Porn – Good or Bad?

To be fair I’m not just talking about porn here, but it probably grabbed your attention and what is written may make you think about the topic a bit differently; or not.

In response to From Desires of the Flesh to Deep Connection a reader felt that it was perhaps necessary to acknowledge that the desire for porn was real in order to transcend it, and asked for my thoughts.

The word ‘real’ in there invoked a memory of sitting, (bizarrely) in a corporate management pow wow, listening to a young woman recite to us a poem she had written. The poem had conjured up images and feelings about the human body that felt more real to me than anything in the porn genre.

She had written a poem about her post partum body, and all its glorious details and changes as they had related to each of the memories of the miracles that had occurred. The images she wove were those of the body being honoured as a map of that singular best example we have of co-creation on the planet today.

You can imagine this gaggle of senior managers from a well known corporate brand all assembling for their usual run down on the month just gone, steeling in anticipation of the budgetary presentation and the like, cringing at the thought of what some well-meaning person may have dreamt up as a ‘fun’ part of the meeting this time.

And here comes forward this young woman, laying it all bare in words, being real. Her voice had a nervous edge, and we all wondered what was about to be said. Although nervous, she projected strongly as she sank into her subject and recited to us verse after verse honouring her stretch marks as though each were a tender babe in itself to be held to the bosom.

The whole audience was gripped and moved, if I knew who she was or where you could hear her poem I’d share it in a heartbeat. I remember no context for that particular diversion that day, I suspect someone had just heard it and thought it bold, brave and moving, so decided to include it for its inspirational qualities.

And it was inspirational. I contrast that with something else I heard said once about a wife’s postpartum body “looks like a pound of mince mate, lucky if I can touch the sides”. Which do we want our sons and daughters to hear?

As someone who has birthed two children into the world, I would not trade my body for the one I had at 19. I love the story my body has to tell about my journey, and to deny that is to deny who I am. To compete with an image of some nubile chick who is pretending to be in ecstasy in return for money would be insanity.

If I’m being asked, then my observation is that porn is clever as it’s designed to appear as a simple tool of instant gratification, but its images speak to something deeper. It seems to play to the male ego and cuts off communication to the soul, invoking feelings of domination and submission and perpetuating the images of a dying patriarchal society.

But bigger issues aside, on an individual level the question is whether that instant gratification leaves a feeling of love and fulfillment in your heart, or whether it leaves only loneliness or some other feelings of lacking? This is where each one of us has our own truth. If it takes you closer to happiness, then in your book it’s good, if it doesn’t then perhaps rethink.

The fact that it proliferates in our time seems to me an indication not of its popularity, but of the desperation (not of the consumers) of those who wish to perpetuate the patriarchy that did not work and cannot lead us to a more enlightened and loving future.

We think in images, and those we conjure up from within – especially those attached to strong positive emotions – are the most powerful tools of creation that exist.   But we have become a world of lazy thinkers. Video makes it ever-easier to embed images in our minds rather than create those of our own imagination.

Instead of focusing on the images presented to you externally, what if you took the time to focus on and create images of the best reality you could imagine for yourself? A friend of mine related her experience of intimacy once her partner had stopped viewing porn, she described him as more present, more attentive, and even more loving.

Indeed to have your partner honour your body in the way the young woman’s poem did would be amazing, but that begins with each of us honouring ourselves. It does make me think about the images we hold in our common psyche of beauty generally. I tell my kids “beauty shines from within” but I have to really challenge myself on that to ensure I’m living in a way that reinforces that message.

It’s not just about porn though, you could apply any of these principles to make up, food, cigarettes, drugs, clothes, or the multitude of things that are designed to make you look or feel better; do they? Do they make you feel better about your true authentic self? Do you even know your true self never mind loving who you are?

Recently my partner exclaimed “wouldn’t it be great if you could just trade your body in for a younger version?” I paused and said “No. Think about the miracle our body is, grown from practically nothing visible to the eye. It weathers a lot, and it tells us quite pointedly that we need to change our attitude when we are not listening to our inner voice.”

Now, don’t get the wisdom that flows through me mixed up with the Shona Keachie my partner actually lives with. I knew that I spoke that message because I needed to hear it. Needless to say that happened only a day or so before my kidney stone lesson, talk about needing to clear blockages!

Coming back to the original question that was posed, do we need to acknowledge our desires in order to transcend them? Absolutely. Bringing awareness to the thoughts and emotions that reside within us is crucial. Understanding where those thoughts and images are seeded from is also extremely helpful.

Volumes of images that are viewed externally, especially if they invoke emotions, will sadly seed quite well when there are no internal images in their place. So who is truly creating your reality? Is it you, or is it others/hype whom you have allowed to creep into your consciousness and become ‘real’?

Forget about whether porn or anything else is good or bad, we need to learn to take hold of our own thoughts again. If we can relearn to appreciate the person that we are, the body we each have, and the circumstances we find ourselves in, we can start to feel good again about ourselves and others. Now wouldn’t that be something?

​I’d love for you to like, comment on, or  share these thoughts with others if they inspire, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.