Celebrate Often the Ways in Which You Are More Than Good Enough

Image by Pam Carter from Pixabay

Having to make a tough decision this week to say goodbye to our cat, a most faithful and loving companion over the last seventeen years, I was mulling over all the options and their repercussions. Simultaneously I was thinking through the best way to approach it with the kids and how to walk with them through the grief process, particularly since they were at their other home at the time.

Reflecting on the ways the kids handled themselves in previous times when faced with loss and change, my partner asked whether I ever give myself credit for the way I handle things?

Then listening to a podcast with Friedemann Schaub on Becoming the Empowered Leader of Your Own Mind, I was again drawn to look at some of the internal narratives going on in my head. I was constantly searching for the ways I could have done things differently, been better, rather than cutting myself a break and recognizing that my cat had had a long and happy life. Even in the last few years when she had been declining in health, she hadn’t suffered and was – until last week when she got really sick – a happy and vibrant cat.

Friedemann was asked how he had overcome his own inner critic, the often subconscious narrative that can determine our quality of life through our emotional state and wellbeing. He pointed to our inner essence and how, even though we can connect with this at times and feel into the fullness of ourselves and know we are enough, this is like a GPS system that we – as the drivers of our lives – can ignore.  

He talked about the way we speak to ourselves and make decisions through our subconscious and conscious minds and likened the narrative to the way we were spoken to growing up. Schaub pointed out that we often speak to and think of our loved ones in ways we ourselves would benefit from, yet we retain the harshest of the voices as our own inner critic, mostly in our subconscious mind.

In overcoming this, aside of learning how to tune in and hear what we are actually saying to ourselves, it’s also about reprogramming the voice, about learning to appreciate those qualities, decisions and actions that validate our inherent “enoughness”.

I could hear the similarity between what he was pointing to and what my partner had asked me, and I could also see the pervasive way I’m tough on myself, and expect a lot – probably too much most of the time. Despite knowing I can’t be everything to everyone, I admit that the narratives running my thought processes still expect that when left unchecked.

I like serendipities, and I like Friedemann’s pragmatism, I liked his practice of taking time out on a daily basis to recognise the many ways in which I am already good enough. To his point, it’s not all weighted on singular big decisions either, it’s about recognising the many unseen decisions we make every day that point to more of our “enoughness”.

Recognizing where we are being enough is only one aspect of retraining the inner critic to an inner cheerleader. Not feeling that we are enough is just one narrative, apparently one of the most common narratives, but there are many and can all coexist: being too much, being different, being a burden, being alone, being crazy, being a failure and so on. All narratives that don’t serve our wellbeing.

So I’ve created a reminder each day on my phone to take a moment to reflect on and appreciate the decisions I’ve made that day that support my wellbeing. I know just how harmful the stress created by my inner critic can be to my health, and it’s down to me to change that narrative and adjust my own expectations of myself.

As I say that I’m busy typing this reflection aware that I’m feeling guilty about the time it’s taking away from being present with my partner today, despite the fact he is cheering me on. I still have this awareness of other people’s emotional landscapes and desires and a narrative in my head about fulfilling those and I’ve been beating myself up for not getting this done at an earlier opportunity.

Despite the irrationality of that, given the busy week I’ve had, I know it is all a delicate balance and I will take the time later today to appreciate that I have kept my commitment to myself in reflecting and typing up the week’s growth opportunities. I will also take the opportunity to reflect on the many lovely moments I have had with my partner this week.

The irony is, if there was one teacher in my life that modeled being enough, it was my cat. Cats universally seem to just exude enoughness and mine was no exception. She would simply eat, drink, go out for a mosey around, come sit on my lap or take herself off for a nap elsewhere in a cozy spot whenever she felt like it.

In what ways is your inner critic being constantly harsh on you?  If you were someone you love, what would you tell yourself instead? Is time to perhaps recognise all the ways in which you are already good enough and deliberately practice retraining your inner critic into an inner cheerleader?

If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy Value Your Uniqueness, Make the Choice to Feel Better About Yourself and Your Life, An Open Letter to an Old Friend, Here Is a New Paradigm - Ask “Is This Good Enough for ME?” and I Am Enough.  To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.