See the Good in Yourself

A friend was telling me about an initiative in her neighbourhood that’s starting to catch on, it involves dropping in on someone each week to do a small act of kindness. She wishes she had the time and energy to participate but feels she barely manages with her own family.

Yet this conversation had begun when she’d read my latest article and had sent me a note of appreciation – a kindness in itself. She also asked how my family and I are all doing a few months down the line after losing mum, yet another kindness.

I read a book recently where the author said quite abruptly that you only see things in other people you have in yourself. If you have an emotional reaction to what you see, it means it’s a life lesson to learn. If you notice but have little or no reaction it is a lesson you have already learned. This made sense to me.

There is no doubt my friend acts out of kindness in almost everything she does, though perhaps with one exception, in being kind to herself. This is something I notice many of us are guilty of.

Today I spent time with another friend who provides a really cool service to those who are interested in evaluating their health. She isn’t sure where her future lies, but she knows she is interested in helping others with their health in a much broader context than she is offering at the moment. 

As we were talking about creating an online presence for her it struck me, even although her current service offering is quite narrow (it is a specific test), each customer likely comes away feeling inspired and more informed about their health after meeting with her.

This is because I know her story about what inspired her towards healthier choices, and I know she shares her story and takes a great deal of interest in her clients. She spends way more of her time with clients than most practitioners in her field do.

I also know the things she takes an interest in when it comes to health, she is connecting a lot of dots in a holistic way and is very knowledgeable about it all. However, I do see her holding back, unaware of her strengths or perhaps lacking confidence.

“Life is a mirror, so if you want to see the good in yourself, just list the things you admire in others. This will give you an insight into those things that are either seeded in you waiting to grow, or are fully flourishing without your awareness.” That is me threading together some dots of my own.

As always when I write to unpick a thread that intrigues or inspires me, there’s a lesson in it for me. Suddenly I feel totally uncomfortable, I don’t want to create a whole blog where it looks like I am basically blowing my own trumpet under a guise of insecurity; “Maybe I’ll ditch it” I think.

Yet I start to wonder where I am undervaluing myself, it’s likely I do because I’m seeing so much of it around me. Even as I reflect on my friends, it becomes obvious to me where my likely strengths lie and I see the parallels in our journeys.

The same is true of the bad stuff of course, the things that really bug me about people.

Judgmental people used to really annoy me and, in hindsight, it’s easy to admit that was because I was also quick to judge.

Nowadays when I get all judgy, there is another aspect that quickly kicks in, one that wonders what that particular person in my sights is reflecting back to me about me. I’m good with that though, it’s teaching me compassion; which is the positive aspect seeded in a judgy person.

It’s almost easier to take on board the “must improve” category though, rather than see the good things. I don’t know about you, but I just don’t want to appear sanctimonious or arrogant.

If I can flip my thinking and, instead of focusing on arrogance, recognise that I truly admire humility, it opens up a different line of thought.

I sat last weekend listening to my friend’s daughter share some things she had really enjoyed at work, one was about a student whom she had helped by prompting him to think about things in an entirely different way. The things she shared were smart, insightful, uplifting, and were said with humility. It was a joy to listen.

Life has presented me with many opportunities to grow, to become more self aware and to humble myself, and I am grateful for them. I may not be perfect but I do have some great gifts that I am starting to recognise.

Using awareness of the negative to springboard toward the positive, the things that inspire you in others, will grow those parts of you too. With honesty, awareness and a willingness to grow, it’s not so difficult these days to believe that the positive aspects I see in others are perhaps a reflection of a small part of me.

What about you?
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