Why Fit In When You Were Born to Stand Out

Not a human on this planet is the same as another, nor ever has been. Each of us is as unique as a snowflake, yet we desperately want to be seen as part of the snow.

​Look at newborns, they come into the world and know just how amazing they are, they are full of self love. Not for one minute would it occur to a newborn that they weren’t worthy of the attention they absolutely need and get. That was you, once upon a time. You knew your worth, you knew you had love and you simply radiated it.

Then you started to become aware of the world, and the world - at a time when you were young, vulnerable and completely dependent on the adults around you - gave you messages that maybe you weren’t so great after all.

I write a lot about the power of our subconscious mind, and how the roots of it are formed in our early years through impressions rather than words. For example, a child who is repeatedly corrected for their behaviour, however well meaning, may take from that a message that says “I’m not good enough” or “love is conditional”.

These messages form your belief system and attract experiences like magnets throughout the years, reinforcing your beliefs. You may not even be aware of your own beliefs, they just sit there quietly in the background guiding around 90% of your 60-70,000 thoughts each day, and thus your experiences in life.

Once you become aware of these self limiting beliefs however, what can you do about them? It’s your job is to release them, but you can’t do that by putting more focus on them. So, flip that belief and see what thought it gives you.

For example, this week I was at a school parent’s evening. The teacher invited interruptions at the outset, her preference was to address questions as they arose. I enjoyed the topics she was talking about, I have a keen interest in child development as you can tell. As is typical for me I had a constant stream of questions and observations that would continually well to the surface.

However, again as is typical for me, I began to feel self conscious as there were few others who would speak up or join in, and I didn’t want to dominate the conversation. Being aware is a first step. Sure, I do want to allow others space to speak but I often hold back for fear of standing out. So I took my own advice, knowing that the questions and observations I was making were from a good feeling place, and flipped my belief. I thought, what if people are interested in what I have to say?

Well that thought certainly felt better. Then I started to think about examples in my life that support that new belief, it soon became apparent that I’ve been holding back from fully expressing myself for years because of a self limiting belief. Suddenly I realised the obvious (which will be really obvious to those who know me well), I love to talk, to question, to share. I’m a speaker, as much as I am a writer  and a student of life.

Some of you who have heard me speak to an audience will think that is indeed really obvious. Being confident to speak when you have external permission is one thing, but giving yourself permission is really where it starts. I have no idea where that subconscious belief started; it may just have been born out of early more generic beliefs about not being good enough.

​Then I saw a caption on a post from Collective Evolution, it said “If you feel you don’t fit into this world, it is because you are here to create a new one”, I really liked that, it deeply resonated.

If you don’t feel like you fit in, great! It means you are probably more tuned in to your inner self than the people around you. You are special, not because others aren’t, but because you are more aware of your uniqueness than others.

Each person, as a unique snowflake, has the potential to change and evolve our world in ways we can’t yet collectively imagine. Just look back over the last half century at the evolution that we have undertaken when it comes to things like gay rights, the fall of the iron curtain and the Apartheid regime. These shifts start with one person, then another and so on.

For me, the conversation with an old boss that I mentioned in my last post was pivotal. As I evolved in my own career, unwinding back customer experience transformation to the people and culture that deliver it, I just knew that the key is in unlocking people’s passion and potential. I commented that it would be awesome to take the hundreds of people who worked for us and help them find and grow into their passion, profits would soar.

While I don’t remember the response verbatim, it went along the lines of “Most of these people wouldn’t really even follow what you are talking about, let alone know their passion.” But there it was, the next phase of my career, following the path to the root of the issue.

​I know many companies have spent vast sums on programmes designed to do just that, to unlock passion and potential, and I know exactly why they have not really succeeded – it requires intrinsic change in people all across the organisation, starting with the Chairman of the Board or the CEO. You can read more about that in my past business articles listed here.

Finding your own passion is a deep journey, dare I even say a spiritual one. It’s certainly not one of the mind, no matter how many ‘tests’ you take or books you read.  Passion is about feeling, the language of the soul. The mind, as I stated at the outset of this article, is the thing that clouds your passion as you second guess and talk yourself out of your uniqueness.

As excited and focused as I was in finding my own passion, the implications for helping others do just that for themselves are amazing. Imagine the world we can create in the next 50 years if more and more people come to find their passion and awaken to a life worth really living? As Dr Suess said, “Why Fit in When You Were Born to Stand Out”. 
 
Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or  share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at [email protected], I’m always happy to help if I can. You can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.