Connect to Your Well-Being

I know for me to truly connect with others, even my kids, or to connect with my creativity, I first need to connect with myself. When I do that I get a feeling of wellbeing, I’m less distracted and more open to opportunities to enjoy life.

​The summer school holidays have just ended here and gave me many opportunities to observe myself in states of connection and disconnection as you might imagine. There have been good times and bad, but on balance I’d say it’s been mostly good.

There were certainly days though that reminded me of when I used to work in the corporate arena. When it got to ten o’clock at night and I’d finally get a moment to myself and know I had missed something. That said, these days I do know what it is I’m missing, it’s the inner voice I can so easily hear when I’m connected to my own wellbeing.

​While I’ve been managing to meditate and go for regular swims, it’s the days when I made choices that worked for all of us that went best; instead of days where I set aside my own needs and then felt like I was making a sacrifice for others.

Like one day when my kids were low in energy and I had organised a playdate at an indoor trampoline park with one of the girl’s friends. I had ignored my intuition to meet somewhere in nature and to organize something separate for my youngest child. It turned out to be an awful experience with lots of infighting and the younger sibling getting ditched by the older ones, so there was more and more upset as the afternoon progressed.

In addition to dealing with the fall-out of this dynamic, I found myself in this echoey, noisy warehouse of a place on a really hot day with nothing but an occasional breeze from outside to cool down. It was hard to hear the other parent, especially with the constant interruptions to sooth frazzled kids, which was a shame as we often have some interesting exchanges.

As serendipity would have it, an Eckhart Tolle quote came through came through on email that night “Ask yourself is there joy, ease and lightness in what I am doing? If time is perceived as a burden or struggle it’s covering up the present moment.” This was precisely what had resulted in the mix of good and bad experiences. So I resolved to maintain my focus on the present moment and follow my intuition so we could enjoy more of our time together.

Then, the next day had been relatively low key and my kids were still playing happily together in the late afternoon. This is unusual as they are generally too exhausted at that end of the day and start fighting with each other. So, as the day was cooling to a more welcoming heat, I took advantage of the good moods and weather and we went to the beach for a late afternoon swim and some fish and chips for dinner.

When we arrived I immediately felt excited and happy to be there, completely well in my being. I had a great time splashing in the waves with the kids and my eldest daughter rated it as one of her favourite summer holiday experiences. It was wonderful, everything worked out well.

But I discovered things can still go well in more challenging circumstances. The other day we stopped at the grocery store to buy a few things for dinner on the way to a park where we were having a picnic. One of my kids came in with me, the other stayed in the car with their grandparent. As soon as we got back outside, my daughter started having a hissy fit because I had said no to having a treat before lunch. There was no reasoning with her; she had jumped into the proverbial well with no way to go but down.

As hissy fits go with that particular child, my best maneuver was to stick close yet not respond as it tends to further antagonize; the less verbal communication the better. I find that if I’m disconnected from my own feelings of wellbeing, I react badly and compound the ill feelings that are running riot in the moment.

As she started in on her hissy fit I had a choice: to push against her reaction which, experience has taught me, is like supersizing the depth of the well; or I can maintain my position calmly and be ready with a nice hug when she sploshes to the bottom and wants to get out again. I chose the latter.

While it wasn’t a great experience sitting in the driver’s seat of a parked up car, holding a child who had lost the plot for twenty minutes, I just focused on watching the people passing by as a distraction and maintained my sense of calm. This also had a positive knock on effect to the others in the car at the time, and we were all able to go on afterwards and enjoy our picnic.

Then today, although there have been a number of appointments to attend and it’s been a busy day, I’ve just been outside to reconnect with the whole cosmos. It’s a beautiful clear night and I can hear the nighttime movement of the cicadas’ symphony playing the in the trees; their chirping is a fantastic backdrop to the boundless sky filled with so much life and wonder. It’s so peaceful and – with everyone else asleep – I finally get time to just be.

This is the stuff I love, delving deep to contemplate the universe and then coming up for air to see the stars. That is when I know I’m connected to my wellbeing.

Yes, life can be busy, but if we don’t connect into our wellbeing it can pass us by all too quickly and in not a great way. No matter what is going on in your life, take as many moments as you can to observe what is happening – something that becomes infinitely easier if you practice short meditations regularly. It doesn’t mean that every moment will suddenly become great, but the good will more easily outweigh the things that throw you out of whack.

The more we are each connected to our wellbeing, the better decisions we make and the better life becomes. The better life becomes, the better it is for all of us; so let’s take time to focus on connecting as many times in each day as we can.

​If you feel stuck in the weeds and would like a fresh perspective on a situation in your own life, feel free to contact me with an outline of your circumstances or click here for further information, I love to help. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also opt to subscribe to my blog