​Put Money in its Place

“Money is only a tool. It will take you wherever you wish, but it will not replace you as the driver.“ ~Ayn Rand

It’s a funny thing money, a bit like time, it’s a human construct that has almost created the illusion it’s in control – it does, after all, seem to drive a lot of decisions individually and globally.

Perhaps like you, I found myself growing up in a time where fitting in, getting good grades, going to university and getting a good job to earn decent money were the main thrust of my first couple of decades on this earth.

I was so busy trying to live up to all these expectations, and be good at them, that I had no clear idea of where my true talents lay or what it is that would make me happy. If I’m being honest, I thought you got a job to be successful and got married to be happy. I found both to be pretty hollow.

Over the years I carved out a fairly successful career for myself, certainly from a monetary perspective. I had eventually discovered I had a knack for foreseeing what was needed to drive change and make it stick. Having managed people and change for many years, one thing was obvious to me – intrinsic motivation is key.

Ironically, I had also come to know what a soulless merry-go-round I was on.

“How many people are being paid for what they feel is their purpose, their calling, right now? Versus how many are chasing money in order to survive?” I used to wonder. From all I observed, it seems like those following their passion are in the minority.

At what point do we jump off the merry-go-round and stand back to look at the bigger picture?

The Lego Movie is a great parody of our era and well worth watching for those who need a refreshing perspective on the big picture. It helps to laugh at ourselves in order to find a healthy jumping off point, which is precisely what I did.

But how many watched that movie and went back to their cog in the machine? Why are people so willing to put up with a life hardly lived?

Regardless of historical facts and theories, I figure that - however we came to be here – this planet was not under anyone’s control. There was no one handing out land, nor other freely available resources, no one was ‘in charge’; humans simply used what they needed, nature provided. That was our starting point.

So how did we get to the point that most of us have to pay to live on the land nature provided? Why do we have to pay for the food that naturally grew to sustain us? Why do we have to pay for materials provided in nature to offer us shelter?

Worse than that, all the bits we have constructed to come between us and nature (the aforementioned merry-go-round) have made this world less healthy for us all.  Why are we so caught up in a world where money has become the architect of our lives?

There are theories. The best I’ve heard was summed up in the form of a story about a priest in the days of Egypt’s great empire. The priest watched from a platform for many months as slaves were driven to build the walls of some incredible architectural structure. He observed how hard they had to be driven, due their lack of intrinsic motivation, and how much it was costing the state to keep these slaves and their families.

After his months of observing he instructed the masters to free their slaves and, instead, offer them gold to do the same work. Initially reluctant, the masters had no choice but to comply as the priests of the day were powerful. However, they soon relinquished any doubts as they saw the slaves flocking back to take up the coins on offer – overall it was a much more lucrative deal for the state.

“We shall call this democracy” pronounced the priest.

Regardless of theory, it is a story of relentless greed, of one taking from another to feel more powerful. It is a story that can have no happy ending until we each find that the power that is being sought lies within.

The ‘why’ of it all, is less important than what we do about it. With realization, new habits are required to break free of the chains that bind us in so many respects.

When I left the corporate world a few years ago, we also moved cities in a bid to reduce our outgoings and pursue a better quality of life. I was determined to figure out who I am, and it had also become clear to me that our young children wanted to be in their own home with their own parents more of the time.

In moving, we had anticipated I wouldn’t have to work. But, with only a certain degree of willingness to downsize, it turned out there was still a shortfall.  Initially I took up some short term consulting work to bridge the gap.

In doing so, I was sabotaging the little time I had to let the seeds of who I am even settle in their new soil; having grown used to having a small amount of regular reflection time in the short months between leaving the big job and settling in our new life. I had experienced firsthand how answers to questions I’d been asking myself for years (like “who am I?”) began to reveal themselves now that I was paying attention.

Although I had given up work I was still busy, with a household to run and young kids to take care of there is little let up time. I listened to and read anything I could find that was inspiring, I got out into nature and I tried to fill my cup as much as I could in those small pockets of time I had stamped for myself.

My desire to protect that time was so strong that I pursued no more consulting work, recognizing that it put me straight back on the merry-go-round.  That said, while I had faith that things would work out in the long run, I constantly worried about how we were going to pay next month’s bills.

I started meditating regularly, which I define as a practice of continually become aware of your thoughts and releasing them, to help me find the calm and trust that lay below all the day to day worry. Over time that helped me become more and more aware of my thoughts throughout the day and how they were sabotaging me.

One day a new thought occurred to me, “what if I never had to make money?” I sat with that for a while, and realised how the load lightened at just the thought. Sure, I knew money was required to pay the bills, but as I listened to a hypnosis audio on financial success every day for a month, it prompted me to think about the different ways money had flowed to me in the past.

It discussed the nature of money, how money moves based on value and confidence. It was logical, calming and a good gear shift for me in terms of valuing what I was bringing to the table. While it was no longer a top notch salary, the roles I undertake are extremely valuable none the less.

I had balked at the mere hint of being a stay at home mum, reliant on her man’s income; I am extremely autonomous. Yet I didn’t see those playing out the role as superwomen winning either.

Finally I felt at peace and confident about my decision to relinquish the need to make money at that point. This wasn’t an outward discussion, it was an inward shift. While our bank balance still didn’t look at all healthy, I stopped focusing on it and started to talk to my partner about the future again, about what we wanted from it.

We started to dream about taking holidays abroad now that the kids were getting a bit older, perhaps even getting back to the UK to see my family. In some way, that shift in focus seemed to dislodge us from a sticking point.

Simultaneously my partner’s patience with his own work situation broke. Master of his craft, 30 years of experience, yet still working for minimal pay and poor conditions, he wanted to take a hold of his own reigns.

He got set up using the simplest of business constructs here and was off and running with only a small outlay. Not considering himself a salesman, he shied away from pursuing cold leads, instead sticking to known contacts. But his reputation preceded him and he had no difficulty picking up work.

A couple of years in and it’s almost hard to remember those days of wondering how we were going to make next month’s bills, neither of us have looked back. While I inevitably picked up the support role, doing all the invoicing, marketing and bookkeeping, it’s not my core focus and I still have regular time set aside to pursue my own calling.

Interestingly, when I did a review of our income and expenses last year, while the business had done well, just like most years we also received a good chunk of money from other sources that we would not have anticipated. It was just like the hypnosis audio had reminded me, unexpected tax refunds, gifts and so on. Money flows in many ways.

We regularly talk about what comes next now, not wishing to get in a rut again. When we look back on the pattern of our lives, it reassures us that the things we are focused on tend to come about sooner than later – for better or worse.

More than that, as I’ve continued to focus on the pursuit of uncovering more of the authentic me, I have experienced the empowerment that comes from putting my true needs ahead of the many other things that are vying for my attention.

When mum died last year, it strengthened my resolve to live my life now, and to its fullest. With that in mind, money is firmly in its place. It is simply a mode of exchange.

I can see that our relationship with money as a society will change as we evolve, as we each reclaim our power to live the lives that make us happiest and start to trust ourselves as the driver, the architect, rather live a life dictated by the boundaries of our bank balance.

If you understand what I am saying here, you will know I’m not talking about accumulating debt in order to fulfill your dreams. I’m talking about changing your inner relationship with money. Instead of chasing the money, chase your dreams, value yourself enough to put you first – even if, like me, that means taking only a small amount of regular time to pursue your heart’s desire or to focus on finding out what that actually is.

Money is a means to an end, one day we may decide it is no longer needed as a form of exchange for goods and services we need or desire, we may go back to the custom of barter. Regardless of what evolves, it will start with you and I taking control of our own lives, our own happiness.

Use money as intended, a tool to help you create the life you design for yourself. 

If what you read here resonates and you’d like a fresh perspective on a situation in your own life, feel free to contact me. There’s no charge or strings attached, I truly enjoy helping where I can, click here for further information. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.
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