Most of us spend most of our time wrapped up in things that don’t feel good while in pursuit of something in the future that we think will make us feel better. What happens in that future? The minute you get what you want, you get wrapped up in the pursuit of next thing that you think will make you feel good.
Whatever change you are seeking, surrendering the process of how that happens is where the rubber meets the road. When we say “if it’s meant to be it’s up to me” we often confuse figuring out of how it will all come together with the real job that is ours, allowing it to happen.
Allowing something to just happen is harder than it seems because the minute you want to make a change you immediately feel its lack. The trick is not to dwell there. Your job is to let it go, post that in a letter to the universe as we talked about in Hating Your Way to Happiness.
While this is counter to our usual approach to change, one area where it is heard commonly is when people are having difficulty conceiving. I know firsthand the frustration of well meaning guidance to “forget and it will happen naturally”, especially when there is a monthly reminder of the lack.
However I also acknowledge the truth of it as, in my own experience, after years of trying and failing, it was when I decided to switch focus to my more general wellbeing, and had started the counseling about IVF treatment, that it all occurred naturally.
Allowing involves one thing, feeling good about the here and now. Therein lays the conundrum.
You think you will feel good if only you can have this thing you are wanting, and if you want it badly enough it will eventually be yours whether you practice feeling good or not. However, the fastest way to allow any change to happen is to practice feeling good about who you are and what you have in your life right now.
Practice is a deliberate choice of word here. This is about shifting the balance. Life wasn’t intended to be without challenge. If there is nothing that makes you feel bad, how would you know the sweetness of feeling good? However, many of us are living in the world feeling overwhelmed and frustrated too much of our time.
An ideal would be to feel good 80% of your time, but since most of us probably tend towards the lower end of the spectrum, just aim to improve on that; inch your way incrementally up the scale. If you fall backwards one day, don’t worry about it, just aim to keep the overall trend going upwards, remember tomorrow is another day.
How do we start to feel good about ourselves and our situation in life? Be humble, life is so much bigger than you. Look out the window, start with nature and the magnificence of that. Spending time walking in it, running in it, cycling in it, swimming in it, flying in it, tending to it, whatever works for you, get out there and enjoy our planet, it will replenish you in a way nothing else can.
Start to get deliberately involved in activities that slow the momentum of the stress that builds up each day. Learn to meditate, or do a meditative activity (anything that allows you to ‘be in the moment’, whether it’s chopping veges, doing yoga or riding in the forest). Write a gratitude journal – which sounds so irritating if you are in a negative space – but when you’ve spent time tending to yourself, it’s easier to focus on the things you love about your life and the people in it.
Feeling bad is your indicator of things you don’t want in your life. Be grateful, they help affirm what you do want, just don’t dwell there. The momentum of your life will change if you make deliberate attempts to see the good in it. As the balance starts to shift, and you feel good for more of your day, changes you want to see happen – any changes – will come to you more easily.
You will also find it easier to deal with the people around you who don’t get where you are coming from because they are spending most of their time in the cycle we talked about in the beginning, wrapped up in things that don’t feel good in pursuit of something in the future that they think will make them feel better.
Most of the time you will be feeling so good you are unlikely to even attract the types of comments or probing you have experienced in the past, as these are usually just reflections of your own self doubts and people around you pick up on your energy. If you have confidence in yourself and the changes you are seeking, they will happen effortlessly.
It all starts with feeling good about you in the here and now and letting go of the illusion that life will somehow get better in the future. Make it your mission to feel good above anything else. That is not a glib statement, if your point of reference for anything you do in life starts with you feeling good, your life and that of those around you will start to change in amazing ways.
This article was originally published on LinkedIn.
photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/124300190@N04/23998610013">Papilio polyxenes on Parsley</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/">(license)</a>
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