Own Who You Are and What You Need to Live Your Best Life

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

I was reading an old post from Eryka Stanton this week and it inspired me to sense check how I am showing up in the world, am I really owning all of who I am?

Her particular post really resonates with me as the things she reminds me to own are very much me: to own that I am different, a deep feeler and thinker, tuned into a different frequency, sensing things others don’t, that I’m done having meaningless conversations and holding myself back.

She also reminded me that it is okay if my family doesn’t get me or if the world judges me, or if I want to dance barefoot upon the earth and gaze endlessly at the stars. One of her most powerful reminders is:

“You have come a long way to be who you are. So own it. Own all of it.”

As I’ve been packing and getting organised for a big oversees trip to visit friends and family at the opposite side of the world for the first time in six years, it’s interesting to reflect back upon who I was when I last visited.

I was a daughter losing her mother, a partner cast adrift and a mother keeping her young children close while also trying to support many others along the way. I had changed significantly from the time previous when I had left those shores, because my whole world view had changed and come sharply into focus; everything was now seen as part of a much broader picture, all interconnected.

After losing mum, one of the biggest teachers in my life, I started to really get down to the business of figuring out what the inner critic in me had to say. How it was linked to outdated patterns of thoughts and behaviours that were no longer serving me, what my real needs, wants, desires, talents, gifts and so on are, and how to presence these through developing healthy boundaries and getting much braver and better at communicating them.

As I am getting ready to embark on this journey back to my once homeland again, Eryka’s words were a timely check in. In a new, healthier place now, I notice how I’m taking space I need to get things organised; I’m owning that I need that space. I’m also noticing that it’s still not easy, balancing what I need with what I want and what others need and want.

My daughter is mirroring this back to me in her life too. In her last week of school term she was a bit run down, she was losing her voice, which wasn’t ideal as she was leading a welcome song and narrating a play to honor the coming of Matariki. In the first half of her holidays she wanted to have an extended sleepover with her close friend, what she needed of course was rest. Inevitably her body has now said no to any more activity on her behalf as it rebalances from her having overridden her own best interests. 

It is always a tricky balance between meeting our needs and desires and, ultimately, everything is a trade off. I find my body will make sure I get my needs met when I’m not listening, even if it means developing uncomfortable chronic symptoms or flooring me with some healing reaction. But it’s interesting when I had a bit of a deeper look at how I’m faring with my boundaries under stress as I try to get things done before I go, I can see that when I’m under stress is when I have a tendency to revisit old patterns.

As I’ve traversed this week I’m noticing my mind wants to jump on anything that comes my way and treat it as urgent, even when that isn’t necessary. I’ve noticed that I’m treating others’ wants and desires – not even necessarily their needs – as if they are my priority. It’s as if my psyche has lost the ability to discern and see clearly and it’s taking quite a bit of self discipline and active management to recognise and treat things that come my way in the healthiest way possible.  

And that is okay. Owning who I am is also about recognising the old patterns when they come up and seeing them for what they are. I have to remind myself that I can stand down, relax and lean into being who I am without having to prove myself worthy to anyone.

To recognise our own wants, desires, talents and needs often takes a lot of observation, discipline and persistence. Learning to presence them in relationships with others takes even more so. You have come a long way to be who you are, so own it; own all of it. As Eryka Stanton says “The world needs you to be exactly as you are. You hold the balance in this crazy world.”

​If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy Explore, Uncover and Show Your Real Needs and Desires to Be Happy , Embody Your Spirituality – a Healing Journey, Are You Ready for More Healthy Relationships? and How to Let Go of Your Attachment to Your Feelings, Expectations and Beliefs. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.