Accept Me As I Am – But Do You?

I was talking to someone about the retrieval process, the process involved in retrieving one’s authentic self, and they said “I like myself just as I am”.  Yet the vibe I got was very much one of defence, rather than a loving acceptance of themselves.

I totally get that disparity. Probably like you, I’m my own biggest critic. By very virtue of the fact I’m on a journey to retrieve my authentic self, it really means I was not happy in the skin of who I had become.

​In contrast, I yearn to be accepted just as I am; after all, I don’t want to feel like I have to change in order to satisfy someone else. The issue being, this is exactly what - again, probably like you - I had to do from the time I was born just in order to survive in (what is deemed) a normal upbringing.

It is no wonder why there is sensitivity to the slightest whiff of a suggestion of a need to change within that context. But I will admit, it is hard to look at others around me who say they like themselves just the way they are, and yet they are so obviously not happy.

The signs of unhappiness that I see in myself and others are things like chronic issues and illness, and habits like blaming others for their misfortune (for a witty and ever-insightful delve into this unhelpful behaviour, listen to this powerful excerpt from Brené Brown). Each of these holds such amazing opportunities for self empowerment and growth, so it is frustrating to stand by and watch as someone gives their power away.

Listening to Michael Beckwith talk last week, he reminded me of something very important though. He had been asked a question about a scenario where a loved one was ill and they were very resistant to any help that was being offered. His advice was “to simply love them, until they ask for your help, you are trespassing on their paradigm”.

In his response there were two things that really stood out for me. The first was the truth I felt in the premise that until someone asks for your help, they are not open to your suggestions. But the biggest impact was more around the first part “to simply love them”.

If I turn that statement around, the lesson I was hearing for myself was that I will find it easier to love someone where they are at, and withhold uninvited suggestions, once I am able to love myself.
That isn’t about me becoming this unattainable perfect self, it’s about learning to love who I am right now, and to listen to my inner champion rather than my inner critic.

But who is my inner champion? If my inner critic is really a morphed version of those who shaped my life when I was younger, like a record stuck on an earlier timeline, my inner champion can be the same. It can be the voices of those people who have cheered me on (read Who Showed You Unconditional Love?), Magic Happens When You Believe in People and Finding Your Purpose – the Magic of Those Who Believe in You).

But I think there is also another very important person in this, and that is the child that I once was; the one who got postponed and couldn’t fully bring herself into the world.

As Sarah Blondin says “It’s the tender heart inside; the you that was shooshed when you were young. The you that you shoved inside when you were told to act more appropriately or to be less truthful, to hide your feelings, or to more loveable by acting the way someone else wants you to. The you who is free from being someone others want you to be.”

To reconnect with that part of me, I was drawn to a visualization Robert Moss was doing the other day on Reclaiming Your Magical Child. He asked that I imagine a wall somewhere, and to then imagine that a door appears on the wall. Through the door was a world of my own creation; a magical garden filled with plants and animals and things that were beautiful and magical and fun.

Interestingly the wall I instantly imagined was in the neighbourhood I used to play as a young child, out on the street with my friends playing games like Hide and Seek, and Kick the Can. The visualization helped me to reconnect with those magical feelings of childhood when anything seemed possible; certainly anything seemed possible for adults.

Well, here I am, the adult; the only chains and limitations now are the ones in my mind.   

If I need a sharp reminder, I look at my daughter going through her first year at school. She is tired and angry much of the time, reeling against the legal requirement that she needs to attend and participate in an education system that is too rigid and unnatural for her to feel that she is going with her own flow. She is realising she can’t bring all of herself into the world at this point, that she has to postpone her full expression.

That is what makes me weep when someone tells me they like themselves just as they are in defence rather than loving acceptance. I’m weeping for their inner child, who postponed being the fullness of themselves, now trapped and forgotten inside and trying their best to communicate through aches and pains and anger and sadness and blame.

I hope my daughter doesn’t take another forty years (as I have) to realise what has happened and release the pause button to free the part of her that she has to push down right now. I hope she doesn’t settle for that part of her being imprisoned inside and tell people “she is happy as she is”.

I struggle to watch the process, knowing that I do have an option to home school. Simultaneously though I know my truth, I’m far enough down the road towards my authentic self to know it would be far from authentic for me to take on that role.

Instead I can only love and accept her for where she is at, knowing she is doing the best she can with what she has, as am I. Hopefully she will be led to liberate the wild and creative and free aspects of her nature she is holding in check every day from 9am to 3pm in every opportunity.

The best I can do is to lead by example, and to be honest about my own messy, stumbling journey to liberate my soul from the chains I had put it in, in order to please those around me. And to accept and love myself knowing I did the best I could with what I had.

Have you been able to accept and love yourself as you are?

​If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy Embody Your Spirituality – a Healing Journey, Your Childhood Is Not Your Fault but It Will Be Your Limitation …Until You Take Responsibility to Heal. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.