​Is Your Peace of Mind in Flux? 7 Ways to Ground Yourself With Grace

Image from Pixabay

Change is constant, but there are moments when it feels particularly unsettling. It’s in these times of uncertainty that the desire for stability—both externally and within ourselves—becomes most apparent. Psychologists call these the “big stressors”—like changes in relationships, moving house, or having children.

A good friend of mine recently bought her first home, and I couldn’t be happier for her—it’s been a long-held dream. She’s feeling a mix of excitement, relief, and renewal. After moving multiple times over the past few years to find stable rentals in New Zealand’s challenging market, she now has a place she can call her own.

I can relate to the relief she feels. I entered the rental market a couple of years ago after owning my own home for most of my adult life. Moving to this town almost a decade ago felt like a welcome change from the high cost of living in Auckland, and it allowed me to focus more on parenting. Our family settled into the community, and my children began school here. But when they needed to transition to two homes, the housing market had surged to near-Auckland prices. As a sole parent, buying became out of reach, and I found myself needing to rent.

The rental market can feel like a constant state of impermanence. Limited availability, rising rents, and the unpredictability of landlord decisions mean that housing stability is hard to find. After less than two years in my first rental, for example, the owners moved back in with only two months’ notice—just six weeks before Christmas. It was an exhausting scramble to find a new home. Now, I’m in a place owned by a couple who plan to retire here, which could mean staying for a while or facing another unexpected move.

The costs and physical energy required to pack and move repeatedly can make it hard to feel settled, like the place you’re in is truly a home. When my friend tells me she’s finding joy in simple things—like daydreaming about cosy evenings or planning a festive Christmas—it’s a stark contrast to last year when she barely had the energy to put up a tree. The physical exhaustion from constantly moving has been overwhelming, but now she’s experiencing a sense of calm as she settles into a space that represents security—a place from where she doesn’t have to move again. She mentioned that the kids are still processing the change, but they’ll soon begin to understand the depth of this new sense of safety and stability.

Why do we crave stability so strongly when change is inevitable? Psychologists say it’s because stability offers emotional comfort, a sense of predictability, and control. As humans, we naturally thrive on routines and familiar surroundings; these provide a sense of safety and grounding. Change, on the other hand, can bring uncertainty and trigger stress. From an evolutionary perspective, stability was key to survival, and our brains still respond to instability as a threat. In moments of change, this natural craving for stability can feel even more intense—offering a refuge, a safe space amid the unpredictability.

Adding to the sense of instability, this year has brought a series of unforeseen changes to the latest rental property I now live in. The owners have undertaken extensive work on the outside of the property, which has been more protracted than I expected. What initially seemed like a short-term project has unfolded in stages, often with minimal notice, leaving me uncertain about what to expect next.

I’ve been clear in expressing my need for more communication and respect for my space, yet the work has continued with occasional surprises. As a tenant, I view myself as a custodian of the home—caring for it and respecting it as our living space. As the eyes and ears on the ground, by discussing plans ahead of time, asking for feedback on the works, and showing understanding for any inconveniences, this could be a partnership that really benefits everyone involved to minimise disruption.

This external instability has prompted me to reflect on how I can maintain internal calm amid external change. In times like these, it’s so easy to slip into frustration and judgment, assuming that others should be more considerate, more communicative, or at least see things from my perspective. But the truth is, we can’t always change other people’s behaviour or values, only our response to them. And sometimes, what we react to most strongly isn’t the situation itself but the old voices and narratives within us that get triggered.

I recently came across two quotes from novels that capture this beautifully. In Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine, Eleanor begins to notice the difference between her own voice, which is calm and understanding, and her mother’s critical voice, which had often pushed her toward judgment. She says, “The voice in my own head—my own voice—was actually quite sensible and rational. It was Mummy’s voice that had done all the judging… I was getting to quite like my own voice, my own thoughts.” This quote resonates because it’s a reminder of how easily we slip into reactions shaped by others’ judgments or unexamined beliefs.

In another story, The Cassandra Complex, Cassandra speaks about the importance of listening to our own intuition, describing it as a “solidness” within—a safe place we each have that knows the truth. The idea that we each have a unique sensation or physical feeling where our truth lives struck me, particularly when she so eloquently said, “I get caught up with trying to read all the music around me instead of one note inside myself”. When I listen closely to my body’s signals, I can feel when something’s not right, or when I’m reacting from habit rather than from my authentic self.

These reflections have helped me see that the inner calm I’m looking for is already within me; it’s just about tuning into my own voice rather than getting caught up in frustration. When I tune in, I’m reminded of how I really want to show up in situations like this one with my landlord—with patience, constructive feedback, and respect for my own peace of mind. It’s a powerful shift that’s allowed me to feel more grounded and intentional.

With this approach in mind, I’ve been exploring ways to handle the situation with patience and positivity. Here are some reflections I’ve found helpful for setting boundaries and maintaining peace, which are just as applicable in other challenging situations like workplace conflicts, family disagreements, or even navigating difficult conversations with friends or colleagues:
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1. Focus on What We Can Control – Shift our attention to our mindset and actions.
2. Create Space – Limit engagement to avoid escalation, and take time to reflect.
3. Adapt & Stay Flexible – Embrace disruptions and find new ways to move forward.
4. Document & Clarify – Write things down to make sense of confusion and clarify our priorities.
5. Prioritise Our Well-Being – Invest in self-care to maintain resilience.
6. Set Boundaries – Practice emotional detachment and protect our peace.
7. Give Constructive Feedback – Foster growth by framing feedback as a tool for collaboration.

In short, these practices build resilience, respect, and collaboration. By applying them broadly, we can transform how we handle conflicts, disruptions, and boundaries in all areas of life—whether at work, in our relationships, or with ourselves.

By tuning into my inner voice and practising these reflections, I’m learning to approach challenges with greater peace and grace. It’s a process of breaking old patterns and creating more calm, not only for myself but as a foundation for others to follow.

Take a moment to reflect on your own sources of inner calm, what practices or mindsets help you navigate times of uncertainty? Whether it's focusing on what you can control, practicing patience, or simply giving yourself permission to step back and reset, let’s embrace the change around us with intentionality, cultivating peace even when external circumstances feel unstable. Because, after all, it’s not about controlling the chaos—it’s about finding our way through it, with grace. In embracing the inevitable changes around us, may we all find the inner calm that allows us to navigate the chaos with grace, creating stability not just for ourselves, but for those we share our journey with.

If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy What Makes You So Afraid of Conflict?, When Detours Define Your Destiny and Struggles Forge Your Strengths, When Life Throws Curveballs... Embrace the Twists and Turns of Parenthood with Confidence and Reclaim Your Personal Freedoms: The Path to Empowerment Amid Alluring Promises. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.