“If you want to be somebody, then stand up and be somebody.” The words resonated in my ear. It was 1995 and I was in an auditorium listening to a mentor of mine speak at a conference, he was relaying the tale of how his wife gave him the proverbial swift kick. At the time he was pursuing a venture that I don’t think was really his calling, but his words spoke to a hunger in me.
The yearning for more, the emptiness and – oftentimes – frustration inside, there has to be more than this? Feeling, more than knowing, that the person inside is not the person you portray to others. But how could I even begin to fathom that out? Twenty years on (and where did that time go?), I say “just start”.
It doesn’t matter if it’s the wrong ladder against the wrong wall you’re climbing, unless you take at least the first rung you will never find that out. Just start, you will likely climb so many ladders that the ceiling which was above your head is now the ground on which you are walking.
In taking those first steps, committing to them enough until we know better, we evolve, we grow. We slowly awaken to the person on the inside, the one who looks through those eyes when you look in the mirror. The inner knowing starts to show itself in more and more ways, giving us clarity on who we really are, and who we are here to be.
This week our little tabby’s ashes have been returned. I tell my daughter, everything in the world around you eventually turns to dust, but what is within will always remain. As I watched the unseeing eyes of the dead animal that was moments before our beloved pet, I knew that her body had ceased to exist, but she hadn’t, her love lives on.
That inner essence that dances through you is not about the body you inhabit, the body is simply a vehicle in this life that you wanted to undertake. As I walk further through the years, part of me marvelous at the miracle of nature. I look at all life and wonder at how things that are so complex can be made out of so little in their physical beginnings. On the other hand I struggle with how little the human mind tends to be aware of.
I saw a video this week promoting a Science and Nonduality Conference: Exploring the Nature of Consciousness. I was intrigued because I have only recently come to appreciate the true meaning of the word consciousness.
What struck me was the divergence humanity seems to have taken over the last hundred years or so into the world of ‘science’. The topic up for discussion is how science has tried to explain consciousness as a function of the mind, and cannot, and so the question is whether the opposite is true; that the human mind is actually an expression of consciousness. Of course.
After quickly climbing the corporate ladder when I finally entered that world in my late twenties, I remember one of the team asking about my ambition given the fairly senior role I was in at the time, it gave me pause. It’s not ambition that drove me, it was more the big picture wiring, I had just needed to get to a role that was more strategic.
Of course as I’d been climbing I could no more have articulated that than I can figure where I’m headed right now. As a reflector, I struggle with being questioned about what I’m going ‘to do’ now. In those younger years I would go to lengths to derive a plan so I had answers for people. Well meaning people, like family and friends. Even today it still happens.
As I’m making the switch away from the corporate and doing more writing, I get asked about how I plan to make money. Of course I have developed answers, I know how writers can make money, but I’m not ready to aggressively pursue this because of the need to make money. It needs to grow more organically than that. It’s about growth from the inside out, and there are plenty of other ways to make money in the meantime.
The real answer is this. I trust that it will all work out, it always does. In the big picture. Of course I understand those closest to me worry, because their minds are playing out the ‘what if’ scenarios in their head. Thankfully I have learned to shut out ‘what if’ scenarios in my mind pretty quickly. Knowing the longer I dwell on them the more likely I am to bring them into my experience.
Instead I use those brief skirmishes with any negative ‘what if’ to make sure that ‘what is’ does not take that route. I do allow myself to dwell on ‘what if’ in the positive sense. What if something I write sometime goes viral? What if it leads me to like minded people? It does, it has. But I’m also not getting tethered, I’m still growing, still exploring, going with my flow.
And so should you. Finding your flow is about following the things that give you a positive boost, great vibes. Do those things, those are the key to figuring out who you are on the inside. Trust that if you are doing those things you will not miss out on life, you will be living your life in a way that brings no regrets, only peace.
Make a start, commit to at least observing in your life what feels good and what feels bad. Make a plan to do more of the good, just inch forward if that is all you can do right now. Who you are on the inside, beneath any suffering, beneath any well meaning versions of your life loved ones have wanted for you, is the person who can do most for this planet. Go find that person and live a life fulfilled.
This article was originally published on LinkedIn.
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