Shift Focus and Make Time for You

In the evenings, when I used to work in the corporate world, I’d get done with putting the kids to sleep and then responding to emails and it would be 10pm; time for bed. It would also be the point at which my partner would switch off the TV he had been watching and silence would surround me like a comfortable blanket at last.

Then there would be this feeling of having just missed something and a subtle, but persistent, energetic tug at my sleeve that was always present in that moment. I later learned (when some contemplation time opened up for me) that was my inner voice waiting to be heard; a voice which I now regularly focus in on through my writing.

This week I have been reminded of that time. It’s the school holidays here and I’ve had barely a moment to myself. This has coincided with the clocks moving forward, so getting things done in the evenings after the kids are in bed has been challenging. There has been a lot to do, with end of month reconciliation and returns for my partner’s business, as well as all the usual rounds of invoicing, quotes and endless housework and other chores.

While I’ve made it a priority to leave my partner in charge for fifteen minutes each evening while I lock myself in the spare room and meditate, I will admit I’ve been starting to get resentful about some of the tasks on my plate.

The word ‘resentful’ reminded me about last week’s blog Interdependence as Our Healthy State when I wrote:

Interdependence is the mutual giving and receiving of things that are enjoyed and valued. If you find yourself feeling resentful in anything you are regularly doing for someone else, and vice versa, then you are not in an interdependent relationship with them, you are in a co-dependent relationship. Giving something of yourself when you don’t want to, especially if it receives no appreciation, is the road to ruin.

This is because there is no love given or felt when it is done in resentment. So I decided to take a look at the many hats I wear in each day for more insight on those I am giving freely, versus those I can resent (at least at times). It was a worthwhile exercise, and one I’d recommend, listing everything I do and how I feel about each. It gave me a deeper understanding of what affects me negatively and positively.

It was no surprise that My Work - which is about growth and expansion into higher consciousness and sharing those insights with others - is what I truly love; it is what I literally live for. This and looking after my kids, my wellbeing and my relationships are the only things on the list I enjoy or care about. Everything else feels like I’m just churning the mill to be here and be part of society.

What came to light are the little areas that act as tipping points into wholly resenting tasks – one in particular is picking up after others, who are perfectly able to pick up after themselves, just so I can live in a reasonably clean and clutter-free space.

This gave me much needed perspective as, often when I’m feeling overwhelmed, it creates a black cloud over all the tasks I’m doing and the resentment becomes all-consuming.

While this was a practical and useful insight to gain, what had been particularly irking me this week, is the awareness that I have two others topics that are very activated for me right now and I am desperate to dive into and write more about them.

That little energetic tug on my sleeve I get when there is a thread that needs unpicked, and the butterflies in my tummy knowing there are more ‘ah ha’ moments to be had, keeps getting the ‘pause’ button pressed. I had begun to worry about how ‘cut-off I was from my own inner voice and broader perspective.

Yet I need not have worried. A friend had passed along a short guided meditation, not something I generally use. Most often I simply meditate in silence and focus on my breathing. However, this week my thoughts have been a bit too pervasive, so I thought I’d give the guided meditation a try.

It was a beautiful experience. At 10 o’clock at night, as exhausted as I was, I sat down in surrender and pressed play. It was silent and still and yet I imagined myself as this gigantic being standing amid the cosmos just watching as whole universes expanded and a light-show of amazing proportions played for my pleasure.

There were moments when I took my attention from the expanse of the cosmos and just zoomed in on the details: I saw a single daffodil dancing in the sunshine, and other beautiful but indescribable things on other planets.

In just a few minutes I had entered a state of serenity, wonder and peace. It was a great reminder that our authentic selves, the love within and the broader perspective are always present; it’s just a case of switching focus.

I realised time was not a problem; the fact I’ve had to press pause on some inspiration I want to unpick is okay. Just understanding what that little energetic tug on my sleeve is nowadays is a miracle in itself. And better, I have two days next week when both kids will be otherwise occupied and I can dive into these delicious topics that I want to explore. Nothing is lost and, inevitably, more depth will be found.

It can be too easy to lose ourselves in the everyday churn of life. But if you learn how to focus, you will be able to find yourself amid the mayhem and make time for the things that are truly important to you.

​If what you read here resonates and you’d like a fresh perspective (and only that, it’s not advice you have to take or act upon) on a situation in your own life, feel free to contact me or click here for further information. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.
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