 We come into this world having chosen it so
And in the arms of well meaning people we grow Even without ill intent or deceit It is as strangers our adult we meet For in their well meaning Our family and friends Push more and more upon us It has no end And so as adults we ask Who am I, this mask? Under it is the person I should ask For I came into this world with an intention I know If I follow my bliss I will see it grow Seek only to feel good In every event And in it You will see your life of intent As you become more of who you were born to be You will look back on those earlier times and see That each were doing the best they could From that limited place that we all have stood Wrapped in so many layers of doubt Our young souls screaming to get out In life if we revel in how imperfect we are Those are the lessons that will take us far As we find our way back to who And from where, came our energy You will find that person you were born to be Please see that you are so much and more Destiny is knocking at your door Go forth through the years And explore who you are For that is the person With whom you can go far Always and forever know Only you can make it so
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 Our spirit endures. That’s what we hear most often. But what does it endure? This world of contrast and experiences that, while not welcome in the moment, make us grow, make us stronger. Of course we endure more than we have to; perhaps it’s time to find the yellow brick road.
When I heard about the law of attraction many years ago (if I feel good, I attract more good things into my experience) I started to think about it as the yellow brick road; following your good feelings to the life you have always wanted. So what does the human spirit have to do with that? Bear with me. It strikes me as strange that, on one hand, the phrase human spirit is palatable to the masses, and yet, in a different form, spirituality, it becomes less so; perhaps sounding a bit too new age or even religious. I get it. I was one of those who had an allergic reaction every time I’d hear something like that. Perhaps the reason we are so sensitive to even discussing it, is because we don’t wish to have another’s view forced upon us of the ultimate truth of who we are and neither should we. It should be a process of exploration, should you wish to undertake it. I overheard the start of a programme recently where Morgan Freeman was exploring beliefs and presenting a wide range of experiences that people had to share, including those with near death experiences. He said, “while none of us can truly know (about the meaning of life)…” This immediately struck me as a false statement, it’s like saying you can never know whether you are truly in love. When you know, you know. I also have a strong suspicion Morgan Freeman knows, it’s just that it’s become very un-PC to claim it, and there is a tendency for it to shut down the conversation. Can you remember when you fell in love? Can you remember when you felt the adoration of someone who reciprocated that love? I can. At that point, you know beyond a shadow of a doubt what falling in love is, though you may fear it won’t last. It was just logical to me that there’s a bigger context for life. When I consider the trillions of cells that represent our bodies, the magnificence of nature and creation of new life, and the awesome size and precision of the cosmos, it made more sense to me that there’s more to life than I am consciously aware of. When, like me, you’ve gone through a process of unraveling who you truly are (the person you were born as, with talents, traits, a purpose even – the person before all the layers of well meaning nurture got added), part of that journey includes pondering those bigger questions, which one could consider spiritual if you find answers other than “nothing”. And that is healthy. To have a context for your life is helpful; it puts day to day issues in perspective. When I was watching a DVD one day, many years ago now, I heard a guy called Michael Beckwith say “we are all part of one energy, we come into form and out of form” it just resonated, the bells pealed loudly, ringing true. It also tied in well with the law of attraction, it just made sense to me. Since then we have ‘scientifically’ uncovered the truth of us all being energy, every cell, every thought, every action, all of it is a form of energy. You can’t see it, touch it or smell it, you can however feel it – good vibes, bad vibes; energy vibrates. We are ‘in tune’ with ourselves when we vibrate on the feel good frequency. And that is how I follow my own yellow brick road, just remaining open to things that resonate and feel right. So back to the human spirit. It struck me that if we are all an extension of some source energy, and if our feeling good is the key to finding our yellow brick road (our dreams, the things we want in life), then the feelings attached to falling in love are the same feelings you have when you are feeling directly connected to your source energy, that’s why we crave it so much. Except there’s no fear it won’t last, just that you lose the connection. So if you make it your mission to feel as good as you can in every situation, you will have to become aware of those things making you feel bad and figure out how to dissipate the feelings. If you have ever done any kind of guided meditation you will know that, at the heart of every emotion is peace, a quiet centre of stillness. As you take any issue in your life, when you peel through the layers and deal with the emotions, you eventually arrive at stillness. When you do, you can see past the issues, your mind again becomes open. I don’t recommend trying this in the middle of an argument with your nearest and dearest though, practice when you are in a better place. Get to know the feeling of it. As you get familiar with how that frequency feels, you find it much easier to dial in when things would otherwise take a u-turn into some negative vortex. I realise where I have come to in this contemplation is that we come from some sort of an energy source and that source only transmits wellbeing. That in itself is something half the world would struggle with in fear of hell and damnation. However, what I have come to know is fear is a human condition, not one of our source. If you can make it your business to feel good, to allow yourself to be loved and to love, you will live a life where great things happen. But hey, it is this life of contrast we are talking about, and we are always growing and expanding as is our nature, so don’t expect is all to be bluebells and butterflies. All I’m saying is just don’t dwell in the quagmire, the human spirit doesn’t have to endure quite so much as we’ve come to, reach for the good feelings and good things will continue to happen. You never know, maybe one day soon we will all get past the sensitivity of discussing these things as people reconnect with their own sense of knowing and confidence, and allow others to believe whatever resonates with them. Feeling connected to something bigger is more potent than the feeling of falling in love, or being the subject of another’s wanted adoration, because it’s unconditional, it just is. When you have felt that, and the only way to feel it is to get in tune with yourself, the human spirit, you will know that following the yellow brick road is the most important thing you can do.  Photo by Chris Sardenga Being brought up in the west of Scotland in the 70’s and 80’s, religion was about one thing, were you Catholic or Protestant? It was the question that generally got asked when meeting any newcomer. For my part, it was one area my parents had no opinion on, for which I will be forever grateful. I was afforded greater freedom in my thoughts than many of my schoolmates.
As I grew up and we did ‘religious studies’ they felt largely a disappointment as they didn’t explore the wider contrast of the world’s religions. I did contemplate the broader question “why are we here?” often, and recall dad and I writing back and forth about it when I worked in Spain in my late teens. Later I took philosophy as a subject at university to help me contemplate, but that turned out to just be more of a historical view on world’s philosophers. So I embarked instead on my own studies, fed up of those who turned up at the door trying to persuade me to their view. What I found was, at the essence of all the world’s religions, were common themes and beliefs. It led to me to a conclusion that there was no one that was ‘right’, that most seem to revere the teacher than what they were teaching, and had created many of the limiting ‘rules’ through their interpretation of the teachings and the doctrines they were contained in. At that point I proclaimed myself an atheist, and continued to be repelled by anything that sounded remotely religious. In my thirties I started exploring more of my inner nature, the sense that deep within there is some sort of life force remote from my physical being. I was introduced to meditative practices that involved stilling the chatter in my head, the emotion attached to them, and beneath found a sense of utter peace. Growing up I had shied away from any kind of drugs, or even large volumes of alcohol, other than the few short years leading up to when I had panic attacks in my early 20’s, a hugely rich experience that taught me firsthand the potent power of our thoughts. However, hearing others describe their experiences of these substances, the feeling in meditation is similar to the high, except it has the benefit of no ‘down’, in that state you are unhindered by the chatter of your subconscious mind. The results of meditative practices speak to themselves, the undeniable sense of wellbeing and clarity that arises. I once heard someone very articulately refer to us as all as part of one energy, all connected, that resonated. At that point I became willing to acknowledge the deeper spiritual part of me, and became comfortable describing myself as spiritual. That then seemed to attract all sorts of New Age type ideas and constructs, again I was repelled by any talk of Christ Consciousness or Archangels and so on. I always felt that people had created constructs as a way of understanding, from our limited capacity in the human body, something that couldn’t really be explained from the perspective of our time and space reality. There have been a series of things in the last few years, talks I’ve heard, books I’ve read and so on that have made sense of many of the themes I’d heard previously. In August 2014 I had my ‘ah ha’ moment with a very deep sense of things falling into place. It was a turning point that some would refer to as an ‘awakening’; though it is better to say that, while still not buying into any constructs, at that point I could open myself and listen fully without being repelled by words such as ‘God’. It is fair to say, for my part, I think we are all talking about the same thing, we are just coming to it with different thoughts, beliefs and bias. It’s not important to expound my beliefs beyond that. Of course there is the alternative view that there is just this life and that is it. That it doesn’t have to be or mean any more than that. When you look at the miracle that is us, the literally trillions of cells that have individual consciousness that make up what you see in the mirror, the exquisite miracle of creating new life, the variety and majesty of the world around us, the stars and the universe that we are part of, the worlds that exist and the multiple universes in the cosmos, on an on, it just makes more logical sense to me to believe in something more. Whatever that is for you, the benefits of exploring these questions for yourself, reexamining your context for life, are tremendous. I write a lot about being who you are – that person at birth who came with traits, talents and perhaps even purpose, before you were obscured by all that well meaning guidance from family and community – and about getting what you want out of life. All of it written from a context of a broader perspective. Contemplating this broader perspective of your life is one of the richest activities you can embark on. When you have a deep sense of the ‘big picture’, one that really resonates with you rather than one that was drummed in, the day to day challenges you face seem much less dramatic, life becomes much more fun. This article was originally posted on LinkedIn and Medium.  There is a sense within each of us that strives towards harmony. It’s as if we have a strong magnet right at our core that lets us know when things are out of whack. If you set your life’s compass by your inner magnet it will never let you down. Living your life where you feel the strongest, most positive, pulls may not take you down the easiest of paths, but it will always lead you to your highest good.
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” The wisdom of Lao Tzu’s words resonate, we know everything changes, we even know – in hindsight – that things generally work out for the best, yet much of the time we continue to resist change and fear it as an enemy. Life is like standing on the edge of the seashore with your feet sinking in the sand. There’s an illusion of permanence - the tide will come in and it will go out again. Yet the spot you are standing in right now will never be the same spot again, sands shift, sometimes imperceptibly, other times dramatically. Impermanence, change, is the natural order of things. "this is a time of significant change - from the inside out" In the world at large we can point to many atrocities that humans inflict on each other and on the planet. For most of us though, few of those impact our own experience of daily life. However, this is a time of significant change - from the inside out. In organisations the pace of change is faster than ever before. The resistance to change has become more an ambivalence, eroding loyalties and the sense of belonging. More and more are seeking fulfilment, "there has to be more to life". On the home front, mixed families are becoming more common with divorce rates globally trending upwards. People are less willing to be unhappy, which in itself is a good thing. Yesterday I heard from an uncle, who had been reading my articles, and felt it put him in mind of Rousseau when he said ”Man was born free and everywhere he is in chains". Indeed, if we look at our life through the lens of our mind that is true. “I can’t” is a mantra of the mind which tends towards the more pessimistic as it usually runs in survival mode as a default; unless you change it. There is much more to us than our mind. You are born into this world with talents, traits, perhaps even a purpose, and - most importantly – a sense of what is right and wrong for you, and only you; your inner magnet. "only you know what is truly right for you" You are unique. In the history of mankind, as Sir Ken Robinson pointed out in an interview recently, there have never been two humans exactly alike. Therefore, only you know what is truly right for you. I look upon life as a journey I wanted to undertake before I ever arrived. There’s no memory in mind of why I wanted to take it, because my mind belongs to this physical body, which did not exist before I was conceived. "there’s a deeper knowing within" However, there’s certainly a deeper knowing within, that inner magnet, that continually gives you feedback about whether you are on track should you choose to listen. Mind, body and spirit, all three are great feedback systems when you listen to what they are actually saying. It’s really simply, if you feel good (in all three), you’re on track. If you are out of whack, it will show up in thought patterns, distressing emotions, illness and malaise. So how does all of this relate to what’s happening today in our world, with people becoming disenfranchised in their home and work lives? I use that term deliberately, because it relates to people being stripped of their power – which is what happens in traditional workplaces and in the sense of traditional relationships. "be unwilling to be shackled by conventions and bound by ‘rules’ that make no sense for you" What we are seeing is people starting to take back their power, unwilling to be shackled by conventions and bound by ‘rules’ that make no sense for your natural growth throughout life. Earlier in the week I was asked whether my partner and I would ever get married. Yes there are benefits to couples making commitments in the raising of children, but to expect someone to feel as they do today, to want what they want today, to need what they need today, in 20, 40 or 60 years from now, just doesn’t make sense. "by getting past the need to put external controls on others, there will come a harmony" If we can get past the need to put external controls on people, instead of the anarchy feared in the minds of many, there will come a harmony. As Fredric Laloux talked about in ‘Reinventing Organisations’, any organisation that makes the change from ‘management’ to ‘self management’, does go through an unsettled period. However, self management is where profit, purpose and personal fulfilment can thrive together as discussed in my recent article about the remarkable new organizational structure. The same is true for us as individuals. With freedom comes responsibility, consequences are directly felt. Therefore the adjustment is usually fairly quick. First though, you have to wake up to the conventions, cultures, beliefs and unwritten rules you’ve unknowingly subscribed to, the things that make you think “I can’t”. Try turning that around, “what needs to be true for me to…” and follow your inner compass, not the one society has set for you. Embrace change and you will change not only your world, but the world around you for the better. This article was originally published on LinkedIn. photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/65910542@N06/6320137795">Which Way?</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/">(license)</a>  Photo by Mayur Gala “The purpose of life is a life of purpose” said Robert Byrne rather pragmatically. But many of us struggle to answer the question that arises “what is my purpose?” Wise words from Dr Amit Ray point us in the right direction “It does not matter how long you are spending on the earth, how much money you have gathered or how much attention you have received. It is the amount of positive vibration you have radiated in life that matters.”
When you are doing something you love, you radiate that. Good vibes are infectious; we can’t fail to be lifted when we are around someone who is clearly in the zone. The opposite can be true too. So the first really obvious answer to a life of purpose, is in the acts of doing things you love rather than things you feel you must. For many years I struggled to find an answer about my own purpose, some people just seemed to know exactly what they should be doing in life and I was waiting for that thunderbolt. Well, not waiting so much as prowling like a wounded tiger. Hurt by the emptiness of the world of ambition; the politics and positioning, the cyclical spiraling of transformation to cost cutting, yearning for something more. Having read many career books over the years, even some great thought provoking ones like What Color is Your Parachute and The Artist’s Way, the thunderbolt never appeared. What did happen (and is still happening) was more of a slow awakening. I attracted people into my life who were able to help point to where my talents lay. In hindsight all those things seem obvious, but stuck in a quagmire of obligation to the duties of whichever role I was in at the time, combined with a hectic schedule, like many, I was stuck in a sea of fog. Even last year when the opportunity came up to leave the big corporate role I’d come to despise, I knew I wanted to take it; I just didn’t know what I was going to do with it. There I was, 10 years old all over again, at the edge of the tallest diving board, “just jump” the inner voice said. With the responsibilities that come with having a family, my partner and I decided to lessen the financial burden by moving away from the big city. The move took much longer than anticipated, and started to feel very uncomfortable as I was trying to figure out what to do. Was it writing? Coaching? Speaking? Should I set up a website? I started investigating but was getting a bit lost in another fog of research and information about which platforms to use, what to write about, how to get published and other ways to make money. Although I became aware of the easy-to-use LinkedIn platform for publishing articles, the general advice for serious bloggists seemed to be to use the WordPress platform. It all got too technical and I almost gave it up as a bad job. Then that inner voice said “just jump”. I needed to ‘out’ my writing, to simply start. So I set aside all the ‘technical’ stuff and chose LinkedIn to publish my first blog. Nearly 6 months on from that first blog, I have published one weekly since and had some great responses. But I am a seedling that has barely taken hold. Vulnerable; though I do now introduce myself as a writer when asked what I do, which is a step forward. Having now written much about being the person you were born to be, being present and stilling the mind, I’ve had the good fortune to converse with a few of you about your own journeys. This week I heard from someone who has also taken the plunge into a role that they see more as their calling. But things aren't going as planned and they are feeling bad. The question arose, was this a sign that they were on the wrong path? Or is this a normal part of the process of a life of purpose? It was a timely question for me too. Then I learned of the passing of Dr Wayne Dyer. Earlier this year I heard about a film he’d made, and seemed proud of, with his friend Portia de Rossi, called The Shift; the inspiration for this week’s title. In his memory, Hay House Publishing allowed free access to watch the film for a short time. I’ve heard the saying “you don’t attract what you want, you attract what you need”. I am so thankful for such a lovely gift, I certainly needed it. As we have made the move to our new home, and I have made the decision to let my writing grow organically (rather than try and force it in order to make an immediate income), I had some interim contracting work all set up to contribute to the household budget. That hasn’t come to fruition and I find myself in a place I don’t want to be, relentless domesticity with little time to search for some interim contracting work and even less time to develop my writing. Is this a sign it’s not for me? What I know for sure, when you “follow your bliss”, as Joseph Campbell said, obstacles and challenges are part of the journey. Living a life of purpose doesn’t mean you no longer attract these, but you will find that as you become more of who you truly are, and as you start to still your mind to listen to your inner knowing, your perspective on life’s challenges changes. To know if something is for you or not, dwell on how it feels. For example, as I was sifting through the things I might want to do versus those I don’t, I thought of the frustration that arises for me when I’m coaching someone (who might not take the advice), versus the fulfillment I feel, the stillness, the connectedness, when I’m writing, or the frission of energy I get from speaking to audiences on a topic I’m passionate about. As I watched Dr Dyer’s “The Shift”, there was a character that was caught in a world of domesticity bringing up her two young boys, who got reminded of that feeling she used to have when she painted. Caught in my own world of domesticity at the moment, I related to that character, and it served as a timely reminder to me that my present obstacles are temporary. Gratitude has taken on a whole new meaning; it used to seem trite, something said on the front of greetings' cards. But as I sat there after the film, and after having talked to another person on their journey, after experiencing the frustration of my present situation, I felt nothing but gratitude for the things I was attracting into me experience – you get what you need – I hear, loud and clear. Are you paying attention to the signs in your life? Making the shift from ambition to purpose might not be a thunderbolt, but you can make a start. Start to do more of the things that feel good, and less of those that don’t. Be that person radiating the good vibes, and you’ll have contributed more to this world that any amount of money or recognition can. This article was originally published on LinkedIn.  Photo by Morgan Sessions “If you want to be somebody, then stand up and be somebody.” The words resonated in my ear. It was 1995 and I was in an auditorium listening to a mentor of mine speak at a conference, he was relaying the tale of how his wife gave him the proverbial swift kick. At the time he was pursuing a venture that I don’t think was really his calling, but his words spoke to a hunger in me.
The yearning for more, the emptiness and – oftentimes – frustration inside, there has to be more than this? Feeling, more than knowing, that the person inside is not the person you portray to others. But how could I even begin to fathom that out? Twenty years on (and where did that time go?), I say “just start”. It doesn’t matter if it’s the wrong ladder against the wrong wall you’re climbing, unless you take at least the first rung you will never find that out. Just start, you will likely climb so many ladders that the ceiling which was above your head is now the ground on which you are walking. In taking those first steps, committing to them enough until we know better, we evolve, we grow. We slowly awaken to the person on the inside, the one who looks through those eyes when you look in the mirror. The inner knowing starts to show itself in more and more ways, giving us clarity on who we really are, and who we are here to be. This week our little tabby’s ashes have been returned. I tell my daughter, everything in the world around you eventually turns to dust, but what is within will always remain. As I watched the unseeing eyes of the dead animal that was moments before our beloved pet, I knew that her body had ceased to exist, but she hadn’t, her love lives on. That inner essence that dances through you is not about the body you inhabit, the body is simply a vehicle in this life that you wanted to undertake. As I walk further through the years, part of me marvelous at the miracle of nature. I look at all life and wonder at how things that are so complex can be made out of so little in their physical beginnings. On the other hand I struggle with how little the human mind tends to be aware of. I saw a video this week promoting a Science and Nonduality Conference: Exploring the Nature of Consciousness. I was intrigued because I have only recently come to appreciate the true meaning of the word consciousness. What struck me was the divergence humanity seems to have taken over the last hundred years or so into the world of ‘science’. The topic up for discussion is how science has tried to explain consciousness as a function of the mind, and cannot, and so the question is whether the opposite is true; that the human mind is actually an expression of consciousness. Of course. After quickly climbing the corporate ladder when I finally entered that world in my late twenties, I remember one of the team asking about my ambition given the fairly senior role I was in at the time, it gave me pause. It’s not ambition that drove me, it was more the big picture wiring, I had just needed to get to a role that was more strategic. Of course as I’d been climbing I could no more have articulated that than I can figure where I’m headed right now. As a reflector, I struggle with being questioned about what I’m going ‘to do’ now. In those younger years I would go to lengths to derive a plan so I had answers for people. Well meaning people, like family and friends. Even today it still happens. As I’m making the switch away from the corporate and doing more writing, I get asked about how I plan to make money. Of course I have developed answers, I know how writers can make money, but I’m not ready to aggressively pursue this because of the need to make money. It needs to grow more organically than that. It’s about growth from the inside out, and there are plenty of other ways to make money in the meantime. The real answer is this. I trust that it will all work out, it always does. In the big picture. Of course I understand those closest to me worry, because their minds are playing out the ‘what if’ scenarios in their head. Thankfully I have learned to shut out ‘what if’ scenarios in my mind pretty quickly. Knowing the longer I dwell on them the more likely I am to bring them into my experience. Instead I use those brief skirmishes with any negative ‘what if’ to make sure that ‘what is’ does not take that route. I do allow myself to dwell on ‘what if’ in the positive sense. What if something I write sometime goes viral? What if it leads me to like minded people? It does, it has. But I’m also not getting tethered, I’m still growing, still exploring, going with my flow. And so should you. Finding your flow is about following the things that give you a positive boost, great vibes. Do those things, those are the key to figuring out who you are on the inside. Trust that if you are doing those things you will not miss out on life, you will be living your life in a way that brings no regrets, only peace. Make a start, commit to at least observing in your life what feels good and what feels bad. Make a plan to do more of the good, just inch forward if that is all you can do right now. Who you are on the inside, beneath any suffering, beneath any well meaning versions of your life loved ones have wanted for you, is the person who can do most for this planet. Go find that person and live a life fulfilled. This article was originally published on LinkedIn.  Photo by Catherine McMahon Life is there for the taking, yet most of us are so wrapped up in our thoughts about what we need to do now, today, at the weekend, next week – or mulling over what’s just happened, who said what to who and what they meant by it, that it’s passing us by. Amid the chaos, how can you learn to live the best version of your life?
Learning happens in cycles. First we start in complete ignorance, not knowing what we don’t know; just living our life, not giving a different version of it a single thought. This progresses to a state of awareness of what we didn’t know, in this context, you become aware that alternatives exist. Then we begin to actively and consciously learn....this being the rub, as nothing different will happen without you first engaging in the thought of it, and believing it can happen. Finally we become so practiced in our new learning that it happens unconsciously, you find that you are now busily living the new life you’ve created for yourself. What if you came into this world having chosen to be here? Let’s say there’s a part of you – your essence, your spirit, your soul, whatever you want to call it, that is eternal. Its purpose is growth, expansion, evolution, more life. Your being here in this life, in physical form, is simply the tip of the iceberg. Each life adding to the collective consciousness of all life. Imagine that. Many have, many we categorise in the genre of science fiction have been explaining these concepts for many years, we go along to the movie or watch the DVD on our couch, or read the book and say “wow, imagine if that were true”. Teachers past and present have tried too, Budda, Jesus, many more. Many now are put off by doctrines, too much detail, too many stories, what is real and what is not? The teachers are exalted when it’s what they are teaching that matters. We have become a race run by ego, a self created version of ourselves, one that our mind concocts. Our mind is such a powerful tool but it’s akin to the computer that thinks it’s human. It’s a self created version of itself. Think of an example in your life where you know you’ve got caught up in a ‘story’, where your mind has completely run away with itself. It happens constantly throughout our day. Our self confidence, self worth even, has become based on how we compare ourselves with others. The computer is starting to think it’s the human. Stop. Yes it’s wonderful to have other people believe in you and to encourage you, but – please – listen to your own inner voice. Not the one your mind switches on, with all the fears and doubts, that will limit your life experience, but your inner knowing. Ever get a ‘gut feel’? Ever feel inspired to read something, watch something? Ever think of someone and suddenly you get an email from them? We all know there is ‘something else’, an inner knowing that we all have. I heard a story today about Bronnie Ware, who worked with the dying in hospice care, she has written a book called “Top 5 regrets of the dying”. The most common regret was “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me”. On this journey to discover who I was born to be, the very best version of me in this life, firstly there was the illusion that I was the person that my mind defined me as – the accumulation of nature and of ‘nurture’. I frame this because of course nurture is the exact opposite of what I now understand actually happens for the most part. Instead of nurturing the real you, parents, teachers, friends and family, often - albeit well meaning - add to the confusion. In the attempt to indoctrinate us into our many cultures- the family, the home, the school, the club, the community and so on, the small child who enters the world full of joy and self worth, slowly adopts beliefs about themselves and the world around them that starts to completely obscure the raw energy beneath, the real person who came with a purpose and an inner guidance system, their intuition, that many are taught not to trust. Believing myself to be someone I'm not, not knowing what I didn’t know, in 2006, I started to become acutely aware of what I didn’t know – my true self. I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life, I just knew it wasn’t the successful corporate career I was embroiled in. So began the second stage of learning. 9 years on, having deliberately gone on a journey of active learning, to discover who Shona Keachie really is; here I am. It has not been an easy 9 years, and much of it has been involved in the difficulties in trying to have children, swiftly followed by the difficulties and blessings of having them. Being a full time working mum in a fairly senior corporate role meant any time for myself, any headspace at all, was prized and precious. I dedicated the little I could carve out to gaining the clarity I craved. At times it was like pulling myself up by my fingernails, inching forwards, but forwards I have come. As do we all. Once you become aware of the box you are in, the one your mind creates and keeps you in, you can’t but help notice it for what it is. Even the bad experiences, the ones that crowd your day, serve to point to what you don’t want. Once you step outside of the box, there’s no way you will want to get back in. Those moments you experience when you take a good break, when you feel relaxed and in tune with yourself, and suddenly get really clear on things you want to achieve. This is your natural state of being. For many of us, we don’t have clarity on what a life being true to ourselves means. I know, I’ve lived my life wading through the treacle, with a vague sense of unease, unhappiness. I know, because as I’ve started to write about being who you are, many of you have responded and resonated with what I’ve written, but you just don’t know how to begin. This article isn’t designed to cover all of that, it’s all there on my other posts to read at any time. In fact, this article marks the conclusion of one chapter and the start of another in my own learning cycle. Here I am in the third stage of learning, sharing with you what I have come to know – that who I am, in essence, is a soul who loves – and I mean loves, thrives, feels exultant – to learn more about this life we are all living, to grow and then to teach. Through teaching I learn more, and so the growth continues. If you meet me at a party, I’ll never be interested in small talk, I will want to get to know YOU, the real you. Because the real you will have something to teach the real me, and I crave that. My friends know I’m the serious one, the deep one, it’s all good, I am. I am serious about being real, accepting and allowing that to happen. For each and every reader, I hope something in here that resonates with your inner knowing, I hope that you will wake up before you are at the end of this life regretting you weren’t true to yourself. Go live the best version of your life, find out who you really are and what you, in your true essence, are really capable of. You will be amazed and we will stare in wonder at the glorious life you create for yourself. This article was originally published on LinkedIn.  Photo by Alicja Colon When I was 19, I remember my dad asking me “what is the purpose of life?” It’s a question that beleaguers many, while others have attempted to answer it. Some feel confident when first asked because of a doctrine they have come to believe, whether through their upbringing or another route. Even then, it is still a deeply personal question that most of us attempt to answer in individual terms.
When I published “Be Who You Were Born to Be”, the number of people that read it was 10 times my normal audience, the innate knowing in people resonating with the title alone. We all have different ways of listening to our inner voice, our true nature, but in today’s world there are so many things vying for our attention. The times we touch upon some of the more important questions in our life become fleeting, and there’s a sense throughout our packed-out days that something else is eluding us. What if you chose this life for a particular purpose? Imagine you are eternal, and every life you learn something new, you grow and the universe grows with you. That doesn’t mean you remember every detail of everything you ever learned, rather that you have a deeper sense of knowing within you, that resonates when you read, see or hear something familiar. Of all the answers that have run through my head since dad asked that question many years ago, it’s the only one that makes sense to me. I’ve often talked about the concept of being who you are in the sense of being the person with the traits, gifts and talents you were born with, rather than the person you’ve become (nature versus nurture) layer by layer. When you are acting from your own true nature, you’re happier, more passionate about the things you do, and great to be around – inspiring even! As we take on other people’s beliefs and perceptions – you’re good at this, you’re not good at that, you’re too loud, you're too quiet, and so on - finding out who you are, the true you before you took on all that other stuff, takes a conscious effort. Effort, yes, but keep it simple. How do you discover the real you? For a start, refuse to feel bad, seek out things that make you feel good. If you’re doing something that makes you feel sucked of all energy and it’s ongoing (like a job, for example), even if you're doing it for the end result, my suggestion is to either stop doing it or to make a plan to stop doing it. Take control of feeling good. I recently listened to an interview with Sir Ken Robinson whose most recent book, written with Lou Aronica, is titled Finding Your Element: How To Discover Your Talents and Passions and Transform Your Life. What a wonderful title. He talks about the point where talent and passion meet being where you feel most inspired, most ‘at home’ in yourself. What if that is the purpose of your life? To find those things and to do as much of them as possible, imagine that, you’ll start to feel inspired, and when you feel inspired you tend to learn and grow. It’s important to take time out for that reason. We all know our own answers when it comes to what’s best for us. The trick is to access and trust that inner voice more than the fear stories your mind (or other people) create when you give them too much attention. I have a friend who loves sewing, but she has no desire to do it for a living. The job she is in has the potential to give her great joy, because she certainly has a talent for it and is very passionate about it; however, she isn’t confident of her talent. The stories of doubt that play in her mind have been getting the better of her inner knowing. When doubt strikes, you feel bad – so go and do something that makes you feel good, anything, get those good vibes flowing and your perspective changes dramatically, your confidence grows. There is no doubt there are things you need to do for an end result, be it making money or maintaining good health or fitness, but 'there are many means to achieving the same ends' and certainly no reason you should feel anything less than good in the process of trying. When I tackled my fitness a few years back, I persevered with repetitive cardio and muscle strengthening exercises for ages, even spending money on a personal trainer to keep me focused. The truth was though, I hated it. Eventually I switched to yoga and walking, and can tell you without a doubt I love both. There’s no age limit on feeling good, we all spend 24 hours a day doing something, so for goodness sake, do things you enjoy. Start today, or at least start making a plan today. If you find yourself distracted and feeling bad again an hour, a day or a even a week, down the line, just start again. There’s no limits on feeling good, or the number of times you attempt to. You’ll feel inspired to do more, to learn more and in the process you will grow, and the world will be a better place for having you in it. This article was originally published on LinkedIn.  As Peter Marshall, a chaplain, said in 1947 “'... if we don't stand for something, we shall fall for anything”. When this question is asked, the most prevalent answer I hear is “family”. I think for most of us family is certainly important, and we value it highly, but what would we say if our own family was asking us that question, what else do you stand for?
Earlier in my career all the senior managers in the company were sent on a leadership development course. In small groups we met for a couple of days at a time over a 6 month period. I remember feeling uncomfortable initially. The people around us can seem so different; we think they don’t understand us, and - for the most part - they don’t. That’s because we never really talk to them about what is truly important. Instead, we make judgments about people based on what we see and hear, yet this is simply the tip of the iceberg. The visual analogy of us as icebergs, which I learned from the course, really stuck with me. We can observe the behaviours of another person (the tip of the iceberg that pops its head up above the ocean), but the beliefs, values and needs of that person are unseen (the much greater part of the iceberg below sea level). With that wonderful, cursed, mind of ours we start to weave stories about other people’s behavior, usually based on our own beliefs, values and needs. This leads to misunderstandings, because we really can’t fully understand another person’s experience and what’s driving their behavior without asking them. Even then, people often struggle to put words to what lies beneath the surface. When I was interviewing for a Training Manager last year, she introduced the concept of ‘Lego Serious Play’ . Throwing a huge pile of blocks on the table, she asked us to take a minute and build a representation of what was important to us, in whatever way we wanted to, from the blocks available. I instinctively grabbed the few pink blocks that there were and started to make the shape of a heart. My colleague set about his creation, and thankfully (since neither of us were exactly ‘master builders’) we were given a few moments to explain what we’d built. On the face of it, he and I had very little in common. This exercise, though, got to the heart of what was important to each of us in a matter of minutes; and cleverly gave our prospective employee some good insight into her new employer. Both of us had built very different looking creations, but both represented the importance we placed on people above all else, and bringing people on the journey with us. It’s often easier to use this kind of abstract approach, or even pictures or songs, as a way of describing some of the things that have deeper significance for us. Just this week I sat down with my daughter, who is not enjoying her current day care situation, and we put together a ‘dream book’ of all the things that are important to her. We chose pictures that ultimately say she loves a good balance of being social and having her own space. I tell her it’s important that she holds on to what she wants (more space), that it can sometimes take a while, but she’ll get it. The more authentic we are being, the more in tune with ourselves we are, and the world around us. Too often we are in situations where what we really value and believe is hidden – or forbidden, or just not seen as socially or culturally acceptable. Sometimes knowing what’s important comes out of knowing what doesn’t feel right or fit. In the middle of selling our house right now, I had a lightbulb moment while looking at the sales blurb. The agent first described our house with the usual glossy pitch, we had beautiful pictures taken and the house was marketed on the front page of the property press. As people started to look through, we got feedback that the décor is tired. True, it is. Not being a real estate agent myself, I had pretty much left them to the initial marketing. But what I came to realise was this approach doesn’t fit with who I am, nor what the house is. It needed to be more authentic, transparent. So I rewrote the blurb, describing the house exactly as I see it, with “perfect flow and function” and included a very transparent “the opportunity to update the décor and carpeting is easy pickings for those looking to add value”. It’s important that we stand for who we are through our everyday dealings and interactions. If you feel the place you work every day, or the people you hire to provide you a service, or the people you spend time with, aren’t a match, maybe it’s time to move on. Easier said than done, I know, but you at least start the thought process – maybe even put a dream book together. The sooner you bring to light what you stand for, the sooner you can stand in the shoes of someone in the process of becoming much more in tune with themselves, much happier in their relationships, work and life. So what’s stopping you? This article was originally published at LinkedIn. photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/8070463@N03/9172311242">Bouba, Madiba's father</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/">(license)</a>  In search of deeper meaning in our lives, we often look outwards and forget our true answers lie within. By 22 most of us have formed a view of who we are and what we are about. Although by this point much of ‘nurture’ has smothered out our true nature, and the picture we have – at best – looks a little blurry, if not totally obscured.
The great news is that, at any point in time (yes, even right now), you can make the decision to be who you were born to be . When I saw the #IfIWere22 series on LinkedIn Pulse I was excited by the prospect of exploring the question as part of the journey to uncovering the real you. Looking at your younger self through the lens of time can provide some wonderful clues to what lies beneath. For me, 22 was probably the start of the journey I’m still on, though I didn’t know it at the time. I’d finished my postgraduate diploma the year before and had finally secured that first ‘proper’ job as a Training Assistant at a university in Scotland. On my first day in that job I ended up in the emergency room of the local hospital, hooked up to an ECG machine. Embarrassingly, I’d had a full blown panic attack. This was said in such a way that I had no idea it was an actual condition. I thought the nurses were just fobbing me off, just as my doctor had been doing in the months before. I’d gone to see my doctor complaining of chest pains and, after a few courses of antibiotics for what he’d diagnosed as a chest infection, he’d started treating me as a hypochondriac. Now, in all my life I’d had very few health issues. As a teenager, I’d been a competitive swimmer and at my peak physically. To be told there was nothing wrong, when your heart is pounding out of your chest, your head feels like it literally has a vice grip on it, your vision goes and you just want to throw up, leads to all sorts of worries that creep into your mind. Especially as, in between these attacks, I had lost all my energy and had started to become almost completely housebound. Thankfully this was 1994 and the internet was not yet at our fingertips, but I did know enough to freak out that I might be suffering from anything like a tumor to a heart attack, and even Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which was still being debated as to its legitimacy by medical professionals at that point. Finally, months later, a psychiatrist diagnosed Panic Disorder. Needless to say, I bought a book (Panic Attacks by Christine Ingham), learned about the condition and how to control what was happening. In retrospect, I have learned much from this episode in my life, most poignantly it taught me the power of the mind and its effect on our physical condition. Of course, at that point I didn’t quite realise that the view I’d formed of myself was entirely created in my mind. It had been created from years of living in a certain culture, with parents and a wider family that had their own personality traits, beliefs and values. How you think of yourself is influenced by all of this, and by friends, adversaries, teachers, kids at school, sport club members, coaches, neighbours, on and on. What I’d tell my 22 year old self is:
This article was originally published in LinkedIn. photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/76284765@N00/6008333467">American Woman</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>  Confucious said “Life is simple, but we insist on making it complicated”. This is more true today than ever in our busy, hectic lives. We are surrounded by the things we buy, from the money we earn, to go buy the things, and so on. Happiness seems in short supply, it’s become a goal instead of a way of being.
True happiness comes from the peace in simply being who you are, and allowing that in others. You came into this life with traits, talents and desires; it’s in being that person, the inner you, that you will find true joy and happiness. In previous posts I’ve written about how to discover the real you within, stripping back the unhelpful layers or beliefs we’ve adopted about ourselves and allowing the real you to emerge. In the process of doing this myself, it’s struck me time and again that simplicity in every aspect of life is so key to our wellbeing. I remember arriving in my new home in New Zealand, or Aotearoa, in August of 2006. For years I’d worked, owned property and paid bills. Here I was, cashed up, no immediate worries about generating an income, no house, no bills; simplicity. As I walked along the beach one day it struck me how liberated I felt. I could do anything, be anything. I also realised that is always true. Sure, many times you may have been in a job or a relationship where the road to happiness was a little more complicated, but it’s always achievable. You can do and be anything, any time you choose. It had been well over a year since I’d made that decision to move, but in that time I was moving towards what I wanted. Unfortunately I thought all I wanted, or needed, to be happy was to change the country I was living in. The weather had a great impact on how I felt each day and I was a 3 hour drive in any direction from a decent body of water, something I’ve always yearned to be near. I felt if I was living a similar life in a nicer place then all would be well. So there I was in a new place, feeling liberated, and life was full of possibilities. In time, there was a new relationship, a new house, a new job, and still I wasn’t happy. Then I thought it was all about having children, and then I thought I needed to change jobs, something less political. As I began to raise my beautiful children, I realised that one of the core parental beliefs I held was to allow my children to be who they are, protect them from becoming someone they are not. Finally, I decided enough was enough. It was time for me to discover who I really am. As I was walking through the neighbourhood the other day, it also occurred to me that the closer anything is to its true nature, the better it is for us. I’ve written much about this in terms of people being true to our own nature, but it really applies to everything that surrounds us – everything we touch, consume and enjoy. Having spent years trying to start a family, my partner came home one day and gave me the number of a naturopath that a client of his had recommended. I rolled my eyes and sighed, great, I just knew the recommendation would be a healthy diet and supplements. Often we are looking for the quickest, easiest option, when we should really be looking for the simplest. Yes, the naturopath did recommend a healthy diet. He talked out the gloopy nature of the complex carbohydrates I was eating and simply pointed out that no self respecting fetus was going to want to grow in that kind of environment. Not particularly scientific, though the science bit was explained, but this is what I summed it up as in my mind. So I got myself motivated and gave the diet a whirl. The basic principle was to eat food that is in it’s natural state – so definitely nothing with refined sugar or flour. Great results, that year we had our first daughter. I used to often refer to this when teaching people about change management. Most companies tend to put in a new system or process and think that will solve all their problems, ignoring the people change at huge cost. There’s nothing particularly complicated about people change, but it does require effort. Effort requires cost, investment, and that is where it falls over. The same for us as individuals. In this hectic, fast-paced world we are looking for the quickest, easiest, answers. Instant gratification. This usually results in a longer spell of misery. The degree of misery that tips you over into action will be different for each of you, and will depend on what aspect of your life it’s affecting. But when it comes to your overall happiness and wellbeing, being yourself - the person you were born to be - is always the simplest path. This article was originally published on LinkedIn. photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/45823378@N07/4745425727">Mila at the beach</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>  Photo by Brooklyn Morgan “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” Imagine a life where mostly every aspect of it was positive? It can be if you listen - to yourself, the inner voice that is trying to be heard.
I have this quote on a little granite plaque in my kitchen, having been drawn to it a couple of years ago. It’s credited to Churchill, though there is apparently no known connection between him and the quote. Regardless, these are wise words. Previously I’ve talked about the concept of being who you are in the sense of being the person with the traits, gifts and talents you were born with, rather than the person you’ve become (nature versus nurture) layer by layer. When you are acting from your own true nature, you’re happier, more passionate about the things you do, and great to be around – inspiring even! As we take on other people’s beliefs and perceptions – you’re loud, you’re quiet, you’re good at football, you’re no good at football, you’re destructive, you’re constructive, you’re a fighter, you’re timid, you like seafood, you don’t like seafood, you are messy, you are tidy, you are ugly, you are good looking; on and on - finding out who you are, the true you before you took on all that other stuff, takes a conscious effort. The signs that you’re acting more from nurture than nature, are pretty easy to spot, should you choose to recognize them. They appear at all levels of your wellbeing; physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. You have aches and pains, you have trouble concentrating, you crave time to do more of the things you love, and you may feel angry, or weepy, or depressed. The point is, there’s more negative than positive regardless of how it shows up. Most of us put up with that in many aspects of our lives, and it’s only when the balance tips to mainly negative that we are driven to do something about it. In So Who Are You? I mentioned there were many ways to strip off the layers that are keeping you in a negative space. First you have to recognize them for what they are. Is your wellbeing suffering? If the answer is yes, it’s a layer you’d be better shedding. This layer may have served you once, but it is now holding you back. Now you have a choice, either do something about it, or go around the circuit again, attracting more circumstances or people into your life to reinforce the negative ways you feel. This is what we do, unconsciously. This is your default future. What if you want to change that? You want to discover who that person is beneath that layer or that belief about yourself that you’ve been holding onto? Fear might hold you back. I’ve mentioned that I’ve seen myself as a fighter, a defender of perceived injustice, for most of my life. Yet, all the signs were there that I don’t actually like to fight – the knots in my tummy, the sleepless nights, the obsessive thinking through of every detail, turning it over and over in my mind. But what was the alternative? To let ‘those people’ win? ‘Those people’ could of course be anyone from my partner or my mum to a lawyer or institution. If I perceived there was injustice I’d take them on regardless, no one was going to diminish me, nor anyone I cared about. So to peel back this layer was a scary thought. Was I going to become some sucker who let everyone walk all over me? I can think of countless examples of situations I’ve faced where I’ve been proud to have ‘stood my ground’, to speak up or speak out; it’s been part of my identity, one I’ve been rewarded for in many ways. What was I going to do if those situations arose again? Did I have enough confidence I’d been drawing those situations in because I believed myself to be a fighter? And others, in turn, had seen me speak out thus were more drawn to me when in need? The short answer to this is yes. But it wasn’t a quick answer to get to, and it’s a question that still plagues me from time to time if I let my mind get in the way too much. Our mind is a wonderful tool, but we’ve let it become the thing that defines us – “I think, therefore I am” said Descartes. It can really help us successfully navigate the daily practicalities of life, but it also makes up wonderful stories that keep us in fear of ever acting in our own best interest. The ‘what if’ stories. My “what if I become a sucker” story. Yes, I could see that these situations were affecting my wellbeing. But was I attracting them? And did that mean I could reverse the trend and not attract them? My 4-year-old daughter is a master of simply paying no attention – I mean zero – to the things she doesn’t want. Try getting an answer to “would you like an apple?” if she’s not hungry, or “shall we read this book?” if she’s busy doing something more interesting. The law of attraction is a concept that has had a lot of attention in recent years, most widely in the Rhonda Byrne book The Secret. Certainly as a competitive swimmer I understood the power of the mind and the part it played in winning, but I hadn’t really thought about it in relation to other aspects of my life that tended to unfold unconsciously. I liked it, because it meant I could determine more of my own future. So was I willing to take a risk that I might get ‘walked over’, be diminished, if I shed this fighter layer of mine? Were there other ways to stand my ground without fighting? Or would I simply stop attracting challenging situations that made this necessary? The answer to my question was there, when I listened. Only you can decide if you’re ready to strip back unhelpful layers. What I’m encouraging is that you listen to your true inner voice rather than the voice of fear in your head. Your inner voice - or intuition - will help you decide if something is right for you. We all have different ways of listening to our inner voice, our true nature, but they all involve stilling our mind. For some people the way to this is through a sport or activity they enjoy, for others it’s in the day to day chores – like cooking – that require little thinking, for others it’s simply meditation. We all know our own answers when it comes to what’s best for us, the trick is to trust that inner voice more than the ‘what if’ stories your mind creates when you give it too much attention. So while I trusted that shedding this ‘fighter’ layer was in my best interest, I still needed some help to work through some past scenarios to still that ‘what if’ voice in my mind, and not just once, because under stress we default to ingrained behaviours and it takes a while to ingrain new ones. Understanding who we are not - what is a layer versus what is our true nature – is one thing, understanding what our true nature beneath is another; one I’ll expand on more next time. The principles here are simple, the reality can be a bit more tricky as I’ll continue to share. But it is worth it. A world full of happy, passionate people in positions of influence and power – that is all of us – is the surely the world we want to live in? This article was originally published on LinkedIn. |
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