Be the Change You Want to See

“Be the Change that You Wish to See in the World” Mahatma Ghandi

While this is one of those powerful quotes that speaks to my heart, in practice it really feels a bit tricky. Every day I find myself disappointed or frustrated about things in my world, and I know that it’s my reaction to them that can make a difference.

Yesterday, in many countries, it was Mother’s Day. For the first time ever I received a completely handmade and handwritten card from my eldest daughter, it was beautiful. Seeing unprompted words like “to mama” and “I love you” written all over it made my heart melt.

That said, there were other things about the day that I felt disappointed about that didn’t quite meet my expectations of Mother’s Day.

Today I’m reflecting on my reactions and the thoughts in my head they are tied to. Thoughts about our society especially marking the day as something to celebrate, that children will (to a certain extent) learn who, what and how to honour through our example and, most importantly, I am a mother worthy of that honour.

While the thoughts might seem enticingly in the category of a change I wish to see in the world, my reactions were not; I was making all sorts of judgments and suffering as a consequence. Yet I’d much rather be in a world where loving acceptance was the predominant experience over any judgment.

Sure, I can dwell on the ‘rights’ and ‘wrongs’ of how I was feeling, and that might create a temporary change in others’ behaviours. However, it’s unlikely to inspire any sort of lasting change. Instead, a more lasting change can be found in my own reactions.

And I recognize that my reactions are tied to experiences and expectations from society and my own upbringing, something I am always so quick to point to as that part of us that is ‘man made’ rather than our authentic selves.

When I take a look at what I really value, it’s there in the first paragraph about Mother’s Day, the unprompted and spontaneous words from my daughter. Those were gold and I, instead of letting that golden feeling warm and light the vibe for the whole day, tempered it with a whole load of other garbage in my head.

Getting wrapped up in my own perspective, making things ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, and confronting or avoiding others as a result is not a change I want to see in the world.

Loving acceptance, however, is a change I’d like to see. Therefore I have to be in loving acceptance rather than in judgment.  I know I’m no Mother Teresa, but I’d like to have that level of compassion instead of making judgments and feeling disappointed or annoyed as a result.

There are so many changes I’d like to see in the world, like transparent communication, evolved leadership and evolvement away from our economic, education and healthcare systems and governments. Each and every one has a lesson in there for me.

It will take awareness, openness and ongoing focus and practice to make it happen. Simple, not easy, but I am committed to it.

Talking to my friend’s daughter recently, we were discussing this topic of bringing about change. She was talking about her experiences of the many people she has met in our westernized education system, who are simply subjecting themselves to it because they feel they need to be ‘in it’ to change it. Without the credibility of at least a masters or doctorate, they feel they will not be listened to.

That reminds me of a discussion I had a few years ago with a colleague as I was contemplating my exit from the corporate world. He had taken me on, valued my perspective and championed me in some controversial roles. He felt I could do more good from within than on the outside.

There is merit to being in the game in order to change it. But I don’t have to be in the game in order to inspire others who are. And I can, as Ghandi said, be the change in order to inspire it.

Those changes start with an awakening to and ongoing commitment to my authentic self.

A close friend commented to me last week that I do well in spite of the fact most social interaction brings me out in a rash. It is true, since undertaking this journey towards authenticity and bringing more of who I am into the world, I have literally sported a bit of a rash on my face.

I am not comfortable in the company of most people because I sense they are wearing a sort of mask and don’t even recognise it.  It has been interesting for me to observe in this last few years how I relax more when others are drinking a little (even though I don’t) because their guard drops as they relax and I get to speak to the unencumbered person underneath.

That person, the one who has let society’s conditioning and expectations melt away, is inevitably much more understanding and compassionate and a lot easier to connect with. And so I understand that when I am wearing my mask – like I was for some of Mother’s Day – it makes it harder to connect with those around me and vice versa.

As I more determinedly step out into the world as my authentic self, I still get plagued by all the old thought patterns that ran the show back in the days my mask was the only part of me that ever faced the world. It’s no wonder I get a rash. But it’s getting easier.

I am just thoroughly grateful that at least I know who I am these days. As I move forward taking these small steps, which are actually gigantic in some ways, the world will continue to change in response.

If we each commit to being the person we want to be then, before we know it, the change we wanted to see, the change we learned to be, will be reflected right back at us from all around.  

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