If you are anything but completely satisfied with your life, it’s likely there are some fears at play somewhere. Is it time to take a closer look at what’s going on?
Last week we needed a whole new set of tyres on the car, as I was settling up the bill, the sales guy started to upsell me with an option to cover any accidental damage that should occur. I laughed and told him I never do anything out of a fear of what might happen. He commented that was a great philosophy to live by.
Reflecting on how fear causes us to act, from taking needless action (like buying insurance to mitigate a risk that could be managed more prudently, if you felt the urge) through to freezing in the light of our most burning desires, I started to question whether it is something I live by.
Now before we get started, I’m not talking about walking away from a cliff in fear that the jump will kill you. You know how gravity works; unless you are wearing some contraption to help you soar, you will get splattered on the ground below. I’m talking about those negative thought patterns in your head that show up as self limiting beliefs.
Sometimes you get an impulse to do something, like leave your job, or your relationship, set up a business or change career, and then you let fear hold you back. Sure, if the impulse came from a place of doubt, anxiety, anger, or any shade of grey, it’s not worth acting on until you can sense check it from a better feeling place. But if the impulse has come consistently, and from a better feeling place, you can trust it’s your inner knowing.
If you are getting into the “what if..” thoughts (what if I fail, I’m not good enough, can’t do it etc), well, those are the ones that are likely to be wrapped in a big snowball of repeated thought patterns that go right back to your early childhood and have zip to do with who you are today.
Recognise a belief is just a thought pattern. Many of your thoughts (as much as 90%) are just a repeat of yesterday’s thoughts. They are rooted in your subconscious mind, with their beginnings in your early childhood experiences. You can usually pull out many examples to support your self-limiting beliefs because they have had many years to gather momentum.
For most of us, until we are aware of them, they are not serving us. In fact, they are likely to be holding you back. Write down your predominant thought that is standing in your way of what you really want. It might be “I don’t have enough money to take the leap”, or “I can’t go back on my commitment”, or a myriad of other things.
All legitimate. But let me ask you this, what’s the alternative? More misery? I’ll let you in on a secret, if you do nothing and you’re miserable, you are only going to get more miserable. That will show up as more misfortune, or possibly something more ‘in your face’, like a heart attack. Truly.
We are very guilty of not acting until it’s so bad there’s no alternative. Then you wonder why you didn’t just act sooner. Don’t be that person. Take action. Flip the thoughts you are having. Let’s say you did have enough money to take the leap, or that changing your commitment will herald growth that benefits everyone involved?
Start to write down all the beliefs you hold that support your new thought. Think of other people who have successfully taken that course of action, or other times or themes in your life that have gone in the direction you are now seeking. If other self-limiting beliefs come up, flip them, and keep doing the process until you’ve gotten to the heart of what is going on and started to change the momentum of the thought by soothing the ones that are not helping you.
Know that, even when you take the leap, you will undoubtedly wobble, wondering what on earth you have done. This is common to everyone who takes a step beyond their comfort zone. We aspire, we stretch and then, well, we perspire. After the initial adrenaline rush has worn off, we start to second guess ourselves; the doubts creep in.
Recently my partner, who has been a tradesman all his working life, has decided to go it alone. From the first time I met him, he is someone who seemed in command, and he has always wanted to be his own boss. Yet in the depths of his mind he’s wondering whether he can pull it off; he’s wavering on a “I’m not a salesman” belief.
The trick is not to get stuck there. He is a master of his craft, which I acknowledge is glazing not sales. I’ve seen him transform houses with well placed splashbacks and frameless glass time and again; he has a passion for sleek edges and a nice finish. If you can focus on what you want, and do the bits you love doing well, trust that the other pieces will fall into place, they usually do.
Feel the fear and do it anyway as the saying goes. I can tell you, when we met, my partner didn’t let the belief in his lack of salesmanship get in the way of asking me out.
Nervous is good, it keeps our ego from kicking into overdrive. However, never let it stop you, this is your point of expansion, of growth. If you couldn’t do it, you’d never have had the impulse to start with. Whatever desires you currently hold, I’m challenging you to question your beliefs, to look fear in the eyes, unlock your potential and live the life you are destined for.
Knowing I’ve helped in some way through my writing means a lot - I’d love for you to like, comment on, or share these thoughts with others, or contact me directly at firstname.lastname@example.org, I’m always happy to help if I can. You can also subscribe to my newsletter and, as a special thank you, you will receive the link to my video 3 Steps to Becoming You.
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