You Deserve Kindness

It’s true, no matter what you have done or not done, no matter how right you think those other people are, or whether you believe you are experiencing karma for some past deed, you deserve kindness.

The reason any negative emotion (be it is anger, meanness, worry, rage, hatred, or any other any shade of grey) feels so bad to us, is because we inherently sense we are off track somehow. It would be helpful if we simply read it as “my inner being does not agree with the thoughts that accompany these feelings”.

The other day my mentor and I were having a discussion about the separation of the heart and the mind. Despite being born knowing the love that we are, knowing our best path, we are taught to tune out of the soul’s knowing and tune into what others think is best. The mind takes on all that others think is best for us to ‘fit in’ and ‘be safe’. In short, fear causes the separation.

We don’t come wanting to ‘fit in’ though, or contemplate anything other than our wellbeing, we come to enjoy and have fun and, in the process, evolve this place we have come to; not to create more of the same. Listening to the heart is an important step in finding your way back to all that you once knew.

So “you deserve kindness” is fast becoming a bit of a mantra I use with my daughters. Lately my eldest daughter has had a tendency to attract people or circumstances that are not kind to her, and in turn to be mean to others – usually her sister and especially when she is tired. My sense is that it stems from an early impression that the world is mean.

From the age of 8 months she was dropped off to be looked after during our long work hours by a lovely lady that both my girls now affectionately call Nana. But from the age of 3, my eldest daughter made it very clear she wanted to be in her own home, she didn’t want to be shipped off to someone else’s, no matter how lovely it was. Unfortunately with my full time corporate role that just wasn’t an option, and her anger and meltdowns were frequent.

She is a gentle, yet determined soul. Her features and her nature quite refined. She feels things deeply and needs lots of time and space to process all that she is learning about herself and the world. Without it, the tension builds and then, like a spark to a powder keg, boom, something (that seems) silly on the face of it can set her off spiraling into the stratosphere.

Now that she has started school, she is constantly tired and overwhelmed, and all those old feelings and behaviours have resurfaced. All she really wants is to go with her own flow. There are days when she knows she is not ready to rush out and meet the world, she needs time at home to process all she has learned and all she is feeling.

The school, like a workplace, has hours it operates and attendance requirements, meaning I often have to cajole, sooth, motivate and generally push the girls upstream in the most upbeat way I can manage in order simply achieve the miracle of getting them there somewhere in the vicinity of starting time most days, it’s exhausting for all of us. Often I snap and start growling at them, which elicits an equal and opposing reaction to the goal in hand.

Children today are much less willing to compromise, and that is a good thing, this is how the world will change and evolve. However, right here in the moment, much of society’s schools and organisations still operate in old ways.

Having achieved the monumental feat of actually getting them there, both girls tend to get enjoyment out of their day. But when I pick them up the goal is to get back to the car, get those seatbelts clicked and get underway before the meltdowns begin.

I notice how often we rush to rebuke or defend in response to their outbursts, when underneath there is a little person hurting. That is true for everyone, young or old, because it’s in these early years our subconscious tapes are formed. When I think back to some of the mean outbursts I have been at the giving and receiving end of, the same is true, there is a person hurting underneath.

The root of that hurt usually has little to do with what has actually occurred, it’s often an impression formed in these early years that attracts experiences that reinforce the thoughts and feelings, until they become beliefs.

It’s not necessary to know the specifics of the root of any self limiting beliefs you have in order to change your experience, only awareness of those beliefs and faith that you can create new ones are necessary. Reach out for example after example of others who have changed their lives in the way you would like to, in order to inspire and help build your confidence, it easier today than it’s ever been.

It will come as no surprise that I have no wish for my daughters, nor anyone else, to attract mean people or circumstances. There is a choice to reinforce the message that the world is mean, or I can choose to show myself and my kids that we deserve kindness.

That might mean turning my attention to the wounded party to show kindness rather than focusing on the perpetrator, then later showing the perpetrator some kindness too. It might mean being kind to myself; buying some flowers or going for a walk on the beach.

If you are looking, you will find evidence to support whatever you would like to believe in this life. It’s a choice, whatever you give your attention to will be your experience of and greatest contribution to the world you are living in.

For my part, I choose to believe we all deserve kindness. With kindness, hurt fades. As hurt fades, better feelings emerge, and the better feelings that emerge, a better contribution you are making to this earth.
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