Don’t Tell Me What to Believe - Help Me Find What I Already Know

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay 

Glennon Doyle tells the story about challenging a preacher (who had been talking about the “sins” of homosexuality and abortion), who (after much discussion) finally responded with “What you say makes sense in the ways of the world. But God’s ways are not our ways. You must not lean on your own understanding. Faith is about trusting.”

She realised that he wanted her to believe that trusting him was trusting God. She says very pointedly “My heart and mind are my connections to God. If I shut those down, I’d be trusting the men who led the church instead of trusting God”.

I was confronted by this same dynamic myself a few weeks ago when two brave or foolish people knocked on my door to tell me about their God. They asked if I believed in God the Heavenly Father. I replied “If you mean in the sense of some hierarchy where God is separate from me then no. If you mean in the sense that I am, you are, that tree and all that is, is a projection of something you want to call God then, sure, I can go with that.”

The man at my doorstop heard not a word, he was so intent on selling me his own beliefs; that there is both a God the Heavenly Father and God the Heavenly mother. And when I moved to respond to this again with my own view, he asked where I got this from.

I replied “From within me, it is what I know to be true for me”. Then he started to aggressively come at me with these words “Which book did you read this in? Who taught you this? We have been taught false beliefs”.
“Mm” I thought “How ridiculous that you think you are offering anything different. You are not interested in me having my own inner relationship with that which you call God, all you are interested in is me believing what you tell me”.

At this point I stated that, while I’m happy to have a conversation on the topic, I wasn’t happy to have someone come to my doorstep to force feed me their own views and attack my own beliefs; and abruptly shut the door.

Then this week I was talking to someone who was feeling very torn. Their long-standing therapist had told them – despite their strong desires around finding a new partner and making money – that this wasn’t their life path.

I started to get quite agitated on their behalf as I listened to the story. From my own journey through life there is one thing that stands out to me as a guide, and that is the desire for something healthy is a sure-fire signal to go after it.

The question of whether these are healthy desires is a valid one of course. If what the therapist was saying was some form of “You would be wise to proceed with caution in terms of attracting a mate because you have some inner work to do, and who you attract right now may not line up with your highest and best potential, let’s at least do some work on healthy boundaries first” I could understand it.

If the therapist was saying “Hey, remember you have issues with using spending as a coping mechanism and tend to get yourself deeply in debt, let’s work on some healthy financial goals first” or similar, then great. But this was a flat out “No, you are not destined for a mate and money this life”.

I was incredulous that someone who has a yearning for a deeper connection with another, and who would like not to have to worry about money, was being led to believe that this was simply not in their escrow and – worse – feeling bad for wanting those things and left wondering what to believe.

Then I realised that it is really not so long ago I too had no idea what to believe anymore. I remember all too well the point in my mid thirties suddenly realising that I was trying to be so perfect; to be everything for everyone else I actually had no idea who I was.

In her book Untamed: Stop Pleasing Start Living Glennon sums up my own experience quite well when she talks about how returning to ourselves is confusing at first. She says “It’s not as simple as listening for the voices inside of us. Because sometimes the voices inside of us, which we’ve assumed speak the Truth, are just the voices of human beings who told us what to believe; it’s our indoctrination.”

Going on from there she acknowledges “Some of the hardest and most important work of our lives is learning to separate the voices of teachers from wisdom, propaganda from truth, fear from love and – in her earlier example – the voices of God’s self-appointed representatives from the voices of God Herself”.

My own journey was not an overnight one, but I absolutely can discern between my intuition and knowing and the more fearful indoctrinated beliefs and propaganda. As Sarah Blondin puts it, the first step is to sit down in the stillness and listen. But getting from confusion to clarity is a process, and requires practice.

I heard a broadcast by Neil Oliver recently, another person who has learned to listen to his inner knowing and question things, and he quoted the phrase “the truth shall set you free”.

That got me thinking, the truth can be painful. On the journey from confusion to clarity, which is ongoing given that there are often many hidden agendas even in the most benign crevices of day to day life, there have been many “ah ha” moments.

That first moment when I realise that something or someone in my world is not as I believe it to be, everything becomes disorientated, and the ground beneath my feet no longer feels solid. I can get angry, go through stages of grief and then, of course, there is fear and shame and guilt for having been gullible in some way.

As a coach I am aware that it is my job to equip people to hear and believe in their own inner guidance and wisdom, and to discern their truth from their fears. I will not be the one running their business, or living their life. As a wise lady said to me recently “You are not meant to be their crutches, you are meant to hand them their crutches and make them aware – even give them a push – celebrate when they no longer need them”.

Having been taught from childhood (as most of us are) to look outside ourselves for answers (I only have to think of the New Zeeland Government’s approach to managing COVID19 and positioning themselves as “the one source of truth” to see blatant examples of this everywhere), I know that along my journey there are many people I have overly relied upon for advice and support in the absence of inner clarity and confidence.

But therein lays the key. The goal is to gain that. With inner clarity and confidence no one will be able to tell you what to believe, they can only help lead you to what you already know.

If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy What Is Holding You Back? Reclaim Your Worth, Your Love, Your Power, The People Who Hurt Us Are Vehicles for Our Growth, Clear the Fog of Trauma to See the Magnificence of Your Being, Shine Your Inner Light - Let No One Keep You Down and How Do I Honour What I Believe and Care Less What You Think? To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.