Are You Getting Distracted From Who You Came to Be This Life?

Image by Lukas Bieri from Pixabay 

A very dear friend of mine was here for her annual visit recently. As usual, we were engrossed in our conversation about life at the deepest of levels. She had been musing on what she was here to do in this life, with retirement in sight and with many mokopuna (a Māori word meaning grandchildren) growing up around her, her purpose seemed to elude her.

We had talked about many things. One of the questions she asked was why a person would want to strip away all their layers of life’s stuff, of course I could only answer for myself as it’s the journey I’ve been on.

“It feels lighter, less encumbered.” I told her, “I get less wound up by the same old stuff, less triggered and able to respond more calmly; I can think more clearly and, well, I feel better.”

We also spoke about this idea that perhaps we are all just aspects of the one thing getting to know itself. This led her to question why, that being the case, starvation was something that needed to be repeated over and over in different lives.

It is an interesting question. I’m not sure any of us came intending to suffer in any way, yet there is clearly a lot of suffering that occurs from the ritual beating ourselves up in our own minds (which is likely an echo of a past parent’s words) through to starvation and so many more horrific ordeals.

Perhaps it is more that I came with an intention to gain something new from this life, a new way of being rather than of doing.

My friend told me it was a huge relief to think of life as becoming who she was meant to be, rather than what she was meant to do; it felt far more achievable that this illusory purpose that had seemed to evade her all these years.

Perhaps there is something specific I am here to do, but I suspect that until I become the person I intended to be in this life, the fullest expression of myself, it will not be clear. I also think it’s entirely possible that I may never know what I’m here to do, because it seems that I could have an effect on another’s life without ever knowing it, the way many others have had on mine:

The kindness of my paternal grandmother, her gentle nature and care for me...The belief my first swim coach had in my ability to improve and swim well, and the time he spent helping me do it...That same belief my second coach had in my ability to succeed at a higher level and play an important role in the team...The question posed on how many dimensions there might be, a physicist revealing to me the ten already discovered by scientists in the early 1990’s...

I could go on, these are seemingly small yet seminal moments, times in my life that have retrospectively created a sort of virtual cheerleading squad in my head when I would otherwise have had doubts about who I am and who I am capable of being.

Regardless of the circumstances we are born into, or find ourselves in, whether mundane or horrific, I suspect it is who we are being that carries the most weight.

A starving grandmother can still make a difference in who she is being both to herself and to others, as can the well-fed one. Sometimes those circumstances are extraordinary, sometimes ordinary. Perhaps though, it is in the extremes of life that things that are most important to us come into sharper focus.

I can only attest to my own circumstances; I find myself in the murky soup of western civilisation. I say this not to point to the current global pandemic, I’m pointing to all the modern conveniences and constructs of life that serve to distract me from things that are important.

Like someone talking to me about conspiracy theories the other day. The moment I hear someone referring to something that is conjecture as if it is fact, my solar plexus goes off like a tsunami warning system.

It is not that I disbelieved what was being espoused particularly; it is simply that I was listening to my own truth. My gut was telling me to steer clear and for good reason. Whether some well known historic figure is still alive, or whether a government has a malign intention, or a secret organisation is behind events or atrocities, there is little to be achieved by my dwelling upon it.

The temples on each side of my head start to throb and my mind starts to feels totally congested with information that cannot serve me in that moment except to distract. It brings to mind a statement I heard long ago “if you cannot convince, confuse”. I have a suspicion that is exactly what most of this information is designed to do – both in the mainstream and in social media.

I have done, and continue to do, my personal work; unwinding the unhelpful thought patterns and beliefs that I unwittingly adopted in my childhood. I do this so I can think more clearly, without getting waylaid or triggered by old fears.

In a life where I wasn’t unwinding my trauma, I was distracted going around the same old loops, having the same old arguments, the same old guilt trips, and the same old unhelpful stuff. I spent too much time worrying about what other people may be thinking or worrying about other things that are outside of my control.

This brings me to a conversation with another friend, when I said “I reckon most people have been getting born, then spending their life distracted. This feels like the start of an era of moving beyond the distraction, gaining clarity on who we each really are, our authentic self and who we came to be”.
Who were you born to be this life?

If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy Risk Your Friendships More in Order to Be Fully Loved, What Are the Right Questions to Ask Right Now?, What to Do if You Feel Trapped By Your Circumstances, How to Break Free of Addictive Relationship Patterns and You Don’t Need to Be Perfect to Make a Breakthrough. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.