How Do You Know When You Are the Best and Highest Version of Yourself?

Image by S. Hermann & F. Richter from Pixabay  

This week I listened to a meditation on Attracting Your Soul Mate. I’ve had access to this for quite some time and have never felt compelled to listen to it before. As I heard the words “the person who is the best, highest, most compatible and committed person for you” I became acutely aware of something often referred to as my point of attraction.

The law of attraction became more widely known back in 2006 after Rhonda Byrne released The Secret, but it was very much associated with manifesting material things. However, as it’s based on a universal principle, it’s something I’ve inevitably become more acquainted with over the years of personal growth and development. One thing I know for sure is that in order for me to experience something I want, I have to be an energetic match to it.

For instance, just to demonstrate the point, if I wanted to build an amazing career as a popstar then I’d really have to believe that was possible in order for it to actually eventuate. In my case, while I might have occasionally dreamt of the glamorous life of a popstar when I was younger, all parts of me were not at all in alignment with this.

I didn’t believe I had a good voice, nor did I believe I had what it would take to be that one-in-a-million who makes it to the big time, and nor did I really believe in my heart that kind of life would be as glamorous as it’s sometimes portrayed. In fact I thought it would be hideous to be under such public scrutiny all the time.

So that right there is some pretty big resistance to this fleeting dream, and at the very heart of why I’ll never wake up one day to find I’m a top selling artist singing on stages around the world. However, would I like to attract a career that reflects the best and highest version of me? Heck yes!

And yet… I hesitate, because what I’ve discovered is this universe has some very backhanded and uncomfortable ways of delivering my desires. If I dream instead about teaching and leading and speaking on stages, for example, and my point of attraction isn’t a match, but I truly truly desire it, well then I’m going to get an opportunity to become a match. It just may not be a very comfortable opportunity.

It did strike me earlier in the week when reading what Teal Swan had to say about comfort zones and taking risks, life is rather like a bowling alley. Instead of seeing wanted and unwanted as a polarity, I saw them more as two sides of a bowling lane. There is a comfort zone in the middle, but the ball can go off to (either) side at any time. In life, both are a call to growth and expansion, whether it’s inspiring and exciting or it’s scary and awful very much depends on how much of a match I am to where I want to go.

My last relationship was a startling example of just how mismatched I was to my strong desire to be myself. In my head I pictured that as being with a person with whom I would feel at one with myself. I was not a match to a kind and inspiring relationship because I was not kind nor inspiring towards myself.

In fact I had a whole heap of self doubts, low self esteem, and a number of dysfunctional beliefs and enmeshment trauma standing between me and the dream in my head. In short, I had no clear view of who I truly was in order to be at one with that. And I ignored the many signs that pointed to this not being a relationship in which I could find my way to feeling at one with myself in a kind and inspiring way.

Due to my lack of awareness and unwillingness to listen to my inner voice (which ignored many warning signs), summed as being fear driven (fear of missing the opportunity to start a family) rather than love driven, the bowling ball had fallen on the side of the alley that meant I was in for a bumpy ride. But to give the universe its credit, it delivered the perfect match to all my desires in terms of the growth and expansion that needed to occur.

Growing up I thought of relationships as a search to find a part of me that was missing, the yin to my yang. In fact, I had my wedding ring engraved with the yin and yang sign all around it to symbolize just that.

What I didn’t realise then, was that I am a whole person, yin and yang. I didn’t know that I had fragmented myself into many parts as I was growing up and – in an attempt to gather all the parts of me back together that I had denied, disowned or suppressed – I was attracting do-overs of all my earlier challenges in a subconscious attempt to get a different outcome.

The parts of me that saw the light of day were those that have been encouraged, loved, applauded even, the rest were kept in the shadows where even I wouldn’t look too closely. And I’m talking about simple things like productivity; human productivity is valued more highly than humans being, contemplating, and observing and so on. Yet I am someone who flourishes when I have lots of time to just be.

All parts of my identity have been shaped by both my outer and inner world. I am acutely aware that I have been steeping in a patriarchal, misogynistic, racist, sex-biased (and many more prejudices, to which we appear to have now added vaccine status) societal soup.

I am aware of how these many prejudices and dysfunctional ways of relating inadvertently (certainly from my parents’ point of view) led to my many unhelpful beliefs about myself about whether I was a worthy human, whether I was enough, or crazy or different and so on. And, what I had to be to be loveable.

It’s been a long journey back to me. But as I was listening to this idea of attracting a person with whom I feel the deepest sense of belonging, companionship, wholeness, love and joy, the person who is the best and highest and most compatible and committed person for me, this no longer seems out of reach or unrealistic.

It no longer feels like I’m a half of a whole seeking to complete myself through another. I feel more that I’m a person who is whole, who has shone the lights on my shadows and reintegrated parts of myself I’d long since rejected. I know the journey is not over, but I no longer feel at war with myself, I feel more largely at peace.

And so I feel excited at what I might now attract into my life as this feeling of peaceful incubation wants to merge with another part of me that feels more like the nature of the sun, a large frission of energy that is ever expanding.

It’s like there’s been a shift from “a half plus a half equals a whole” to “a whole plus a whole equals more than the sum of its parts” That would apply as much to a mate, as to a friendship, or a working situation or anything I engage in.

Does that mean I’m the best and highest version of myself? Unlikely, for while there is breath still in me I imagine I will keep growing and expanding. But I do feel whole, I do feel authentic, I do have the skills now to hold healthy boundaries, and the skills to notice when there are incompatibilities and how to address those.

I’m no longer scared of what I might attract into my life, I’m excited to see what comes next. I also know that, regardless which side of the bowling alley the ball falls, whether my experiences were planned or unplanned, I have the strength and courage to grow through and become more.

What about you, how confident do you feel about whether you are attracting the best relationships, friendships, career, life that match the highest version of yourself?

​If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy How to Attract the Blissful Relationships You Actually Deserve, A Triumph of Authenticity - Can You Embrace the Totality of Your Being?, Simplify Your Life to Be Accepted and Loved as Your Authentic Self, Does Your Heart Long to Be Accepted for Being Just You? and How Do I Honour What I Believe and Care Less What You Think? To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog