems and production and consumption systems, I know there is so much opportunity out there for the artists of the world to paint a new vision of our future.

And I realise that this is my place, among the artists. If I can’t even retain detail of how the political system in the country I live works, I’m not the detail person; I’m definitely the person thinking about systemic change, the visionary, the Air type.

We need all people, all gifts, all talents, all traits. We were each born with a unique cocktail of them, and we came here to use them in a unique way, so as I look at the faces of the teens arriving at school every day when I drop off my eldest, I can’t help feel motivated by the uninspired, disengaged look on their faces. I have to lead by example and do what I came to do, to be me, and to contribute to the world in a way that is uniquely me. And that is what I want for my own kids, and for you, and for your kids.

In the end, our journey through understanding ourselves and navigating the challenges life presents is a deeply personal and transformative one. Just as I’ve explored the nuances of neurodivergence, learning styles, and personality traits, and found clarity in my own path, I encourage you to reflect on your unique experiences and strengths.

Ask yourself:

1. What is my ideal contribution to the world?
2. What impact do I wish to make?
3. Who do I want to help?
4. How do I want to spend my days?

These questions can serve as a compass, guiding us towards what resonates most deeply with us. Remember, there is no single path to fulfillment. Our journey is as unique as our fingerprint. Whether we are a detail-oriented Earth type, an empathetic Water type, an innovative Air type, or a passionate Fire type, each of these traits has a place and purpose in our world.

As you move forward, keep in mind that every small step towards understanding and expressing your true self is a step towards a more meaningful and impactful life. Your journey is important, and your contribution matters. Let your own Mirrorball of experiences, passions, and insights guide you to create a future that reflects your most authentic self.

If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy Shed the Layers of Pretence - What Does it Truly Mean to Be You?, How to Switch Between Your Life Roles With Grace and Ease, Focus Your Attention and Conquer Mental Spirals - Resolve to Learn from Its Path. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.