How a Kick in the Guts Can Be the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You

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This is one of those life lessons I never enjoy, but I know from repeated experiences now that the feeling in my solar plexus of immediate retraction and tension – like a kick in the guts – is one that is going to be transformative in one way or another.

This week my landlord gave me notice they're moving in, as they have sold their main home, and I only have two months to find somewhere else and move. With the holiday season fast approaching, and receiving the email out of the blue, my nervous system went into fight or flight mode instantly.

To the outside world I had retreated, I shared the news with my close friends and then became very quiet for some hours as I absorbed the blow and began to process it. My mind was a blank, as my prefrontal cortex had shut down, which is generally what happens when we get a shock. 

In classic terms, the body senses danger – as if a tiger is about to strike – and gets our limbs ready to take action. The desire to take action was definitely there, overwhelming I observed, but there was no physical action to be taken so my mind seemed to swim around in useless circles.

And yet, somewhere within, there was a voice saying “It’s okay, you’ve dealt with this before, you know things are always working out even when you can’t see it yet, trust it will be okay”. This is the voice of experience.

Over the years there have been many kick in the gut moments that have forever changed the course of my life. When job restructures have happened and redundancies arisen, relationships have ended, people have abused their position and privilege, or people close to me have been diagnosed terminally ill or died. All of it comes as a shock, and yet here I am, I have survived it all and am somehow more as a result.

Serendipitously I had read a reminder just the day before I got the news that - like any upheaval or abrupt change - there is a sudden and jarring shift brought on by unpleasant and unexpected life events. But what I’ve learned is that I don't need to be scared, change is good. I was reminded that its abrupt aspect makes it something that is usually seen as negative but change often happens unexpectedly.

I was able to see the smaller, immediate blessings of the timing of the news. I’d just been for a walk on the beach, having spent the day catching up on some things that I’d been waiting to press forwards on. If I’d have received the news the day before, when life was in a more frazzled mode, it would have been tougher to receive.

There was no doubt that a part of me was definitely freaking out, especially with the responsibility for my dependant kids, but I have a deep knowing that all things work out. I thought about the absolute worst case scenario – putting things in storage and living in temporary accommodation for a while – which isn’t desirable by a long way, but it beats living in a car or the streets.

The key, I knew, is in how I responded. Chaotic or unpredictable energy flows in and out of all our lives, but I’ve learned it’s important to try to let events unfold naturally. And, most importantly, this type of energy can actually be connected with the idea that with unpredictability comes exciting, unforeseen possibilities.

The only immediate action I took was to inquire about the availability of movers at that tricky time of year, because the only certain thing is that we need to get our things out of the house and clean it by the date we have been given. 

The housing market here is like many other places around the world with interest rates going up and making home loan repayments unaffordable to many people. As a consequence, the cost of renting is going up too.

With interest rates on home loans going up, conversely there are less people willing to buy and house prices are becoming more within reach than they have in the last few years. So there may be an opportunity to get back in on the market.

My mind then wandered over the next couple of days and I began to get clearer thoughts. Of course I’ve had a look at what properties there are for rent and for sale, but the words of author and seasoned business leader Ken Blanchard rang in my ears. When asked how he starts each day he responded “with quiet time”.

Over the years, as I have learned to regularly practice meditation and observe the thoughts in my mind, I too have began to place an extremely high value on the premise of “doing nothing” first. I guess that is where old adages like “look before you leap” and “measure twice, cut once” come from.

Of course, there is the flip side where I could procrastinate and do nothing for too long, but that is unlikely; it’s not in my wiring. What I am pointing to is about taking a breath, letting my body come out of fight and flight, and weighing up my options. Regardless of where and how I move, there are pros and cons. The fact is I have to move, that I'm not in control of, but everything else I am.

I can’t bring this particular story to a conclusion on exactly why it’s the best thing that could have happened, but I know that whether it’s because it leads to my kids being closer to school, or getting back on the housing ladder, or me springboarding my business or all of those things and/or something else entirely, it will lead to something better.

Why? Because that has been the pattern my whole life. Like a game of snakes and ladders, sometimes change leads to leaps forward, sometimes life takes a temporary slide backwards, but always through changes I’ve grown, and – ultimately – I’m happier and more confident today than at any other time in my life. And that, I believe, is how it should be; always changing, always growing.

What about you? Can you think back to the times in your own life where you’ve received some news that has felt like a kick in the guts? In what ways has it pushed you towards your potential? As chaotic or unpredictable energy flows in and out of all our lives, let’s consciously connect it with the idea that with unpredictability comes exciting, unforeseen possibilities that turn out to be the best thing that could have happened.

If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy How to Take Control of Those Curve Balls, How to Stop Yourself Getting Sucked Into Negative Experiences, Reclaim the Sweet Spot of Being in Your Element and Life – Will You Take the Easy Way or the Hard Way?. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.