 Photo by Joshua Sortino You expect that you should be feeling good, this is the break you’ve been hankering after for a while now. But you are feeling off, maybe stressed, maybe ill, maybe grumpy, maybe even depressed or picking a few fights. Whatever it is just isn’t sitting right with you. This is your break, you want to feel great, so how do you get over what you are feeling right now?
Here’s the deal, you’ve been running hard, possibly all year without any kind of a decent break. If you’re like me you may just be feeling a little like you’ve survived something, and it’s more than just Christmas dinner. You’ve kicked your body into a permanent state of flight and fight and, now, you have a change of routine for a few days and suddenly your body is looking for the threat it’s been busy running from and fighting all year long. In essence, your body is detoxing from a whole bunch of stress hormones and your mind is disrupted from its usual patterns of repetitive thoughts that drive your actions and therefore your experiences and feelings each day. Okay, so you’ve felt better but what can you do about it? Well, less of the ‘doing’ for a start. The best thing you can do for now is carry on with your seasonal plans, but start noticing how things are making you feel. This might seem obvious, but it’s amazing how oblivious to our own lives we are for so much of our time. For example, I’ve spent most of the last year having a painful elbow and wrist treated, thinking it stemmed from wrenching a muscle when I was moving furniture, which then trapped some nerves. Given the pain I was in, I dutifully followed the physiotherapist’s instructions on exercises to do at home. Over a period of months it slowly got better, the pain retracting from my elbow but remaining in my wrist. Then the physiotherapist strapped up my thumb and wrist with some new muscle tape, slightly restricting my movement. With the tape on it suddenly made me conscious of every movement that hurt and I discovered quite quickly that the main culprit was my laptop. Really I’ve had a repetitive strain injury because of the posture I adopt when typing. Now, I’m not completely oblivious to the pain I’ve been in while typing, I just wasn’t paying enough attention to realise it was the cause rather than a symptom. Often we are so wrapped up in our drive to ‘do’, and distracted in our thoughts about what we are doing or have to do next, we miss all the signals going on around that indicate our wellbeing. Right now is your opportunity to simply tune in to yourself and pay attention to the causes of any disharmony. Are those fights you are having with your nearest and dearest the cause of your mood, or simply a symptom of something else that is out of whack in your life? What are those aches and pains telling you? Do you really need to go on a diet, or do you need to address something else totally in order to get back into a healthier eating regime? Is that person at work really such a pain in the neck, or do your issues lay elsewhere? Now is the time to start paying heed to what lies at the heart of your discomfort. Often you have to let that thought sit with you a while, you’re unlikely to have an epiphany about your career while reading this article. But you might in the next couple of days or in the next week, just start being aware of what is really making you feel bad. Sounds obvious doesn’t it? It is, but it may also be that the first few things you notice are simply the icing on the top of the problem, so don’t jump into an action plan straight away, let it sit in case there is more to reveal itself. We take so little time for ourselves, yet when we practice being mindful in this way we take great big positive strides in our life. This is the time of year many resolve to make changes, because when we see our life through different lenses we can’t help but be compelled to take action. That will come, for now, just ‘bide wi yerself a wee bit’ – meaning to sit with yourself for a little while. Observe what is going on, it’s more than likely that the surface indicators are only that. There’s no use in taking rash action, just wait, see what else arises. Often it can take 6 or 7 looks at an issue to really get to the heart of it, so let it unfold. Once you’ve done that, figuring out what needs to change is so much easier. But that is next year’s job, for right now, rest up, relax and unwind. As the new year approaches we Scots like to say: May the best ye hae ivver seen be the warst ye'll ivver see. May the moose ne'er lea' yer girnal wi a tear-drap in its ee. May ye aye keep hail an hertie till ye'r auld eneuch tae dee. May ye aye juist be sae happie as A wuss ye aye tae be. This means: May the best you have ever seen be the worst you will ever see. May the mouse never leave your grain store with a tear drop in its eye. May you always stay hale and hearty until you are old enough to die. May you still be as happy as I always wish you to be. Here’s looking forward to a healthier, happier 2016! This article was originally published on LinkedIn.
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 It’s the end of the year, another is in sight, but for now just enjoy these last days of 2015. Connecting with people old and new, connecting with the world around you has magical restorative effects.
There’s so much to do winding up at work, social events, family gatherings and shopping for gifts, the list seems endless. As you are racing around trying to get everything done, stop just for a second and realise that you can’t (do everything). As much as you will give it a darn good try, it will rob you of what’s happening right now all around you. Your happiness in life occurs at the points where your energy seems to just flow, it’s a very light energy as the proverbial weight is lifted off your shoulders. While feeling ambivalent is better than feeling stressed, angry, sad or depressed, gratitude is the top elixir of all emotions. Feeling grateful is something that comes easily when we relax a little and notice more. Look around. Who are you sitting next to? What’s the weather like? What do you look like when you stare at your face in the mirror? This moment will never come again. You can choose to live in your next thought of that email that needs sent, the letter that needs posted, the groceries you need to buy, the fuel that needs to go in the car on the way to pick up the kids. Or you can choose to be fully present in the line at the post office rather than thinking about the next thing you need to do. Recently I’ve become so aware of how we shut ourselves off from people. When we are out and about we avoid eye contact and gesture in a way that says “I’m too busy”. A couple of weeks ago I dropped in to a sandwich bar to pick up a smoothie. Rather than dive into my device as I’m prone to, avoiding eye contact with everyone else, I got to chatting with a lady sitting drinking her smoothie. I have to admit I had this lady pegged as a housewife of around retirement age. As it turns out she was a music producer. Though I’ll never likely meet this lady again, I can tell you it felt good to connect with someone and the surprise and delight at meeting someone so creative gave me a lift as I headed off to the next meeting. Just yesterday I was visiting a nearby fairy tale themed garden with my kids, they had happened upon the fictitious wolf’s hideout (the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood) and were happily playing with pots, pans and mouldy water. As much as the dusty hideout and mouldy water did not entice me, I did surrender to the moment and let the girls play, caught up in their imagination for a long time. Meanwhile I sat on the grass and looked up at the trees, they were big trees, been there a long long time. It felt solid and soothing to just be there. If ever there was food for the soul though, catching up with old friends would be it. As the holiday season approaches our minds often turn to checking in with those we haven’t in a long time. Then as we talk we wonder why we haven’t, our hearts enriched, our load unburdened. Old friends, close friends are amazing, and enduring. There are those who are only part of our lives for a season and then we move on, nowadays we honour the past connection through social media. Then there are those who are still part of the fabric of our lives, we just don’t get to see them that often. In terms of being who you are and being present in the moment, nothing can be easier than when you spend time with good friends. Since having children I have found that life gets especially busy in just the day to day stuff. Before you know it another year has passed and here you are wondering why you left it so long to check in with those who ‘get you’ the most. Catching up with those who make you feel this way is part of the restorative end of year cycle. There is nothing to feel guilty about; your friends are in just the same boat. There will be moments you have together, maybe even this year you are sharing a vacation, but there’s no need to feel any angst about it, just sink in and enjoy. Like the tide washing in and washing out, your soul needs soothing, it’s ragged at the end of a long year. Life has a rhythm about it, as much as you will start to reconnect with yourself and get more clarity on the things that are truly important to you in the coming weeks, just to be present now as you start to wind down and let that all unfold. It’s time to wake up to the world around us again, to shake your boots off and sit down, rest a while in good company and enjoy the wonder around you. All of these things and more will do you a power of good. Rest up, for when that clarity comes about what’s really important in your life, you will be called to act and remember fondly the time you sat still for just a moment and took in the world around you. This article was originally published on LinkedIn. photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/11242455@N00/4530848609">Dandelion</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a> How to Turn Those Awkward Social Occasions into Opportunities for Upliftment this Holiday Season12/14/2015  At this time of year we are often in situations where we are catching up with people we don’t choose to spend time with day to day. For many this is uncomfortable, if not downright undesirable, leading to more stress at a time when all we want to do is unwind. We often find ourselves next to colleagues, our partner’s colleagues, or their partners, or members of our family wondering what on earth to say next.
What if you could turn this into an enriching, uplifting experience? I’m not talking about the usual intoxications that grease the wheels of most social occasions, I’m talking about something really simple that won’t result in a hangover or find you reaching for another substance (which for many who choose to remain sober, or have been elected the sober driver, isn’t an option anyway). Most of us get anxious just thinking about those initial moments of walking in saying hello. We are often too busy worrying about what we are going to say next and what these others might think of us, that we are not truly present at all. You might find yourself just wishing for the waiter or waitress to come over and distract the attention onto the safer topic of drink or meal choices. However, if you choose not to focus on yourself at all, and simply be interested in listening to others, it will burst the bubble of anxiety and make your time, life even, much more rewarding. Of course, what is simple is not always easy, but in this case, it’s actually not that hard either. You have all the skills, they might be a bit rusty but they’re there. This weekend I found myself at my partner’s work’s annual dinner. He has only worked there for a few months and so I hadn’t met anyone. He’s also a tradesman, so in terms of what they do for a living and what I do, on the face of it, it’s completely different. When we arrived the restaurant was already really busy and there were a few people from our party gathered in the waiting area. Unfortunately the only space to coalesce was seats that were in a long straight line, so it wasn’t really conducive to a conversation of any kind and I could see people were feeling really awkward. Checking whether our table was ready, we decided just to head through and wait there instead, that got the ball rolling. As it ended up, I had one of my partner’s colleagues on my left and another colleague’s girlfriend on my right. The guy on my left was really interesting, I discovered that (although he’s being doing his trade since leaving school) he was retraining as a counselor in his 50’s. Given my passion for people following their heart, the topic he was retraining in and relative proximity in age, that made our conversation really easy. The girl on my right was only 18 and fairly shy, but once she knew I was actually interested in what she did and thought, she started to open up. I discovered she had a 7 year old sister that she seemed to really enjoy being around, and I could see her eyes light up when I talked about our two young kids, she had found something to relate to. If you're not a confident conversationalist, think of some questions to ask in advance as openers to the conversation. If it’s someone you know, you can ask things like “Hey, I’ve never really asked, what do you do in your spare time?” or “I know you have kids, but I’ve never really asked their names, ages, what they do?”. If you don’t know someone the field is wide open: “What do you do?”, “Tell me more”, “What’s the story behind how you two met?” and so on. If you’ve thought about it, even only briefly, once you arrive you’ll be on the front foot. So just smile, dive in, then listen. To truly listen you have to be able to interpret what is going on within the many levels of a person. For example, there are the verbal cues (what they are saying, what they are not saying), visual cues (their body language) and sensory cues (the feelings they are projecting). To do that you have to be completely present, absorbing all that is being conveyed, rather than thinking ahead. So while listening is a skill we all know we need, and one that we are all capable of, it’s one that few have truly cultivated. To listen you have to be aware of the voice in your own head. That voice will immediately start to judge what’s being said, start to defend, start to look for weaknesses in order to attack or to make us seem knowledgeable or superior. Being able to observe your own judgments, recognizing them as opinions rather than definitive rights or wrongs, and to allow others to be as they are is what it takes. What you will find is, as you start to listen, people open up. Once they see that you are actually interested in what they are saying and not scanning the room for a more safe haven, the conversation takes on a momentum. Instead of feeling relieved my partner’s dinner was over for another year, I found I had really enjoyed it, and was both relaxed and uplifted. The evening had actually given me a bit of a buzz. Listening is truly a meditative practice because you are giving your presence to another. For anyone who has tried being mindful in this way, you will know it’s called practice for good reason, because our minds are constantly wandering. The trick is to notice your mind has wandered and just pull it back into focus, again and again. That is natural, but if you continue to focus upon someone you will find, fairly quickly, that you will have something in common with them, and it makes the whole experience a whole lot better than the awkward, stressful type. If you are lucky you may suddenly happen upon a topic in which you realise you (and the person you are talking to) must be soul mates in some way because what they are saying is something that really resonates with you, then you’ve struck gold. As tired as you are, as stressed as you are, look upon some of the events in the coming weeks in a different light. If you can see those once awkward social situations as an opportunity for upliftment you will reap the benefits on every level. This article was originally published on LinkedIn. photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/10845359@N02/9073652476">Union & Pine 319</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>  Photo by Danila Cuevas How many of us are wrung out and crawling towards the holiday season? Right now most of you will be more than ready for a break. You’ll have had quite enough of 2015, the layers of ‘stuff’ that you’ve taken on (and are more than ready to shed) as you move into 2016.
The presents that we ‘have’ to buy, the dinners and nights out that we ‘have’ to attend, the time with family we ‘have’ to spend over the coming season will be more than some of you feel you can even face right now. This feeling of having to do anything is just more of the control you’ve been experiencing since you were born. My 3-year old was singing along today to “Let it Go”, though more accurately you’d say she was belting it out with vehemence; the way I imagine many of you will this holiday season in parties and nights out the world over. She was fully in the moment and the look of intensity on her face told me how much she resonates with the song. Songs like this are awesome; they cut through all social proprietary and just talk to our inner being. The fact that such a song can gather so much momentum tells me that many of you feel like you lock your emotions away and long to just let your true feelings out. The real you is inside somewhere and, at this time of year, has had just about enough of everything. Watching my older daughter spiral into a full scale meltdown last week, and then my niece earlier today, I could feel the release they were experiencing. The sounds our children make at those moments can be horrifying (hence the reason most parents live in dread of it happening in public) but come from the depth of their soul. As a mum, I catch myself constantly saying some form of “no” to my children. It generally relates back to their safety, wellbeing or respect for property but I am questioning more and more where some of my ‘rules’ are coming from. Being the parent of a kid in melt down is no fun; in turn it makes me want to melt down too. "Let’s face it, who among us likes any level of control being directed at us?" The same in the workplace, the rigmarole of ‘managing others’ that you know can actually manage themselves pretty well if we just treated them as whole, responsible, individuals. Let’s face it, who among us likes any level of control being directed at us? Often all it does, whether at home or in the workplace, is subconsciously invoke memories of our own childhood and we immediately rebel defensively in one form or another. We have become beings who seek to control, our own and others' thoughts, emotions and actions. The mere suggestion that control might not be required after all sets most of our minds into red alert and we immediately fear that chaos will reign. This happens from childhood and continues throughout our adult life, in both the workplace and our homes. We have become so conditioned to believing we need the control in order to avoid the chaos, we aren’t listening to our inner voices. Imagine for one moment that we all know right from wrong, that we are born with an inner guidance about what is good and bad for us. Then remember what it is like to have that discarded and get told what is right and wrong, even when you knew it wasn’t. The number one regret of the dying is living life for others, the ‘have to’ stuff, and not doing what they truly wanted to do. Remember that as you head into this holiday season. When you make the time to unwind, listen to your inner knowing, you will start to remember all the things that are truly important to you. Seize this moment to make the most of the rest of your life. Consider the role that control takes in your life, the control you’re experiencing from - and are exerting on – others. It’s time to cut loose and go with the flow a little. Perhaps you’ll discover that life is in fact only a stream of wellbeing, if you’ll only go with it. This article was originally published on LinkedIn.  Photo by Andrey Larin In another month, people world over will take time out from their hectic routines, relax, and inevitably start to contemplate where their life is going.
Right now though, many of us are starting to feel frazzled even when we don’t recognize it. Often there’s a feeling of invincibility that comes first, “Check me out, look at all these balls I’m juggling”; that’s just the adrenaline rush from the sheer amount of activity going on. When you look deeper, fog brain is the norm and you are really just trying to ‘get through’ to the holidays. The power of time out shouldn’t be underestimated, the constant chatter that goes on in your mind, relating to your everyday routine, will calm for only a brief period. It’s time to pay attention, listen. Right now your vantage point is too obscured by the day to day stresses and tensions that will soon get blown off over the holiday season if you make room to relax, unwind, and enjoy. You will start to feel like yourself again, things that are truly important to you start to surface from your subconscious with great clarity. When they do, take notice. That is why so many people make new year’s resolutions. Very quickly your life can ramp right back up again and your innermost desires will appear less urgent. Those resolutions get pushed to the bottom of the list, instead, the day to day spot fires take precedence. However, what you truly want won’t be so easily pushed aside. It will keep showing up in many different ways, in every level of your wellbeing, bugging you, thwarting you, making your life more difficult, until you pay heed. Life is quite simple, what is good for you (the real you, the one you get to meet when you’re less wound up) feels right. If it doesn’t feel right, it’s not. When we are distracted by the day to day, our mind tends to play a much greater part in our decision making than is healthy for us. You start to think about all the common things you heard growing up –“no one in this family ever…”, “men only want one thing”, “money doesn’t grow on trees” and “money corrupts“ and all the things in between that affect the way you see yourself, your relationships, your health, your success, your finances, everything. Over time you will have attracted many circumstances into your life that reaffirm all these things, because thoughts affect the way we feel and the way we act, so we inevitably – albeit not intentionally – you attract many of things you don’t want. It’s a vicious cycle until you become conscious of it. Knowing who you are underneath the layers of defense and perception that have accumulated from the moment you were born is an unfolding process. However, there is no better time for most of us to get in behind those than when we take a break. Last year I had finally paid attention to the voice telling me to leave the corporate roles I’d had. When redundancy was offered I took it, with no real clue as to what I was going to do instead. A year on, I’m happily learning, growing and sharing through these articles, it’s a great outlet. One day that may lead to something more, but for now I’m just enjoying the process. In the meantime, to earn, I’m helping a worthy organisation with a cultural transformation. The dynamic is completely different from anything I’ve done before. The main difference, aside of being a consultant rather than employee, is in who I am. The inner sense of self is restored, no more feeling like a square peg in a round hole, compromising. I operate with a sense of ease and authenticity and, well, I am happy. Our family has relocated, with lifestyle in mind, the kids are in kindergarten attached to a school that values natural development and creativity, allowing the children more freedom in the way they learn, allowing them to retain more of a sense of who they really are rather than having to remold themselves to fit into a traditional system. Whether it’s a change in career, a more healthy lifestyle or a promise to yourself to take that long anticipated trip, life will have a way of nudging you along until you take notice. So why not take the lead from whatever arises for you this season and commit to it? That doesn’t mean you have to force something, in fact, if you are having to force a change, you are simply creating barriers to what is coming your way naturally. Your job isn’t to figure out the details of how to make the changes in your life occur, it’s simply to pay attention. If you are able to, and wondering whether to take a break right now, do. For those who have to work through, plan your next break, look forward to it with relish. There’s nothing that feels as good as the moments you are completely in tune with yourself and that is within reach. Think about the things you feel really proud of in your life, you’ll see there’s pattern of having achieved them from a place where things just seemed to flow. Great things happen with people tune in and turn on, 2016 promises to be an amazing year for you if you’ll let it. First published on LinkedIn.  Photo by Sergei Zolkin Female hormones - and all their glorious effects in adulthood - rarely get discussed in workplaces. Men dare not, preferring instead to keep comments limited to jokes in down time. Women dare not, lest a crack should show in our armory and we should be thought of as 'less' somehow.
When we are at work, most of us want to remain professional and are likely to keep our masks in tact. In the throws of some hormonal fluctuation, if we do manage to keep the mask in place, often the inner dialogue is slightly less than professional. Our patience and tolerance are diminished - outwardly we might smile and nod, if you are lucky, but inwardly we are rolling our eyes, seething and thinking "how dare they..." or " I just don't have time for this crap". At home though we tend to let the mask slip. Those around us know first hand the effects these potent chemicals have with such regularity. Last week I found myself verbally unleashing momentary rage upon my kids for, well, being kids – making a mess, bickering, screeching at the first sign of anything blocking their flow; how dare they? Like Bruce Banner becoming the Hulk, I just flipped. Joking aside, one day I am at peace with everything around me, not easily flustered by much at all, the next I have all the tolerance of a pea. Out of the blue there are scripts playing in my head that have been silent for a few weeks, basically blaming everyone around me for their selfishness and insensitivity. I hear myself chuntering all the same things I used to hear my mother say, getting sucked into a vortex of thoughts, stories that reaffirm my righteousness. Then I observe with wonder and incredulity. Why did I speak to my children in such a way? “They’ll not trust me if I’m not consistent” I thought, then, “don’t blow it, you are meant to be their safe haven". The grip subsided, started to dissipate. “Goodness girls” I said, “I’m so sorry, that wasn’t nice at all huh? “ They reaffirmed and I apologised, again. In the next moment, one of them spilt something on the floor and the mad lady was back. “How dare you?” I cried. To myself I thought “stop, just stop, that is enough”. Exhausted I decided we had to switch it up, get some fresh air and burn off some energy. Good move. The energy I’d tuned into was so dense, it was pulling me down. Out in the sun enjoying the kids playing at the park, a modicum of tranquility returned as my energy found a different wavelength to tune to, my inner stillness. Thank goodness I practice regularly tuning into that inner stillness when I’m not so emotional; it helps me to find it when I am. I have heard it said that – at various points in the hormonal cycles – females are susceptible to the energy of female persecution through the ages, something I thought sounded totally farfetched when I first heard it. However, given we are always creating energy, and that all energy created hangs around, in a hormonal state I obviously give off some bad vibes and attract more. Rage certainly seems to spring from nowhere. I’m not sure that we can even blame biology for the hormonal state, because anthropological studies show that cultures vary in the way a woman’s hormones affect them. In societies where the females have been cherished, the emotional and physical state we recognize as ‘premenstrual’ or ‘menopausal’ does not exist. This leads me to the cultural expectations that we get locked into from a young age. Women going periodically schizo (I don’t mean this distastefully, there is no better phrase to describe the constant and extreme switches in emotional state), arguments ensuing and men rolling their eyes and sanctimoniously saying “ah, it’s that time again is it?” all reinforce the energy hanging around. Even in the workplace you can be sure everyone is thinking that when a female seems to ‘lose the plot’. With two girls growing into this world I am sensitive to the things that they can take on that remove them yet another step from their innocence – or ‘inner sense’. For really, that natural state that children come into this world with is the natural state within all of us. It’s the one I tune into when I practice mindfulness or meditation. If we can simply be the space in which these strong emotions arise, allowing them to be without attaching thought to them, they start to dissipate. While I’d rather not be schizo mum, at least I am at a point where I recognize it and try to catch it now. I apologise for it if I don’t catch it in time, and I hope that I’ll get better and better at simply being the space for that energy to pass through me like a wave and dissipate, it’s as important for my own wellbeing as it is for that of my kids. Still today I know female persecution exists, but for most of us, if we can start to let go of the hurts of the past, the bad vibes will have no place to exist anymore, they will dissipate and we can free ourselves of this taboo and move forward. This article was originally published on LinkedIn.  Photo by Dmitry Sytnik How often do you delay taking a break, getting sleep or doing something for yourself in favour of doing something that ‘needs’ to be done first? How often is your mind thinking about the next thing you need to do, something you want or need to do in the future or ruminating about something that has already happened? How often are you really ever here, in this present moment?
There’s an expression about smelling the roses that might seem trite, but even noticing the people next to you, what they are wearing, the colours in the room, the smells as you take a walk outside, just noticing, just being, can help you in so many ways if you’ll just slow down – or, at least, feel that you’re slowing down. Just look at the amazing photo taken by Dmitry Sytnik I used for this article. If you look at the city, how does your body respond, how do you feel? If you look at the sky, how do you respond in contrast? Wouldn’t it be better to bottle the second feeling and carry that with you? I know it seems hard, impossible even at times. This week I watched my brother-in-law contending with a family emergency, he runs a small business and had nearly 600 orders to get out. With my sister-in-law (his critical partner in this) in hospital, and 3 kids to organize, it was the kind of day that one just has to get through. He asked the older ones about pick up and drop off arrangements for their after-school activities, dealt with the younger one having a morning melt down, knew at some point my sister-in-law would need picked up, meanwhile there was the task of just getting everyone fed and out the door. No doubt you will have some version of this story playing in your own life. Perhaps not an emergency, but everyday life can call upon you to be many people all at once. Telling you to take more time for yourself, take a break, get more sleep or smell the roses is likely to have your mind racing with all the things you need to do, all the reasons you can’t – and that’s only if you haven’t already dismissed the idea out of hand right at the outset. But if you are at a point where you’re thinking “there’s got to be more to life than this”, you are likely ready to at least listen. “a simple moment in the midst of chaos that has changed everything” Recently I wrote about a morning when I was trying to get my two preschool children focused enough to get out the door to their respective daytime activities, in time for me to get to an important appointment. It was a simple moment in the midst of chaos that has changed everything. On the cusp of thinking I’d magically managed to keep the chaos contained in a fast flowing steam of activity that led to getting in the car and going, each daughter wanted something extra – unplanned – that was absolutely necessary to them (by this I mean completely unnecessary in the mind of a rational human being). It’s at this point I no longer heard the calm in my voice, instead I heard a mix of anger, pleading and frustration welling up all at once. Again, inevitably this just escalates the situation. So I felt bad, and I had a choice, do I keep sliding into those old thought patterns and just perpetuate more bad feeling, or do I nip it in the bud? “disconnecting from any thought of time pressure, connecting with a feeling of having all the time in the world” I chose the out-of-body surrender experience, disconnecting from any thought of time pressure, connecting with a feeling of having all the time in the world. My calm voice was back, I soothed the children trying to focus on how to help them feel good, and we soon got underway. Everything worked out; we were on time and fairly unscathed. Since then I have taken that concept and found myself quite naturally applying it to almost every moment of the day. Connecting with a feeling of having all the time in the world hasn’t slowed me down; it has kicked my body out of survival mode and into a much more productive one that recognizes the present moment and all that I am doing in it. The feeling of calm that goes with it has rendered my life almost unrecognizable from the one I used to lead. Having invested time in deliberately feeling into a space where time is not pressing upon me, through regular yoga and meditation, I can now connect with the feeling of that quite easily when I remind myself to. There are moments, like getting to a meeting, or driving to pick up the kids, where I play the voice of Louis Armstrong singing in my head “we have all the time in the world..” and it kicks me into a different mode. Nothing ever falls over, the world doesn’t end, the kids are never left stranded, quite the opposite. Here with a mission, with not a moment to waste, I walk with determination; people always joke they can recognize my footsteps striding towards the room with a sense of purpose. That hasn’t changed, this week there were some teenage kids idling through town and one cheekily mimicked me striding along. The difference though is that I’m not sure I’d even have noticed that kid a year ago. My mind would have been locked into the next meeting; my vision and hearing elsewhere, the chemical balance of my being consumed by survival hormones. Instead, here I was fully engaging in the moment, observing and smiling at this guy who soon tired of his antics, it was fun. Recently I overheard my 4 year old say to her younger sister “Out of the way, I need to go somewhere”, to which I heard a little voice bounce straight back with “But you already are somewhere.” A lovely reminder of staying in the present moment. The simple fact is this, you do have all the time in the world. Time pressure is something applied by your mind. Kicking your body into survival mode just to propel your car from a junction ahead of that red car, rather than behind it, in order to ‘save’ 6 seconds, is simply not worth it. Forsaking a trip to the loo in order to hurry to a meeting, skipping lunch or eating at the desk in order to get through some emails, constantly rushing your kids through life (hurry up and get in the car, hurry up and eat that, hurry up and get out…), none of it is helpful. In contrast, connecting with a feeling of having time, when the voice in your head is desperately trying to kick you into flight and fight mode, will keep your brain fully functioning and your being more connected to the world around you. You will have your own way of unwinding, whatever it is you do - or have done in the past - whether it's walking the dog, meditating, swimming or golfing. Take time to notice how your body responds when you're doing these activities. Take the time to notice other times your body naturally relaxes; drink in the feeling and call upon it regularly throughout your day. You’ll be here, present, happier, nicer to be around and more effective in everything you do. This article was originally published on LinkedIn.  Photo by Joshua Earle Watching Arianne Huffington get interviewed this week about her book Thrive, she was asked a pointed question by an audience member. In her book she talks about how our relentless pursuit of the two traditional metrics of success - money and power - has led to an epidemic of burnout and stress-related illnesses, and erosion in the quality of our relationships, family life, and, ironically, our careers.
In being connected to the world 24/7, we're losing our connection to what truly matters. She makes a compelling case to redefine what it means to be successful and draws on the latest research and scientific findings that show the profound and transformative effects of meditation, mindfulness, unplugging, and giving, The brave audience member stood up and asked “I hear everything you’re saying, but you have ‘made it’, you’re extremely successful. Do you really think you could have got here today if you’d not worked the hours you worked, made the sacrifices you have, and followed the advice you’ve just given?” Fair question, one that arises from a society that teaches delayed gratification, multitasking, and a culture of ‘staying late’, with common clichés like “you can sleep when you’re dead”, “fake it ‘til you make it” and “sleep is for losers” a part of our psyche. Hats off to Arianna, she answered “absolutely, I have no doubt I would have wasted a lot less time and experienced a lot less stress in getting here too.” We learn from life experience, as individuals and as part of a collective, as we evolve. New generations are born already more enlightened than most of the people walking around today. Few people have figured out their individuality is somewhat of an illusion, that we are more connected than we are separate, and that tapping into that connectedness, listening to our inner voice, is infinitely more powerful than listening to the one in our head – our ego. After reading my last few articles an insightful friend of mine asked whether I’d found myself at the top of Maslow’s hierarchy. Maslow's hierarchy of needs is a theory in psychology proposed by Abraham Maslow in his 1943 paper "A Theory of Human Motivation". It suggests that the most basic level of needs must be met before the individual will strongly desire (or focus motivation upon) the secondary or higher level needs. Meaning when you are at the bottom of the food chain, literally or figuratively, your focus isn’t on the meaning of life, it’s on getting food on the table. Reflecting on this I’ve found myself revisiting a concept that keeps popping up, how to break the cycle. In so much as we are born fully aware, fully connected, mindful, and we somehow quickly lose this and go down the rabbit hole of chasing dreams from an individual standpoint that making the realization of those dreams so much harder than it needs to be. I saw Arianna’s interview as part of the online Mindfulness Summit , pulled together by Melli OBrien and Matt Dickenson, which is running throughout the month of October. The summit has some amazing and highly acclaimed speakers (from thought leaders and authors like Arianna and Daniel Goleman of Emotional Intelligence fame, to celebrities like Ruby Wax and a number of renound professors and psychologists in between. It is free to access all month and it's a not-for-profit project with a mission to make mindfulness mainstream. Why? Because Melli and Matt believe the peace, balance and compassion found through mindfulness has the capacity to change the whole world from within. Of course mindfulness is just a more modern term for meditation, awareness, being present, being conscious, contemplation. Whatever you want to call it, it’s about connecting to the place within you where you can let go of that wound up tightness created by the voice in your head, and create the space to make some really good decisions in your life. The question I find myself contemplating is why and how we disconnect from it in the first place? When you are present, you connect to an expansiveness greater than yourself, something eternal, the energy from which we came and to which we will just as surely return. The truth of that is written in the faces of our newly born infants who enter the world full of joy and self worth, slowly adopting beliefs about themselves and the world around them that starts to completely obscure the raw energy beneath, the real person who came with a purpose and an inner guidance system, their intuition, that many are taught not to trust. With two preschool daughters I am ever alert to the rules and beliefs that get imposed on you from the minute you are born. I’ve also been aware of that sense of ‘self’ that develops around the age of 3, when they start to look in the mirror as if to say “oh, that’s interesting, I have a face, a form”. Until then, our little ones are just present, connected and full of wonder at the world. It’s why so many of us love to be around babies and small children, there’s always joy, never judgement. While discovering our physical form is just a natural part of our development, and one to be relished like all other experiences, it’s the start of a more visible ‘self’ separate from others. Already I see my 4 year old daughter’s mind at work, choosing to avoid foods because of the way they look, or suddenly feeling pain because she’s seen blood. Her mind is whirring and she’s starting to think more. The question is whether Maslow’s hierarchy would be relevant in a world where we teach our children to remain consciously connected to their inner world. Rather than reinforcing the sense of separateness, limit and lack, if we nurtured the sense of connectedness and tapping into our intuition, reinforcing opportunities to feel abundance through acts of giving and gratitude, then our next generation wouldn’t ask questions like the one asked of Arianna. We would live in a world where burgeoning leaders are already connected and enlightened. Over the years Maslow’s hierarchy has been expanded, with Transcendance needs (helping others self actualize) at the top, but what I’m saying here is that we start out already transcended and then completely forget. Even now, some of you reading this will be wondering in the truth of what you are reading, yet, if you follow Arianna’s advice you will experience the truth of it for yourself. Waiting until you've achieved your goals is counter productive. Sure, if you want your goals badly enough, you'll get there, eventually. Instead, take time to nurture your inner world, practice meditation, mindfulness, unplugging, and giving – even for just 8 weeks - and watch how your life is transformed. This article was originally published on LinkedIn.  To let ‘more’ in we have to surrender the lack and get into the sense of ‘already having’.
On the face of it, it sounds like juxtaposition. But if you look back on your own life you will see the truth of it. I was listening to an interview with Oprah this week where she was talking about her part in the film ‘The Color Purple’. It was a part she had wanted more than anything she’s ever wanted because of the affinity she felt with the story; right from reading the book review through to being invited to audition. However, later, one of the casters all but told her she hadn’t a hope because there were “real actresses” up for the part. This caused pain and confusion as there had just been so many signs that had seemed to point to the part being meant for her, it had felt so cruel. For a long time she struggled to let it go. First there was anger and confusion, then there was begrudging acceptance, then she got to a point where she felt that she could even be magnanimous enough that she’d be able to look the actress (she thought had got the part) in the eye and genuinely say (and mean) that she had played the part better than Oprah ever could. The minute she felt that, and had truly let go the ‘lack’ of the thing she had desperately wanted, that very day she got a call to come and play the part. There are times when we really want something very badly although, for some, even beginning to believe we can have our desires – and be happy – is a stretch. So when we do get into that place of wanting something and believing we can have it, there is a cruelty when it just evades us. The process of trying to conceive made this clear in my life. My daughters are pregnancies 5 and 6, I desperately wanted children and month after month for years I would feel so disappointed. Well meaning people used to say “just relax and forget about it and it will happen”. Anyone who is trying or has tried for a baby will know how infuriating that piece of advice is, especially with a relentless monthly reminder of your ‘lack’. “to think and feel the lack of something is what stops it coming into your life” Thinking and feeling lack while desiring more is futile. There’s a lot of literature our there now on the process of dreaming big, being able to be and do anything. This is true, and believing you can is a big part of it happening. But believing and allowing are two different things. Oprah believed she could have the part, I believed that I could have a baby, but until that thing you desperately want is part of your reality, there is a tendency to feel the lack of it. This is exactly what stops it from coming into your life. When I turned 38 I finally let go of the feeling of ‘lack’ in regard to having kids. We had a really relaxing break with friends over new years and that holiday had given me perspective. The wanting of children had featured so strongly in my list of goals for so long; I’d really neglected other areas of my life. So that year I turned my attention to my health in a more holistic way and committed to better eating and more regular exercise. We were also on the list for IVF treatment and were considering adoption as an alternative, and that took the focus away from the ‘trying’ in the traditional sense. Meanwhile my partner had a client with a young baby, who swore by the treatment of a particular naturopath. He passed the number to me and I recall the irony of the situation, as he is not a fan of alternative therapies. I duly contacted the naturopath, feeling a dull sense of inevitability at being given a diet to follow and prescribed supplements; I was past all these vain hopes. However, I was impressed enough by the guy to give the diet and supplements a go, particularly since he was recommending a diet aligned with a book I’d just read by Dee McCaffrey (on flourless and sugarless living) that had made a great deal of sense to me. The next month I became pregnant with my first daughter. I could attribute it wholly to the diet, to the supplements and the naturopath. However, more than anything, I know it was the ‘letting go’ that allowed all of that to happen. I hadn’t let go of a desire for children, but I had let go of how it was all going to come about. The best way to let what you want in, is to feel that you already have it. To do that you have to get to the highest perspective of why you want it. Whether it’s wanting a part in a movie, wanting kids, wanting a new car or wanting to make an income from your life’s purpose, you have to ask ‘why’, how do you want to feel? And you may have to ask several times to get to the overall feeling you are seeking in pursuit of your desires. As another example, for most of this year my articles have dipped in and out of my journey to living a life of purpose. Interestingly, in her interview, Oprah was emphatic in saying “if you are not living your purpose, or in the process of trying to uncover it, all you are doing is just ‘rattling around’ in your life”. She describes her own journey to purpose so eloquently, and the knowing she’d found it as a feeling of ‘coming home’; an apt description. As readers of my previous articles will know, I’ve taken a rather arduous path. First there was the contrasting experience of knowing what my purpose was not – an experience I stayed in for far too long simply because I didn’t know what would be any better. Eventually I let go of needing to know the answer before jumping, because the contrasting experience of what I didn’t want was so bad. Even after finally getting up the courage to publish articles and ‘out’ the thoughts swirling around in my head, I’m still making my way towards living my life’s purpose. Being a writer doesn’t entirely fit, it’s more correct for me to say that I love love love the process of personal growth and sharing that with others who are ready to grow. More than anything I’d like to merge this with a way of making an income, so I can focus wholly on doing what I love. For a while I looked at how to make money writing, and started to think of all the ways that could manifest in my life – the cursed ‘hows’- all the while knowing I didn’t have it in my life. But now I have let go. This week I have settled into a sense of calm and peace, the feeling of ‘lack’ has dissipated to a large extent. Making an income is necessary, but I look at the process of that (in its current form of consulting) as an opportunity for me to be out in the world growing, something I love doing. Writing about what I’ve learned is a wonderful outlet that gives me a sense of ‘coming home’. I also realized, I am home in many ways; I have my kids (who teach me something new every day), an income and a creative outlet. One day the latter two will be one and the same, but it is in a process of unfolding and I am at peace with that. So what do you want and why do you want it? Really take time to understand the biggest picture of 'why' and how that will feel. It’s time to let go of the ‘how’ and focus on the feelings of already having it. Are there things already in your life – or things you can do - that will give you the same feeling you want that you can tune into? So much of what you truly desire is sitting just beyond your reach, just one happy coincidence away, if only you were tuned to the right frequency to receive it. Do whatever it takes to surrender the feeling of lack, and retune into the good vibes, and you too can have what you most want. This article was originally published on LinkedIn. photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/66728752@N00/15607483956">P1100937</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>  Photo by Caleb George Among the dozens of thoughts racing through your mind, and the many more emails, let's not just get swept along by the most pressing things that arise. Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, within the next ten minutes you can gain clarity on the most important thing you can do today.
Work with me here. Take a deep breath, let your thoughts subside. Perhaps take another deep breath and as another thought comes into your head, let it loose to the wind, like a balloon you’ve just let go of. Ask “What’s the most important think I can do today?” then let it go. Start to notice the sounds around you, to the north (or what you imagine to be the north), what do you hear? To the south, the east and the west? Seriously, stay still, stop reading and softly close your eyes if you can (or gently gaze just in front of you) – listen - letting go of any thoughts that come in. Listen, and when you are finished just softly open your eyes and gaze at the next paragraph. Now start to notice what you are feeling, not the emotions and the stories, let those float away with your thoughts. Just notice the sensations in your body, areas of tightness, letting go of any thoughts that come up. Just notice and move on. Focus now on your breathing, counting with each in and out breath, letting go of any thoughts that come in, keep coming back to your breath. If your body wants to move, gently let it move, just keep focusing on your breath in and out; letting go of any thoughts that arise. Keep breathing, in and out twenty times, and just keep letting go of any thoughts. If you have an extra ten minutes up your sleeve, imagine breathing in and out of each pore in each part of your body. If not, skip the next two paragraphs. Start with your right foot, breathe in and out, through every pore of that right foot, letting go of any thoughts that come up. Then your right shin and calf, breathing in and out through every pore on that lower part of your right leg. Then your knee and thigh, letting go of your thoughts as they come in. Switch over to your left leg, then the pelvic area, then the torso, breathing in and out of every pore of every organ in each part of the body. Then your left upper arm, left lower arm and hand, breathing in and out, letting go of any thoughts, before moving to your neck and head, breathing in and out. Imagine tree roots growing from your feet down into the centre of the earth, wrapping around its warm core, the energy flowing back and forth pulsating as it flows around your body, grounding you here. Imagine as every pore in your body breathes in and out that your face is tilted to the warm rays and light of the sun and all that light and energy is pouring in with each breath that you take. Letting go of any thoughts, keeping a hold of that smile as you feel the warmth and light of the sun on your face. You are connected to everything around you, welcome home. Just breathe it in. Now start to notice your heart beating, wiggle your fingers, wiggle your toes. Return to the sounds around you, open your eyes. Enjoy the stillness, drink it in, capture the feeling of this moment and carry it with you into your day. Now, what is the most important thing you can do today? Namaste With thanks to Kim Eng and Tami Simon among many others for their teaching and a tribute to all those who are contributing to the online Mindfulness Summit throughout the month of October. The summit has some amazing and highly acclaimed speakers (from thought leaders such as Arianna Huffington to authors such as Daniel Goleman (Emotional Intelligence), celebrities like Ruby Wax and a number of renound professors and psychologists. It is free to access all month and it's a not-for-profit project with a mission to make mindfulness mainstream. Big ups to Melli OBrien and Matt Dickenson for pulling it together and who believe the peace, balance and compassion found through mindfulness has the capacity to change the whole world from within. Here Here! This article was originally published on LinkedIn.  Photo by Dysa Eldin More and more people now acknowledge our ability to create our reality through our thoughts. We see the truth of this every day, the way we think about something affects the way we feel about it, which affects our behaviour towards it and the experience of it.
Thoughts create energy, feelings create eves greater energy, our behaviour creates energy. Good vibes, bad vibes, we call them; we sense them because our energy is connected. In my last article on why feeling good is the key to your success, I referred to Dr Joe Dispenza’s explanations on the science behind this. So we are starting to get the point, we create our own reality. Then we think, if I create my own reality, why is this my life experience? This is not the life I dream of. How did I get here? And how do I get out of it? Usually around age 3 or 4, we become conscious of ourselves as separate from others, this is a reality only in the physical sense, but most of us were born into cultures that believed it to be true in almost every sense. Yes, your physical body is different to every other physical body that exists right now, and has ever existed in history of humankind; I’m as unique as a snowflake. Yet as all snowflakes are snow, as Michael Beckwith puts it, we too are all connected. While you come into this world with a purpose, characteristics, talents even, at first you don’t realise the role of the mind. As newborns we are so oblivious, the nature of our reality starts to evolve all around us with only survival instincts leading the way. Starting at a young age, parts of your true nature get shielded and hidden, others get exploited disproportionately, as you feel accepted or rejected. Before you know it ‘you’ are the sum of your true self and a complex entanglement of your life’s experiences. Often you can’t even discern one from the other. So from this vantage point, you are creating a reality that will be just as entangled. You’ve taken on energy that is not helping you attract the dreams you desire. Though still as unique as a snowflake, you are now weighed down by the layers that served you once and have gathered around you like a snowball. "become more of who you really are" As you become conscious of this, you start to observe ‘you’ differently, you start to pay more attention to the things you like and the things you don’t. Slowly, your view of yourself changes and you become more of who you really are, your authentic self. I wrote much about this process in earlier articles. Then, as you think about what you really want out of this life from your new vantage point, you can start to attract more that really fulfills you. Here is where the power of the mind plays a part. You can have whatever you want in life but there is a caveat, as I was reminded listening to Mike Dooley this week. What you want is often not what you think you want. Let me explain. "it cannot depend on any specific person" With the right energy you can achieve pretty much anything, from the mundane to the miraculous, but it cannot depend on any specific person. You can have happiness, love, wealth, health, meaning, anything you want, but if you are hanging that on anyone else – or the actions of anyone else – you will keep waiting and waiting and waiting. Note the premise I am discussing here, your thoughts, feelings and actions create your reality. If you what you want depends on someone else, you are contending with their thoughts, feelings and actions, you’re contending with their perception of who they really are, you are contending with a whole lot of complex, mixed up energy that may never match yours in your entire lifetime, far less at the point you desire it. Instead, if you set your own cocktail of energy free and forget about the 'how' or 'who', you are much more likely to attract what you’re really looking for. Getting what you want out of life is actually pretty simple (note I'm not saying it's easy), just work it through to the point of it not being attached to specific people or the actions of specific people. I have lost count of the amount of times I’ve wished I could change a person, if only that boss didn’t micromanage, if only that colleague could understand where I was coming from, if only that partner would appreciate my efforts, the list is endless. Instead, if you can step away from how you’d like others to change, and focus on what it is you would really like – freedom to act autonomously in your work, acceptance, appreciation, and so on, you will start to prescribe something that can really be delivered. “focus on the feeling of already having it” Then of course, because you are prescribing something you haven’t currently got, you have to focus on the feeling of already having it. If you focus on the lack of it, and constantly reinforce that feeling, you will only attract like energy and continue to not have it. If what you want is, say, a fulfilling career, then seek out stories of how others transformed their life – there are literally thousands of examples out there now in whatever form you prefer. Once you have heard even just a few of these stories, your confidence, your energy will start to change. Results are unlikely to be instantaneous. We all need a bit of growing room, you need time for your cocktail of desires and energies to attract just the right opportunities for you. But they will happen. They come to us in all sorts of ways, that seem like chance and circumstance, and only in hinsdsight will you usually be able to put it all together. "live in the present, not in the future" Meanwhile, while you are working on the feeling of already having what you desire, remember that life is indeed a journey. Not having everything that you want can be frustrating, but there will always be something you desire that is not within your current reality; this is our nature - growth, expansion. You, however, are living in the present, not in the future. This may seem like a juxtaposition, but your future is made up by a series of present days. Take a relook at your present situation and focus on the good things that are happening for you now, make good use of the positive energy you already have at your disposal and you will soon start to get more of what you really want out of life. This article was originally published on LinkedIn.  We each think 60 – 70,000 thoughts a day, and apparently over 90% of those are just a repeat of yesterday’s. The same thoughts lead to the same choices, the same behaviours, the same experiences and, therefore, the same emotions; which then perpetuates the same thoughts…
This is what I learned as I was listening to Dr Joe Dispenz earlier in the week. He points out that our biology, neurocircuitry, neurochemistry, neurohormones, and even our genetic expression, stay exactly equal to how you think, act and feel. None of this is new information, yet we are so consumed by our daily schedules we rarely take time to reflect and listen to ourselves. When we think about trying to change the thoughts we have, it often feels overwhelming. Let’s face it trying to change just one thing is hard, but 60 - 70,000 things? However, as Dr Dispenza neatly points out, our feelings are directly linked to our thoughts and it’s a whole lot easier to change your experiences by taking charge of how you’re feeling. About 5 years ago I attended a workshop though work where we were challenged to really think about some of our own internal dialogues. I remember sitting at a table where there were three of us who summed up a recurring thought pattern we owned as “idiot”. It’s fair to say we were a bunch of pretty driven people with little patience. It’s also fair to say that this is not the kind of thought pattern that was going to lead to the life we each dreamed of. “feeling good has to be more important to you than anything else” Probably like you, I take on these nuggets and then life (or the 58,000 or so thoughts/ reactions I have every day) carries me on a wave of autopilot. How do we break the pattern? Well it is pretty simply, feeling good has to be more important to you than anything else. Remember though, simple and easy are two different things. There was a point this week when I was trying to get my two preschool children focused enough to get out the door to their respective daytime activities, in time for me to get to an important appointment. Inevitably, just on the cusp of thinking I’d magically managed to keep the chaos contained in a fast flowing steam of activity that led to getting in the car and going, each daughter wanted something extra – unplanned – that was absolutely necessary to them (by this I mean completely unnecessary in the mind of a rational human being). It’s at this point I no longer heard the calm in my voice, instead I heard a mix of anger, pleading and frustration welling up all at once. Again, inevitably this just escalates the situation. Now I feel bad, and I have a choice, do I keep sliding into those old thought patterns and just perpetuate more bad feeling, or do I nip it in the bud? I chose the out-of-body surrender experience, disconnecting from any thought of time pressure, connecting with a feeling of having all the time in the world. My calm voice was back, I soothed the children trying to focus on how to help them feel good, and we soon got underway. Everything worked out; we were on time and fairly unscathed. By contrast (in case anyone should get the idea I’m anything less than a very imperfect being), I slipped right back into those old thought patterns like a pair of comfortable old slippers that night when my partner arrived home asking me a ‘dumb’ question. Snap. Those 50 – 60,000 repeat thoughts all just clipping the ticket for the day and perpetuating exactly the opposite type of experience I wanted. Eckhart Tolle is definitely on the money when he points out the appeal of animals, because there’s no veil of judgment that exists; which is what generally exists between humans. Every time we interact with another our minds are busy interpreting so many signals based on our past experiences. Animals are simply closer to their natural state of being, there’s no intervention of the mind. They sense your energy but don’t judge it, they just accept it. Can you imagine if we could be disciplined enough to do that? Just suspending thought, stilling our mind, to simply be there for someone. It would change the quality of our experiences with others dramatically. Obviously I was needing a big reminder this week to focus on the experiences I’m creating through my thoughts, because I accidently opened the YouTube app on my phone and heard Esther Hicks sharply telling me that while feeling bad is a part of the process of creating something great, I don’t need to spend so long in the contrast. This is something most of us are very guilty of, we tend to put up with feeling bad far too much of the time and wait until an experience is mostly bad before really doing anything much about it. Here’s the deal, we are all in the process of creating our own experience all of the time. Yes, starting right now you will have a mammoth amount of unconscious patterning that happens day to day. If your days aren’t filled with, let’s say, 80% feeling good, then there’s probably a hunger to feel better about life. “Think of two thought patterns that you want to change.” Chances are you’ll be blaming it on others and on situations. This is not helpful. Your experiences are not what happens to you, but how you respond – mentally and emotionally – to those things. At first, as Dr Dispenza suggests, just observe your feelings and thoughts on a couple of topics you know recur for you regularly. In the heat of the moment it can be hard to make changes, but if you preplan for them you stand a better chance. If you know, like me, you’re prone to judging certain comments, looks or actions, and that the judgment creates a behaviour and therefore an experience that simply makes you feel bad, think about how you might respond differently – without judgment – in the moment, in a way that will make you feel good. By focusing on feeling good more of the time, you’ll start to rewire your biology, neurocircuitry, neurochemistry, neurohormones, and even your genetic expression. Changing how you feel will change the way you think, which will change the way you behave, which in turn will change the quality of your life experiences immeasurably. This article was originally published on LinkedIn. photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/34039290@N06/18662478972">water attack</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/">(license)</a>  I believe it was Rev Leroy Allison that said “We spend too much time living in the ‘what if’ and need to learn to live in the ‘what is.’ Accepting our present reality seems to be hard for us as an adult. Our emotional state usually arises from the internal protesting towards it.
In fact we get so wrapped up in this internal battle, we lose months of our time, years even, between moments when we ponder our life a bit more and resolve to make changes. Most people don’t take regular time to relax and still the mind a little, there’s just too much ‘to do’. This week I have been contemplating the topic more than usual, my little grey tabby didn’t survive her kidney disease and so we begrudgingly said farewell. In a detached way, I wondered whether this experience of death would be different from previous experiences I've had given all my pontificating about living in the moment. I cried, even though I believe we are all connected, in life and in life after life, but I can no longer reach out and stroke her fur, I can no longer hear her chirpy little meow talk that greeted me every time we were near. Nothing I think or feel can change the fact that she's not physically here. However, what I think can change my experience of it. Only last week I wrote about leaning into the curve balls, living in the present, and so life decided to throw me another. When close ones die, it gets us thinking about the life we are living. Those who face dying tell us they wish they had listened less to others and lived a life more aligned with their own desires. How many times each day do you waste time rebelling against ‘what is’ in your mind? The toilet seat that has been left up, the person next to you on the train with garlic breath, the kids squabbling with each other, the friend that never calls, the boss expecting you to just go along with some silly protocol, the fact that you even have to go to work at all? One of the reasons we love children and animals so much is they seem to revel in the present moment far more than we, they still see magic all around them. We, however, chew things over in our minds and create magnificent stories within seconds. Generally we tell ourselves fabulous tales of how others have done things deliberately to us, and so we feel the persecution and sink further into our misery. We also experience others doing this to themselves, friends or loved ones unload, which just adds to the bad vibes. So what can we do about all these thoughts and feelings we experience that are just slowing us down, creating a fog around ‘what is’? Change what you can, accept what you can’t. It comes down to neutralizing the effects. In the moment, if you feel especially upset, it’s better to remove yourself and get moving, burn some of that negative energy off, walk off some steam. Once you’re there, or if you’ve started at a less extreme state of emotion, start to generalise your thoughts, replay the story from another perspective, one that doesn’t put you at the centre of the drama. Most importantly, be yourself. I reflected this week how animals have their own personalities, even their own baggage. My older cat has always been wary, if approached from her peripheral vision she’ll turn and swipe, if challenged by another cat she’ll valiantly stand her ground. In contrast, that little grey tabby was a resounding example of simple presence and love. Not once did she fight, bite or swipe. Nothing ever fazed her; she just ignored any challenge and carried right on with her affectionate ways. What an amazing gift in my life, and beautiful memory. Taking regular time for yourself to get absorbed in activities that help you tune out to the ‘stuff’ and tune into who you are is a necessity, it’s certainly not an indulgence. As I watch my children grow up, I’m acutely aware of all the expectations that get put upon them, ‘rules’ that they are supposed to follow. When I think of the layers and layers of these that get added over the years, it’s no wonder we get stuck in a bit of a fog about who we really are. Accepting this, start to delayer. Spend more time in ‘what is’, you will soon notice more of what you are feeling towards things, ideas, or people. Use this as a guide to getting to know the real you. Accept what comes up, you may not be the person you think you are. There is only now, this moment, this body, this life, this experience. Accepting the moment doesn’t mean you accept a future made up of the same moments – use now to guide you to what you do want, then action it. Even if that action is only becoming aware of what you don’t want. Once you look at your life through different lenses you can't undo it, awareness is created. Inspiration follows, you start to notice more of who you really are, what you really want, act on your inspiration. The fact you’re reading this article shows you already have some level of awareness that something is out of whack in your life. I’m not going to pretend it’s easy to strip away all those layers you’ve gathered over the years, you won’t suddenly wake up tomorrow with a childlike innocence about the world. But as you work on it, piece by piece, peace returns, exuberance returns, and – most importantly - you return. Living ‘what is’, choosing this moment, aware of who you truly are and what you truly want, is a life worth living. This article was originally published on LinkedIn. photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/40883175@N06/14331575962">Highline Elation</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>  Photo by Joshua Clay Life can throw you curve balls, we all know this - the question is how you respond when it happens. Who you are - how you respond to life's challenges - will determine the quality of your own experience and those around you. Many philosophers and teachers have pointed out that now, this present moment, is all we have. Yet many of us live in the past or live for the future.
Learning to live life in the now doesn’t mean life won’t throw you challenges. It’s more related to the perspective you have on those challenges, Erkhart Tolle teaches that optimally you want to still the mind and become an observer who is unattached to the outcome. At first I wondered what the point was of anything if I was unattached to it, isn’t that part of this human experience, that we feel things in response to the life around us? As I began to explore the idea more, I realised that being unattached to the outcome didn’t mean I no longer cared about anything. It’s about the futility of trying to change things that already are. That is not to say you don’t take a different course in the future. As Reinhold Neibuhr famously said “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”. Of course this is easier said than done. I often catch my own responses to the challenges of life, and muse at what an imperfect being I am. So I learn from the experience and recommit to living life in the now. Whether it’s an unexpected result at the clinic, or in a performance review, or a redundancy at work, an illness in the family, or a loved one deciding to take their life in a different direction – how we respond makes a huge difference to the quality of our own wellbeing. This week as we have been settling into our new home in a new city, it became apparent our youngest cat was very sick. Pre-children, our cats were like our kids, and I have to confess in the mayhem that ensues from having little ones born into your life, the cats took somewhat of a back seat. I had noticed that she was a bit depressed and somewhat underweight in recent months, but I had put it down to upset over the move. As it turns out, she has irreversible kidney damage. At only 6 years old, we’d been expecting her to be around for another 10 years or more, and we just weren’t ready to let her go. Neither did we want her to suffer. Through my tears there came a point when I suddenly realised that, no matter how much I wanted her to stay, it wasn’t my decision; it was hers. She would either decide her time is up and leave, or she’d choose to stay a bit longer. I couldn’t impose my will, I could only support her in her choice. Although she has bounced back a little from death’s door and is now home, her prognosis isn’t wonderful. However, I am grateful for this time we have now and are making sure to feed her a specific diet that will improve the quality of whatever life she has remaining. Controlling the things we can. That lack of control is the curve ball. As humans we have a tendency to try and control everything that happens in our life, but we can’t. Everyone has their own free will, and, no matter how much you may want something of someone, you might not get it. I used to see that in the office a lot where a manager would simply tell people to do something without any real discussion, understanding or (crucially) buy in. As a result the culture was not one of lasting positive change but rather one of fear. While the Lego movie epitomizes this in a really humorous way, it’s a rather sad indication of the all too prevalent modus operandi, certainly in the western world. Frequently I’d watch managers physically or metaphorically scratch their heads when challenged by their superiors about a poor outcome, saying “but I told them”. Not all curve balls are negative of course, some are amazing, a long awaited pregnancy when all hope had been lost, a marriage proposal, a promotion or a lotto win. Regardless of what they are, the essence of a curve ball is the unexpected nature, at least in your mind. On some level you will probably have recognized what was occurring, just as I can now see signs I had noticed with my cat in hindsight. It can be hard to accept that our mind plays such a huge part in the quality of our life, that it’s not what happens but how we respond. You can choose to be a victim, or you can accept that you are the creator of your own reality. Either way, you’re right. However, if you are a leader of people or want to be, and want to be successful in doing that, not only do you have to master this, you also have to learn to teach it to others, pointing out what’s in it for them as you bring them on the journey. Change is the norm in this modern world, and the cultures that are deliberately cultivated and supported around this are the ones that thrive. Imagine a world where people deal with change in a healthy way as the norm, how amazing would that be? It starts with you, who you are in these moments. Is your mind battling against what is, or have you let go of the futility of such thoughts? Start with the easy things, the queue at the traffic lights, the unanswered call, the colleague who is endlessly talking, the appointment that is already late. Taking control of curve balls, ironically, is simply about accepting the things you can't change in the moment. Choose to accept the moment and it will surprise you how things start to turn around rather than spiral. Focus on the things you can control and you'll build such positive momentum you'll be knocking challenges out of the park. This article was originally published on LinkedIn.  A thought is a curious thing, once observed, if it’s negative it loses its power; its grip on you. The energy dissipates because your inner knowing sees it in the context of that bigger picture of your life. However, if the thought is positive – aligned with what you truly want out of life – let it snowball, it creates a positive momentum and great results if you’ll let it.
This last week we have been continuing to settle in our new home, new city. When I say settling, I mean, continuing to get things out of boxes, continuing to take two steps forward and one step backwards with electrics, plumbing and a kitchen renovation, kids starting at their new kindergarten and childcare, cats still locked in to get them used to their new environment (and not enjoying being locked in with little kids). Amid the stresses and strains I catch myself being someone I don’t like, letting negative thoughts take over. As we take a small backward step with our kitchen, perhaps a handle missing, or a cabinet maker who forgot to turn up, I lose perspective and start to grumble to my partner. Here's the start of a bad snowball, I say one thing, he plays devil’s advocate and tries to smooth it out; vice versa. Suddenly the story is growing and it’s not about a scheduling error at the kitchen company, I‘ve jumped from there to the kind of person my partner is, his character and the choices I’ve made in choosing him as a life partner. Sound familiar? Of course, things cool off and you gain a little more perspective and life moves on. However, in the process, look at all that bad energy created, bad vibes. Of course, children are very sensitive to all of these things, as are animals. They are not in the specifics, they are just picking up on the energy, suddenly they are tuning in at a lower frequency – squabbling starts, and it snowballs further. If you accept the premise that everything is energy, and our thoughts and feelings emit energy, what if that energy – once created – hangs around like an invisible bubble? If all energy vibrates at a different frequency (like radio waves, great analogy Esther Hicks), you begin to realise that if you are tuned to the wrong frequency you can pick up on a lot of ‘stuff’ hanging around out there. Controversially Erkhart Tolle talks specifically about premenstrual women, whose mood – if not caught at the outset and recognised for what it is – picks up on the energy of persecution of women through the ages and snowballs. Being a woman myself, I admit to first feeling a little outraged at this. Woe betide men who make derisory comments on this topic (“oh, that explains it; it’s that time again"). Of course, when I let this cogitate with my inner knowing, I have to admit it makes more than a little sense. Play out these scenarios in your own life, they happens every day at home and at work. Think of how often a comment in a meeting suddenly leads to an attack (at least in your own mind) on your character, or a colleague’s character. It can be overwhelming when you start looking at life through these lenses. When you think of all the bad energy you create and pick up on, not just of other people you are currently interacting with, but generations passed who have inhabited the same space, it starts to feel like a futile situation. It’s not, it’s really simple, you just need to tune in at a different frequency. It's not that we are trying to never have a negative thought or experience. If negative thought exists as a result of bad experiences – and bad experiences result from negative thought – we don’t want to dwell there long. We do want to use these experiences as a contrast though, to let us know what we do want. Therefore if you aim to spend 80% of your time on the positive thoughts and experiences, that would seem like a good balance. Easy to say and – I know – harder to live, especially when you’ve spent years out of balance, stuck more often than you’d like in a quagmire of negative thought and bad energy. There is much advice and information available on the how, but the ones I like best are:
The mind is a wonderful thing when applied to creating and growing more of what you really want, but if you are finding yourself trapped in a spiral of negative thoughts and feelings, be deliberate about moving in the direction of what you do want, it will change the momentum of your life. This article was originally published on LinkedIn. photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/56044438@N00/3266544581">freedom</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/">(license)</a>  Photo by Iwanto Arif Our mind is a magnificent machine, but as I’ve said before, it’s akin to the computer that thinks it’s human. Many believe they are their mind.
Yet there is a deeper knowing within each of us that we can tend to ignore. Instead of quieting the chaos in our head, we dwell on things, amplify them, and they grow like a snowball. When we fixate on the thoughts in our mind, we can never be present, we are stuck in the past or in the future, but we are not really here, now, this moment. There’s a term that has been coined for a new movement, mindfulness, which is interesting as it describes the root cause it’s designed to tackle rather than the practice itself, the illness rather than the cure so to speak; an oxymoron. Mindfulness’ practices have of course been around as long as humans, but lost respectability among the masses. In its more modern naming the masses are taking note; the masses of stressed out, frazzled people who would otherwise have rejected meditation as a bit hippy or new age. Anything that brings us to our senses has to be a good thing. It’s amazing how many phrases we commonly use, like ‘bring us to our senses’ that contradict what people often express as their more cynical viewpoint about life and it’s deeper meaning, and the way others might go about connecting with that. Our senses are many, yet we rely on our 'rational' mind to try and interpret them. In truth, there’s a part of you that interprets the world around you and it’s congruence to the path in life you truly want to take far quicker. If you wake up in the morning and take some time for contemplation before you leap out of bed and into the frenetic flow of the day, you will connect far more easily with the things that are really important to you and those you want to achieve. This is the time in the day to set your intentions, start with the big picture in mind, rather than the inevitable endless stream of emails that will surely be waiting. It’s easy to make excuses about why it’s not possible to do that. I know, I’ve spent the last few years of my life being woken through the night by my daughters and feeling like I’m experiencing some sort of sleep deprivation torture. But I’ve been taking time lately to make sure I hit the reset button. I have a choice when I'm awoken - resistance or acceptance. Often I get woken and think “no, no, no, it can’t be time to get up already”. Then I catch myself, I stop the thought before it starts to grow like a snowball. In the past I’d have been thinking “If she starts whining for milk I’ll scream” or “Why can’t he get his lazy butt out of bed for once instead of pretending to still be asleep” or worse. Caught unaware and called from our sleep most of us are less than congenial. Lately I’ve started to be more ‘mindful’ and hear Kim Eng’s voice (I regularly do her yoga class on DVD) “accept the is-ness of this moment”. Then I quickly follow that with my intention for the day of “unconditional love”. I’ve been amazed at how these quick flashes of thought in the morning have reset the tone for the day. The unthought-of ruminations that had started to appear like shadows in my mind suddenly recede and the sun comes out. Well, maybe not the sun, but certainly not the raincloud and lightening thunderstorms of yesteryear. When we get trapped in our head, and negative thought patterns start to kick in, it’s important for your wellbeing to catch them quickly and move on. My daughter tripped and hurt her arm this week, taking the top layer of skin off, resulting in some antiseptic being applied at bedtime. As it started to sting, she felt pain and began to cry. She was so tired that I kept thinking she’d fall asleep, but instead she was fighting it, fixated on the pain. After much crying and attempts to sooth her I said “you’re stuck in your head, thinking about it is making it a lot worse”. She said miserably “I am?” I started to distract her by retelling the stories about when she was a baby, a topic I know she loves, and then a thought crossed my mind. She wasn’t going to sleep anytime soon, so I asked her whether she’d like to get up and look at her baby book. We had a wonderful time looking through it together. At last she was ready for bed, distracted enough that she no longer felt the pain. When you start to get trapped in your head, anywhere, anytime, make a point of breaking the hold the thought has. Until you do you’ve lost your perspective. And that perspective is the one of the bigger picture for your life. Most of you can’t articulate what that is, but you know it deep inside. You feel good when you’re in tune with it, and bad when you’re not. So if you’re stuck in some vortex of self destruction, deliberately break out. The best thing you can do for your wellbeing and your success in life is to regularly and proactively go out of your mind. I mean this in a healthy way of course. Whether it's ‘Mindfulness’, meditation, or simply an activity you really enjoy that lets you relax, it’s important for you to tune in, turn on and get the best of you each day. This article was originally published on LinkedIn.  Photo by Matthew Weibe We know instinctively that we should be aiming to be happy, because it feels better, it feels good, great even. But few of us can actually say that, for the most part, we are consistently happy throughout our lives.
What if your job in this life is simply to figure out what feels good to you and do more of it? You can use your feelings at any point in time as your guide to how you’re doing on the job. The truth for most of us is, quoted from one of my childrens' books by Janan Cain, “Feelings come and feelings go, you never know quite what they’ll be. Happy, mad, glad or sad, they’re all a part of me.” - we’re a mixed bag. Thank goodness for that mixed bag, the contrasts. I remember fathoming out as I was growing up that, in order to know great happiness, you have to first know what great sadness is; otherwise good would feel, well, mediocre, normal. Too often though we try and cut out feeling bad altogether, preferring to stay in a state of numbness over pain, or getting quick fix euphoria. Remember, feeling is at the heart of our human experience. The last episode of Grey’s Anatomy I watched, one of the doctors had a moment where he realised he kept running away each time things got tough, and that ‘running away’ is different for each of us. For him it meant taking another tour of duty, for the doctor he was talking to it was drugs, but the epiphany he had was the things they were running away from are actually a vital part of our humanity. Many of us have developed a ‘coping mechanism’ when things are tough, whether it’s a big glass of wine, or simply tearing into the cleaning at home. But what kind of life is one where you’re ‘coping’? Yes, painful things happen, really painful sometimes. The worst thing you can do is try to run away from that pain, because all that happens is it grows, you give more energy to it by focusing on not wanting it. I’ve seen people let it affect them their whole lives, passing it on through families and generations. Actually it’s sadly common, Look at some of the world’s quarrels now, borne of generations. As a Scot I can tell you the fierce hatred of the Sassenach’s (English) still runs rife in our patriot blood. Mine rises to the occasion watching sporting events, despite having been born in England and having some wonderful friends and family there. Feeling bad (whether it’s despair, resentment, anger, or any other variant) is simply your inner self telling you that you’re off track from what you’re truly wanting. I’m not saying you need to dwell there, in fact, it’s not helpful if you do. Instead, feel into it, then let it go – let it point you towards what you do want. When you face it, and feel into is, it’s overwhelming at first; but it soon starts to dissipate. Despair can turn to unworthiness, then to anger, then to disappointment before moving into more neutral territory like frustration. Eventually you start to feel hope and, from there, more positive feelings arise. Equally, when you’re feeling good, don’t just dive on into the next thing in your day. Take some time to just let that feeling soak into each cell, you’re in tune with yourself, celebrate it by staying in tune. Start to hardwire happiness into your brain as Dr Rick Hansen would say. When you catch yourself thinking about how tough you’ve got it in life, the quickest way to turn those negative thoughts around is gratitude. While gratitude has become a bit of a throw away word, clichéd almost, too rarely do we actually feel into it in its truest form. As I’m in the process of moving cities and saying goodbye to many people at the moment, it’s been a great opportunity to thank those people for what they’ve added to my life. I’ve even been grateful that we took over the new house early, with my partner going ahead to get it painted while I stay back and pack up our old house and look after the kids. In situations that are stressful, the combination of my own ‘wanting time to absorb and reflect’ nature, mixed with my partner’s ‘dive right in’ nature can exacerbate the whole experience. As hard as it’s been, separately moving through this time has had its upsides and has helped me appreciate his contribution greatly. When you’re struggling to think of things to be grateful for, go big, general even. The more general you are, the less you can argue with yourself. Who isn’t grateful that the sun comes up each morning and fills the world with vibrant colour? That helps our plants to grow, giving us air to breathe. For the rain that comes sustaining us and giving more life than it ever takes away. Even the things you’ve been looking at through the lens of ‘life is tough’ are a blessing. In knowing what you don’t want, you can start to discern what you do want far more specifically. Yes, your aim is to be happy; but it’s not ‘never to be sad’. That said, don't dwell there, growing the story in your mind and firmly setting anchor. Use those negative experiences as a contrast, use them to guide you quite deliberately towards what you do want - the best and happiest version of your life. This article was originally published on LinkedIn.  Photo by Aaron Burden 'Stop and smell the roses' is an expression most will have heard, but how often have you done it; literally or figuratively? It’s amazing how we can be so busy in our lives that we don’t take even 30 seconds to simply just still the mind and be present in our own lives.
J Neville Ward wrote “Death helps us see what is worth trusting and loving and what is a waste of time.” This is no doubt true but what if instead, throughout our lives, we were tuned in and turned on to what is truly important to us? You can be. This week I had a sudden recollection of a conversation I’d had with my chiropractor a number of years ago. He would always ask me to recount how my neck/shoulders/back felt at various points throughout the day. As much as I’d try to remember, I discovered I was going through my days not really present, like driving on autopilot, when you suddenly wonder how you got here with no memory of the route. I used to talk about my brain thawing after a few hours of sleep, because I’d usually waken up in the early hours of the morning with absolute clarity about what actions I needed to take the next day, often getting up to write lists or emails. Then the starter pistol would go off the next morning and I’d start spinning plates again. With constant fog brain and a dull sense of unfulfillment, there were rare moments when I was awake where I would achieve clarity, usually when I had my annual break from the rat race. Then I started to take time to deliberately still my mind. If you’ve ever tried meditation in the traditional sense you’ll know it’s incredibly hard to sit still and not start drifting back to your thoughts, starting with how uncomfortable you are feeling sitting still, you’re soon thinking about the shopping list or a disagreement you’ve had with someone and then you realise you’re deep in thought, defeating the purpose. Alternatives are activities that you enjoy that don’t take much thought, or require a singular focus. Personally I like yoga, the kind where you hold stretches, because there’s just enough movement and discomfort to keep me in the moment – deep breaths are necessary to distract from what I’d describe as a cathartic borderline pain. This is another form of meditation. You can also start to leverage moments in your life that are currently frustrating. In a world where companies think they’re giving great service if they answer 80% of their calls in 20 seconds, what if you take that 20 seconds for yourself, tune out to the music, and just focus on your breath – letting any thoughts that come up drift on past. Do the same at traffic lights, in queues, waiting for the elevator – you will be amazed at the restorative effect. We have gotten so used to identifying with the thoughts in our mind that we think we are that voice in our head. Sure, it’s a component of who we are, but if you identify with it alone, you will miss out on the clarity that comes from your inner knowing, your inner self, the real you. In my posts the central premise of my writing is to encourage the reader to be who you were born to be. When you are present in the world without all the hang ups and misconceptions about yourself that you’ve collected through the years, and all the ‘rules’ of the family, community, country that you live in, you are a person who feels inspired, driven to action, fulfilled. Present. Can you imagine going to work with people who are actually present? Not on autopilot thinking ahead in the conversation, truly listening and – not only that – they are people who are passionate about what they are doing, inspired to be there. Productivity would shoot up, engagement would be a foregone conclusion, customer satisfaction and profits would swell beyond anything we see today. It’s great that you’re taking a moment of your day to read this. How about you take another just to take a deep breath and look around you right now, right where you are sitting. See the colours? See the details? See people’s faces? Hear the sounds? Keep breathing. How does your body feel? Any aches or pains? What about the inner you, can you feel into it? Just observe and be present for a moment in the world you are in. Now go have a great day. This article was originally published on LinikedIn.  In growing up you have become immersed in a shroud of rules, rules that simply do not serve you; shed the shroud and unveil the life you intended to life.
Did you ever stop to think what a ludicrous world we live in? We invent so many rules it is ridiculous. There’s the written rules, the doctrines of religion, law, politics, then there’s the unwritten rules, society’s conventions. Tune into your own moral compass and let go of the cumbersome impossibility of living to everyone else’s standards. Freedom is the essence of our soul, every emotion we ever experience is in relation to how free we feel. We are too willing to put up with feeling bad, feeling powerless, it’s time to start tuning in to your inner knowing and turning the dial to feeling good. As I would walk to work each day from the ferry, there was one guy I’d often see – well, hear - who would walk along with his headset on and belt out a tuneless rendition of “Whiskey in the Jar”. He was completely sober and, as tuneless as his singing was, it brought about a frission of energy, a wonderful zest for life and ‘letting go’ we all paid attention to. Like many of you, I was encultured into a life full of ‘rules’. From the minute you wake up to the minute you go to sleep your life is dictated by rules. Rules that we, as humans, have simply ‘made up’. Let me give you another example. When my daughter started at daycare last year, she was almost 4, and – unknown to me at the time – the centre had ‘rules for eating lunch’. They raved about the healthy meals that the kids get cooked, and I assumed it was the process of their friends eating a new variety of food that would encourage the new kids to give it a go, surprising themselves that something new tasted good. But no, at 11.30am the kids get their lunch, and it’s a cooked meal. I don’t know about you, but I can’t face anything with any taste until after about 1pm, prior to that I need bland offerings. However, each to their own. The kids are told time and again (the teachers call this ‘encouraged’ but I’ll call it what it is to illustrate my point) “eat your veges, they are good for you”. Like Pavlov’s dogs they are applauded for eating the good stuff and punished if they don’t. “Oh no, we don’t punish them” I was told. Mm, so re-presenting the broccoli they didn’t eat at lunch and withholding the afternoon tea until it’s eaten isn’t punishment? No longer is my daughter in an environment where she can choose what she eats and when, she can’t go with her flow. There’s no need to dictate what they eat, provide a healthy variety and kids – heck let’s widen this to anyone – will choose the food and quantities their body needs. Yes, sugar and refined flour will mess with our chemistry and therefore our choices, but I did say provide a healthy variety of choices. We have rules and more rules. Laws that make no sense. I have decided the next time I get stopped for speeding and they ask why I was driving over the limit I’ll say “because I felt it was safe to do so” as it will be the truth. I saw an article in the AA magazine on ‘form’ versus road signage. It’s been proven that a tree lined road will slow motorists down, whereas open landscaping speeds things up, much more effectively than signage. You are born knowing right from wrong. Truly, you are. I know it’s hard to believe given the level of stuffing we’ve all had knocked out of us in the process of growing up. Most of us are conditioned into thinking we need someone to tell us the rules or society will collapse into chaos. This was in actual fact what the daycare centre told me “we can’t let the kids choose, there would be chaos!” Who are these people who decide the ‘rules’ we follow? Politics has become a game of power and ego. In religious doctrines you will find rules taking you down a rabbit hole further and further from the essence of its teaching. You are born with an inner knowing, innate wisdom. All growth adds to our collective consciousness, we evolve and our children are born wiser than we. Just in the last few decades alone we have evolved at a pace beyond previous decades, centuries even, with many social intolerances now starting to dissipate. It is a battle of the mind versus inner wisdom and knowing. There is a deeper part of you, and you know it exists because you connect with it in every moment of clarity you have, that knows right from wrong. You know what is right for you, and you don’t need others to tell you what it is. As adults we have years of conditioning to unravel before we can get there consistently. You can start today though, you get clarity through stilling your mind. As I wrote in Live the Best Version of Your Life the most common regret of the dying is “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me”. If you wonder who the real you is, just start with any activity that helps you to free your mind of those cloudy, crowding “what if’s” – go for a walk, dance to loud music in your living room, take a ride on your bike, go for a swim, whatever works for you, that helps bring you back into balance. It’s from these points of clarity that you make great decisions about what works for you and what doesn’t. Over time you can learn to get in that feeling, that headspace, more readily, and for longer. Reading through some of my earlier takes you through this step by step. In the meantime, go break a few rules. Start with things that are inconsequential, maybe you’ll take a pee on the hillside when you go for a walk, or do a rendition of “Whiskey in the jar” on the bus, whatever it is, be free to do what is right and feels good for you. This article was originally posted on LinkedIn. photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/16903262@N02/1802363801">Ice hole swimming</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>  When we feel powerless, it doesn’t feel good, and our automatic reaction is to try and take control of something, anything, which tends not to end well. As Mohandas Gandhi said “The day the power of love overrules the love of power, the world will know peace.” That starts with us.
Things happen in our life that we can’t control in the moment - people die, relationships break up, jobs get made redundant. Each and every day, in our various relationships, we experience moments where we don’t feel as though we have a choice: going to work when you’re feeling under the weather because someone else had already called in sick, making the kids’ lunches because your partner has left for work without doing it, going to a meeting that feels like a waste of time because your boss has made it clear it’s not optional; the list is endless. Then there’s the interactions with people that upset us. We tend to take things very personally and attribute the worst possible reasons for people’s motives, when in actual fact, most of the time it will have very little to do with us. One day last week I dropped my daughter and niece off at their daycare. Usually they go in and hang their bags beside each others, but my niece wanted to hang hers on its own that day, which really upset my daughter. Callie (let’s call her that) felt powerless in a situation where her cousin kept moving her bag every time she put hers next to it. The story playing in Callie’s head was “My cousin doesn’t want to be friends anymore, she doesn’t like me. I don’t want to be here if I’m not wanted.” And so the upset began. Of course, for my niece, the story was quite different, and it’s hard to know exactly what her reasons were (4 year olds are pretty good at talking, but not usually at explaining the psychology behind all their actions). What I do know is it had nothing to do with wanting to be friends or not. She quite cheerily told me she still wanted Callie as her friend, and then stood there waiting to play while Callie was getting all upset (empathy is only developing at this stage!). Callie doesn’t go to that daycare every day but her cousin does, so perhaps she’s just being independent so she doesn’t create a routine that causes her to miss Callie when she’s not there. Perhaps it has nothing at all to do with Callie, and she’s feeling powerless over another issue, maybe she didn’t get her choice of breakfast that morning or wanted to play with some toys that had to stay at home, there are endless possibilities. I use an example of 4 year olds here, but I’ve seen many examples of this – and I’ll confess I’ve also been party to many – in the workplace, which show just as little empathy. All too often we attribute motives to others’ behaviour based on the stories in our own head, which are based on our values, beliefs and circumstances, not theirs. So what can you do in situations where you are starting to feel powerless? Let’s keep it simple, if you think about the many ways you can feel, let’s put them into two buckets, bad and good. We all know fear, anxiety, impatience, resentment, anger, frustration, grief and doubt feel bad; and that peace, calm, patience, commitment, allowing, acceptance, happiness and confidence feel good. Driving those feelings tends to be the extent of power we think we have in any situation. Your aim is to feel good, when you feel good, you maintain a more healthy perspective and maintain a sense of power within. Our degree of acceptance or resistance to the present moment will determine how we feel about it. Erkhart Tolle teaches us the “Power of Now”, the futility of resisting ‘what is’. Living in the present moment, accepting whatever arises, isn’t the same as being a victim or a doormat. It’s about not giving away power and feeling bad about something you cannot change. If you’re feeling bad, it’s time to change the stories playing in your head. In fact, try and catch those stories as fast as you can. Abraham-Hicks teaches us that 17 seconds is all it takes for a thought to catch momentum; soon you have a whole story, an epilogue, going on in your head. Stop! Think big picture here, you want to feel good; you want to keep your power within. Start to generalize your thoughts, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and start attributing their behavior to some other motives that depersonalize it for you. Go and do something that makes you feel good, whether it’s sticking on your iPod for a rendition of Pharrell William’s “Happy” and walking round the block, or getting up to get into the groove, do something, anything (healthy!). Lift yourself up. It’s not about moral high ground, it’s about perspective. We tend to get embroiled in the detail of our own lives and see ourselves as very separate from others. When, in reality, we are all connected and our actions affect many beyond our reach or knowing. What if your life has a much bigger purpose than the one you see today, and the things that are happening are happening for a reason? That is why you often hear expressions like “hindsight is a wonderful thing”, “what’s for you won’t go by you” and “all’s well that ends well”. If you feel bad, make it your mission to feel good. Give people a break, and give yourself a break. Put a stop to those stories created in your mind, instead, surrender to your inner knowing - that is where you’ll find your power. This article was originally published on LinkedIn. photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/51643976@N02/5834991471">Her smile 23/52</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>  Photo by Sander Smeekes We are becoming lonelier, and it’s killing us. This is the basic premise of an article I was sent this week, supported with lots of facts and figures, and sited social isolation as the key driver. I have a slightly different take on it, that is, people have become something they are not in order to fit into a culture that is not even serving us anymore. People have become disconnected from who they really are and who they were born to be. If you are not connected with your own inner self, how can you truly connect with the world around you?
As a child of the 70’s, I was intrigued by a recent Australian drama series called Puberty Blues. Its focus around the lives of young teens really took me back to that time when we emerge into the world forever changed by our hormones. The show is fairly gritty and depicts the young men as arrogant louts who need to maintain an image of cool by ‘dissing’ the chicks. And the girls of course generally abide by this etiquette of the time and get themselves into all sorts of hot water because they really felt they couldn’t say no to the guys. What really struck me about this series was an interview I read in a magazine with the young actors who were asked whether the lives they were acting out bore any resemblance to their own. Their answers were heartening, the guys were blown away by how macho and stand offish the young men they play are, the guys of today being much more comfortable with being more tactile around their mates and talking about their feelings. The girls talked about the young women of today being much more comfortable dictating their own terms. I was listening to an Abraham Hicks talk recently where I heard wise words that really resonated with this. The essence was that we get wrapped up in trying to impart our wisdom to the younger generations, when in actual fact they are born wiser. Knowledge is accumulative in the greater consciousness, our experiences and lessons are woven into the very fabric of life itself and slowly but surely we evolve. Things change, probably over about four generations, pretty quick really. Technology aside, when I think back to where we were only a few decades ago when I was growing up: Americans was locked in the Cold War with Russia, in Europe we still had a wall around East Germany, South Africa still had a system of Apartheid, being gay was not something anyone (not even a celebrity) admitted to – ever, people still debated whether smoking was bad for your health; and the role of men and women was changing. Allan and Barbara Pease have written much on the topic of the male/female differences (I like Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps), and I always thank them for introducing the idea to me that all men and women have a degree of typically masculine versus typically feminine traits. Most of my generation in Scotland were the product of homes where the mum was a housewife and the dad worked, yet we were being educated that woman had equal rights and many are now out there trying to be superheroes, with the generations following looking at the stressed, burnt out versions of their parents and deciding that is not who they want to be. Good. Being born a woman in this life has been an interesting experience. For all talk of ‘equal rights’, what we saw in the home was not that. We had no template for what it even meant. This is evident in our corporate cultures today. Even in companies that espouse attractive values, generally the reality is still a construct that fits and plays upon our more masculine traits (particularly in the way decision making takes place) with little time invested in two-way communication and the growth of our people and culture. I’ve worked closely with senior managers and ‘leaders’ in Executive positions for the last 15 years, I’ve seen women become more masculine time and again in a bid to be successful in the workplace. One was determined not to become like that because of a female boss she’d worked for who was publicly renowned for being masculine in her manner. Yet I'd observe her in meetings with her mannerisms and speech all but saying ‘watch me as I sit here and scratch my imaginary balls as I show you who the alpha dog is’. On the flip side, she’d often talk of her young teenage kids, texting or taking calls from them, and we’d see a more feminine side – but where had that woman gone in her workplace dealings? It’s an interesting world alright. The point I keep coming back to is this, we were all born with characteristics, traits and talents that – for one reason or another – we have felt the need to cover up or change in order to survive. This does not make for a happy life. We have organizations filled with people who feel like they are one person on the inside and another to the outside world, turning up each day to a prescribed job description, managed by performance reviews whose outcome must fit a bell curve. Imagine organizations filled with people who are in tune with themselves, bought in to the vision of the organization and allowed to simply let their strengths and passions flow. How do we get from here to there? We have made some enormous strides in our society, and we evolve – eventually. One person at a time, one decision at a time. So how miserable do you need to be? How lonely? What’s it going to take for you to come out and be who you are? What will it take for you to choose happy? This article was originally published on LinkedIn.  Photo by Jeremy Ricketts If you often feel disconnected or wish for more peace or meaning in your life, it’s probably a good indicator that the life you are living is not aligned with the one you – the real you – wants.
There are two versions of you. There’s the real you, the one that you get glimpses of now and again, particularly on a relaxing holiday. Then there’s the cosseted, task focused version of you that operates day to day, lost so much in your thoughts that you are disconnected from both the real you and the living breathing world around you; I’m not talking about the ‘news’ here, I’m talking about life. Take your regular route to work for example, do you pay much attention to it? For over 3 years I had the good fortune to commute into the city via ferry, a passage through the islands of the Hauraki Gulf that lead into Auckland’s Waitemata Harbour. Sounds idyllic. Yet there I was, ‘device’ in hand, responding to email after email, doing the weekly online grocery shopping in between, or buying someone’s birthday present, or making an appointment, or following up on a bill, suddenly remembering five other things I had to do and scheduling them in. Sound familiar? On the odd occasion the ferry captain would pull over so we could watch dolphins or whales and, suddenly, attention shifted, people came alive and momentarily connected as we all took our devices to the back of the boat to photograph these beautiful creatures and post how lucky we are in our various social media forums. In contrast, before I started writing today, I took a walk around the neighbourhood. I no longer commute, so I make a conscious effort to go out and get some exercise and connect with the world I’m living in. It’s a calm day, with only a very light breeze, enough to bring the scent of flowers if your senses are tuned in. It’s the kind of day that lulls you into a slower pace just to still the rustling of your clothes and hear the birds twittering and tweeting to each other, a much gentler form of social media. Before I took the walk, I had deliberately taken a short time out to still my mind using a breathing practice. If I hadn’t, the walk would probably have been more like my previous commutes because there’s always more to do than time permits. Incorporating a period where you deliberately still your mind each day is critical to finding peace and connecting with the real you. Of course, what I’m talking about here is ‘consciously’ switching off as opposed to numbing your mind through that bottle of wine, beer or any other mind altering substance. I’m not saying don’t have those, your choice, but those aren’t what I’m recommending in pursuit of lasting inner peace and happiness. At first it’s not easy to just switch out of your usual cosseted state, you need to make the conscious effort, it takes focus. Schedule it in, whatever ‘it’ means to you, any activity that allows you to consciously switch off. For me, it’s meditation, yoga or a walk; for my partner it’s a bike ride in the mountains, a swim or a spa. Whether it’s 15 minutes or an hour, just do it regularly and you will be amazed at the results that follow. For those of you a bit more scientifically minded, thanks to my osteopath, I came across the work of Dr Rick Hansen in Hardwiring Happiness this week, he has some great tips for really helping you leverage your more positive experiences, making the feelings and state of wellbeing associated with them last - and explains the neuroscience behind it all. As you practice stilling your mind regularly, you’ll notice more. You suddenly catch yourself in the midst of your usual daily whirlwind and you take a moment to notice the world around you. It might be the expression on someone’s face that you hadn’t really been watching, or the carpet in a corporate corridor, or the beauty of a tree outside. Then you notice your feelings on the inside begin to slow down, feel less frantic, less stressful. You wonder why you hadn’t prioritized regular time to still your mind long ago, how did you miss this simple step you wonder. As I was reminded today by a wise man, in regularly stilling your mind, you won’t necessarily become powerful, famous or rich, but you will feel at peace and connected to everything around you – including the real you. In this state you feel happier, your true passions come to light, your inner knowing provides the answers you’ve been seeking and, in all honesty, you’ll be a much nicer person to be around in an amazingly enriched world. This article was originally published on LinkedIn.  Photo by Joshua Earle You have a long list of goals and desires, you wish your life could be better, but... "I can't do it because..." or some version of this.
If only you were to realise that the power to dissolve your fears is a power you hold within you. It's a battle between the mind and the inner self. People tell me I’m showing great courage in sharing and following what's in my heart, they are sure I will be successful. But I believe courage is not the opposite of fear, surrender is. You only need to look at the examples in your life where you really wanted something; it might be a new home, or taking a relationship to the next step, or ending a relationship. Your mind will have had many questions, fear will have arisen. Despite that, something in you knew it was the right thing to do. You've never looked back and, of course, it all worked out. The converse is true too. You will have examples of decisions you've made where you just knew it wasn't the right thing for you, but you could rationalise in your mind why you were making that decision. Inevitably, on some level of your wellbeing, it won't have worked out so well. For years now I’ve harvested a desire to follow a more fulfilling path. If I buy into the stories my mind concocts, the "what if..." stories, yes, it takes courage. If I trust my inner voice and trust it will all work out, if I surrender to that, it will. A friend told me yesterday, when she talked of painting her deck, her bones and muscles ached but she felt fulfilled. In Who Are You Not? - Strip Away What Is Not Real we talked about signs and signals that arise from your wellbeing when you are not being authentic, or true to your own nature. You wouldn’t mistake the aching my friend described as a signal that she wasn’t in alignment with her inner self; because she was fulfilling her deeper desires of tending the home she’s lovingly created, her haven. We inherently understand fulfillment as an excellent indicator that, at our deepest level of wellbeing, we are being true to ourselves. Having been around the same old circuit so many times in my work life, waking up in the morning and then being spat out at the end of each day; empty and unfulfilled, I really know the contrast with how I want to feel. No experience is wasted, the negative ones are providing us with both an example of what we don't want and the motivation to go after what we do want. Yes, if I can rid myself of aching muscles that would be wonderful, but ultimately I ache to feel fulfilled. To feel fulfilled you simply need to be yourself. When I look at the 'achievements' in my life so far, moving to the other side of the world was a move that took a lot of focus and energy, birthing my children was much the same. Both rank among my most fulfilling achievements. The other things you see on my profile, not so much. It's not that the roles I've been doing aren't worthy roles. Those roles, filled by someone being true to their own nature, would be fulfilling. Fulfilled people are happier. more passionate people. Imagine that, a workplace filled with happy, fulfilled people. Productivity would sky rocket! Fear of the unknown is what stops us. Our wonderful, practical minds step in with the “what if..” questions, fear arises and the feeling of it stops us in our tracks. On cusp of change now, having surrendered to the deeper knowing within that I must, absolutely must, let the real me emerge, the 'what if' questions creep in when I let them. Writing a post, I momentarily fear, “who will read it? If they read it, what will they think?” Then people read it, great! But then only few comment because they in turn also fear “what will others think?” And yet, in writing this and in reading this we are all in the process of becoming more aware of who we really are. When fear arises, change gear, deliberately do something different that will make you feel good - listen to music, dance, walk, cycle, stroke the cat, whatever makes you feel good. Let go of all thought and still the mind. Only then, ask the question, am I on the right path? The answers deeper within are the true answers. You must seek those answers. Then you can be who you are, the person born with gifts, talents and traits that, if fulfilled, will bring you joy, and in turn you will bring that joy to the world. This article was originally published on LinkedIn.  Photo by David Marcu As you begin to understand more about who you are not, your true self will begin to emerge.
Layer by layer as we scrutinise the perceptions we hold about ourselves, and start to make a deliberate effort to shed some that are no longer useful, you are likely to feel uncomfortable or even lost for a while. At first, you will have less of a sense of self. Instead you might slowly (rather than instantly) stop attracting situations in which you’d use that old armory. Old beliefs about yourself can be difficult to shake and we might have to reason them out in many facets of our life. In emotional terms, despair turns to anger which turns to frustration and finally you have apathy. Apathy is your turning point. It’s also a vulnerable point, because you feel empty. Understand though, it is necessary for something to be emptied to allow another thing to emerge. Try to be patient and use the many signals around you, the reflections of ourselves that life presents back, to discover who you truly are. It can be confusing; the world is sending us many signals at any one time. The most important thing you can do is be aware of how your wellbeing is responding to what the world reflects in its mirror. Only you can know whether something is right for you. We live in a world of contrast. Without that contrast you wouldn’t experience the strength of feeling joy or happiness can bring without having first felt the contrasting negative emotions. There is no rush, but you might feel compelled to rush, to fill the void in you that has opened up. Shedding the layers of who you’ve become is revealing if you let it be, but it also makes us feel exposed. Realising that life is meant to be easy might be a challenge. Many of us resist the idea because we’ve been taught the exact opposite. We chalk up our negative physical, mental, emotional or spiritual experiences to the necessary 'cost' of success. Life will be full of contrasting experiences, yes, but it’s the ones that make you feel good (in all aspects of your wellbeing) that are a reflection of the real you. There is no cost you have to keep paying. If something isn't working for you, work on letting it go. Look around you for the reflections of who you are. Listening to others, or asking for their help, can sometimes be a really smart way to try and figure out your true nature under those layers. Other people, assuming they are objective, can more clearly see who we are being. Every day we interact with people in a world that can tell us so much about who we are, if we listen. Our children are a very rich source for this, though we might not always like what we hear – or see. A personal coach, or even a counselor, can be invaluable. Our life is a mirror, it reflects back to us who we are being, but you can often struggle to see the wood from the trees; particularly if you have little time or headspace. One exercise, that is quite powerful, is to write a list of all the people you admire and what you admire about them. This will give you a list of traits that live, to some extent, within yourself. A journal is another way of unwinding some of your thoughts on this. For more practical tips on the process, I really like Dr Robin Smith's Rediscover Who You Are series on Oprah.com. There are many pointers to your authentic self, listen to those, and then listen within to discern what is right for you. While discovering who you really are is a lifelong journey, I encourage you to start. A world filled with people being who they really are, is a much better world than the one we live in today, for everyone, It starts with you. This article was originally Published on LinkedIn.  Photo by Todd Quakenbush Why do so few of us realize that life is meant to be simple? We come equipped with a nature, talents and gifts. We just have to grow up and use them. Therein lies the problem; in the process of ‘growing up’ we take on so much of other people’s ‘stuff’, added on layer by layer, we lose sight of who we are.
Our true self is passionate and joyful. The one with the layers added, not so much. Imagine the joy in turning up to a workplace, or being in a relationship, where people (including you) are in tune with themselves? To be who you are , your own true nature, how do you strip away the ‘nurture’ and why? Is that not part of who we are? Well, no. It’s part of the armory, or ‘layers’, we’ve developed in order to get through, get along, to even exist; beliefs we’ve adopted about ourselves. When I was heading into higher education, my mathematics teacher told me it would be a loss if I didn’t take the subject. Not wanting to let him down, I took his advice and adopted a ‘I obviously have talent for math’ layer. Bad decision. Two years into uni, on a summer break, I was working nights in a bar on a holiday island off the coast of Spain. Instead of spending my days at the beach, I was studying for the second and final resit of the math exam; and spending all the money I’d earned on a flight home to take it. Pass, or leave uni. I learned enough that summer to both pass the exam and finally drop the subject. Unfortunately though, because I’d initially been guided by my ‘talent for math’ belief I was, by then, locked into a Bachelor of Science degree. Sadly the only subjects I had taken in that first couple of years that I was actually interested in, and had sailed through, were in the Arts faculty (psychology and management studies). Luckily I then decided to go on and take a postgraduate diploma in Human Resources, much more my kind thing. If only I hadn’t minded momentarily hurting the feelings of my math teacher at the outset though. Yes, I finally learned at uni math wasn’t for me, but I then held the misguided notion that was because it involved letters (as an aside, whoever put letters and algorithms into math was surely sadistic). But the ‘I have a talent for math’ layer was strong and I held on to the idea that I was good at numbers… Finally after years of doing accounts at home and in business, and budgets at work, I recognized that the knots in my tummy, the items I wanted to hurl across the room, the people I’d been terse with, the headaches I’d borne and the imaginary screaming in my head were all fairly good indicators that I actually don’t like numbers. That was in my late 30’s. When you’ve been stuck in a layer and you finally shed it, you wonder why on earth it took you so long to realize it. The relief is amazing. To strip off the layers there’s a hard way and an easy way. The hard way is Groundhog Day – another job, another project, another relationship, another friendship, playing out the same old scenarios. When you’re in those spirals it’s hard to even distinguish what the issue is, you just know you’re not happy. It’s the proverbial not being able to see the wood from the trees. Often it’s easier to blame the scenario or another person than to figure out what, within you, is not a match. There are easier ways – with a deliberate shift to the plural here. They all start with a desire to be happier, and a decision that you will put in the focus required to make that happen. Let’s talk more about that next time. This world doesn’t need the stressed out, unhappy, grumpy version of you, it needs the one who feels good about who they are and what they do, so who are you – truly? This article was originally published on LinkedIn. |
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