 Sitting at my daughters’ swimming lessons, watching them and reminiscing with my mum about the days when I was a competitive swimmer, we reflected on how only one of the pack from that era had made it all the way to the Olympic Games, an aspiration I had held at the time.
As I thought back I realised for the first time that competing never really inspired me, instead the phrase ‘in pursuit of excellence’ came to mind. My mind jumped to a highly acclaimed Tom Peters book I had half-read many years ago, In Search of Excellence, which I remember being a rather dry business book. However, the phrase itself elicited that familiar tinge of inspiration that meant my fingers wanted to explore the thought more at the keyboard. It was with surprise I realised that competing, never mind winning, wasn’t of interest to me. I was brought up to win, and I did pretty well at most things. My thoughts then jumped to Richard Bach’s book, Jonathan Livingston Seagull, which I recently read the updated version of. Jonathan Seagull was obsessed with one thing his whole life, improving his flight. Yes, I thought, pursing excellence sits at the heart of our existence. If we come with intentions and a desire then it’s in the pursuit of becoming excellent at those we find our greatest pleasure. As I was googling, trying to recall Tom Peter’s name, I discovered there’s another book written by Terry Orlick which is named by the phrase that had first come to mind – In Pursuit of Excellence. I had a quick peruse and smiled as I read words like “focus’ and “connecting in the moment”, because that is really what life is all about. Casting my mind back to those early years swimming up and down a pool, the details about the medals and accolades aren’t what I remember. Instead it is those moments, alone with myself in the water, taking a next breath, lungs burning, adrenaline flowing, focused on being better, doing better, that stay with me. There was nothing more satisfying than beating my own personal best time in any particular event, and there was nothing more disheartening than not coming near to my best times for months and months, years even in some cases, despite the endless hours of practice. As I’ve moved through life I’ve propped my ladder up against more than several walls, in hindsight all the while searching for the thing I really wanted to pursue. With swimming, like all the other things that came afterwards, I got good, viewed by many as top of my field, competitive, successful. All the while there was restlessness within. Unlike Jonathan Seagull I hadn’t really figured out what I was born to pursue, and yet the whole time I was in fact pursuing it. In each journal entry, each letter I wrote in my younger years, my quest for figuring out this game called life was evident. But really, to have said philosophy was my ‘thing’ wouldn’t have felt right either, in the modern day that is an intellectual pursuit, rather than one of the heart. I have always felt that I wasn’t going to find the answers I was seeking in a book somewhere, though occasionally that happens, something resonates and lights the fire for another question. Instead I have found that the answers are already all around and – at the same time - within us, revealed when we are asking the right questions. Answers come as little droplets here or there, and become interwoven periodically resulting in wonderful ‘ah ha’ moments. What I have also found is that traditional constructs don’t work for me – not in business, health, education nor relationships. There are no neat boxes for me to fit within; instead I am carving out my own little hollow. I’ve stopped looking to the world to be different; instead, I just do what works for me. I have learned that the pursuit for excellence is an inner one. Each day I resolve to try again, to be aligned with that part of me that knows its worth, knows its value, knows nothing but love and eternal joy. Each day I spend just a small, deliberate amount of time, feeling into that part of me. And each day that helps give me a perspective broader than the one that I used to default to. The old default perspective I had was one taught by the world, taught to fear consequences and risks as created by the people and society around me as I grew. I’ve learned to look at all our ‘norms’ through fresh lenses and cast them aside if they don’t resonate with that inner part of me that wants to pursue a different type of excellence. No longer do I want to be excellent at fulfilling others requests, desires and expectations. Old resentments, even fresh pangs of pain, all dissipate when we are in tune with the essence of who we are and why we are here. The ego let’s go of this idea of comparing yourself with others. Instead each piece is seen as part of a whole, a much bigger picture than the one we are taught to look at. There’s a beauty to everything around us when we look through those lenses. I now love my life. In some ways it looks traditional, a mum bringing up her two kids while the man goes ‘out’ to work. Yet if you look deeper, here I am, pursuing my raison d’être, living life on my terms, and loving all it has to reveal. To pursue excellence in your life, focus on those things that come naturally to you, that you couldn’t imagine not doing, and do more of them. Whatever you feel called to pursue, make sure you can do it with vigor and passion, be excellent, for that is the hallmarks of the highest intentions you have for yourself. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.
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 This is a hotly debated topic for many parents and grandparents today, high up there on the list of angst-ridden decisions. In my life it’s particularly relevant as my children attend a school where we are asked to “support their education by recognising the adverse developmental impact inherent in exposing children to the range of electronic media and cellular communication technologies”.
At first I had no issues with this, I have read and heard much about the detrimental effects of technology on a child’s growing brain, and don’t dispute there’s a definite impact. However, having undertaken my own inner journey these last few years, I wanted to get more clarity on this issue from a broader perspective. In a world where we are all connected, the internet being the closest – yet clunky – physical model of the energetic clay we are all molded from, I wanted to explore where this fits. Having written a lot about the nature of life as I am discovering it, from the inside out, this topic is just like any other. As always, take whatever resonates for you. Technology as a Tool Yes, I recognise the impact on young minds. Feel free to Google the wealth of information out there and come to your own conclusions on this. The perspective I have to add is that nothing is all bad. In fact, who is to say that any rewiring of the brain that deviates from what we previously considered normal isn’t a necessary step towards the future of the human race? Sure, I am glad my children attend a school where there are no devices used in the classroom until their teenage years, in school they are more focused on the natural world, providing a contrast. They live in a world surrounded by a majority – me included – who walk around with all-singing all-dancing devices in hand. Children don’t want held apart from these devices that suck up so much attention of the people around them; especially when they realise the value in them for switching off from all the judgment and restrictions around them, and lifting their own mood (see below). If you put restrictions on devices (or anything) kids get sneaky because they want what they want; just as we all do. Each one of us is born with this primal tool, to discern what we like and don’t like, our own unique relationship with the source within encouraging us along the path of our own highest intentions and desires. My own conclusion on the effects of technology on developing brains is simply that everything has its place and nothing is here without us – on some level – having desired it. That doesn’t mean I’d be happy for my kids to sit for endless hours watching TV or playing online games. If that was what they wanted to do I’d be taking a close look at the reasons why they felt the need for such high levels of escapism. Content We live in a world of contrast, the content available through devices simply reflects that. Sure, you can pay attention to the content that drives you to the depths of despair or to that which will fuel anger or hatred, you can even scare yourself half to death, or you can seek out content that will make you laugh, help you learn and grow, fill you with gratitude and joy and inspire you to greatness. I was given a poem called “a stranger in our home” by a teacher a while back. A stranger who swore and smoked and did everything that was not otherwise allowed or encouraged in the home, yet it flickered on night after night, year after year. There is no denying the messages that you send when children are exposed to so much. But in these days of ‘on demand’ there is no excuse for exposing them to such variety of contrast through technology. Life will come in to meet them all too soon and do that anyway. What really stands out for me when it comes to our kids though is the ability of the content to lift the mood. For tired, strung out children, I know a small dose of Peppa Pig soon has mine laughing. Also, the television doesn’t judge. Children know their own value and power better than we do and they are in disbelief when people they love so much constantly stand in their way, its classic escapism. Humans are so unpredictable, technology is so predicable, which is why young minds are attracted to it. Social Media This is a harder issue for many. When my partner and I took our family on a break recently, there was a moment down by the quayside in Wellington that we looked at the dozens of people sitting along there; side by side, every one literally absorbed in a device. I know the value of face to face communication and I have abhorred those sitting in a restaurant together yet completely detached, consumed in their own devices, with the best of you. But let’s not get all Footloose or Dirty Dancing here, these are different times. Specifically, these are different vibrational times, children today are translating the energy around them at a faster rate than ever, and their ability to discern in the bombardment for their attention is greater than ever – certainly much greater than ours. We were born into different generations, it’s an old story, previous generations have been slowing down the new for a long time, introducing resistance to ‘what is’. I can feel the momentum of the evolution of our species, consciousness becoming aware of itself. I don’t fully understand the part this transition to a new mode of communication plays in that bigger picture, but it certainly creates more connection. Overall, I’ve come to the conclusion it’s not my job to dictate to our children. It’s my job to love them, to help them discern their own alignment with their inner knowing by demonstrating mine - and to get the heck out of their way. So when it comes to technology, I’m really quite excited to see how the picture will evolve as these next generations use it to greater effect in a world becoming ever more conscious of itself. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  Walking through the department store I noticed yet another Disney doll on the shelves, unusually a Polynesian looking one. This was my first clue to the new Moana movie. I’m not a huge Disney fan, but I have to say Disney knocked this one out of the park. I laughed (hard), I cried, but most of all I was totally inspired.
“That was a big movie – and a big message – for a little girl” I said to my 6-year-old. It was great, a real ‘follow your heart, face adversity, and you will overcome and triumph’ theme. It’s the story of life really, except too many of us get totally put off by the adversity part. Do you ever find yourself making a resolution to change, then adversity hits and you use it as an excuse to keep yourself in a place you really don’t want to be? Moana kept feeling called to the sea, her father kept telling her it was too dangerous, it wasn’t for their people. “Fear will be your enemy” to steal a quote from another amazing Disney movie that teaches “love is the power that can overcome fear”. Fear is something we know a lot about, we get taught from day dot to ‘be careful’, that some version of doom will befall us if we don’t follow our parents’/school’s/society’s instructions. Threats and bribes are common parenting tools, I know, I use them all too often. Yet, in truth, if you are acting (or more likely not acting) out of fear, you can pretty much bet it’s not in your best interests. Talking to another parent this week, she was telling me that her 2-year-old asked what ‘free’ her sister’s friend was. She was referring to the commonplace gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free and so on mix of dietary preferences that proliferate these days. Disney often gets criticized for creating body mage issues with their weirdly caricature main characters (who look more like aliens to me these days with their disproportionately large and strangely shaped eyes). Yet, it was in talking to one of her ‘free’ friends that my 6-year-old repeated to me that if she eats a certain type of food she’ll get fat. There is validity in all of the choices people are making about diets, or anything else, but if those choices are being made from fear rather than inspiration, what message is that sending? Having young children, I am surrounded by parents who – like me - are trying to make the right decisions for their children, to do what is right. Perhaps we are overthinking it, and trying to make decisions for them is the downfall. One of the most primal tools we arrive with on this planet is our ability to discern what we like and don’t like, we know what is good for us. The heart wants what it wants for good reason, because happiness is the name of this game called life. We want our children to be happy, to be healthy and to be safe. It’s to this end we set about micromanaging every detail of their life instead of trusting they might know a thing or two about what is best for them. Many really believe that children cannot know what is best for them. It’s no wonder when that that message is the one we have been brainwashed with generation after generation. I used to tell my daughter “my number one priority is to keep you safe”. Nowadays I balk at the memory. Of course I don’t want doom to befall my kids, but I also know in trying to keep them ‘safe’ I am just thwarting their growth, keeping them from the freedom that they know is rightly theirs. My children attend a Waldorf school, which comes with a whole philosophy behind it courtesy of Rudolph Steiner. The ‘rules’ are interpretations of Steiner’s teaching in the modern day. There are many things I love about the school, not least the passion of those that teach there and the relative freedom my children have to learn in a way and at a pace I feel is more aligned with all I know about child development. However, most parents angst over the rules and philosophies and how to reconcile them with our families and cultural norms, we also angst over the many ‘frees’ and what that means for any social occasion, we angst over technology and its effects on the brain and socialization. Parenting could in fact by defined by the adjective angst. Yet despite our childhoods being less than perfect, here we are still breathing, living, figuring things out. In any moment we can make choices that will result in a happy and successful life. Perhaps we need to loosen up a little. I attended a traditional school in a concrete jungle. We had corporal punishment, we had no clue that there was any grain except wheat, we snacked on boxes of glucose powder at sports events, we thought oil would run out before the end of the millennium, and we thought Elton John was straight. We had strange ideas about the world by today’s standards, but hey, we are here. Damaged? Sure, but nothing that was beyond repair. Nothing is irretrievable. I’d like to limit the damage to my kids, but really, was there anything I endured that hasn’t made me a better, more knowledgeable, more compassionate person today? I’m not saying we should be deliberately irresponsible. I am saying, we all know what is in our own heart (our kids included). Just listen to those who face death, the number one regret of the dying is not truly living. Not taking the risks, not following their dreams, too much listening to all the people around them. We each are born with different dreams, different talents and gifts. This is what keeps the whole whole, it’s the diversity – and the adversity – that creates the richness life has to offer. Yes there are times we create a ridiculous amount of what could be viewed as unnecessary adversity for ourselves. If we had faith and belief in our own abilities we would indeed create our desired outcomes faster. However, no matter how much faith and belief you have, you will still face adversity. Think about it, it is necessary for you to grow. Let 2017 be the year you lock in on what is in your heart, that you help others to do the same without judgment. Expect good things to happen and, at the same time, trust that if adversity shows up it is there to help you. Listen closely to your heart; let love, passion and inspiration - not fear - be the things that guide you to your best life. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  “She is making her bedroom into a mausoleum” she said. With a throbbing head and rising nausea I had withdrawn into myself until this point, but this drew out a response “she doesn’t want that” I said. Her death seemed a cruel twist of fate, and was there more to it? Searching for answers, “it was perfect timing” was the one that came.
There I was sitting on the beach, in an idyllic setting, with some of my favourite people and a stinking migraine. My friend had lost someone close, and I knew that someone had something to say. It happens a lot these days. The thought occurred to me, from a fairly successful (and ‘normal’) corporate career, am I now the person who speaks to the dead? Apparently. Learning to decipher energy, I’ve decided, is like being a piano learning how to play music. Each time someone strikes a key, the piano learns what it feels like to make that sound. Then it starts to learn what that sound means within the context of all other sounds. Energy is subtle. Everything seen and unseen is energy vibrating. Each one of us has the ability to decipher it, but it’s a talent that tends to be shunned, and one that requires focus and practice. In day to day life we express things like “I pick up on others feelings”, or “it had good/bad vibes”, without realizing you are always picking up on the energy that is and surrounds you. The main thing to understand is that you are your own best guide. It’s your inner conversation that is most relevant. There is no ‘one truth’, only your truth. If something resonates, it’s your truth, if it doesn’t, it’s not. So over the last few years, I’ve been deliberately focused on tuning in more to the energy that is us, that surrounds us. We are all part of one energy, we are all a unique expression of that one energy, coming into and out of form, just for the joy of it, and for the expansion and growth it creates, for all. There is only life and more life, what we call death is just another beginning, reemerging back into our non-physical state. You are not a clump of energy that remains separate and distinct from everything else, but in each expression you are as unique as a snowflake, yet still snow. Another friend had once told me of her experience in a supermarket when she was pregnant with her son. A stranger had approached her, put her hand on her belly and affirmed that she had recently lost her brother-in-law and he was coming again. Her son looked at me, and in that instant I had another message to deliver. It’s hard to explain, they just appear like packages of thoughts in my head. Over and over I examine my intentions, is it my ego wanting to be the big ‘I am’? I think not, for being the nutcase who talks to the dead was not an aspired vocation. However, when you experience the feeling of a broader perspective flowing to and through you, not only does it feel good – really good – it just feels ‘right’. “He wants you to know he is not his uncle” I said, “he is unique”. There was more to say, but it’s a context that is hard to explain. Our language is limited to our physical existence in this time and space reality. Whereas the energy that is the broader part of us is multi dimensional and omni present. You are uniquely you, yet ever changing and expanding. I tried to explain it by asking her to imagine a rainbow of colours flowing to and through you, each of the colours representing things that are part of who you are and are of interest to you. You may find that, at your heart, you are a teacher or a healer, for example, so that energy flows to and through you and you naturally resonate with and attract opportunities to explore that more. So this little boy is not his uncle reincarnated in the way that is often portrayed, however, he is part of the same energy stream, so some of the energy that flowed through and to his uncle when he was ‘alive’ now flows to and through him. I sort of imagine that we remain very similar in our intent and interests over a few lifetimes, as we experience life in all its various guises and expand and grow, but as time goes on we become indiscernible from that which we were many eons ago. Our ‘death’ is always perfect timing, there is nothing that happens by chance. Whether the recent death of my friend’s close one was by her own design or some other ill intent is not an answer that would come, because it is not relevant from a broader perspective. It is only in this physical world that we experience ‘good’ and ‘bad’, some of what we would call atrocities are reduced to a simple state of contrast from that broader perspective. Contrast is what spurs desire, growth. While we come with intention and desire, in each moment, in each contrasting experience, we have free will and we continually reshape our blueprint. Nothing happens that is not by our design, whether by conscious or unconscious thought. When someone we know and love departs, for those that are still playing the game of life on this particular plane, the hurt we feel is only natural. We can no longer physically touch and hear and feel that person. At the same time, that is the essence of your desire in being here. The ability to play out the game of life on a physical plane is more delicious because it is in all its hurts and fears that we pledge to tip the balance to more joy and freedom, our natural state. A state whose meaning is more profound from knowing the contrast. When you are enjoying life, when you are feeling hope and happiness and joy, those are the moments in which you will feel your loved ones most. You will think “(he or she) would have loved this” or you will have an inspired thought and reflect it’s the kind of thing they might have said to you. Know that these moments are the ones that you are indeed hearing and feeling the energy of that person. Those who are no longer here are always interested, always with you, always loving you. In our non physical state there is only love. Any part of your experience with someone that was less than positive is not a part of who they truly are, and is no longer a connection that they will feel. Hearing of the firework that some of the ashes of her close one had been put in, there was a corresponding explosion of joy energetically. Yes, this is how she wanted to be remembered, a beautiful burst of light in an explosion of colour and sound. A life celebrated, a memory cherished. I hope some of this has been of help to you. As I said early on, take only what resonates. This is a language I’m learning to speak, it’s interwoven with words from many teachers that have found the perfect expression of the energy I have felt on many occasions when those around me have been searching for answers; as it is also interwoven from those beyond who consistently are willing and eager to lead you in the direction of peace, hope and love. The expression of your life remains pliable, honouring your loved ones who have passed by indulging in those things that gave you mutual joy and satisfaction are the moments in which they are closest to you. Namaste. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  How many hats do you wear in life? And are you actually happy in each of these roles you play?
What started off as a silly argument led to a much more productive contemplation recently as I reflected on the various roles I play in my life. The starting point was in defining the hats I was wearing, as a writer, student (of life), mother, daughter, partner, school mum, house keeper, money manager, cook, business advisor, business support function, friend and cousin, the list seemed endless. Then I began considering whether these were even hats I wanted to wear, and whether the role I am playing when wearing them is shaped the way I want it to be. It is an interesting exercise to go through, to challenge yourself on whether you are playing certain roles (or playing them in certain ways) because you want to or because you feel duty bound in some way. As we are moving into 2017, I know I have one really important intention, or goal if you prefer, and that is to put myself first. It might sound selfish, and it is. But think about it, if you don’t who will? Who can? Only you know what you truly like and want in this life, only you know how you really feel in each moment of every day, only you can take immediate action to make yourself feel better and make your life a happier experience for all concerned. If you are playing a role (or playing it in a certain way) and resenting it, who is benefitting from that? Sure, there is a pay off somewhere (on both sides) but is it the best outcome for either party? I know all this, yet I was arguing with myself. My thoughts went racing into corners of my mind exploring beliefs I hold about each of my roles. Beliefs are a funny thing, they shape all of our experiences, yet few can actually articulate what they are. Do you truly know what you believe? Do you know which beliefs you inherited? What situations are always playing out for you? How often are you the victim? What thoughts and feelings do you have as you wake up each morning? What beliefs do you hold about your body? What does 'home' mean to you? What are your feelings about laughter and fun? What do you think it's possible for you to achieve in this life? What do you believe you deserve from life? All these questions can be confronting and revealing. I love unearthing thoughts I was previously unaware of, constantly shaking out my beliefs – which are just repeated thoughts after all – and evolving them. For example, in my role as a mother I started from a place thinking that parents have to discipline their children, but I quickly shifted my thoughts on that after an incident with my daughter and an attempt at the naughty corner concept. By no coincidence I came across the work of Alfie Kohn shortly afterwards which led me on the first step of a different path entirely. In my role as a partner, there are just as many concepts and beliefs I adopted from my experiences and society in general. Last week I talked about the best relationship vows I’ve ever heard, worth a read if you haven’t already, they are certainly vows about putting yourself first so you can give the best of you to another. Then there are the expectations the school has of parents, the expectations of my partner, my children, my parents, my in-laws, on and on. What it really all boils down to is my interpretaion of those, the expectations and attitudes I hold for myself based on an accumulation of lifetime experiences. And the only person who controls those is, well, me. Yes, others may hold expectations, but so what? How you play those out in your life is up to you. If I put my happiness on someone else’s shoulders, or vice versa, I’ll be disappointed. You are not as important to people as you think you are. So, for me, it’s about getting myself squarely in the centre of my own universe where I belong. That doesn’t mean I’ll wake up one morning and decide I want a walk at the beach and leave my young children at home unattended, it means I’ll get out into nature with the kids as a priority. Or I’ll organize play dates so I can have some solitutde. It means I won’t just ignore my own needs and ‘sacrifice’ for others. Because who I am I then? Some grumpy, resentful version of myself, urgh, who wants that? In each of my roles I hold the intention to give my best, and that means I have to put my own needs first. To give my best I have to be at my best, and to do that I have to be completely in tune with the inner me. So this new year, as I look at my life and you look at yours, I wonder if you will do the same. Do you have the courage to put yourself first? Do you feel worthy of that? Even if it’s only wearing one hat, make 2017 the year you say yes to yourself. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  “I don’t want to be safe” Victoria snapped at Albert, “I want to be free”. This was the Queen’s response to her husband as the Prince Consort attempted to keep his wife well away from further danger following an assassination attempt.
My interest piqued, freedom’s melody stirred deep within. It is interesting that the scale of our emotions bears direct correlation to the sense of freedom, or lack of, we feel. From the depths of despair (where we feel completely powerless) to the soaring heights of joy (where we know anything is possible) freedom is at the very heart of human experience. You are born knowing your power, and you rallied against any sense of it being taken from you. You still do, always, in some way. As a child I was fiercely independent, yet outwardly accepting of my parent’s rules and accepting of society's rules. As a young adult I became quite anxious, so many people to please. Slowly but surely though, that part of me that knows my own power has stepped out of the shadows and has started to reclaim the freedom that was there all along, despite others’ attempts to suppress it. As a Scot, the rousing speech delivered by Mel Gibson as William Wallace always springs to mind at the sound of the word freedom: “Fight and you may die. Run and you'll live… at least a while. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom?” In most cases though, we are not talking life or death, just everyday examples that slowly suck away at your life force instead. It often seems safer to stay with the status quo than to risk something new. For years in relationships I tussled this way and that with power. Constantly we forego our own desires in order to please others, or with some sense of duty to family. Somewhere, somehow, is the thought that I have to make this person happy, or they me. The best relationship vows I’ve ever heard go: “I love you, but there is someone who comes first before you; my own alignment with the inner me. That is who I am devoted to, who I am feeling for, who my commitment is to. My promise to you is that I will give you, as much as I can, the fullness of me rather than the separated me and give you the gift of living with someone who is aligned. What this means for you is I won’t be needing or demanding (from you) behaviour in order for me to be happy; my happiness will depend on my focus. By prioritizing my own happiness I can assure you that you will never feel so adored and appreciated as when I’m in that happy, aligned, place.” Yet as a parent, I started out placing so many conditions on my children, one of the catch phrases I developed early on was “it’s my job to keep you safe”. Why? Because that is what society teaches us, right from the get-go, fear everything. If only I knew then what I know now, but no use for regrets. My catch phrase now tends more towards “I need to get myself in a good space”. For I have learned that, to access my own power, I need to be fully tuned in to that part of me that knows its worth, knows it’s free to choose my responses. It’s from that place I am of most value to my kids; or anyone. From anything other than that place, I teach fear. That is what this world has taught for a long time. We have become unaccustomed to feeling our own power, the power to manifest whatever we want in our lives from a place of unadulterated freedom. On the face of it, many of us face oppressed circumstances in life, feeling stuck in relationships, jobs or other so called commitments. But even in extreme circumstances, as Viktor Frankl taught, it is not those conditions that determine our own state of being, it’s how we choose to view those conditions. My eldest daughter, like all others, keenly feels her sense of freedom. While we have chosen a school that best fits our desire for her to be allowed to be who she is, it is a school none the less. At 6, she resents having to turn up every day (which equates to half the days in the year given weekends and school holidays), she balks against it time and again. When she is there she loves it, she just resents having to go. It is not my goal to give my children free reign, allowing my daughter to pick and choose when she attends is not the answer for many reasons. I can however show my children, through my own example, how to reach for their own power. While my daughter can’t change the schooling system or legal requirements and obligations overnight, she can change the way she feels about it, or not. That is hers alone to determine, and that is where her freedom lies. This is not to say we should simply accept our circumstances and give up, as the saying goes “grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” All things can change in time, there’s another quote apt here “If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it, I know I can achieve it.” So ultimately, if freedoms melody is calling you, perhaps it’s time to stop listening to all the “what if’s” in your head and the fear they perpetuate, and time to listen to your heart and the power within. Now is the perfect time to set new intentions, to take risks, to break free of the ‘safe’ world in which you live. There can be no more laudable intention than to discover, and to hold in the highest regard, those inner dreams and desires you hold for your life. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  And does it matter? When I was posed this question recently, that was my first thought. If we live in a multidimensional multiverse, with many realities playing our simultaneously, what is the significance of this reality in this time and space?
If we in fact are unique expressions of the one ever expanding source, and our own consciousness is playing out simultaneous realities far beyond our comprehension, if this particular reality changed its form and ceased to exist as we know it today, it just seems in some ways insignificant. For if there is life and more life, then it would imply that our consciousness would just continue on in other ways anyway. These are all the thoughts that welled to the surface within minutes of being asked the question, I could feel a playful bubbling sensation within that tells me my inner voice has more to say and is willing to play with me on this topic. My next thought was of sitting in the living room of an old friend many years ago. I think I was 18 or 19 years old. My friend’s father was a doctor of physics and, aside of lecturing on the topic, participated in a global committee considering all manner of big questions. “How many dimensions do you think there are Shona?” he asked. At that time, the consensus was apparently 10. Nearly a quarter of a century later there are growing bodies of scientists who are beginning to acknowledge that our ‘science’ is a glimmer on a speck of dust in the vast sea of collective consciousness out there. How would I define consciousness? As life, seen and unseen, in its ability to create independently and collectively. From the thoughts we are aware of, to those we are not, to the amazing capacity of the cells within and those particles beyond. So what does it mean for us, as a species, to become truly conscious? It really refers to the process of becoming aware of that which you were previously not. It’s a process of unlocking the power within. Each human arrives into this world knowing their power, knowing their worth; you only need look into the face of a newborn to see this truth reflected back to you. These little babies are probably the largest group of our species on the planet who know our truth. Then of course the human mind starts to take its course, its patterns (known as our subconscious) largely shaped in those first 7 years of life through impression and imitation. Unwittingly, and usually in well meaning, these patterns have a tendency to play out as some version of “you are not worthy” as we think it’s our job to keep and to teach our little ones to be safe and to fit in. So right from the outset, instead of teaching by example to tune into your inner knowing, your inner power, you are taught to fear. Over the years, you begin to attract many experiences into your life that reinforce the beliefs that started to form in those early years; you get what you think about in life. The average human therefore walks around completely unaware that, of the 60-70,000 thoughts they have each day, 90% of them come from their subconscious and are holding them back from achieving what we all want in life – let’s sum it up as happiness. Awakening to your thoughts, becoming aware of your inner dialogues, the feelings that correlate with them and the experiences that result, is the first step of awakening to your true potential. Once you become aware, you can’t help notice there are patterns playing out that make no sense for you today. You can’t erase your patterns, but you can start to create newer, healthier ones with time and practice. You become aware that you are the creator of your own reality. Over time, and with continued practice, feeling bad becomes less and less tolerable. You take those feelings as your inner cue that what you are thinking is not a match for your inner truth. You start tuning in more to the powerful voice within; the only one that can reveal your truths. No one and nothing ‘out there’ can give you those; they can only inspire you towards them. Becoming ‘truly conscious’ therefore means you are in tune with your inner world and dancing to the beat of your own drum. This is a state in which people follow their passion, a truly selfish state which paradoxically results in more acts of selflessness. For once you have tapped into the power within, you know that we are all connected. That you are me and I am you; we are a reflection of one another. Nothing in our life happens by coincidence, it happens with precision and patterning of an exquisite nature far beyond our ability to compute. Our life, the creation and expression of which is a reflection of our inner thoughts and feelings, therefore by our own design consciously or subconsciously, is played out through a series of happenstance and events that occur by our attraction. From all that I can observe, there are many today becoming aware of all of this and awakening to their own true nature and power. It is so because these desires were set in motion long ago and are now playing out with more momentum than ever before. We are co-conspirators in this evolution of consciousness. Coming back to the original question, it feels to me – at this stage – a mute one, for we are consciousness becoming aware of itself. A world where more and more people are becoming aware of their power within, where that power can only be accessed when you are aware of your thoughts and patterns and you are feeling good, is a world far evolved beyond the one I was born into. In a world where there is more of that gathering momentum, there is more trumped up versions of the old world (excuse the pun) rearing their head, it’s the desperation of a death dance, the end of an era of fear. Of course, this is playing out, and it is exciting to participate in, but it is only another chapter in our ever evolving world. This is a world of contrast, knowing what we don’t like and don’t want sharpens the detail of what we do want, bringing it into creation ever more rapidly. So if this evolution brings in a world of peace, you can be sure it will only be temporary; and really, would you want it any other way? With thanks to Les Butchart for asking the question. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  “You’re sure to do impossible things… when you follow your heart” wise words sung by Jacquismo the swallow in Disney’s Thumbelina movie. This was playing in my head when I happened to glimpse a short video about a teenager who has instigated an amazingly simple yet powerful project to clean up the vast quantity of plastic bags in our oceans.
My favourite quote of Boyan’s, the innovative teenager, is “Human history is a long list of things that were impossible.. and then got done.” Like many in the run up to this holiday season my days seems crammed full right now of things to be done that I wouldn’t class as inspirational. But I’ve learned that there are no coincidences, so as I heard these messages this week I thanked the universe for the serendipities that brought them to me. I often marvel at how I can know something, totally believe it, write about it and share it, and then make myself an exception. Conceptually, yes, anything is possible. As Napolean Hill is quoted as saying “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve”. Why these messages, why now? Now and always, it’s a great thing to be reminded of. So much has changed in my life in the last couple of years, I’m so much more me for so much more of the time. Yet I want to be me, the real me, to know who that is all of the time. But… And there is where my doubts kick in. When I’m with my young children and there’s chores to be done, or I’m acutely aware of the lack of time I have to myself, how is it possible (I wonder) how will my dreams unfold amid this quagmire of circumstances? Then literally, as I took a short break from writing this and read less than a page of a book that I hadn’t picked up in a while, Path of Empowerment by Barabara Marciniak, these words jumped out at me: “Situations and people appearing to limit and control your reality can serve many purposes, depending on your interpretation and point of view”. It’s like school holidays, this is the first year my kids won’t be in any kind of child care or holiday programme. At first that made me feel suffocated, yet, as we are nearing it, a sense of freedom is opening up. Right now I am acutely aware of ‘the machine’ that requires too much conformity over the term, the kids and I are both longing for an unadulterated period of non-conformity. Thoughts of summer days, doing what we like, when we like, are very appealing. Sure, I’ll need to sense into moments when I can have time to meditate and to contemplate and to write, but I do actually trust they will come now instead of worry about how to carve them out. Just as I’ve been more attuned lately about when to share advice, or to say yes (or to say no) to an activity, I can trust – and will have more freedom – to allow the same flow of impulses to guide this time ahead. I’ve been holding a lot of people at bay socially, because we have been so exhausted conforming to the machine (requirements of attending kindergarten and school in this case), so I admit I’m actually now really looking forward to the school holidays, it’s a 180 degree turnaround! Life is quite astounding when you make some room for it. Opening up is an act of courage, because you feel you might get overwhelmed if those gates are opened even a crack. I’m not talking about mimicking Jim Carrey in Yes Man here, I’m talking about making eye contact, smiling, saying no by saying yes to what you can do, gladly. I’m talking about reengaging with the serendipities that are all around and trying to get your attention. You know what you want, even if you can’t speak it but only sense that it’s not what you have right now. Are you listening out for your messages, or are you too embroiled in the doing, too closed off to hear them right now? The inner you knows what you like and don’t like. Listen. As we head into a new year, a natural break in pace for many of us, we start to turn inwards, reflecting on all our hopes and dreams. I hope you will remember Boyan, and his amazing invention that will help clean up our oceans and tackle at least that one aspect of our own environmentally detrimental behaviour. You don’t need to want to change the world, but you do need to change your inner world. Then, as you do, anything becomes possible for you in 2017. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  Jonathan Livingston Seagull is a novella first published by author Richard Back in 1970. It was and still is an immensely popular and iconic book. It’s the story of a seagull who loves to fly for the perfection of flying in itself rather than as a simple means to finding food. It’s a story for those who follow their hearts, who live in the flow of their life, who are tuned in to the impulses prompted from an inner world that cannot be seen, heard or touched, only sensed within…
Her name was Christine, I was 15 years old. She was a good person, so good I could only aspire to be that good. Different. No gossip, no malice, but happy to help those less fortunate and focused on her studies. I had glimpsed it in others from time to time, but none were as consistent as her. I knew about pursuing excellence, at the age of ten I had chosen swimming as a competitive sport, I knew the discipline of getting up in the cold light of dawn (not enticing in the Scottish climate) to head to the pool, and back again after dinner at night, day after day pounding up and down the lanes. I knew all about applying myself at school, I got into university and felt it would be good to get a degree since I had no clue what else to do. Nothing resonated, nothing stirred inside. At university, a friend said one day “don’t choke on your halo”. I can’t remember what it was even about, perhaps I was being sanctimonious. ‘Good’ was not valued. I was finding my way. Religion held nothing, in fact it stopped me exploring my spiritual world for some time as I wrote about in an article last year. The fourth part of Jonathan Livingston Seagull, missing all those years but published recently, resonated strongly. At the point at which I arrived at the end of the natural course of schooling and study, I still had no clue what I wanted to do or who I was. I longed to travel, but it wasn’t common in those days and I had no real money; I was also too scared to do it on my own. Then, still in my early twenties, after a particularly unhealthy relationship, I developed panic attacks. At that time, the mind-body connection was even more lost on the medical profession than it is today. After being tested for everything from a chest infection to HIV, and being pretty much house bound since every venture outside seemed to lead to collapse, the doctor finally sent me to a psychiatrist, who pronounced “generalised anxiety and panic attacks”. I bought a book, Panic Attacks by Christine Ingham, it taught me the physiology of what was happening to my body and the mind-body connection so – now understanding I wasn’t about to die – taught myself how to overcome them. During that time I had met a guy who was to become my first husband. He lived some distance from me, so we would write long letters to each other almost every day. Writing has always been a natural way for me to express and sort out my innermost thoughts and feelings. Such a natural part of my life I would never have really thought about it as anything special. My twenties then became defined by the personal development attached to a network marketing venture my husband and I got involved with. While, ultimately, 7 years on I had decided neither the venture nor husband should remain a permanent part of my life, I had grown enormously. Inspired, learning about ‘dream boards’ and goal setting, the power of the mind in manifestation (though that is not a term I’d of known then). Words from mentor’s stories resonating still “If you’re going to be somebody then stand up and be somebody”. Moving into a new career and new relationship, I found a place to thrive for a while. Winning several national awards in customer services and finding my ‘strategic self’, I still felt dissatisfied. A car accident – the third in which I had sustained a whiplash injury – eventually led me to massage therapy, and conversations that opened my inner world. Thoughts turned again to travel, and emigration, and the long process of applying to live in New Zealand began. Throughout that time I began to explore more of my inner world, gently, through guided meditation. As my second marriage began to break down, more space opened up. Finally arriving in my new country in 2006, happily single and living alone for the first time in my life, I was introduced to a lady who is a pychic remedial psychologist. The word ‘psychic’ was a bit off-putting, but I was in a new space, open minded, and our conversations always resonated and left me with a sense that I had bigger plans for my life, there’s more to discover. Around the same time I watched the early version of “the Secret”, and first heard Abraham Hicks. I had no idea what ‘channeling’ was in those days, I just knew I had never heard such wise words as I was hearing from the mouth of Esther Hicks. Then I met my now partner, and the next block of my life was consumed in having children (my beautiful daughters are pregnancies 5 and 6). The journey to having children taught me a lot about the process of allowing rather than resisting in retrospect (as I recount in another article). At the time though I was simply surviving, finding no satisfaction in the corporate world. Awakening In 2014, I truly awakened to what Jonathan is saying, I awakened to a life much bigger than the one I had recognised before. It was a series of smaller things, an accumulation of tiny steps over the years, beginning to see the unhealthy patterns in my life for what they were. Then my osteopath told me about a book she’d read when we were talking about channeling one day; Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian Weiss. It’s the true story of a well respected ‘mainstream’ psychiatrist, his young patient, and the past-life therapy that took them both by surprise and changed their lives. What struck me about that book was that much of the ‘constructs’ and ‘principles’ that my psychic friend had referred to about the non-physical over the years, that I had put to one side as I let everything else she said wash over me, suddenly clicked into place and made more sense. Then I went to watch Lucy, a film about a young woman who is captured by drug traffickers, who forcibly sew a bag of mind expanding ‘new-to-the-market’ drugs into her abdomen. While Lucy is in captivity, one of her captors kicks her in the stomach, breaking the bag and releasing a large quantity of the drug into her system. As a result, she begins acquiring increasingly enhanced physical and mental capabilities, such as telepathy, telekinesis, mental time travel, and the ability not to feel pain or other discomforts. At the end of the movie, as the drugs have allowed her to fully transcend her mind, she evaporates. Her friend rushes in to save her and shouts “where’s Lucy” and a text appears on his phone “I’m everywhere”. I just cried. My partner looked at me “It’s only a movie”. “I know it’s not a true story” I replied, “but it’s the truth”. I was awakened. From there my spiritual growth has been rapid, I’ve taken in more of the context for the basis of life and I have awakened to the lessons Jonathan learned and taught. Around the same time my psychic friend had a message “teaching columnist”. I remember it distinctly, where I was sitting, what I was looking at. For 8 years I had longed for just a straight answer about what I should be doing with my life, what my purpose for being was. Now here it was, the next step anyway. It made sense, I liked to teach and I liked to write. But how? At the time I was the main breadwinner of the family and could see no way out. Of course, I know now that ‘how’ is not my question to answer, I just needed to be open to the serendipities that would take me there. That came just a month or two later. After attending a yoga workshop with Kim Eng, Eckhart Tolle’s partner, an afternoon of just being continually and gently brought into the present moment, my vibrational energy had shifted. Two days later I had manifested a healthy redundancy package that bought me time. Changes to My Life It changed everything. We sold up and moved away from the hefty house prices of the big city, to a town with great feeling energy. It’s been an interesting couple of years. I’ve gone from an empty, high flying corporate life, to one where I’m more me than I’ve ever been. I published my first blog article last year and have continued to publish at least one each week since. Recently I wrote an article, who are you not to follow your dreams, motivated by others who have felt inspired by something I’ve written and then contact me, sharing their own lack of confidence. I write for the joy of it, the deliciousness of getting into tune with myself and letting my fingers loose on the keyboard to begin to answer whatever question has been inspired from within. It’s not about the writing of course, it’s about the ongoing focus and practice of being in tune with the real me. Being out of whack with my higher self feels so intolerable now I know all this, yet I’m still more out of step than in alignment than I’d like to be. The feeling when that alignment occurs is like nothing else, and I understand the possibilities that Jonathan lived, transcending space and time. I now understand why Christine made such an impression at school, she was just in her own flow, she was so ‘good’ because that was what made her feel good. I have no idea what life holds, I just know it’s going to get better and better, and I keep practicing tuning into the impulses life sends so I can keep going with it as it unfolds. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  As far back as I can remember I’ve used writing as a way to focus my thinking and express my innermost thoughts. As a teenager I kept journals, I’d write love letters and I also had a number of friends over the years that lived some distance away and we would write to keep in touch. Writing for me is always a cathartic experience. That said, it’s not always cathartic for the reader…
Writing is the most focused form of thought, and it’s our thoughts – and feelings attached to them – that create our experience in life. It’s no wonder I created a lot of tumultuous times in the past! Often I’d turn to writing as a way of working through things that were hurting me, it brought me back to a quiet centre of stillness. The need to for others ‘to know how I feel’, I have learned, is something to be very wary of. Unleashing on another your innermost fury or fears is only likely to have an adverse affect, it holds them in that time and space where they (likely inadvertently) hurt you in some way. I remember at one point in my earlier career a new salesperson at our system suppliers saying “ah, you’re that Shona, that letter you wrote us is infamous”. Of course as soon as I had written the letter, spelling out in every detail my expectations and disappointment with the process of developing a new system together, I had the clarity I needed about a way forward and I had forgotten all about it. Not so at their end. Oops. Many times in my life I have regretted something I’ve written. Now, in my mid-40’s I’m starting to get better at it, though my children’s school will attest it’s still hit and miss. However, I am now more aware and focused on being in a good-feeling space before I write. It’s much healthier to get myself into a good place and then use that writing to focus on what I wish to experience instead of what I have experienced. Not something I’d recommend sharing if it’s directed at a person, a bit too sanctimonious. But if you can figure out what you’d like to experience and start thinking of examples of when you have observed that kind of behaviour from them, well, that is something to share in appreciation. People ask me about my journey as a writer, and I struggle with the answer because writing – for me – is an instrument. I’m grateful for the gift, I cherish it, but it’s an instrument none-the-less. Until a few years ago, it was generally associated with all I have talked about until now, working out the kinks in my life. In my career, aside of the few disastrous attempts to work through issues with co-workers, my writing had been used to better effect in bringing people on a journey during change and transformation. My others talents, as a visionary, and as someone who can proverbially weave together lots of threads to create a big picture, work beautifully with my talent for the written word. But as I became more aware of the dichotomy within – that the life I was living and who I was being on the outside was no match for the person on the inside - I made a more determined effort to figure out who that person was. I realised that there were two versions of me and I became determined to allow the one within to bubble to the surface and reveal herself. That is the point at which I started a blog. So writing for me is a portal into growth and learning, for exploring the mysteries of the universe within. I can’t say that I was ever taken aside by a teacher in English literature and told how beautifully I write, in fact, it held very little interest for me at school. Instead I opted for math and business studies. There is somewhat of a genetic heritage though I believe, my great grandmother was an English teacher, and the importance of good grammar, punctuation and spelling was imbued from childhood. There was a point (many years on) when I was exploring career options that I considered writing. In typical fashion I saw that playing out (in a 2 minute ride in my imagination) and leading to lots of travel to promote books and so forth, and that is where the dream got shut down. It was just the wrong point in my life. I did go so far though as to purchase a book on self publishing and another on writing well. One I read cover to cover, the other made a good support as part of a pile of books under the bed. William Zinsser’s Writing Well is a classic and deservedly so. The key message I took from it was about flow, the purpose of grammar and spelling and such forth, is simply about allowing the reader to get swallowed up in what you are writing about rather than getting tripped up on how it’s written. That made sense to me. Though these days there are sites and people online who will edit and ghost write for you, so there are no excuses for keeping your ideas locked inside. I am truly grateful for this gift that I was given, but it is not the sustenance of my life. It’s the exploration, the learning and the growth that I express through my writing that sustains me. The inner journey to the realms beyond those we can touch, except with our hearts and our imagination, is where my true joy lies. The practice that requires of you an absolute desire and intent to hold yourself in a good feeling space is where my quest lies, for within that alignment the secrets to the soul unlock. Each week as I sit at my keyboard, it is for the deliciousness of that experience, and that alone, that drives me. I encourage everyone to follow their passion because I believe that is where true success lies. A world where everyone is tuned into their natural wonder, talents and abilities is a world far removed, yet attainable, from where we are today. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  I was being judgmental and hating myself for it...
As I looked around the room, it was overwhelming. Here I was at a social occasion, one that – at its core – held everyone together in their belief in something bigger than themselves. The essence of this ceremony was to support our friend, with open hearts, in the impending delivery of her child. Yet I was judging everyone, myself included. It was as if a river had been swelling and the dam had burst, boom, my ego unleashed. There was no reining it in, the momentum was too strong. What had happened? I couldn’t get a grip on my thinking; these crazy runaway thoughts were in full motion. I closed my eyes, trying to focus inwardly. My heart was pounding in my chest; I tried to steady my breathing, pull in air from my belly. Every day I see people as I drop off my kids at kindergarten and school, some I know, they smile and say hello. Most I don’t know, but the faces become familiar. As I looked around the room at these familiar faces, yet most unknown to me, I felt so much turmoil. Did I like them? Would they like me? You see, I seem to categorise people. What it comes down to is how open and friendly they are towards me. There are those that have shared their heart with mine and we are consciously connected. Then there are those whose stories remain a mystery, all I have are the stories I tell myself about them, based on the little I see of them. “This is not who I want to be, it’s not who I am. Or maybe it is?” I wondered whether perhaps I was in need of humbling. As much as I wanted to control it, to resist it, the only thing left to do was allow the full force of that rampant river wash through me. I bowed my head and closed my eyes. Not a fan of rituals, I gave gratitude that this gesture would not in itself look out of place as part of this particular ceremony. I needed to go within, I needed to sense into that inner peace that is always there. Finally, intermittently, I tuned in to others who were reading poems, or passages filled with inspiration and love. Then, a pause, I raised my voice and began reciting my own offering, one I had written recounting some of my darkest moments, and how, in them, I had learned the art of allowing. Ironic. Yet there is no irony, no coincidence. Again and again I have to practice defocusing on my ego, my thinking self, in order to focus into that part of me within that knows we are all one. It doesn’t feel good to judge others, simply because ‘not feeling good’ about anything is my cue that the larger part of me simply doesn’t agree with the opinion I hold. That larger part of me is love, yet I had felt no love, I held myself from it and felt self loathing in my judgment of others. “I’m a horrible person” I thought. Still no feeling of peace, the source within me did not – would not - agree. This has sat with me all week. The internal retribution has dissipated, new awareness has dawned. I’m not a horrible person after all, just someone who has obviously gotten into a habit of quickly judging and categorizing people I see often, yet never really talk to. Well, okay then, that is not a habit that is serving me well. With new awareness, begins change. Now I can see it more clearly, the handful of memories I have of walking through the school grounds to collect my kids with a smile in my heart and a greeting for everyone. Then there’s the few examples at the other end of the scale when I arrive, a torrent of anxiety, the kids driving me crazy with their seemingly schizophrenic requests and behaviour. Everything else is in between, some sort of survival. Arriving, just pleased to be there, pleased we all held it together. At pick up, just relieved to make it into the car, seat belts on, before any major meltdowns or outbursts as the kids decompress from their day. Suddenly it hits me. I am them and they are me, these parents. This should seem obvious, especially to one who believes we are all part of one energy, one source, coming into and out of form, but it had been lost on me until that moment. “Aw naw!” I thought in my distinctly Scottish accent, “I’ve become a spiritual snob”. Now I recognise that I obviously had this idea in my mind, that people who recognise themselves as spiritual should always be open and friendly. Certainly that is my goal, it’s the goal really, an open heart allows our true nature, love, to flow through. Yet of course these other woman are just like me, sometimes they are open hearted, sometimes not, stuck in our survival of life mode. Ever evolving change and awareness, teaching us all to soar. It just takes practice, this tuning in to our inner voice and allowing our heart to open. And so, again, no coincidence, Jonathan Livingston Seagull lands on my lap this week. For those who have not yet become acquainted with Jonathan, he is not in fact a live sea bird who is about to poop on my lap. Jonathan is the lead character in a short novella written by Richard Bach and first published in 1970. The truly amazing success of this book is not in the millions and millions of copies it has sold over the years, nor that it became a film with an award winning soundtrack, nor its appearance in the Brady Bunch or reference in The Simpsons, pointing to its iconic status. To me, its success is something different entirely. In a world where only a few it seems are awakened to their spiritual essence, Jonathan Livingston Seagull is a phenomenal testament to the inner knowing of people that may not have consciously recognized their own nature, but know it none the less. As Richard Bach says, it’s a story for those who follow their hearts. It was also just what I needed. A reminder that excellence requires practice, and it’s in the pursuit of that excellence, those moments of success that are so fleeting to begin, you find true joy. Judging someone for not being open hearted is hilarious, at least I can now laugh at the ironic, moronic ego part of me that was blind in that moment to its own hypocrisy. I promise, I know that I not as open hearted as I’d like to be most of the time. I’m aware of it and I’m in pursuit of it, as my highest goal. So with that, I forgive myself for being such a moron, it’s just part of the ride. Oh to see ourselves as others see us! I’m thankful for the light it has shed on my journey. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  The bell was ringing, children rushing past. Somewhere in my mind I could vaguely hear the mumbling comments and questions “why is she lying on the floor?” but I did not care. Instead I was caught in a world of fear, strong waves of pain gripping me and passing through, my back aching, my head throbbing, feeling sick to my stomach.
Like a river parting and swelling around a rock in its way, the children moved on into their classroom. These children were my classmates. I was twelve years old and this was my welcome to womanhood. I knew what the menstrual cycle was but I had no conscious expectation of pain. Instead, in a consciousness beyond my comprehension, I had somehow bought into resistance that was playing itself out in my experience. But that pain became my expectation, and so it was my experience month after month. I did not understand the process of creation, procreation yes, but not the process through which we allow the essence of our life to flow. And so it is for most of us, much of our time spent in resistance than allowing. Twenty six years on, four pregnancies lost, I had known the experience of labouring, or so I thought. The evil Misoprosal dispensed to induce the empty sack to leave its dwelling. Crawling on the cold stone floor of a hospital toilet, racked with the waves of pain that inevitably passed through. Metal bowl in hand to ensure a full evacuation. I had heard the impossible advice “Just forget about it and it will happen” and I had felt the anger that invoked. Those false prophets that delivered that advice knew not what they spoke. It is not the way of the world, it is not the way these people are living their life, it was not their truth - yet… yet it is the truth – but it came across as hypocritical. Having finally given up on the usual process of procreation, the inevitable happened and pregnancy number five led to my first experience of labouring a baby. I was 38. It was a Thursday evening, a wave of pain pulling me back from slumber. By late Saturday evening, after hours of not being able to pull enough air from the mask, lost in a sea of pain, with little progress being made, enough was enough. “Take me to the hospital, I want an epidural”. But on a Saturday evening ambulances are in hot demand. Three hours later when the ambulance finally arrived I was a screaming, delirious mess. Every speed bump that ambulance crossed over on the 30 minute ride to the hospital caused me to scream out words I cannot remember. I only remember the look of fear on the ambulance man’s face as I grabbed a hold of his arm while they carried me on a stretcher. At 11am on the Sunday morning, after hours of trying to synchronize pushes with the contractions that I no longer felt, my first beautiful baby was born by ventouse (with forceps) chord wrapped around her neck, yet as perfect and as healthy as any baby could be. Not wishing to repeat the experience, yet not feeling the family was quite complete, I was soon pregnant again. This time I insisted on locating myself at the hospital when it was time to birth, having no wish to repeat that ambulance ride. Valiantly I agreed to try again to birth naturally. When the time came, my midwife was out of town. Another came to visit midmorning and told me I was still in early labour. Out for a walk around the neighbourhood later that afternoon, with me stopping to breathe through contractions every couple of steps, my partner and I argued. Arriving back at the house, I was distraught, angry and lost in pain as I worked through my contractions alone. Finally at 5 o’clock, I told the midwide that – early labour or not – I was losing the plot and needed help. Before the midwife arrived, my mother-in-law popped in on her way home from work. Grey faced, she looked at me and said “you are not in early labour”. No sooner had she said that, the midwife appeared. I did not know it then, but looking back it is here I began a turning point – not only in my experience of labouring, but in my experience of life. I had thought I understood how to focus and feel into the experience, I had been practicing yoga for a number of years by then. But she took a firm hold of my hips and she taught me how to rotate them in flow with the contraction. She talked me sternly through my breathing. In those moments she taught me how to tune in and truly go with the flow of what was happening rather than to resist it and coil against the pain in fear. Then she told me that the hospital was no longer an option, but to – half jokingly - cross my legs until we got to the maternity unit which was closer (but did not offer epidurals). She explained my labour was too advanced to dispense an epidural anyway. With both me and an abundance of towels bundled into the car, in case of a roadside delivery, we headed to the maternity unit. That began the last 4 hours of the labour. That four hours were the first in my life that I can remember truly feeling into, and going with the flow; I had no concept of what that even meant until then. There’s a sense of energy building almost unbearably, the urge to take some kind of action is just about overwhelming, yet you are observing all this inwardly and allowing the contraction to wash through, readying baby for its departure from that cosy place. Hours had passed and the midwife started getting me to push as the contractions got stronger. I didn’t want to. After getting into that place of allowing, it didn’t quite feel right. After a number of attempts at delivery, baby was trying to exit ‘superman style’ with one hand up, I heard her say to the other nurse “call for an ambulance”. Inside my bubble of inward awareness this cut through, suddenly my body convulsed and our second beautifully healthy daughter was born. My first thought was on the irony of finally learning what the ‘urge to push’ feels like when I would never have to push again. How easily I could have fought my way through two labours and never have learned the art of allowing, of going with the flow of life. In this era of human history, it’s so easy to ‘dose up’ to numb the pain. It’s so easy to take action when none is required. Instead of having faith that my life would unfold exactly as I wanted it to, and tuning into my impulses and inspired thoughts, I had become accustomed to interpreting “if it’s going to be, it’s up to me” as my call to action to figure out just what needed to be done. I had treated physical symptoms in physical ways, rather than recognizing I am an ‘inside out’ being, and physical manifestations are the final step in the process of creation. Yes the physical symptoms, and the patterns that sit alongside them, lured me into thinking the root cause was on a more superficial level than it really is. Now I realise everything is born from where I direct my energy. I can choose whether to direct my energy in resistance to what I am observing, or to focus my energy in appreciation of my life and all that I am eagerly anticipating. Instead of looking for ways to fix things, to make my dreams happen and to try to needlessly control circumstances and other people in a bid to make myself happy, I have recognised the universal truth in that well meaning advice to “forget about it and it will happen”, and applied it to my every day dreams. Having faith that the universe has your back is an art I am reclaiming. To those like my very pregnant friend (whose Blessing Way gave me an opportunity to remember this lesson) who practice it every day, I say thank you. To those of you who feel some resonance with what I have written, I say, relax and let your dreams unfold. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. To be the first to receive these posts, you can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  Let us see you, in your raw and bedraggled form. Please don’t wait for perfection, it will never come. Please don’t seek external validation, it may come but it will never be enough. Only you can be enough. Only you. Revel in your victory, whether it’s putting pen to paper, brush to canvass, fingers to chords, a spade in the ground or a key in the engine, let whatever is inside come out.
Fast forward people, play out the life that got stuck in fear: fear of your own capabilities, fear of others’ opinions or fear of consequences. What does that life look like? What does it feel like? Does it feel better when you have ideas bubbling in your head that want to be expressed, to think that you are being too bold in expressing them or does it feel better to believe you are a vessel, a conduit, for the creative expression of life itself? Does it feel better to dwell on your lack of confidence in your skills or does it feel better to have faith that the ideas have come to you because you have exactly the right skills and experience to express them? The more pain you are feeling, the more desire you actually have to express. Think of your creative expression like a fast flowing river of your own wellbeing. If you create a dam in the form of a myriad of excuses, you will feel the torrent building and rising, you will feel the pain. Let the dam go and go with the flow of your life. For years I felt a dam building without knowing what it was that even wanted to flow, if you are there, stalking like a tiger in a cage, perhaps read things like What Anger Can Teach You About Your Gifts. My gifts were so obvious I missed them completely, it’s often the way. Recently I have heard from some who are emerging into adulthood who really got what I was meaning when I said you are not as important to your parents as you (or they) think you are. Yet they are feeling a lack of confidence when it comes to pursuing their own dreams. While I’ve expanded on this further in other articles, what is really bursting to be said here is – who are you not to pursue your dreams? I think of people as tap turned off (stuck in their heads, the result is they feel cut off from their own wellbeing, feeling anything and everything from loneliness and worry to despair and hopelessness); or tap turned on (connected to their own wellbeing, feeling anything and everything from hope and encouragement to passion and joy). At any point in time, only a few have their tap turned on it seems. To those who are suffering, who want to move but are stuck in a state of paralysis, know that it is okay. You are never going to be done, that energy is always going to want to burst forth from you and, like any river, will find its way eventually. If you could take a far more objective view of your life, you would know how small some of your fears really are and you would know what a powerful creator you are. You are not alone in this, every day, in some way, I have the same inner struggles. You too would have more confidence in me than I have in myself when my tap is turned off. But right now in this flow, I need no convincing of what it is that wants to be expressed, it’s life and more life, and it feels good. So take a step, whatever feels best, even if it’s just starting by observing, watching, becoming aware of how you feel about this and that. It will have much to teach you. And when you have observed enough, when you are convinced enough of your own expression of life that waits, let the tap flow just a little, see how it feels. Don’t look down, you will not be best served by watching the crowd’s reaction to your daring exploits, look within. Do more of what feels good, and do it again. Keep doing it until that tap is turned on and the river is flowing a decent chunk of the time. Then you will look back and wonder at why you did not begin sooner. But know that it all okay, it’s all perfect timing, you can only get it right. Life is in so many stages simultaneously, inspiration is needed in so many varieties at so many different levels all at the same time. Something that would have inspired you in this moment, may not in the next, so you cannot second guess who you will inspire, the only thing you can guarantee is that – in letting what is inside flow – you will inspire yourself. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. You can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  Yes, some positions hold power, but there is no power like the power within you.
At any time, you can feel connected to your inner power. You feel it best when you are inspired; your inner voice is saying “go you!” But when you are feeling stressed, fearful or any shade of grey that inner voice is saying “your focus right now is not serving you”. When you look at the most influential people in our history, you see an eclectic mix of humans, most who were not in any position of power. From authors to scientists, prophets to playwrites, business people to politicians, the only thing they had in common was their belief in themselves. That goes one of two ways – depending on which version of yourself you buy into. There’s the you that was born into this life, full of self worth, full of love, full of talents, traits and intentions. This version of you knows it’s connected to everything, and that when you are in tune with that, anything is possible. Associated with this version of you are feelings of joy, happiness, love, natural power. When you are tuned into this self, your inner self, you are loving and giving. Then there’s the version of you that emerged as a product of the (often well-meaning) expectations and experiences you had growing up, reinforced trillions upon trillions of times through your subconscious mind and subsequent experiences. This is the mind-created version of you, often called ego. Associated with this version is stress, lack and feelings of powerlessness. When you are focused here you are more likely to want to take than give, to control than to allow and to feel some shade of grey. Understand most of the people on this planet, most of the time, only recognise this self-created version of themselves. They feel powerless and they are more likely to look for that power in all the wrong places – outside of themselves, usually by trying to take it from others. That is not you, not now that you are becoming aware that your own power lies within. That said, we have nothing to offer anyone except inspiration. To do that you must first find your own, that is where your power lies. But you have years of momentum going in the grey version of you. You have likely worked very hard to make that grey look like shining silver to the outside world. You are heavily invested in that shiny image you worked so hard to create; it won’t give itself up easily even if you feel the value of what you have read here. I got asked this week, “How can I change? Even when I want to say no to people, I find myself saying yes”. This is common, the self-created version of you likes its shiny image. The answer is simple, you start to focus on things you want to say ‘yes’ to. Recently when my partner started his own business, it brought up a lot of old stuff for me. Momentarily I got swallowed up in fear of endless hours of bookkeeping. I withdrew myself completely, lost in an angry swirl of indignance “how can I have come so far on my own journey only to be led here?” Then my mother-in-law said, gently, “you don’t have to do bookkeeping, but you could help in other ways”. Still on my inner tirade my first thought was “I am helping! I’ve been doing x,y and z”. Once I let the air out of that balloon, I realised there were many things I would happily do, things that are more ‘me’. The real me, the one that takes genuine pleasure in the task, not the one that is doing a task because of its egotistical payoff. So the way to start saying no to what you don’t want, is to start saying yes to what you do want. Be easy about it, it takes time, just set a new intention. Start by creating awareness. The more you start to observe that self-created version of you in action, the more you start to become aware of your thoughts, the more frustration you are likely to feel – at first. That is normal, but it’s infinitely better than despair or depression because it’s more motivated. Direct that energy towards things you love doing, and look for more of the same. Tune out. Meditate. Meditation is not hard, it’s not weird, it just means consciously practicing – every day - letting go of your thoughts. It means that for 15 minutes each day you do nothing except become aware of your thoughts and let them go, over and over. You become aware of the ‘you’ that life created. You become aware of the thoughts that are not serving you. In the process, you start to tune into something else, the things that inspire. You start to tune into to the inner you. The one that has always existed, that always will, that is connected to everything. Spend time in nature, it soothes, it helps you reconnect. In the face of the world’s atrocities, the sky is still above our heads, the ground beneath our feet, and all around us is beauty when we choose to see it. I have no idea what specific power you hold inside you, that is for you to uncover. What I do know, is that the power inside you is greater than any power outside you. You have the power to change not only your life, but the lives of people all around you through the inspiration of your example. We want you to find your own inspiration, your own gifts, your own power, because that is the you who will be happiest and contribute the most to this world. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. You can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  I have a vision of a different world than the one we live in.
Trump as President is not relevant in my world, it’s already history. The same would have been said if Clinton had won. I see a world evolving beyond the need to control others in order to feel powerful. True power lies within. Don’t get me wrong, I get angry sometimes. It just doesn’t last for long. Take a helicopter ride high enough to see the broader perspective. Sure, sometimes that helicopter might have to leave our atmosphere... But when you can stand back far enough, we are doing okay. We are headed in the right direction, humanity. Sometimes two steps forward, one back. Don’t be distracted by the backward step, instead revel in the one that has moved forward. Revel in imperfection, it has much to teach. Today is yesterday’s dream, or nightmare. The same will be said of tomorrow, it’s your choice. Namaste  The only thing your response to the title of the article tells you is how you are feeling right now. If you are in a good space, you will likely agree that this is indeed a wonderful world - certainly much of the time. But we all acknowledge it's not always wonderful and that there are always atrocities going on, even when we feel good.
That said, what possible purpose does it serve any of us to focus on the bad stuff? Unless of course you are able to provide direct help or your own circumstances are so much worse that it’s helping to sooth you into a better place. I listened to a man recently as he struggled to do just this, he could not let go of the terrible things that had happened in the world, and still happen, all around us. He was stuck on what a cruel world this is. Sure, it can be cruel. But what use are you if you can’t see a better place? When I felt inspired to write a short piece about the American presidential race recently, not my usual kind of focus, my only position was that neither person would lead America in an evolved way. Yet I also have this deep sense of – in the bigger scheme of things – we are doing alright us humans, the trajectory is headed in the right direction. Despite the many ego maniacs in leadership positions of one kind or another world wide, using the name of this or that to justify their thinly veiled ghastly behaviour in order to satisfy the part of themselves that feels the need to fill up with power, we have still achieved a lot in recent decades. When I was born nearly 45 years ago, it was into a very different world than this one. One that was, overall, more conditional than the one today. Freedom is the basis of life, and I see examples all around me of people being able to freely express themselves in ways that just would not have been allowed or accepted a few decades ago. Every action and reaction we have is based on our feeling of freedom. If you feel free to express the real you, you are likely to concur that this is indeed a wonderful life. If you are feeling oppressed in some way then you are likely not in a great space, whether mentally, emotionally or physically. The need for freedom is so strong it manifests in many ways, from the ugly to the inspiring. If you can’t get inspired in the details that are within your grasp, defocus. You are still here, the world is still turning, and the sun still comes up over the horizon every day. The magnificence of nature is breathtaking. Each and every minute your heart beats without you even having to think about it, the trillions of cells of your body go about their ongoing task of keeping you in the life you have accustomed them to, each and every day. Wherever you are, if you can look up at the sky, just take it in. In the daytime our focus is here on our planet, the beauty of a piercing blue sky, the awesome force of the winds, the clouds and the rain. At night the endless space you see before you filled with trillions upon trillions of planets, suns, universes, black holes, cosmos’ is quite incomprehensible; the gloriousness of Mother Nature abounds. Something is going right. I glimpsed a documentary recently about homelessness, and there was a kind of village of temporary houses that had been set up. The ‘camp’ had many families living in it and the focus was on ‘hand up’ rather than hand out. While I don’t recall all the details, I do recall the face of a man who was being asked what kept him going. I vividly remember the smile that broke out across his face as he said “the children”. He was remarking on the resilience of children, their play, regardless of the circumstances. Everywhere you are there is beauty of some kind to focus upon, even if it is only the beauty within. Do not deny your inner beauty, it is there. It may be obscured by many layers of expectations and opinions that the world placed upon you growing up, but one look at a new born will tell you it’s there in everyone. It can be obscured, but never extinguished. A young woman told me she had overcome 7 years of serious depression through meditation alone. It did not surprise me as I know the power of doing nothing for 15 minutes each day consistently. I also know depression is caused when we literally press down our true nature. By meditating she was allowing herself to start observing all the thoughts she was having and she couldn’t but help start to live in a more authentic way, thus feeling happier in herself. Another man quoted Carl Jung to me today “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious”, precisely. Many of us never allow our innermost feelings and thoughts to ever surface. If you are feeling any shade of grey, how about turning into it rather than stuffing it down? Stuffing down your worst fears and thoughts just doesn’t work; they find their way out eventually – whether through self sabotaging behaviour, poor health or seeming ‘accidents’. The inner you will not be repressed, it will keep trying to ‘talk’ to you until it’s so loud you just can’t ignore it. Equally, when you hear inspiring stories or quotes, or see something amazing, your heart sings. That, to me, is what makes this such a wonderful world. Nature will always find a way. Your true nature, the beauty you were born with, is still there and trying to talk to you all the time, how much are you listening? Imagine a world with even 10% of people following their passion, knowing their true nature? When you tune in to who you really are, you will see just what a wonderful world this is. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. You can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  Let’s get some stuff out the way upfront. I’m not saying they don’t love you. I’m not saying you are not important to them. Although there are some people who feel that way (children of parents who don’t love themselves). What I am talking about is the compromises and sacrifice people make to their own happiness in order to try to please others.
To be fair, I could have just put ‘people’ in the title instead of ‘parents’, but I see kids getting caught up in this often, especially younger people emerging into adulthood. You can shave years of unhappiness off your life if you really understand what I’m about to share. Let’s start by looking at the two versions of ‘you’. Everyone on the planet comes in the same way, we have talents, traits and perhaps intentions. We also know our worth. There is no question when you look at a newborn whether they know how worthy they are, you feel immediately that this child expects the world to meet its every need – now! So that is the unadulterated version of you. It’s the version you can feel into when things in your life are humming, you have clarity, you feel a sense of ease mixed with a surge of energy, and anything seems possible. For some those moments are completely foreign, but we have all had them, however fleeting. There are also ways you can learn to tap into them more often, meditation being the most effective if it’s practiced regularly. Then there is that other version, the only one that many of us actually recognise. The one that emerged as you grew, out of the expectations and (usually) well meaning your family, community and society placed upon you. It takes us about three 7-year cycles of learning to think as an ‘adult’ does – the first cycle is spent on simply trying to get your little body to function in this physical space, the next is invested largely in your emotional development, then in your teens your rational thinking mind starts to develop. This is simply to give context to the fact that we (as adults) often talk to our youngsters, and place expectations upon them, that they simply cannot meet. Forcing them to retards their development. In the very earliest years of their life, children are learning through imitation and experience. Those experiences are not interpreted in the same way we would interpret them in our rational minds. Instead, an example I often give, is a child who repeatedly witnesses their parents fight over money – depending on the child’s natural traits and the other experiences it is having, it may interpret that in many ways, from “relationships are bad” to “money is bad” and others in between. That is a tape that gets stored in the subconscious mind, attracting further experiences throughout life to reinforce it. Okay, so that is the basics. There are two versions of you, one is clear minded with talents, traits and intentions for your life, the other is created through experiences and runs the default subconscious tapes in your mind 90% of your day… until you become aware of it. Once you become aware that only perception is reality, and that your perceptions have been based on what everyone else wanted for and of you, you have the beginnings of an awareness that can empower you to move your life in a different direction. Back to the topic at hand then. Let’s say you are an aware parent, great, you will likely start to look at the whole process of child rearing through very different lenses. Recognizing that this little person you have brought into the world, or are responsible for bringing up in this world, is closer to their natural sense of who they are than you are to yours. And here is the point of all that. When you are in tune with who you really are, you feel good. When you feel good, you attract more of the same. It’s not that nothing bad ever happens, it’s that you see it through new lenses, with a broader perspective. You take note and thank the runny nose for its very real alert that you are doing too much right now. You take note when you have a near miss on the road, as I did this morning; it’s awake up call to something in your life. In short, you seek ways to feel good more often, it becomes a priority. You start to see ‘bad’ things in your life as welcome, they point to “wrong way” in your life’s intentions in very obvious ways when you learn to read the signs. It gives you clarity, and allows you to open up to the natural coincidences and synchronicities that are always unfolding towards your highest good. Our children have much to teach us, if only we could get out of their way. I can assure you if my own kids were capable of lending an aspect to this article they’d say “yes, when are you going to get out of our way mum?” All I can say is that I am practicing. I know that the minute I offer any resistance to their natural flow of wellbeing only bad things happen. You will notice that it’s our own fears that introduce the possibilities of negative outcomes into their sensory experience. Left to their own devices, in their natural flow of wellbeing, they could cross a 5-lane freeway unharmed – but what rational thinking parent with all our fears would? Our minds are a blessing and a curse. They are a blessing because they are our creative clay, it’s our thoughts and intentions that create our reality and you just need to be more conscious about it. So, for those of you who have stuck with me to this point, here is the point. Parents are people too. We have, as a society, been largely operating in a very unconscious way when it comes to all this ‘crux of life’ stuff. If you have parents who feel very conditional in their love for you, it’s what is considered normal. But I’m here to say it’s not natural to our wellbeing, and it’s not only unnecessary, it’s harmful. No person who has ever lived, nor ever will, will ever be truly happy if they rest that firmly on the shoulders of another. You cannot control another person or circumstance enough to ever find true happiness. Children you can never be ‘good’ enough to make your parents happy, you can never alter the conditions of your life enough in order to please them into their own bliss, it is not possible, stop trying. The irony is that most parents reading this would agree that all they want, in the end, is for their children to be happy. Immediately on the back of this will flow 4,086 opinions about what is necessary for that to be achieved. Of course, parents do know you well, but they are not you. They cannot save you from having your own experiences. Sure, we would like to wrap you up in cotton wool and keep you from all the bad stuff, but what would be the point? Seriously. Without a depth of experience in the darkest emotions, what depth can be found in joy? The only thing any of us have to offer another is inspiration. And the only way to inspire, is to reach consistently for the good feelings that flow within us if we let them. Last week I heard the most poignant statement I’ve ever heard “when you are free from your reaction to things you cannot control, you are truly free” (Abraham Hicks). Parents take heed, you cannot control how your child feels about anything, and none of us have that power to assert in another’s life. In fact, the only thing you can control is how you feel right now, in this present moment. Let’s stand back from the details of our children’s lives, and – as children – let’s not worry so much about pleasing your parents as pleasing yourself. It’s time for us all to be less worried about others and on the fruitless effort of controlling circumstances and conditions, and focus more on finding our own wellbeing in this moment and the next. This is where our best future lies. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. You can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  The other day someone commented “Trump for President” and I vaguely wondered if that was the result, was the hoo-ha finally over. So I Googled presidential elections to see that, no, the ‘big’ day isn’t until the 8 November.
My first thought had been (groan) “surely not”, then I realised that neither choice is exactly an indication of anything evolved. Clinton is perhaps more refined in many ways, but what Donald Trump is to the mighty dollar, she is to the political arena, both fought and have thrived in their arena many times – but ultimately its an arena for game playing. Game playing is not for those who want authenticity, it’s not for those who want to understand the world through the eyes of another and it’s not for those who want to truly be part of a world more evolved than this one today. Those who know me understand I withdrew attention to most public media many years ago. The details of life that get focused upon and promoted are nothing short of depressing in most cases, so it has never much interested me. So my perspective does not come from the day to day details of the race, it comes from a broader perspective of character and evolution. Being a 1980’s teen, I remember the American dream through the eyes of European media. Everything seemed so much bigger in America, certainly that was true of the money machine, yet their media used to feed a very singular view. True of the vast majority of media. I know a ‘has been’, it is one of the reasons I left the UK. It’s a country I would describe as stuck in its past. That doesn’t mean of course that each individual is stuck in the past, but there’s a kind of collective consciousness that hails from the days of the power of an Empire, that pervades and creates a culture of entitlement. It’s creates heavy energy that makes day to day life feel like swimming in treacle. And this is how many have come to view America, a power in demise. A society that has been cosseted for so many years by its own publicity machine that it fails to even see other perspectives. The brewhaha about threats from Russia, Iran and then war against ‘terror’ perpetuating perceptions and hatred. Yet what did we see each time the mighty machine prevailed? We saw the ‘threat’ was not as imagined at all, we have seen societies and structures in decline, we have seen individual egos of all ‘sides’ creating a perception that did not match reality. Yes there have been atrocities over the years, on all sides, but what did tit for tat ever achieve? Those of us who are parents know from simply watching our children that no good ever comes from retaliation, it just escalates a situation. We know that from our own personal relationships and fights we have. The lure of revenge is powerful but ultimately fruitless, there are no winners. We are a society that is evolving at a rate faster than ever before. The younger generations see through different lenses as they always did, but these lenses are changing focus at a rate faster than ever. Partially it’s driven by the internet, but mostly it’s driven energetically. Energy is something I’ve come to understand more over the years, but I think it first felt most palpable to me when I saw the extension of the Berlin wall in my early teens, and then visiting the German underground hospital in Jersey, built from forced labour during its occupation, and then, later, standing on the beaches in Normandy, France. As palpable and negative as that energy is, it creates a stronger, opposite desire for a different world. There are those being born into areas of the world now that are war torn, or suffering from greater degrees of oppression than many could imagine, who repel against that energy they feel and – instead of seeking revenge – they are seeking a better world. This is a world sick of itself; there is stronger and stronger desire to create something different. So, for my 2 cents, whether it’s Clinton or Trump is irrelevant, neither represent an evolved world, both represent a step, hopefully the crescendo, in nature’s death dance. Neither can truly lead when there are fewer following. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. You can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  I subscribe to the power of the present moment, that there is in fact only this moment in which you have any control, right now. Resisting the present moment causes you to feel bad, embracing it allows good feelings to flow. Yes I subscribe to it, but I still struggle to consistently breathe it into my life.
This week I am adjusting how I feel about being a school mum, let’s say it’s not exactly what I picture for my life. I say adjusting because my initial reactions were of resistance. Resistance is futile of course. In this present moment I cannot change the entire system of school holidays, I have no control over the teacher to whom I pass over my child to each day and I cannot change, right in this instant, the needs and expectations the school has of parents. Yes, I know I have choices about educating my child, I have chosen the path of least resistance, the path which best fits our wish list; though it is not a perfect fit. Would I want it to be? It makes sense to me that we chose this life for its challenges, they are what point us in the direction of what we truly want. Let’s face it, would good feel so good if we didn’t experience anything unwanted? But let’s get this in balance. Those who live, say, a 30/70 balance between noticing the unwanted things in their life and embracing the present moment, we would consider masters at this. Most of us are far from mastership and tip the opposite balance. I am not talking about accepting things in your life that are unwanted, I am talking about the futility of resisting what is already there in your experience. For me to stand and resist the present consequences of past decisions is dumb. From that point I can’t create a different future, I will only perpetuate more of the same. This is subtle but important. For me to chunter about the additional 12 weeks a year (yes that is how many weeks of school holidays there are) that I will be looking after my kids will fill some with horror, but there it is. That has, in the world of homecare and then kindergarten, been 12 weeks of the year where previously I have had some time to myself. It is a small amount of time in which I have solitude, when I go inward and seek out the creative expression of who I am and write it upon these pages. It is the sustenance that bore the fruits of children. Understand the distinction; my children are the fruits of my life, not the sustenance. They, and all that they bring to my life, are also the greatest teachers. It is one thing to figure out who you really are and why you are here, it is another to live that in an integrated way. The challenges of being a school parent, the expectations of participation and support that go far beyond the school gate, are opportunities for me to practice all I have learned in a very condensed way. Once I understand something, I just want it to work, but I also have to let go of a lifetime of habits. So I can choose to see these circumstances as a bind, or I can choose to take a broader perspective. I can choose to focus on the things that I interpret as unwanted in my life (less time to myself and controlling people), or I can choose to focus on the very best aspects of that situation and those people, together with the many, many welcome features of my life. Every challenge I have faced in the past has deepened my understanding of myself and the world in which we live. Every challenge has propelled me forwards, to a life far beyond what I imagined. This is the moment of saying, enough, there is too much momentum in these thoughts I have about this situation, it is not serving me and it never will, time to change. Of course a car travelling at 100kms going in one direction cannot suddenly do a U-turn and head in the other, first I have to sooth the thoughts. I am not going to go from feeling suffocated by a circumstance to suddenly feeling empowered. There is a process in the middle of slowing the momentum and starting to seed another direction. Having my children stay home means there is no starter pistol that goes off in the morning, it’s a far more relaxed start to the day. As any school mum knows, getting your kids there on time is a major feat - if they also happen to be dressed, have lunch and all other expected accoutrements, well that is icing on the cake. It means we all get an opportunity to go with the flow, something rare these days with ‘to do’ lists abounding, probably get out more in nature, which I love. I also get to see the best of my kids more often, instead of the spent, tired, ones I usually pick up. Yes, there are certainly opportunities in the time we shall spend together. I am not so blind as to miss that my children will be grown in the blink of an eye. The implied vision of a more solitary life elicited by bemoaning present circumstances most certainly falls into the category of “be careful for you wish for”. The inner expression of me will find its way, it always has. Can you read how much more soothing these words are? If you apply this principle to your own less than ideal circumstances, you can change their momentum. Remember, if we knew all the answers, we would be done. Life is to be lived now, with all of its challenges. Only you can choose whether to allow those to keep you stuck or to propel you forwards to your best life. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. You can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You. With thanks always to those teachings that always provide a path to clarity when I am feeling stuck in the mist, my personal favourites are Abraham Hicks and Eckhart Tolle.  “How could she” my head raged, I could feel tears stinging in my eyes. Blown off completely and the journey hadn’t even gotten underway. “It’s not good enough” I murmured to myself walking past the parked cars. My head was spinning, had that conversation even taken place?
As I got in the car, the anger welled up inside me. Driving home an email was already being scripted in my head, tears flowing alternately with more words of anger. By some grace, somewhere inside I knew I had catapulted out of the present moment and into a vortex of destruction. But the pull to write the email was too strong. I knew it should wait, but I started typing. Each word crafted to convey the indignance I was feeling. In the moment of feeling powerless, this felt better, I was taking back power and climbing the emotional scale at least. Then, the voice inside cut through, the recipient’s name got deleted. No use sending it right now anyway, she wouldn’t pick it up for hours. I would only stew, no doubt regretting things I had missed or wanted to say differently. Resolved to send it later, I saved it as a draft. Finally, I put the DVD in the player and began my weekly yoga session. With Kim Eng lulling me into the present moment, the pull of the anger began to dissipate. By the end of the first posture I felt more clarity. “Of course she is pushing me away”, I thought, “She must also be overwhelmed; almost 30 new children to look after and they are all out in the bush each day.” The bush, the fresh air making them tired. Then I see it more clearly; it’s not the bush. Immediately a whole other draft starts to form in my mind, giving context to the anxieties playing out at home for these young children. Tuckman’s model of group development came to mind: forming, storming, norming, performing. My daughter’s words ring in my head “Everyone is bossing me”, classic storming. A helpful guide for anxious parents like me. Would it be helpful? I wondered, or am I teaching them to suck eggs? Then back to the present moment, breathing, more yoga postures. Only recently I realised what a gift I had for words, and a gift for weaving together the threads often unseen all around. When a question arises, I withdraw inwards, find my inner peace and the answer often emerges. More yoga postures follow, an anticipation starting to build about the writing that is about to flow. Soon afterwards, the ‘helpful’ guide for parents is dispatched and the original draft email deleted. A win, I feel elated. Anger still comes, it even had a lot of momentum this time, yet I rode the wave and tore myself away. Yet if I’m honest, my ‘helpful’ guide still had conditions attached, I still wanted an outcome from it, albeit a softer one. I was seeking validation and input. The email I got in reply was one of outward gratitude, yet reflected my own underlying energy, not quite firing on all cylinders. Then it struck me that the things that rile me the most arise out of the expectations I put on people. Expectations that are born out of things that seem natural to me, like good communication, giving people context and taking them on a journey. Our gifts are often so obvious we miss them. A discussion with the principal of my daughter’s school recently had left me feeling out of sorts. When I pointed out a lot of parental anxiety could be avoided just by tweaking the language that was being used about a particular topic, I felt quite patronized when she enthusiastically remarked how good my suggested phrase sounded as an alternative. But I quickly came to realise, through the conversations that have taken place since, she was not patronizing me at all; the alternative phrase hadn’t ever crossed their mind. So a helpful parental handout was born; that one unconditional, I had no attachment to an outcome and was seeking nothing in return. Then as I wrote this article, and the words started to flow, I finally came into full alignment with myself; mind, heart and spirit all flowing together. Afterwards I wrote a follow up email to the response I got, this time from an unconditional place. Next time (for I am sure there will be one) I shall wait longer, until I know I am firing on all cylinders, to press send. There is still a voice in me that says “Who do you think you are?” but I now also hear another voice, one that knows who I am. I like the version of me who can give from an unconditional place much better, that version inspires and uplifts. If you can become aware of the things that make you angry, over time that awareness will drive you to new, more healthy and productive behaviours. More than that, it will give you a gift; it will teach you more about who you are, your natural talents revealed. I have to write now, or to speak the things I sense so strongly. The need is as strong as the need to breathe. When I can’t express myself from a point of alignment, I feel suffocated. Perhaps in a moment of anger you will ask what it is teaching you about who you really are. You were born with talents and traits that are so uniquely you, can you imagine what your world would be like if you were fully expressing them? Use your anger to point you to your gifts, the momentum of your life will change as your reason for being begins to emerge. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. You can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  I heard a story recently about a teacher who got her students to bring in potatoes. The task was to etch on each the name of the person or people who had wronged them and the hurt it had caused. Each student was then asked to put all their potatoes in a sack and carry it around for a week, it could sit beside them when they were eating or sleeping, but they had to carry it everywhere it went.
This was simply an exercise in demonstrating the sheer burden of carrying all those negative emotions. The act of forgiveness does not mean you condone the actions that took place; it is an act of kindness towards yourself, an act of self love. Of course, many of us move beyond blaming others into the realm of blaming ourselves. Knowing we attract and create all our own experiences, who else can we blame? Blame is a fruitless emotion. There are only experiences to learn from, and you can only learn from experience, so let’s embrace the learning. Lately I have been thinking a lot about some of the younger people in my life who are beginning to grow up. In human development terms, as we enter our twenties, we begin to see the bigger picture of our lives a lot more clearly. Before this we are progressively climbing the mountain, seeing a little further with each year. Parents often wonder when they should stop parenting, it is then. In their early twenties your child has undergone their physical, emotional and intellectual development, each phase allowing them to climb the mountain a little further, to see more of life than purely their own needs. At this stage, they are atop the mountain. However, all along that journey, they can always feel within. So as ‘grown ups’ it is our job to help our children recognise and embrace their inner voice, their inner knowing. Teach them how to fish and they will never go hungry, teach them to tune in to themselves and they will never falter. Yet this is not the experience most of us have had. The default upbringing is to be treated as an empty vessel who must listen to those who know better. Parents, teachers, coaches, leaders, all fallible human beings with their own huge sack of potatoes that they are carrying like a ten ton weight. Well, let’s recognise that, and forgive ourselves. There is no lesson here for our younger generations, other than our example. Thinking about the younger people in my own life, there are a range of circumstances that they have had to deal with, some wonderful experiences and some outright horrific ones. This is called life, it’s the contrast that allows us to choose our preferences. My own less-than-perfect etch on the fabric of time has led me to a place of simply accepting the misdeeds of others as actions from a place of pain or disempowerment. I’ve come to realise that the one desire we all have is to feel happy, and any act is in response to that desire and the empowerment we feel. I see it when my kids come home from school, if one of them has had a hard time; they take it out on the other. That doesn’t make their action right, but knowing that anger feels better being ignored, at least they are moving in the right direction on the emotional scale. Those who are repeatedly exposed to repugnant experiences as children, who are powerless, are the ones who have the more marked responses later in life. But for most of us, we still carry some form of hurt that subconsciously attracts more of the same until we stand back and see the pattern for what it is. It is time to forgive ourselves, and others, for ourselves. To open up to the love that is our true nature, and to find that sense of who we are, which is always enough. It is from this vantage point we can start to live the best version of our lives. Forgiveness need not be an outward act, but it is always an inward one. It’s a shift in our own feelings towards something or someone, an act of letting the clouds roll on and the sun begin to fill you with warmth and light. So who do you need to forgive? Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. You can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  Every physical injury or ailment you have has an emotional cause, there are no exceptions.
It took a while for this to really sink in with me, even although I’ve known for years that our thoughts (and – moreover - the emotions attached to them) become things in our lives. None of this is new news; people like Louise Hay (author and now publishing house giant) and Lise Bourbeau and have been writing about it for years. Healers like Caroline Myss and others, dating back thousands of years, have practiced it intuitively. Yet most of us still look to the physical for the root cause, mainly because that is what modern medicine caters for. Yet if you consider what is being taught, it may in fact make sense to you. For example, I notice that my back aches at the end of each day and – for years – I’ve carried tension in my shoulders. Why do I lose power so easily in those areas? Well, the area of my spine where I get back ache (between the waist and neck) denotes an emotional insecurity. Lise Bourbeau’s book says “Doing is a way of expressing and receiving love, your expectations of others are high and, when not met, you feel you have a lot on your back.” The advice on this is to stop believing that you need to expend your energies to ensure others’ happiness. When you want to give to others, give purely for the pleasure of giving as you don’t need to be the emotional support for anyone. My inner knowing acknowledges this, hence articles like Making How You Feel More Important than What Others Think. Practicing it, well, that will require practice! You can see how easily it comes about, especially with young children in the frame, but as I said in the article, put your own life belt on first. Shoulders are similar; pain signifies a feeling of being emotionally burdened. In focusing on keeping others happy you fail to reach out and grasp your own happiness. Liberate yourself by allowing others to live their own lives and make their own mistakes. It’s not that your body is saying slow down, it’s about doing things out of love rather than a misguided sense of obligation. For every single ache and ailment, you will find that people have observed common patterns over millennia. By recognizing these patterns, you can begin to take action on the real root causes. When a friend of mine recently died of kidney failure, it made complete sense to me (knowing her story) that the emotional cause of that is repressed anger. As the kidney’s help maintain the balance and pressure of fluids in the body, it’s a clear message that there’s an emotional imbalance. There is an underlying belief that life is unfair that basically results in a sense of powerlessness. Another person I know experienced a collapsed lung and, while quite common in their physical demographic, the emotional indicators resonate. As air is our primary life force, it makes sense that any lung issues relate to depression of some sort – a feeling of being suffocated by someone or a situation that is keeping you from the life force you need. The more serious the problem, the more critical the message. In the case of a lung disorder like that, your body is telling you to take a deep breath of life. To experience the wonder and passion that is your life, and to realise that only you have the power to smother the fire within you or allow your surroundings to smother you. Change your perceptions about who is in the driving seat of your life. We learn many things about what is socially acceptable, none of them really serve us, and so it is time to let them go. More easily said than done, I know. However, recognizing these important underlying causes is a really great first step. At the very least, it will help you to recognise some of the beliefs that you have. Beliefs are simply repeated thought patterns, but they are often difficult to articulate as they run like a background programme in our psyche. Most stem from our early years, and are not even likely to be rational interpretations of your experiences. A common example is the child who repeatedly watches their parents argue and split up, who may then interpret that (and hold the belief) that all relationships are bad – and unconsciously trigger similar results in their own life. Whereas, if you can use the information that is already out there to start to look at some of your unhelpful beliefs, you can begin to build more helpful thought patterns instead. However, if the explanations for your ailments or injuries don’t resonate, trust that. You are your own best advisor. In short though, when it comes to listening to your body, all roads lead to appreciating and allowing the real you to emerge and take centre stage. To love yourself, and to look after yourself, as the priority. With thanks to the wealth of literature, healers and teachers out there, in particular Lise Bourbeau’s wisdom on the particular ailments mentioned here. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. You can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  How much we have to learn about life when we watch our children, especially when it comes to finding balance. Last week I looked on as mine played joyfully with their friends, who were visiting for a couple of days in the school break.
As was inevitable, at first the energy was high, but after a while they all hit the proverbial wall. I talked to them about having a break from each other, but – unassisted – they were unable to do it, it’s as if they were socially magnetized. In truth, they were. Their energy had momentum, and it was spiraling like the destructive vortex of a tornado. At the school our kids attend, there is a rhythm to the day, it ebbs and flows with more socially engaging activities followed by quieter, more introspective time. As I sat with four children in the car, who looked so visibly exhausted, the sense of this really struck me. There had been no ebb and flow in the visit; instead they had continuously been riding a big wave. In some respects, TV and other devices take care of this in many households. However, since these devices are not encouraged as part of our children’s schooling (for good reason, the obvious one being because it doesn’t actually relax the mind at all), it wasn’t an option available to the kids. But I realise now that I hadn’t really prepared any other options. All we are looking to do is to break the momentum of those active social connections, just for a little downtime. It can be naps, reading, going for a walk, drawing, puzzles, or any other activity that just allows for a bit more inward processing. It helps keep the kids on an even keel, less tantrums and meltdowns are necessary for rebalancing. They just need time to process all that they are learning, from the more physical aspects of becoming upright and interacting in our world, to the emotional aspects and social intricacies of relationships with friends and others are they grow older. In tandem, I have also been feeling somewhat overwhelmed with the world of play dates and the social aspects of a school community. I laughed with my wonderful friend who was visiting about the irony of me having just written an article about opening your heart, and the angst I was feeling over a particular invite. We chewed on this subject of saying no quite a bit, which spurned another article about making how you feel more important than what others think. Then today I was reminded of a recent blog I wrote, not even that long ago, about following your impulses. How quickly I forget my own advice! It is part of what I love about the process of writing, which flows so easily when I am in tune with myself and wisdom resounds. When I’m out of synch, confusion abounds in my life and gives me plenty of examples to draw on later. Suffice to say, as my mentor then reminded me, if the invite makes you feel inspired, if it’s uplifting and feels right, go for it. If not, if confusion abounds, or you are feeling overwhelmed, it’s not in anyone’s interests to accept at this point. Yes, finding our own balance is as important as helping our kids find theirs. You will also find the two are usually so interlinked that when you make your choices from a place of inspiration, everything just ebbs and flows with ease. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. You can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  Being able to say no and feel good about it is a topic I’ve chewed on a fair bit lately. I have such admiration for people who are completely comfortable with making their own needs a priority. Though I have to confess, I have always felt the need to make other people feel good, it’s the uplifter in me, so I struggle with this.
Yet I know deep down that doing things in order to please others is really only satisfying if you feel good in the process. In essence, you cannot help someone feel better by you feeling worse. Not long ago I listened as someone, who also struggled with this, sought advice. The response really got me thinking, it was a distinction between empathy and compassion. Basically the crux of the advice was to ensure that you feel good at all times, not allow yourself to get sucked into the emotional drama. Do whatever it takes to feel good (even if that means saying no), then you are of most service to yourself and others. I had once said no to an old friend who died recently and it made me revisit the feelings of guilt I’d had. It had been difficult for me to say no at the time, she was seeking refuge from an unhealthy relationship and was looking for somewhere to stay so she could rebuild her life with her young child. Having her stay would have been the wrong thing for our family, so I offered help in other ways. While our lives remained separate, our life stages out of synch, we stayed in touch. To my knowledge, she bore no grudge toward me. I could see how important it was for her to etch out a new community, to make a new life for her child, all of which she went on to manage without much of any help from me except a few words of encouragement. In hindsight, had I allowed myself to get drawn into the emotion of it all at the time, I’m not sure my first daughter would ever have been born; she was pregnancy number five in a long campaign to try and start a family under already stressful circumstances. My friend could not have forecast that illness would end her time here a few short years later, but life works out in ways we can’t predict. While she won’t get to see her child grow up, she has created a safe harbor for her to continue to grow and flourish. You see, my friend was whole, not broken, as we all are. It was not necessary for me to rush in and save her. She had her own resources and out of difficult circumstances she rose and grew stronger in spirit. Guilt (or any other negative emotion) is only a feeling that arises when your head is not aligned with your heart, your inner knowing. My conditioning led me to question my motives as being selfish. Yet if you don’t put you first, who will? Too often we hang our own wellbeing on the actions of others. Even if they can temporarily satisfy us, it is not a permanent solution. Your own wellbeing comes from within; putting your own lifebelt on first is a great analogy to remember when it comes to creating a healthy life. We cannot control what others think about us, whether we do good deeds or conform to others requests or not. Focusing on how we feel is only true control we have. Whether it’s the big things in life, as it was for my old friend, or just day to day stuff, the same principle applies. Another close friend of mine was sharing examples of staff she has hired, then gotten drawn into their dramas to her detriment. Being sensitive to others’ feelings, we both have a strong desire to lift them, yet know people can only do this for themselves. Saying no to others and yes to yourself can be hard, but the consequences are much harder on your own wellbeing as your own experience will no doubt attest. The physical results that show up as a result of compromising our own desires can range from simple headaches to full blow diseases. It is why the number one regret of the dying is living to the beat of another’s drum. Instead of zeroing in on who others are not, or who you are not, focus on the wholeness of who we all are. Kindness and compassion go hand in hand, they are both best experienced when you can focus on your own wholeness, and let the good feelings flow. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. You can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.  There have been many times in my life, probably most, where I’ve approached things with a heart that is at least partially closed. Last weekend I went on my first yoga retreat in honor of my old yoga teacher’s fiftieth birthday. When I initially got asked, I hesitated, it was way outside my comfort zone; 2 days of yoga feels like a lot (and a few aching muscles now attest to that!) and I didn’t know anyone else who was going.
However, I felt it would be lovely to see Yogamurti again and honor her birthday so decided to give it a go. Since it was outside my comfort zone, I decided the best thing was to approach it with an open heart, what I got out of it was so much more thanks to the people who were there. We were an eclectic bunch, no one really knew each other, and some – like me – had never been on a retreat before. For those who are unaware, yoga is a practice of mind, body and spirit, so lots of exercise and meditative practices. I’ve never really been attracted to the old Eastern mystical practices in any depth but it certainly brings you to a quiet centre of stillness and helps you take a broader view of life. So in that context we came together, all getting to know one another, seeking connection and validation as part of a newly formed group. What a wonderful group it was. Over the weekend I got to see some amazing strengths and traits in the people around me, and could see the vulnerabilities too. Through sharing their stories, I could feel how hurt some felt inside. I could also appreciate the rising strength that comes in women as their children are grown and they start to look at themselves and their lives from a different vantage point. One lady was recounting a new role she had taken on. Having been in her profession for many years, there is a constant pressure for her to take the lead in critical circumstances. I loved the way she told the story, for over the years she has been in many other similar situations and felt obligated to take the lead, taking a toll on her own health. As much as she loves the care she can provide in critical situations, her role is very much a supporting one and she has no desire to take the lead. So now she just says “Nah”. Perfect, I wonder how much more we could say that to. There was another lady I met who was such a joyful soul, very capable in her arena. After many years in a role she loved, she had been bullied out of it by a newcomer to the scene who obviously had more than a few issues going on. She still carries the hurt from the dishonor she feels, although she is now running a different company with exciting prospects ahead. I could feel the hurt, and I suggested that she do something to honor herself to start to heal it. It’s always interesting to look at why we bring situations into our life, perhaps she needed more than a small nudge to open up to this new opportunity. Perhaps it played out in a similar way to other people or events from her earlier years; this is common to all of us. The universe sends us subtle messages and they get louder and louder in their discomfort until we are listening. Another lady is preparing to carry a baby, yet there is something going on in resistance to that. She knows what it is, perhaps not consciously, but she’s tuning in and letting the resistance go. When we have held our body at bay for so many years, sometimes we have to start to gently coax it to strip away the layers we have built up. Such awesome people. A bubbly lady of amazing stature, outgoing yet with a hint of holding back, some uncertainty. Her hair cut and styled to just help her hide away a little. This is someone I think who is coming into herself. She’s giving up her practice that she has run for many years and pondering on the deliciousness of the variety life has to offer her. Everything points to the sun coming out from behind the clouds. It was a lovely experience of just being able to be with people, to see their wholeness and to focus on the wellbeing that is there, even if it has popped behind the clouds in their world for a while. Reminding others that their sun shines whether they feel it in that very moment or not was so rewarding. It was a reminder to me of the same, and I felt its warmth. It was also a great reminder that the most rewarding moments in our life are those when our hearts are open. Applying this in our day to day lives can be a challenge when we feel overwhelmed, but remember that happens as a result of the thoughts in our head, pressure we are putting on ourselves. In essence, our clouds are self generated; we feed them with our thoughts and bad feelings. Lift yourself above the clouds, think of your problems as details on the ground, the further you are from them, the less significant they seem. Take the broader view of your life; think about the thing that is most important – your happiness. Like the people here, you are not broken, you are whole. Open your heart and I promise it will fill up. Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at shona@shonakeachie.com, I’m always happy to help if I can. You can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You. |
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