​Making Room to Reflect – Why Processing Time Matters

Image by Tapani Hellman from Pixabay

I realised, as I started to work with one of my kids about creating more awareness around their well being, and having a more balanced approach to their days, that I perhaps need to look at whether I have the right balance in my own life.

We seem to live in a society that values productivity that can be outwardly measured—things like achievements, tasks completed, and visible progress. But how can we recognise and value the less obvious aspects of well-being?

Like many adolescents today, my kids struggle with social anxiety and healthily processing their emotions, which they feel very intensely. Recently, we did a project together focused on their well-being, and we both enjoyed it. Noticing how important processing time is for them, especially with all the academic and social input they receive, helped them understand the balance I try to maintain with screen time and boundaries.

Here's how we did it:               

1. Brainstorm Activities: We started by listing all the activities they do, from basic needs like sleeping, eating and showering to things like, school, extracurricular activities, screen time and socializing.
2. Identify Essentials: Next, they circled the activities that are essential for survival, like eating and sleeping.
3. Assess Energy Impact: Then, we went through the list and added symbols to each activity: a "+" for those that give energy, a "-" for those that drain energy, and an "=" for those that are neutral.
4. Notice Anything Missing: Finally, we looked for any activities that might be missing. The surprise for them was realizing the importance of processing time—taking time to think and reflect on experiences.

I explained this by comparing it to eating without digesting or eliminating waste. As I illustrated this, they realised that all the academic, social, and emotional input they receive also needs to be processed similarly. Then we listed all the ways they naturally do this through activities like journaling, singing, drawing, or even showering—if they have the time.

I’m trying to teach them that it's not just about what we accomplish externally, but also about noticing and making time for the things we need internally, like emotional balance and physical health, which aren't always as apparent.

Next, we shaded in their current activities on a weekly calendar, and they could clearly see that processing time was missing when they stayed on their screen until late. I think this visual helped them understand the balance they need and why they have certain boundaries in place to help them manage that balance.

We also explored what happens when they are out of balance. This can manifest in various ways—like feeling more tired, getting sick more often, struggling to cope with everyday challenges, and perceiving things as more intense or disproportionate to reality. All of these signs indicate that their well-being is being compromised when things aren't in balance.

One tool we've been using to track how things are going is an emotions intensity scale, which we use for a quick check in; they rate the intensity of their feelings from 1 (not intense) to 10 (very intense). To build on that, I suggested adding a similar scale for physical feelings, to check in on how their body is doing.

For the physical scale, they rate how they’re feeling physically, with 1 indicating they’re feeling very run down or unwell and 10 meaning they’re feeling really good and energised. A lower number on the physical scale shows they’re feeling more run down, while a higher number suggests they’re physically better.

The idea is to have my children think about the two numbers each day—one reflecting how they're feeling emotionally and the other for their physical state. This helps them build awareness and track how both their emotions and physical condition change over time, and it also allows me to stay connected and understand how they’re doing, even when I’m not there.

This practice also helps them recognise which activities require more energy and which need less, helping them plan their timing better—like when asking for sleepovers or lots of socialising. It also helps them notice the natural cyclical changes within their own body.

A wise friend of mine recommended scheduling around the days of her menstrual cycle and ovulation because she knows her physical and emotional states change during those times. As best as she can, she works with that when planning activities and commitments. My kids may not be at that level of awareness yet, but they will get there. To be fair, it’s really only relatively recently I’ve started to do that myself.

As I’ve been guiding my kids through this, I’ve noticed how their expanding social lives impact my own energy levels. Something as simple as driving to the local bowling alley in the evening to pick them up can leave me feeling drained when I’d normally be at home unwinding. I can always tell when I haven't picked up a book in a few days—my muscles are tight and stressed from overworking on the computer, signaling that I need more downtime to get lost in some fiction.

Holding my own boundaries and prioritising self-care will become even more important as my kids grow and start to go through that phase where they burn the candle at both ends. I’ve experienced burnout enough times in my life to realise that I need balance. And just as I’m teaching my children to find their balance, I’m reminded that I need to maintain mine as well.

As parents, we often focus so much on guiding our children that we forget to apply the same principles to ourselves. Just as our kids need balance to thrive, so do we. It's easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of daily life but, for me, recognising when I’m out of kilter is crucial. By modeling self-care and setting boundaries, I can teach my children by example that maintaining well-being is a lifelong practice.

Reflecting on the importance of processing time, I'm reminded of how essential it is for all of us. Making room to reflect isn't just about improving our well-being; it's about recognising that in a world focused on productivity, the quieter, less visible moments of self-care and contemplation are equally important. By intentionally carving out this time, we nurture our emotional and physical health, ensuring we're fully present and ready to take on whatever life throws our way. In doing so, we're creating a more balanced, fulfilling life for ourselves and our loved ones.

So, as you consider your own well-being today, remember the exercise we discussed: rate your emotional state from 1 to 10, with 1 being not intense at all and 10 being very intense. Then, rate your physical state from 1 to 10, with 1 being very run down and 10 being fully energised. How are you feeling today?

​If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy Finding Balance: Making Big Changes Through Small Steps in a Complex Life, Start With the Self and the Rest Will Take Care of Its-Self, Make Choices That Will Have the Most Positive Impact in Your Life and Mastering the Art of Inner Harmony: A Journey from Turmoil to Tranquility. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.