How to Find the Courage to Let Us Hear Your Heart’s Voice

Image by TeeFarm from Pixabay 

I have been contemplating a question that someone asked me this week “How can I trust myself enough to put away my doubts and share what I’ve learned?” because I can relate to it deeply. Particularly when she went on to say “I do share, but I hold back. I know things, but don’t want to look like a know it all.”

I have read so many good quotes about using my voice, here is a link to just a few, but I would sum up the overriding message as your voice is important. This rings true. Just listening to the voices in the last year about white privilege, and the swathe of new language that has become more commonplace as a result, talking about acts of micro aggression, subtle acts of exclusion and psychological safety has opened up huge growth potential inside me.

The factor that is of most importance to me when I start thinking about how to share, is that it’s my authentic voice I’m putting out there. And, when I’m listening to someone else, it’s an authentic voice I want to hear. I use the word heart in the title interchangeably with authentic in this case.

About a year ago someone said “you talk too much” and I felt badly wounded, right in my chest, it was heavy, and my throat constricted. Context is everything of course; this was an experienced person trying to mediate a conversation between me and a loved one.

They were right though, I did some introspective, exploratory and healing work around it at the time and when I heard it again a few weeks ago – instead of feeling wounded – it was a reminder “ah, yes, I do talk too much from my head”. It is usually in defense, I need instead to intentionally focus my awareness into my heart space.

For example, last weekend was our kids’ school fair, it was not a comfortable day for me, and I had all sorts of stories in my head about why this was the case.

While how I hear my authentic voice isn’t the focus of this week’s musing, I do cover it in some of the article links I’ve included at the bottom. As Michael Beckwith sums up nicely “Ask the right questions. Instead of What’s wrong and who is to blame? ask What is trying to emerge? What gift is trying to be born in my life?”

When I did some introspective and exploratory enquiry, it took me to a different place entirely than my head’s stories. I went back to some unhelpful thought and behavioural patterns that stemmed from the place in my childhood when a sibling was born and I adopted all sorts of unhelpful beliefs about responsibility and putting the needs of others before my own.

It was a good reminder to me to share from my authentic heart space and not my (usually) defensive head space. This is the first step to overcoming any doubt about what I am sharing.

The next step is whether the person I’m sharing with is actually open to hearing what I have to share. I’ll be honest, as I started to really redefine my own world view, or paradigm about life, the very people I wanted to understand and accept it were the very people who were largely responsible for shaping my behaviours as I grew up.

It’s not that I necessarily wanted them to accept my view as their own (especially since a central theme of my authentic paradigm is that there’s no one truth, we each hold within us our own truth), it was more that I wanted to feel validated in having my own worldview that was different to theirs.

There was some wonderful advice that speaks to this, again given by Michael Beckwith when I was listening to him being interviewed a while back:

“If you have a loved one who is ill and resistant to thoughts you have about their wellbeing, all you can do is love them. Until they ask you a question you’re trespassing on their paradigm.”

While the question obviously related to someone being ill, I felt the answer was very universal. I’ve learned it’s worth asking first whether people are open to hearing my thoughts. And if they are not, and I’m still very attached to them, well that’s an indication that I have something to work on.

A final Michael quote from the same interview, same topic, that I love is “People would rather hear a vision than a rant”. That is good advice that also helps me re-tune from my head to my heart.

I can’t remember where I’ve heard it, and it would be from several sources, but there is also another  great piece of advice about changing the pack I run with if my friends and family chronically frustrate me, or make me sad, or depressed because of our differences in opinion.

As a general statement, most of my family aren’t into diving in the depths like me. I still love them and I haven’t abandoned them – nor will I intentionally abandon myself again. I have a set of friends with whom I can happily explore depths together, which has come about from being brave enough to share with people my authentic ideas and emerging beliefs, like attracts like.

As I publish the lessons I learn on the journey to me, an act of vulnerability in itself, I don’t have any expectations about what happens as a result. I do feel if what I have gone through and have learned from it can help others, I have an obligation to share it, which is where I found the courage to begin. But again, like attracts like, and it’s an indication to me that there are many others in the world who explore the same depths I do.

I love to hear people’s comments and get emails with other’s stories, or asking my opinion, it all adds depth and new dimension to my own journey, as well as a sense of belonging and being seen. All of that gives me more confidence to be me while around family or others that I’m not so attuned with.

After six years of publishing these articles, I’m now realising I’m very comfortable writing and sharing my innermost thoughts and feelings. And it is no surprise that a small challenge arose from the lips of another who questioned how comfortable I felt using my voice.

At first I was thinking “well I publish my innermost thoughts ever week so I think I’m pretty comfortable”, then I let my energy sit and sink to my heart space and I heard another thought “yes, but are you as comfortable with actually speaking in a physical sense?”

That led to two separate pieces of advice that have all serendipitously come about. One was to regularly sing in front of the mirror to have fun and start to feel safe using my voice. The other was a variation on the theme, stretching the comfort zone somewhat, and to start a podcast.

While I haven’t decided where I am going in that sense, something a good friend of mine said a while back has stuck “I wish other people could hear you speak. When I read your articles I can hear your voice, I know your self depreciating humour, and wonder if others might read the articles as more serious in tone.”

At this stage, it’s all sitting there as a seed of an idea, but the point is that there are many ways to share. I listened to a podcast this week with LaRayla Gaston talking about the ways in which she shares the lessons life had taught her, which is through showing love in action – buying homeless people a coffee or a meal.

LaRayla did not have an easy upbringing, but her grandmother lavished so much love and kindness on her, she wanted to share that, because that is what had sustained her heart. When her grandmother died it was a catalyst to share her legacy.

And, as with the earlier discussion about sharing my opinions with others, LaRayla’s advice was not to be attached to the outcome. She offers things to people, they don’t always accept, and she accepts that with grace, or in her uniquely LaRayla style says “I’ll catch you next time Boo”.

When I contemplate the ways in which the heart’s voice can be shared, though words and actions, it’s really obvious to me that there is not just something for everyone but something I can learn from everyone, in many wonderful ways.

For those who have felt at times invisible, or powerless, or not enough, or too much, or unworthy, or not wanted, or not important, or different, or inferior, or wrong, or alone, or bad, or deprived, or worthless, or a failure, or a burden, or crazy, or that you don’t belong, or you’re not important, or you don’t matter, or you’re not safe – we need to hear your heart’s voice so that we can all heal and grow together.
 
If you enjoyed reading this, you may enjoy Kneel at the Doorway of Your Heart to Usher the Dawn of a New Era, You See What Happens When You Learn to Speak Your Truth, Let Us Hear Your Unique Perspective – But Be Kind and Be Wise, How to Stand in Your Truth and Be Heard Without a Fight and Be an Evolutionary (Rather Than a Revolutionary). To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.