​A Step Too Far: Finding Balance in a Busy Life

Image by Buono Del Tesoro from Pixabay

For the first time in a while I had a couple of days this week where I didn’t have a lot of commitments, and so I had decided to meet up with a friend for a nice lunch and walk.

Of course we hadn’t seen each other in a while so we were busy catching up with each other about the latest things going on in our lives, while enjoying some yummy food and then taking a walk around the base of Mount Manganui, which looks directly out to sea.

It’s a beautiful spot, and I was busy simultaneously enjoying it and getting engrossed in conversation. So engrossed that I didn’t notice the gully on my right where the storm water naturally drains away, so my right foot went in there while the left side of my body kept moving forward, coming down on my knee and hand hard.

It was one of those moments where time seemed to slow, the fall itself indelibly etched in my mind’s eye. I recall thinking “oh crap, this is going to be bad and I can’t stop it” while watching my body fall forward and the various parts inevitably slamming against the ground. My next thought was not to move too quickly, just to let the shock wave pass through and then assess the damage.

Luckily everything was still moving and there were no sharp, searing pains anywhere, just some bad bruising and grazes. Slowly I stood up to walk and realised quite quickly that lying on a nearby bench was probably the best move as the world started swimming around me and nausea rose up.

Lying there on the bench, I was reflecting with my friend the irony of our conversation only minutes earlier. She had been reflecting on a conversation with her child, where her child had divulged that she never shows her true feelings to her friends. I could resonate with that, as I tend not to display vulnerability.

In fact it’s my growth edge at the moment. At the heart of it is self-protection, over the course of my life I developed mechanisms, such as judgment and perfectionism, to guard myself from feeling vulnerable, being hurt, or losing control. There’s also an internal battle going on between the part of me that is hypervigilant and defensive (protecting me from harm) and the part that is expansive, allowing, and creative. I know that opening up, being more vulnerable and compassionate, and embracing empathy will lead to a more harmonious relationships, but my inner critic and sentry is still in full force, driven by past patterns and fear of those repeating.

There’s no doubt that the fall was a wake up call to take the time to calm my nervous system. I had gotten into hyper mode lately, trying to sort out support for my kids’ needs at school and emotionally, while also trying to prepare for and navigate some formal negotiations, alongside the usual running of a household, evening school commitments and holding space for my next career moves. I just need to slow it all down a bit. 

While the part of me that is on high alert and hypervigilant serves a real purpose— protecting us from perceived threats or harm, it’s a natural defense mechanism designed to keep us safe – in my case it’s on overdrive, causing unnecessary stress, anxiety, and strain in situations where such intense vigilance is not needed. For more harmonious and fulfilling relationships, there’s a need to gradually integrate this protective mechanism with a softer, more compassionate, and accepting part of me.

This experience reminded me how easy it is to get swept up in the busyness of life, overextending ourselves and losing sight of the need to care for our well-being. We often fall into patterns of hypervigilance, constantly striving to protect ourselves from harm or control every aspect of our lives. But sometimes, these protective mechanisms become overbearing, leading to unnecessary stress and tension.

Perhaps this fall was a nudge to slow down, embrace vulnerability, and allow space for a more balanced, compassionate approach to life. As you reflect on your own journey, consider where you might be running on overdrive. Are there areas in your life where you're holding on too tightly, trying to protect yourself from perceived threats? What might happen if you let go, even just a little, and allowed yourself to be more open, more vulnerable, and more at ease?

Maybe it’s time to slow down, breathe deeply, and take in the proverbial roses—or in my case, the sea air.

If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy Finding Balance: Making Big Changes Through Small Steps in a Complex Life, Making Room to Reflect – Why Processing Time Matters, The Art of Learning to Have and Hold Boundaries Healthily When Healing From Trauma Responses and Finding Your Balance. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.