Embracing the Feminine within All of Us

Within each of us there are aspects of feminine and masculine, and what I’m about to share may initially sound somewhere between controversial at best and revolting at worst, but I think it is a bit of a litmus test that shows where we (as a society) are up to on this topic. It certainly revealed to me where I sat.

A while back a friend shared with me the idea that, instead of sanitary products, I should use a menstrual cup to collect blood and use it as a plant fertilizer. I think the phrase she used was “spray it around the house plants.”

My first reaction was “Eew!”

That was a reality check since blood is a common plant fertilizer, in fact a specially manufactured blood and bone mixture even sits in our garden shed as a standard stock item. So why was that my reaction to my own blood? Blood that is likely more healthful for my plants than that which we purchase.

Kate Morton sums it up quite well for me in one of her novels. There is a chapter where she recounts the memories of a 17-year-old girl on the beach with her family back in 1938. Her dad was trying to cajole her into a game of cricket on the beach and she didn’t want to play, so she said she had a headache coming on…

Headaches carried the whiff of ‘women’s business’ and Mr Smitham’s lips tightened with awe and distaste, He nodded, backing away slowly. ‘Rest up then, eh, don’t exert yourself-‘

This made me chuckle as it’s an attitude that most females today have experienced even if it is one they don’t carry themselves. I would have to be honest and admit it’s obviously become woven into the fabric of who I have become. Menstruation is a topic I’ve learned to discuss in hushed tones to a select few rather than revere it for its part in one of the most sacred and miraculous of all human creations – another human.

Despite a deliberate focus and journey to a more authentic me over the last few years, there are still so many of my beliefs about myself and the world that are left unchallenged and untouched, yet feeding into my life in ways unseen. Until someone challenges those beliefs…

I knew as soon as my friend suggested it we had unearthed a valuable insight; a real doozy actually.

This one lies at the door of the patriarchal age, a topic that I’m going to open up a bit more and explore. What is the patriarchy? Why am I seeing it referred to more and more often? Is this a women’s lib thing? Yes and no, it’s so much more, because it’s about all of us.

A patriarchy is a system of society or government in which men hold the power and women are largely excluded from it. Our societies have predominantly been patriarchal for thousands of years and it’s only now, having seen a huge rise in civil liberties for all in the last few decades, we are starting to uncover what that means for all of us.

While we are not yet where we need to be in terms of honouring each individual on this planet, we are shifting across the precipice of awareness. Having suppressed many of the feminine aspects in all of us, and having overplayed others for millenia, we are where we are, as I discussed in Porn – Good or Bad earlier in the year.

Back in the 1990’s I found it fascinating to read iconic books like: Men Are from Mars, Women are from Venus, by John Gray; His Needs Her Needs by Willard F Hartley; and, Why Men Don’t Listen and Women can’t read maps by Allan and Barbara Pease. It brought out the often unspoken different interests and priorities of men and women. 

However, as it turns out, these were not definitive guides to the roles and needs of men and women, more a marker of a point in time; the beginnings of awareness.

Donna Eden and Davis Feinstein talk about how the landscape between men and women is changing in their book, the Energies of Love. Looking at America through the eyes of historians and sociologists  gives us all some useful insights. Here are three eras they have defined in relation to marriage, a microcosm of the male-female dynamic:

• For the settlers there, until about 1850, affection and emotional intimacy were secondary to the basics of physical survival, such as food, shelter and protection.
• From 1850 to the mid-1960’s love, intimacy and a fulfilling sex life rose in importance within the dominant model of marriage. In 1939 when women were asked to rank eighteen qualities they’d want in a future husband, love was ranked fifth – economic support was still considered more important. By the 1950’s surveys revealed love to be climbing up the list.
• In the current era however, love has – to a great degree – become the mutual exploration of our infinitely rich, complex and exciting selves. The ability of a marriage to support each partner’s personal evolution has emerged as a pivotal dimension of marital satisfaction. 

Now, more than ever, the speed of change is accelerating. I have mentioned before the recent Australian drama, Puberty Blues, where actors played their teenage counterparts from the 1970’s and were asked to compare teenagers then to teenagers now. Being my own era as a child, I was very interested in their responses.

It was somewhat comforting to me to hear of the rise of what had traditionally been more feminine qualities within the males and vice versa. The girls today danced to the beat of their own drum, rather than swoon and do what the boys wanted of them. The boys were much more affectionate with each other, and there was less bravado. This is a changing landscape indeed.

It seems, more than any other, it is the emotional landscape that is changing, for both men and women alike. Emotions and intuition have been suppressed and pitched as weaknesses or even witchcraft for thousands of years.  I was just musing that the word ‘hunch’ probably came about in an attempt to masculinise and thus accept this most fundamental of human gifts.

It is this very talent for understanding how we feel about anything and everything and using it as a guide to our best life that holds the key to a more evolved, personally purposeful and fulfilling future.

While I’m not one for sensationalism or conspiracy theories in general, in fact I tend not to engage in any form of media, it does makes rational sense to me that the quashing of the more feminine traits was no accident, as it is the seat of true power. Instead the alluring power of ego has been played to and, as a result, the world is in a lesser state for it.

There is a theory that I rather like, that this has its roots in the priests of the ancient Egyptian civilizations (in a bid to outwit their creator) who became the puppeteers behind the pharaohs. I would suggest that even the most aware and idealistic of today’s world leaders find themselves to be largely puppets in their seat of power.

Regardless of the theories and the history, what I do know today is that my true power lies in my inner ability to know my own truths and to create the kind of world I want to live in.

I’ve become so attuned to my inner world that I forget there were days when I didn’t even know whether I was more naturally inclined to rational or intuitive thought. My ability to rationalise things always led others to conclude the former, but when I read Malcolm Gladwell’s Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking it gave me insight into and confidence in my ‘knowing’.

I suspect my ability to rationalise stems from having to defend and explain my ‘knowing’ to those around me as I grew up, rationalsing is really the process of bringing into conscious awareness what the broader part of you already intuitively knows.

But if you have to relearn how to listen to your intuition, there are some great pointers out there. I particularly like Sonia Choquette’s exercises that help with this, she has written many books and, most recently, did an online course on Your 3 Best Superpowers: Imagination, Meditation and Intuition.   

Our power is not ‘out there’ in the having, our power is ‘in here’ in the being. Learning to listen to that inner voice may be considered a feminine trait, but it’s one that we all have regardless of our gender. Learning to listen to that voice, and to discern whether the thoughts and beliefs of the mind-led you are serving you, is what we must learn to embrace in order to live our best life and evolve our world.

Learning to embrace and honour that which is uniquely feminine, well, that will come too. In light of such a swathe of conscious awareness, and in embracing the feminine aspects within all of us, how can it not?

If what you read here resonates and you’d like a fresh perspective (and only that, it’s not advice you have to take or act upon) on a situation in your own life, feel free to contact me or click here for further information. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog.
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