The Power of Ownership: How to Mature to Become the Fullest Expression of You

Image by Med Ahabchane from Pixabay

“My hope for you is that you become the fullest expression of yourself.
 
This is the road to maturity.
 
I want you to know you can do hard things and facing bad feelings won't kill you, in fact it's the key to your best life.
 
The day you realise:

• you take full responsibility for your own feelings, without blame, shame or guilt being placed on others, and
• you let others have their own feelings without judgments or taking on any needless blame

 
is the day you are available to fulfill your potential and become the most authentic version of you.
 
After a hard day, take responsibility for your feelings and deal with life, it will make you stronger and more mature than any substance, drink, device or other distraction will.
 
Feel your feelings, name them, and own them. Every day.
 
Don't tap out. And if you do, be kind to yourself. Those who succeed in maturing into the fullest expression of themselves keep failing and keep getting back up.
 
The world needs more mature people. You can do this. I love you.”
 
I wrote this for my children, but it has been my personal mission for some time and my highest hope for humanity in this next period of human evolution.
 
I wrote it because they’re at an age and stage of curiosity about the things adults do, things that aren’t healthy, and particularly toxic and harmful to growing minds and bodies, like drinking and drugs and all the other things they can’t and shouldn’t do or try until they are older.
 
It made me think about what really is important, and certainly substance use isn’t something to be flippant or casual about. It's not something I do or support, but neither do I want to create big resistance to it, which will just make them more determined to try it because they see it in many places.
 
But toxic substances aside, I see many of our next generation tapped out on screens, not feeling their feelings. It’s the consumerist society; shopping and eating rubbish are in the quick dopamine hit category. Is that just a precursor?
 
We have a generation who have just been through a prolonged period of social isolation in their critical formative years of social and emotional development. Mental health issues are bound to be on the rise, and they are.
 
When I see what I saw in my own youth, the blatant hypocrisy of adults - be it in people I know, or on TV, or in the media, the hypocrisy of my youth alerts my nervous system “danger”, someone is trying to paint a distorted reality.
 
What comes to mind is “What you do speaks so loudly I cannot hear what you say”. Ralph Waldo Emerson's famous quote is as accurate and meaningful today as it was back in the 1800's. Many of us know it in its more generalized form: actions speak louder than words.
 
I am a truth teller and while those who have confused, undermined, disoriented and pulled the rug from under me in the past with their lies and hypocrisy have left an indelible mark on my life, that mark is now a reminder to ignore their nonsense and see through the distortion. 
 
But I also remember that to engage in unnecessary arguments is to shout at an empty boat. It is not necessary as I'm already standing on solid ground. 
 
What it boils down to for me as a parent is that it is natural for kids to be curious about things they see and hear about, particularly if they are not allowed those things. Making a big deal of it is only going to pique interest, but endorsing it isn’t the answer either.
 
For my own part, I try and practice what I preach, sometimes I fail, but I own it quickly these days. It’s not always been an easy journey; there have been some uncomfortable and downright painful moments over the years as life has reflected back to me aspects of myself through others that I need to look at.
 
My gran used to say “Oh to see ourselves as others see us”, which was a quote from a Burns’ poem where he essentially says in his fine Scots language is “To see ourselves as others see us would free us from many a blunder and foolish notion”. Over the years I have had those moments of seeing myself through others’ eyes, and it’s taught me not to judge others as much because I’ve been there myself.
 
So for all that, I am back where I started
 
“My hope for you is that you become the fullest expression of yourself.
 
This is the road to maturity.
 
I want you to know you can do hard things and facing bad feelings won't kill you, in fact it's the key to your best life.
 
The day you realise:

• you take full responsibility for your own feelings, without blame, shame or guilt being placed on others, and
• you let others have their own feelings without judgments or taking on any needless blame

 
is the day you are available to fulfill your potential and become the most authentic version of you.
 
After a hard day, take responsibility for your feelings and deal with life, it will make you stronger and more mature than any substance, drink, device or other distraction will.
 
Feel your feelings, name them, and own them. Every day.
 
Don't tap out. And if you do, be kind to yourself. Those who succeed in maturing into the fullest expression of themselves keep failing and keep getting back up.
 
The world needs more mature people. You can do this. I love you.”
 
If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy How to Let Go of Your Attachment to Your Feelings, Expectations and Beliefs, Switch Focus to Get Unstuck,  Leverage Your Feelings to Find Your Authentic Self, How Exploring Mortality, Love, and Grief to Leads to Poignant and Profound Insights and Do You Always Express Your True Feelings? To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.